Feeking better
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Feeking better
Man, I am finally pulling out of this dark depression that has held me down for weeks now.
That is so scary. I scare myslef when I feel like that.
Coming here has helped tremendously. I stoppped coming on for awhile. I dont know why. I dont have internet at my house yet. But I can always come to my aunts who lives right behind me and go to the library.
I also stopped all that negative thinking. That will keep anyone depressed.
But the worst part about it was I was just numb. So sompletely numb and blank. Not just emotionally, but mentally as well. I wasnt doing anyhting except staring into space and sitting or laying around. Not wanting to think about anything. Not the past, not the future. Nothing.
Today I actually feel good and positive. got my butt up and did some things today. Dealt with some things that needed my attention. Like the 4 tickets I got while running around like a maniac. I am llucky thats all I got. But they are expensive ones.
I was being an azz and cut through a corner store parking lot like a freakin stunt driver all fast and reckless right in front of an unmarked detective. Nice huh? He actually let me go the first time. but then I got stopped like 10 mins after for talking to a "known protitute" and they gave me the ticket because I decided to stick aroud.
I guess I deserve it.
2 parking tickets for parking in front of a hydrant and in a no standing zone. And a no brake light ticket.
It will take me a month to pay those off. If they dfont suspend my license first.
But anyway. I feel good. I was able to sell my huge cooler I dont use anymore on craigslit and go get my grams meds she needs and some gas for my van. Did some cleaning. Just doing the every day normal responsible things.
It makes such a difference in my attitude and well ebing. I have been reading again. And am crocheting a blanket for one of my little cousins. He aske dme to make him one.
I need more yarn tho..LOL
Thank goodness for all of you. You all have always been there for me. I am so deeply grateful for you all.
That is so scary. I scare myslef when I feel like that.
Coming here has helped tremendously. I stoppped coming on for awhile. I dont know why. I dont have internet at my house yet. But I can always come to my aunts who lives right behind me and go to the library.
I also stopped all that negative thinking. That will keep anyone depressed.
But the worst part about it was I was just numb. So sompletely numb and blank. Not just emotionally, but mentally as well. I wasnt doing anyhting except staring into space and sitting or laying around. Not wanting to think about anything. Not the past, not the future. Nothing.
Today I actually feel good and positive. got my butt up and did some things today. Dealt with some things that needed my attention. Like the 4 tickets I got while running around like a maniac. I am llucky thats all I got. But they are expensive ones.
I was being an azz and cut through a corner store parking lot like a freakin stunt driver all fast and reckless right in front of an unmarked detective. Nice huh? He actually let me go the first time. but then I got stopped like 10 mins after for talking to a "known protitute" and they gave me the ticket because I decided to stick aroud.
I guess I deserve it.
2 parking tickets for parking in front of a hydrant and in a no standing zone. And a no brake light ticket.
It will take me a month to pay those off. If they dfont suspend my license first.
But anyway. I feel good. I was able to sell my huge cooler I dont use anymore on craigslit and go get my grams meds she needs and some gas for my van. Did some cleaning. Just doing the every day normal responsible things.
It makes such a difference in my attitude and well ebing. I have been reading again. And am crocheting a blanket for one of my little cousins. He aske dme to make him one.
I need more yarn tho..LOL
Thank goodness for all of you. You all have always been there for me. I am so deeply grateful for you all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hey Aysha,
Thanks for your post on my thread today, it helped me alot to know I'm not alone. I too hope you find happiness and contentment soon, and staying sober seems to be the only route to that blessed state of mind, but we have to go through some minefields to get there. Maybe, it's right in front of us, yet we can't see it yet? Humm, I don't have a clue.
I'm with you, so let's stay in touch and do this recovery thing.
Thanks for your post on my thread today, it helped me alot to know I'm not alone. I too hope you find happiness and contentment soon, and staying sober seems to be the only route to that blessed state of mind, but we have to go through some minefields to get there. Maybe, it's right in front of us, yet we can't see it yet? Humm, I don't have a clue.
I'm with you, so let's stay in touch and do this recovery thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: las vegas nv
Posts: 180
Yay Aysha!!! Thank you for sharing your struggles with the rest of us, we are all rooting for your safe recovery. It takes courage to put your heart out there, and I admire that. With courage comes strength, and with strength you will conquer your demons!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Trish))) - it's good to see the REAL you back
You may think you're missing something by leaving "the crackhead lifestyle" behind you, but I know better. I never thought I could be okay with not having that drama in my life. I am, and you will be, too.
Love, hugs, and prayers!
Amy
You may think you're missing something by leaving "the crackhead lifestyle" behind you, but I know better. I never thought I could be okay with not having that drama in my life. I am, and you will be, too.Love, hugs, and prayers!
Amy
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