jamdls

Hi Lildawg, welcome to SR. I've been sober almost 3 yrs and I too have accomplished this w/o any formal program. I did go to maybe 6-8 AA meetings in the beginning but meetings just weren't for me. Stopping drinking and not drinking were pretty easy for me but learning to LIVE alcohol free has required a LOT of work and that is where AA literature, SR, and my faith have played a HUGE roll. I read the AA book 3-4 times cover to cover in the first year, initially I couldn't relate much, then I related to a lot, then I began to learn from it; the same with other recovery literature and SR. The biggest joy I've received in sobriety is knowing that some times something I say or do helps someone that is struggling with their own addiction and even if that only happens once in my lifetime I know I did that.
The first year that I didn't drink Thanksgiving and Christmas were just strange, but now I appreciate the holidays for their true meaning and I enjoy them even more because I know I won't have to deal with a hangover during any portion, and I know I won't embarass myself at any point and the joy is greater than it ever was when I was drinking. When we drink our feelings/emotions are numbed so w/o that numbing you can feel real joy, yes you can feel real sadness too but I think it's important to truly embrace whatever the feeling is, own it, and if the feeling is bad you can then let it go. Since I quit drinking there are so many more hours in the day especially the weekends! because I used to be passed out for at least half of the weekend; now I get to enjoy the entire time and I can do so much more. I've always been pretty much a loner so it's not like I have a big social network but now I like being with ME, I'm my biggest fan.

stanleyhouse

That same neighbor said she didn't even know I drank when I told her I was going to rehab. I realized that most people are self-involved and don't pay any attention to what you are doing. In the end I suffered severe depression and couldn't leave the house because I was so physically addicted to alcohol I had to drink all the time. I fell off the face of the earth and no one called. My own parents didn't know I was an alcoholic. I was very hurt that the world didn't notice how much pain I was in. Now i think it is sad that people are so busy they don't form deep relationships and they are to scared to solve problems and feel better.
I find situations concerning alcohol humorous. For example, when my family visits they become very thirsty on the second day and we have to out to dinner. i assume it is because i don't have any booze in the house.
On things to do- I love to go to shopping on Friday nights, preferably to fancy shopping malls. I enjoy the crowds and lights and the clothes just look better at night.

Balou

CarolD, I didn't say I was going to use something for the theme parties?????? I am clean right now, and plan to stay that way. I just struggle with the fact that I can't just go have one beer, once in awhile since I'm not an alcoholic. I'm going to stay clean and sober, it's just hard for me to swallow. No pun intended

LaFemme

That was kind of my story too, what's ironic, is before alcoholic took over my life I was very sociable and outgoing. I think there was a part of me that was hoping that by pulling into myself and out of life, that someone would care enough to do something about it. Finally one day, I realized I was the only one who cared enough to do something about it. I used to have a lot of resentment towards the people who didn't do anything about my problem, but now I realize it's my problem not theirs and I've let go of most of the anger.

I have also gotten the "can't you just drink less" question.

stanleyhouse

LaFemme,
I used to have a lot of resentment too. Not so much with my parents because I was so sneaky and for years my tolerance was so high if you couldn't smell it, i never seemed drunk. However, my husband was a whole different story. I used to call him the camel because his head was buried so far in the sand. I thought he didn't love me at all, that as long as i maintained the status quo he was fine with my drinking. My anger and hurt was so deep. It took a lot of therapy and being sober to realize how scared and helpless my husband felt. A very wise doctor and God helped me to realize what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. I've come a long way since I used to feel like no one loved me. All the therapy has helped, my husband and I have a good relationship for the first time in probably 12 years.
I have since moved from where I dropped out of society and like you I was usually very active and part of the community. I didn't have alot of friends but I played sports and was active in my son's school. The feeling that nobody bothered to call and see about me bothers me still. There weren't rumors about my whereabouts, nobody knew I was drunk. It makes me feel like I spent five years in the company of frauds. I'm in a new town and after the summer is over I hope to build better relationships and spend less time filling my hours in the company of strangers.

Dee74

Welcome stanleyhouse

Good to have you with us - you'll find a lot of support here...feel free to start your own thread if you like, too

D

lildawg

Three years, huh? Wow. I read somewhere once that it takes 3 years for the mind to recover from the effects of alcoholism. I have a question, and it's a stupid one. Did you find that your sobriety got better and better as time went on? When I have a frustrating day or a day that I really, really want to drink, I talk myself down with the idea that it will get better. Has it?


Like you say, learning to LIVE alcohol free has been the kicker. I was so physically sick when I quit, it was a relief not to have the hangovers, the sweating, the nausea, etc. The learning about this new way to live is what has been hard.

I'm glad you posted about the AA Literature helping you. I did a little online digging, and I found where you can read the Big Book online. I'll see if I can read it online. I may have to purchase a copy and get away from the computer to get it read. It won't hurt me to read it, no matter what I decide to do with the info.

I'm already glad I joined SR. This was the right thing to do.

Well, just so you know, what you said helped me. I joined SR hoping to meet some people who have a little more sober time than I do. I believe everyone has something to offer, but I was especially interested to hear the encouragement of people who have been sober for longer than I have. It's encouraging to see someone else who made it work.

Also, you're from Texas. The connection really means nothing, but I always cheer a little bit when I see a fellow Texan in internet land.

Knowing I won't do something embarrassing (or dangerous) is a big plus for me in terms if my sobriety. I think it's one of the things that keeps me going. When I drank, I woke up every morning and laid there with my head pounding while I tried to remember every horrible thing I did or said. And I was a mean drunk, so there were usually a lot of things to remember.

I know that I'm going to get my sea legs someday with the holidays. I hope it's sooner than later. Right now, they're miserable times for me. This year, I'm going to try not spending them with family (lots of conflict and politics there) and see how that goes. It's just a matter of figuring out what works.

When I read this yesterday, it had a big impact on me. I try to avoid emotions. I know that's some of what I enjoyed about drinking. I need to work on embracing my emotions, though I'm not sure how. I'm glad you said this, though.

Same here. In real life, I'm definitely a loner. I'm not a person who wants to be eating out or shopping all the time. I like to read books and to just be. Perhaps, like you, I'll become my own biggest fan.

Thanks for your reply. It was good. I'm sorry I didn't get to it yesterday, but I was busy. Then, I got wrapped up with that music thread and spent all day listening to samples of music on iTunes.

stanleyhouse

Thanks Dee 74 for the welcome and all the other comments. This has been a good thread. I am enjoying SR.