Mental Obsession
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 64
Mental Obsession
Hi all, I'm on Day 37 and keeping sober every day with the help of you guys and AA. The problem is that recently, more than at any other time in the past 37 days I've been fantasizing about that first drink. It's not social situations triggering me or anything like that. It's not even triggers, it's just thinking about some point in the future when I will be able to have a glass of white wine or just one martini. Is that dangerous? A warning sign that I'm about to relapse? I hope not but I also feel pretty safe and secure in the day to day. Went to dinner twice this week. Did not have real craving for anything but the diet coke I was drinking. Like I'm picturing drinking five years from now and not being an alcoholic. Is this common? Do other people have these thoughts and fantasies?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: England
Posts: 196
I don't think Like that because I KNOW that I will never ever be able to Just have that One Glass. Its all or Nothing for me, Ive convinced myself in the past that I will be able to handle it, then before you know it Im right back where I started..
I gave up those thoughts long ago, they never work, it might for some people but not Alcoholics like me!
I gave up those thoughts long ago, they never work, it might for some people but not Alcoholics like me!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I'm only on day 21, have had that thought once or twice. Eery time I do, I stop myself and examine why on earth I would possibly ever want another drink...the taste...nah, there are many things that taste better, the feeling, numbing myself to life? Not so much. I haven't neede to go further than that but I can.
I think it is worrisome that you are havin those thoughts and really examine why they are there. Personally, I am looking forward to never touhing alcohol again.
I think it is worrisome that you are havin those thoughts and really examine why they are there. Personally, I am looking forward to never touhing alcohol again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 64
Yeah I think it's true that there are many many reasons I don't want to drink but I think a part of me has a problem with "Forever". I guess that's why "one day at a time" is the only way to think about it. Focus on today, not five years from now and today I don't want to drink.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Hi solar! I definitely had a problem with "forever", and that attitude kept me drinking for decades. Long after I knew it was damaging me, I kept trying to control it with disastrous results. The terrible things that happened on my way to "getting it" weren't necessary - I knew all along what I had to do.
The last time I binged I almost lost my life. I wouldn't want anyone else to play with fire and end up like I did. I hope you'll keep remembering all the reasons you wanted to quit. It's easy to talk ourselves into believing it wasn't all that bad - the memories fade with time. We wouldn't be here on SR if we hadn't been in trouble, though. I'm glad you posted about this! Congratulations on your 37 precious days.
The last time I binged I almost lost my life. I wouldn't want anyone else to play with fire and end up like I did. I hope you'll keep remembering all the reasons you wanted to quit. It's easy to talk ourselves into believing it wasn't all that bad - the memories fade with time. We wouldn't be here on SR if we hadn't been in trouble, though. I'm glad you posted about this! Congratulations on your 37 precious days.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
We DO the program and focus on "one day at a time" but for me, the mental obsession did not go away until I gave up all thoughts of ever, under any circumstances, having a drink. That's just looking for a loophole, an escape hatch. I had to accept, in my head and my heart, that I simply cannot ever drink safely.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hello there solar eclipse.
what you have just described sounds like what i suffered from,the mental obsession.
you didnt mention if you go to AA and have a sponsor and have started working the 12 step programme but i noticed you used a bit of the lingo.
for me i had no chance at all of this obsession being relieved unless i found a higher power which is what the steps are for.
i have the mind and body of a chronic alcoholic,my mind will always always tell me it will be different this time,that i will manage better,that maybe i could just have a couple.then when i cant take it anymore and i drink i am double scr£wed as the physical allergy kicks in and i cant stop.i am powerless over the thought of the first drink because of the obsession.
this is of course unless i live in the spirutal solution which is the marvelous 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
lack of power was our dilemma.
can you tell us a little more?
i went to AA at the begining of last year and went to meetings almost every day for a month,i called folk 4,5,6 times a day.i spent time in sober company.
after a month i drank and i did not want to.i was trying to control something that is BEYOND my mental control.if it was a matter of choice i wouldnt need AA and the 12 steps,i wouldnt need a higher power....in fact i wouldnt need you good folk at sr!
please pm me if i can be of any help to you.
what you have just described sounds like what i suffered from,the mental obsession.
you didnt mention if you go to AA and have a sponsor and have started working the 12 step programme but i noticed you used a bit of the lingo.
for me i had no chance at all of this obsession being relieved unless i found a higher power which is what the steps are for.
i have the mind and body of a chronic alcoholic,my mind will always always tell me it will be different this time,that i will manage better,that maybe i could just have a couple.then when i cant take it anymore and i drink i am double scr£wed as the physical allergy kicks in and i cant stop.i am powerless over the thought of the first drink because of the obsession.
this is of course unless i live in the spirutal solution which is the marvelous 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
lack of power was our dilemma.
can you tell us a little more?
i went to AA at the begining of last year and went to meetings almost every day for a month,i called folk 4,5,6 times a day.i spent time in sober company.
after a month i drank and i did not want to.i was trying to control something that is BEYOND my mental control.if it was a matter of choice i wouldnt need AA and the 12 steps,i wouldnt need a higher power....in fact i wouldnt need you good folk at sr!
please pm me if i can be of any help to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
The most prolific organized recovery program (AA) had its start by putting together two basic observations of alcoholics. We have a real defective off switch once we start drinking (the physical allergy), and we have a mental obsession that is beyond our control.
The Big Book states over and over (and gives examples) that unless I can experience an entire psychic change, I'm pretty much doomed to return to drinking. Then it gives specific and precise directions for how to have that psychic change.
The 'one day at a time' idea is probably the most abused and mis-quoted phrase floating around AA. There is nothing in the AA program of recovery that recommends not drinking a day at a time. Living my life based on spiritual principles a day at a time, yes, and the not drinking part takes care of itself.
If you have the power to not drink a day at a time, then I think that's great. It's way more power than I had for any length of time. After a while (a month, 2 months, 7 months, etc.), I'd get restless, irritable, and discontent (bored, angry, and anxious in my case), and a drink would make sense.
Just be warned that the whole program of AA was developed because of the near universal failure of alcoholics to stay away from that first drink for any substantial length of time.
The Big Book states over and over (and gives examples) that unless I can experience an entire psychic change, I'm pretty much doomed to return to drinking. Then it gives specific and precise directions for how to have that psychic change.
Originally Posted by solareclipse 
I guess that's why "one day at a time" is the only way to think about it. Focus on today, not five years from now and today I don't want to drink.
If you have the power to not drink a day at a time, then I think that's great. It's way more power than I had for any length of time. After a while (a month, 2 months, 7 months, etc.), I'd get restless, irritable, and discontent (bored, angry, and anxious in my case), and a drink would make sense.
Just be warned that the whole program of AA was developed because of the near universal failure of alcoholics to stay away from that first drink for any substantial length of time.
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
solarelcipse, what you are doing is creating a future memory. This is a powerful technique that marshals your will into creating that reality. You have conceded that you will drink again, and now you are adding details to the experience.
I worked with a hypnosis program and this was one of the techniques to help stop drinking. Creating a detailed future memory of what it will be like in a week without drinking. What will your job, your health your, relationships, etc. be like in one week without drinking. That future memory activates all the same neurochemistry as a real memory and your subconscious will move to fulfill that expectation.
I am no expert, and I do not have a program to back up my opinion, but I think this is a dangerous indulgence. Of course it is impossible to consciously not think about something. If your intention is not to drink again, my advice is change that fantasy to a future memory where you skipped that first drink. A memory where taking that drink is completely alien to your nature. Make it a fantasy where skipping that drink is an easy choice for you.
I worked with a hypnosis program and this was one of the techniques to help stop drinking. Creating a detailed future memory of what it will be like in a week without drinking. What will your job, your health your, relationships, etc. be like in one week without drinking. That future memory activates all the same neurochemistry as a real memory and your subconscious will move to fulfill that expectation.
I am no expert, and I do not have a program to back up my opinion, but I think this is a dangerous indulgence. Of course it is impossible to consciously not think about something. If your intention is not to drink again, my advice is change that fantasy to a future memory where you skipped that first drink. A memory where taking that drink is completely alien to your nature. Make it a fantasy where skipping that drink is an easy choice for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
Hi Solar...well I am slightly behind you (28 days) and want you to know I have the same thoughts too...maybe for my wedding anniversary I will have a glass or two, maybe xmas eve..etc. because I too struggle with the FOREVER concept. More than wanting the wine tho what I really want is what others here have already achieved...to honestly get to the point where having a drink will be the last think I REALLY want...I want to never care again about drinking. I am not the type to "pray" for it tho so I have to wonder if it is possible so my question to those of you that feel this way...did any of you do it without some sort of spirtitual awakening or divine intervention because if this is the only way I am screwed!!!
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Yeah, wanting that future drink is normal for the alcoholic mind. The obessional thinking originates from the illness of alcoholism and not from the wellness of sober living. So what is normal?
For me, it took several years to erradicate the alcoholic mind from my day to day living. For some that might be slow and for others it might not be: it dosen't matter because for me it was what it was and my being honest with myself about what really is sober living is what is required to save the day from my alcoholism.
As others have said here, a spiritual life lived daily is the way of day to day living. Just not drinking alone, day after day, is not enough to silence the alcoholic mind, imo. It was not enough for me.
So if I was to have today thoughts of drinking as a positive future experience I would sameday today accept that I'm not spiritually fit. Not an easy thing to do, mind you, after so many years of sobriety. But nonetheless, if I don't accept my stinkin' thinkin' today, then when? Denial amd self-delusion is not a safe place to live a sober life from for any length of passage. Living sober requires a day to day nourishing of my mind, spirit, and body. My alcoholism is arrested not cured. So I would simply do whatever is required to become spiritually fit once again, and banish my alcoholic thinkings. It's not rocket science.
So then i guess its really up to you yourself on just how "normal" is thinking about drinking in some future time. It's dangerous alcoholic minded thinking for me, I know that for myself. I suggest it is for all alcoholics. Take great care. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful.
Rob
For me, it took several years to erradicate the alcoholic mind from my day to day living. For some that might be slow and for others it might not be: it dosen't matter because for me it was what it was and my being honest with myself about what really is sober living is what is required to save the day from my alcoholism.
As others have said here, a spiritual life lived daily is the way of day to day living. Just not drinking alone, day after day, is not enough to silence the alcoholic mind, imo. It was not enough for me.
So if I was to have today thoughts of drinking as a positive future experience I would sameday today accept that I'm not spiritually fit. Not an easy thing to do, mind you, after so many years of sobriety. But nonetheless, if I don't accept my stinkin' thinkin' today, then when? Denial amd self-delusion is not a safe place to live a sober life from for any length of passage. Living sober requires a day to day nourishing of my mind, spirit, and body. My alcoholism is arrested not cured. So I would simply do whatever is required to become spiritually fit once again, and banish my alcoholic thinkings. It's not rocket science.
So then i guess its really up to you yourself on just how "normal" is thinking about drinking in some future time. It's dangerous alcoholic minded thinking for me, I know that for myself. I suggest it is for all alcoholics. Take great care. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful.
Rob
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I really loved recycle's idea of creating a positive "future memory." I believe we do create our own reality with our present thoughts, so it makes a ton of sense to me.
That being said, I tend to be a little OCD in my thinking, so giving up the "idea" of having a drink hasn't been a simple feat. At 3 months of sobriety, though, every day reduces the urge just a little and other than a few "white knuckle" moments, the passing of time has continued to strength me from the inside.
It's like quitting smoking - sometimes the urge doesn't go away for months or even years, but it gets easier to say no the more time we go without it. Anytime we try to break a habit, it's going to take time to build a life without thinking about it.
Be positive and stay in today as much as possible!!
That being said, I tend to be a little OCD in my thinking, so giving up the "idea" of having a drink hasn't been a simple feat. At 3 months of sobriety, though, every day reduces the urge just a little and other than a few "white knuckle" moments, the passing of time has continued to strength me from the inside.
It's like quitting smoking - sometimes the urge doesn't go away for months or even years, but it gets easier to say no the more time we go without it. Anytime we try to break a habit, it's going to take time to build a life without thinking about it.
Be positive and stay in today as much as possible!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by recycle
solarelcipse, what you are doing is creating a future memory. This is a powerful technique that marshals your will into creating that reality. You have conceded that you will drink again, and now you are adding details to the experience.
I worked with a hypnosis program and this was one of the techniques to help stop drinking. Creating a detailed future memory of what it will be like in a week without drinking. What will your job, your health your, relationships, etc. be like in one week without drinking. That future memory activates all the same neurochemistry as a real memory and your subconscious will move to fulfill that expectation.
I am no expert, and I do not have a program to back up my opinion, but I think this is a dangerous indulgence. Of course it is impossible to consciously not think about something. If your intention is not to drink again, my advice is change that fantasy to a future memory where you skipped that first drink. A memory where taking that drink is completely alien to your nature. Make it a fantasy where skipping that drink is an easy choice for you.
I worked with a hypnosis program and this was one of the techniques to help stop drinking. Creating a detailed future memory of what it will be like in a week without drinking. What will your job, your health your, relationships, etc. be like in one week without drinking. That future memory activates all the same neurochemistry as a real memory and your subconscious will move to fulfill that expectation.
I am no expert, and I do not have a program to back up my opinion, but I think this is a dangerous indulgence. Of course it is impossible to consciously not think about something. If your intention is not to drink again, my advice is change that fantasy to a future memory where you skipped that first drink. A memory where taking that drink is completely alien to your nature. Make it a fantasy where skipping that drink is an easy choice for you.
I think I've utilized something similiar in sports (without knowing what I was doing at the time ) ....read about it later in some Sports Pyschology articles though.
Insightful warning, and thoughtful suggestion for a solution !
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