SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hi,
My name is Jasper, I’m an alcoholic and this is my first post. I would like to firstly like to say that I am so grateful for all the people who post here and for this site, amazing, thank you. This is the evening of my 45th day sober and my success and much of my future hope sits squarely with SR. As I sit here on my deck in Australia on a beautiful tropical Northern Queensland winters evening typing this note that terrifying evening of the 14th June seems a world away.
I am 41 years old and had been drinking since my teens, pretty well as an alcoholic from day one. Around the age of 30 I did have 2 years sobriety through AA but blew it and it has taken me another 10 years or so of the usual pain we endure to admit (and truly feel) that enough is enough. I have a fantastic job which I have kept a hold of by the skin of my teeth. I work four weeks in the jungles of an Asian country carrying out a job which puts peoples’ lives in my hands on a daily basis. I am unable to drink for five days at a time as the environment is dry but for the 2 days of the rest of the week I can drink 24 hours of the day. This seems to be enough......just, to keep the bosses happy and the alcoholic me happy. Then after 4 weeks I get a break for 4 weeks and it’s all on.
Every tour break has been the same for years. The moment I get home I drink. I drink vodka on shifts of about 6 hour stretches, crash out, get up, drink, crash out and so it goes on. The time of the day does not matter, day/night do not matter, nothing matters............it was hell!
To cut a long story short on my last break before this one, things just got too bad, too scary and too painful. A series of personal dramas (of my own making of course) saw me drinking and sleeping on my deck for about 5 days and nights. I eventually had a moment of clarity as I was coughing up blood (a first for me which really scared me), surrounded in garbage, bottles, cigarette butts etc and thought to myself I need to sober up now!
I usually gave myself 2 days before going back to work which meant I would turn up at the airport detoxing but because this binge had been so horrific I would not get away with such a short period. I remember climbing into bed and thinking this has to be it or I will surely die very soon. Having just passed out I woke on the 15th and the physical devastation around me and the way I felt reinforced the fact that I needed to stop now if I was to have any chance of going back to work 5 days later. I cleaned up as best I could and decided to surf the net for detox symptoms as I knew this was going to be the worst yet. It was as I was gathering the information I wanted that I stumbled across this website. For some reason (my higher power I am sure,) I saved SR to my favourites on the computer and then, I think just lay on the couch for the next 2 or 3 days.
The detox was terrifying, the works, hallucinations (the little green light on the air conditioning unit caused me to be gripped with an indescribable fear), palpitations, sweats, voices, cramps, shortness of breath.......... everything on the list except a seizure ( which I have never had before but am pretty sure it will come next time).
Now myinitial goal was just to get through 5 days, get back to work, have another 5 days where I could not drink and then start again BUT after I was able to concentrate a little I went back to this site and just read and read and read. I had 2 days to go before going back to work and it was during this time while devouring as many posts as possible that a light came on in my brain and I realised that this could be the breakthrough and support I needed to really have a go at the sobriety thing long term.
I went back to work, I kept reading the forums every evening and by about day 12 felt like a different person. The shakes had gone, the sweats day and night had gone but most importantly I felt this amazing feeling of hope like I had not felt in 10 years. I understand it is still very early days for me but the joy and hope I feel now due mainly to SR is truly miraculous. The benefits are too numerous to count...........my blood pressure is almost normal from being dangerously high, I am losing weight (needed to), relationships have improved, financially seeing a difference already, more productive (achieved more on this break that I have on the last 8 I think!). The list goes on and I could go on. I am just so excited about life now, about the future. I personally was not keen on AA, this website and all of your support for each other seems to have hit a chord within me and is working for me so I don’t want to change anything right now. So thank you so much members of SR, I am so grateful.
:thanks