The awkwardness of confession
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
The awkwardness of confession
I opened up and revealed my addiction to someone who is a "normie" and has never been addicted to alcohol or drugs.
I was addicted to alcohol for several years and now I'm working on my recovery and becoming a new person.
Now I feel awkward when I talk to this person. And he doesn't talk to me as much. It's like an awkwardness in the air. Now I regret telling him so much.
Will this feeling pass?
I know it probably seems like a bigger deal now because of the newness of it but hopefully things will feel normal again.
Whatever happens, I will just hold my head up high and be proud of my sobriety.
I have 30 days sober today.
I was addicted to alcohol for several years and now I'm working on my recovery and becoming a new person.
Now I feel awkward when I talk to this person. And he doesn't talk to me as much. It's like an awkwardness in the air. Now I regret telling him so much.
Will this feeling pass?
I know it probably seems like a bigger deal now because of the newness of it but hopefully things will feel normal again.
Whatever happens, I will just hold my head up high and be proud of my sobriety.
I have 30 days sober today.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I don't know how close you are to this person, or what your relationship is, but I usually keep my recovery to myself unless the person is VERY close to me or unless there is a VERY good reason for sharing it.
People who have no experience with addiction or recovery often have misconceptions that have no basis in reality.
When my ex-husband and I told my parents he was in AA (I had a close relationship with my folks and the recovery thing was a big deal in our lives so it felt appropriate to share) my dad was all upset. The only person he had ever known who had gone to AA ultimately committed suicide. That was all he knew, and it scared him. (My ex now has 30 years sobriety and my dad couldn't be prouder of him, but it baffles him why he still goes to AA meetings after all these years).
I wouldn't worry too much about this person's reaction--if you work hard on your recovery you will eventually be a shining example of what is possible.
** OH! and congrats on your thirty days!!! Awesome!
People who have no experience with addiction or recovery often have misconceptions that have no basis in reality.
When my ex-husband and I told my parents he was in AA (I had a close relationship with my folks and the recovery thing was a big deal in our lives so it felt appropriate to share) my dad was all upset. The only person he had ever known who had gone to AA ultimately committed suicide. That was all he knew, and it scared him. (My ex now has 30 years sobriety and my dad couldn't be prouder of him, but it baffles him why he still goes to AA meetings after all these years).
I wouldn't worry too much about this person's reaction--if you work hard on your recovery you will eventually be a shining example of what is possible.
** OH! and congrats on your thirty days!!! Awesome!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: las vegas nv
Posts: 180
If this person is a "true" friend, things will turn around eventually. If this person continues to act cold toward you, then forget about her/him. Who needs an unsupportive friend like that? especially during your recovery.
Great job on 30 days/1 month AWESOME!
*sidenote: unless that person struggles with addiction as well?:
Great job on 30 days/1 month AWESOME!
*sidenote: unless that person struggles with addiction as well?:
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: ft. lauderdale florida
Posts: 275
Broken chains, Good lesson to learn; not everyone needs to know what is important to you. Do what makes you feel comfortable, but I'm a private person so, it is hard for me to grasp people telling others personal stuff about themsleves. I would just tell specific friends I trust. If your sensing this guy is judging you... Who cares???? People wil always think and say what they want no matter what you tell them anyway. Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Congrats on the 30 days BrokenChains 
We can't control how others will react - I couldn't do it as an active alcoholic and I can't do it now.
Unfortunately alcoholism has a stigma - moral laxity, weakness, degeneracy etc - so if you're likely to be upset by negative reaction it's best to be wise about who you talk to and how much you say.
I agree with the others here tho - if this person is a true friend, they'll get over whatever is causing the awkwardness
D
We can't control how others will react - I couldn't do it as an active alcoholic and I can't do it now.
Unfortunately alcoholism has a stigma - moral laxity, weakness, degeneracy etc - so if you're likely to be upset by negative reaction it's best to be wise about who you talk to and how much you say.
I agree with the others here tho - if this person is a true friend, they'll get over whatever is causing the awkwardness
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
I appreciate the responses!
I will be careful in the future about what I say about my struggles.
It could also be that he doesn't really know what to say to me. He knows that I'm going through a rough time with a terminally ill family member and then my struggles with addiction.
Even though I'm embarrassed about what I revealed to him, I can't rewind time so I can't take it back. I can only be the best sober person I can be and that is something amazing that I'm doing for myself.
I let his reaction get me down today, for a while, and then I hung out with some other sober people, laughed, and had a good time. Then I came home and decided to splurge on some good food, so I walked down to a restaurant down the street and ordered a fried chicken, bacon, lettuce, and tomato wrap and enjoyed it. It was a treat to myself for my 30 days.
Thanks for being here!
I will be careful in the future about what I say about my struggles.
It could also be that he doesn't really know what to say to me. He knows that I'm going through a rough time with a terminally ill family member and then my struggles with addiction.
Even though I'm embarrassed about what I revealed to him, I can't rewind time so I can't take it back. I can only be the best sober person I can be and that is something amazing that I'm doing for myself.
I let his reaction get me down today, for a while, and then I hung out with some other sober people, laughed, and had a good time. Then I came home and decided to splurge on some good food, so I walked down to a restaurant down the street and ordered a fried chicken, bacon, lettuce, and tomato wrap and enjoyed it. It was a treat to myself for my 30 days.
Thanks for being here!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Congratulations on your 30 days!
I have found that people don't understand addiction if they have not experienced it, and as Dee said, there is a lot of stigma and stereo-typing attached to alcoholism. I choose to keep my addiction private, but it is not because I am ashamed, just because it is so very personal. I hope that things work out with your friend.
I have found that people don't understand addiction if they have not experienced it, and as Dee said, there is a lot of stigma and stereo-typing attached to alcoholism. I choose to keep my addiction private, but it is not because I am ashamed, just because it is so very personal. I hope that things work out with your friend.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I have made the decision to keep my recovery to myself at his time. I hope my friends wouldn't judge me if I told them, but I also worry about them "walking on eggshells" around me.
I am not ashamed, but as has been said, there are a lot of misperceptions out there. I was reading a novel the other day and there was a character in recovery (10 years) and I couldn't see any of us here in that character, and he was even the hero of the story.
I am not ashamed, but as has been said, there are a lot of misperceptions out there. I was reading a novel the other day and there was a character in recovery (10 years) and I couldn't see any of us here in that character, and he was even the hero of the story.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
My recovery is my business, and no one's burden to carry. Early on, I found it was only for selfish reasons, and probably a little touch of martyrdom when I'd spill my guts about being an alcoholic in recovery. I sure as heck wouldn't want to hear that about anyone I know, to be honest.. it's not my business.. ya know?
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
Heck I have not even told my wife. I'm kidding, but just sort of, we have not talked about it much. She is very much a "show me" kind of person. She asks how I am doing and if there is anything she can help with, but she realizes it my problem to deal with. And part of this reticence is baggage from my childhood. My father and I had the "I'm never going to drink again" conversation a few too many times for me to repeat it with any credibility. I know at some point I'll talk to my sons (15 and 18) about it. But not yet.
If a friend wanted to talk about it I probably would, but I'll never bring it up. If I want to talk about it, I come here to SR. There are some beautiful people here.
If a friend wanted to talk about it I probably would, but I'll never bring it up. If I want to talk about it, I come here to SR. There are some beautiful people here.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
I completely agree with all of the above. I shouldn't have told him.
I really feel stupid for telling him. It's still bothering me tonight. I should have known better. It was a lapse in my judgment.
Now I have to deal with the hurt I feel over it.
I could apologize to him but I don't want to make things worse.
I really feel stupid for telling him. It's still bothering me tonight. I should have known better. It was a lapse in my judgment.
Now I have to deal with the hurt I feel over it.
I could apologize to him but I don't want to make things worse.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I don't think it was stupid. It's just another of those things most of us never really think about until later.
It's not unreasonable to expect that friends will understand - unfortunately sometimes news like this can come as a shock for whatever reason - give it some time and hopefully he'll come around
D
It's not unreasonable to expect that friends will understand - unfortunately sometimes news like this can come as a shock for whatever reason - give it some time and hopefully he'll come around
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Here There & Everywhere
Posts: 153
If he is a true friend he will get over it. If not, well, just as well, you don't need friends like that, do you...
Then again, maybe he is giving you space. He knows you are also dealing with a terminally ill relative. Perhaps you are reading too much into it... so many of us alcoholics tend to do that....
I am guilty....
I keep my recovery to myself. Have spoken only to my family members that matter to me. Others just know that I am not drinking as per advice from the doctor concerning my Hep C. No one has asked questions, if they do, well I might tell them, I might not.
You've learned a lesson and that is what recovery is all about.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Then again, maybe he is giving you space. He knows you are also dealing with a terminally ill relative. Perhaps you are reading too much into it... so many of us alcoholics tend to do that....
I am guilty....I keep my recovery to myself. Have spoken only to my family members that matter to me. Others just know that I am not drinking as per advice from the doctor concerning my Hep C. No one has asked questions, if they do, well I might tell them, I might not.
You've learned a lesson and that is what recovery is all about.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
BrokenChain, please don't be so hard on yourself.
The purpose of recovery, in my opinion, is to learn about ourselves and about life. You learned something that unfortunately was kind of painful for you, but it's something to build on.
The purpose of recovery, in my opinion, is to learn about ourselves and about life. You learned something that unfortunately was kind of painful for you, but it's something to build on.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
BC sorry to hear that this person didn't give you the response you were hoping for. Remember that this will pass and your sobriety is about you and not anyone else.
I too know that others just will not understand no matter how compassionate they are. I accept this and really haven't told anyone. For those who do know I told them in a matter of fact way and how proud I am of myself for facing my demon and standing up and making positive change. I have found those around me inspired by the change and excited for me but to expect them to sympathize is not an option for me.
I know there is an ugly stigma associated with being an alcoholic. The worst image of person pops to mind and some think bottom of the gutter sloth. Anyone who has dealt with addiction knows that this is not true and it is a stereotype.
As I view my recovery.....I work it and have earned it and no one else will take that away from me.
I don't need anyone else to pat me on the back because I have strength within me.
New me requires new friends and I have plenty of support to help me along the way.
Huggs friend and stay the course. Do not allow this affect you. Not one person in this world is worth losing our sobriety.
I too know that others just will not understand no matter how compassionate they are. I accept this and really haven't told anyone. For those who do know I told them in a matter of fact way and how proud I am of myself for facing my demon and standing up and making positive change. I have found those around me inspired by the change and excited for me but to expect them to sympathize is not an option for me.
I know there is an ugly stigma associated with being an alcoholic. The worst image of person pops to mind and some think bottom of the gutter sloth. Anyone who has dealt with addiction knows that this is not true and it is a stereotype.
As I view my recovery.....I work it and have earned it and no one else will take that away from me.
I don't need anyone else to pat me on the back because I have strength within me.
New me requires new friends and I have plenty of support to help me along the way.
Huggs friend and stay the course. Do not allow this affect you. Not one person in this world is worth losing our sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
BrokenChains, thanks for bringing up this topic.
I have been wondering what, if anything, I should tell friends, and this thread has helped tremendously. I think I will keep my piehole shut for now.
I have been wondering what, if anything, I should tell friends, and this thread has helped tremendously. I think I will keep my piehole shut for now.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
BC, I still tend to overly beat myself up for saying or doing something that, in retrospect, seems "dumb". All it does is to make me feel bad, and cause me to make more mistakes because I'm wrapped up in the first one.
Try to let go of it--you never know, it may turn out that someday he or someone close to him will need help and he will think of you as someone courageous enough to take action. I mentioned to one of my close friends that I was in AA, and she was full of questions because she is worried about her sister's drinking.
In time, you will get a sense for when it is right to share this information with someone. Meantime, you learned something. Let it go, and keep moving forward.
Try to let go of it--you never know, it may turn out that someday he or someone close to him will need help and he will think of you as someone courageous enough to take action. I mentioned to one of my close friends that I was in AA, and she was full of questions because she is worried about her sister's drinking.
In time, you will get a sense for when it is right to share this information with someone. Meantime, you learned something. Let it go, and keep moving forward.
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