lyddie

I have been wondering too if I should tell friends and even thought that one of the steps in recovery was to tell. Now I know it's ok not to share.

BrokenChain - There is a good chance that your friend just doesn't know what to say.

BrokenChains

I wanted to see him at church this morning but I ended up missing the first church service and had to go to the later one so I didn't get to see him.

Trying to work through this disappointment and hurt.

So disappointed now that I'm almost speechless.

I want to apologize to him for what I said but can't find the words.

LexieCat

What's to apologize for? Seriously. You can't un-say what you said, and I think further discussion on it will only make you feel worse, and make him feel more awkward. Let it go. Chalk it up to a learning experience.

I'm a lawyer, and one of the cardinal rules is if a witness says something that hurts the case, think VERY CAREFULLY about going back to ask more questions trying to "fix" it--it may only highlight the damaging testimony and make it a bigger deal to the jury than it otherwise would have been.

The bigger deal you make out of it, the bigger deal you make out of it. My two cents.

Toronto68

Broken, I gather you are accumulating negative thoughts and feelings about this whole thing, so I recommend you navigate to other topics to occupy your mind. (Whatever will be good to spend your time doing in new sobriety.)

I had somewhat similar feelings once I was into several weeks of no drinking. It seemed like coming out with the information was the natural thing to do. Where I differ from you is that I was fairly cantankerous about it afterward, when I wasn't satisfied with the outcome to my sharing. There was mention above about martyrdom and maybe that was true of me (I can think of many times I sought attention), but it didn't seem like it to me at the time; I thought I was being honest and forward-looking. Whatever the case may be, we don't always get the right combination of reactions in others to put next to our own emotions. What was useful about the experience was that I got to see what it is like to experience seething resentment without alcohol, and it took me back a good 15 or 20 years, ha ha. And then the lesson deepened as I thought more, and I gained more understanding about resentment in general and how this is a useful ingredient for alcoholism.

Maybe it will help to think to yourself you have continuous learning to do, but not in a way that amounts to you being a "sinner, 24 hours a day." I mean, you have to trust yourself and not look down on yourself if you contemplate selfish motives in yourself every moment of the day. This is a philosophical trap some alcoholics might be dealing with as they embark on sober life, I think. It takes some self-centeredness to recognize a person "deserves" not to continue life in addiction, and there is a healthy self-concern in that. When we study ourselves through whatever means for recovery, we are susceptible to beating ourselves up over our selfishness and other notions. We have to take care of ourselves, as a common denominator.

When you see him again (say, a church service or two from now), see what you think and decide whether now is the time to bring up the topic again. Mention you are worried you made him uncomfortable and you're sorry about that, and that you honestly hope you can move on. Then allow distance and time to take over, and accept either a not-so good result, or a better friendship, or no friendship. All of them can be good for you.

Congratulations on 30+ days, and keep going.

artsoul

I think Toronto has a decent idea: you could say "I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable by mentioning my quitting drinking. I'm actually doing really well and everything's good right now." Just show him somehow that you're upbeat, so he can be too.

My concern is that you're carrying this heavy load around with you, and he's probably not thinking about it at all...... Possible?

Sending hugs and prayers.............:ghug3. It's going to be OK.

Dee74

I would just let this be BC.

You haven't done anything wrong - you were honest and open - those are wonderful qualities to have. There's certainly nothing to apologise for.

It may be this guy has 'issues' with what you said...or it may simply be he is struggling with knowing how to respond.

It may be, as Artsoul suggested, that there's no problem at all - it may be a reflection of your own awkwardness.

I would just 'let go' on this one and see what happens

D

BrokenChains

I found a solution today that gave me peace. Now I can let go on this one.

I have enjoyed reading all of your posts. It gave me a lot of insight into the situation and also into how my feelings impacted my perception on this situation.

So I can let go and hope for the best and feel good about what I'm doing.