I must break this cycle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Jersey
Posts: 6
Excellent night! I went to a great meeting only a block from my house, and when I got home there was another meeting going on in the chat room!
I didn't hook up with a sponsor, but I'll keep at it. I'm not usually a shy person, but for some reason walking up to someone I don't know at a meeting and saying, "I need help" scares the heck out of me.
Thanks again for the good wishes and the help with everything. You folks are great.
I didn't hook up with a sponsor, but I'll keep at it. I'm not usually a shy person, but for some reason walking up to someone I don't know at a meeting and saying, "I need help" scares the heck out of me.
Thanks again for the good wishes and the help with everything. You folks are great.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Believe it or not Claw, the sober ppl in those meetings need you as a sponsee more than you need them as a sponsor.
I didn't believe that when I heard it......and it didn't make asking my sponsor to BE my sponsor any easier.....but it's true. The only way the sober members of AA are going to keep their sobriety is if they help another drunk. That's just the way it works.
I didn't believe that when I heard it......and it didn't make asking my sponsor to BE my sponsor any easier.....but it's true. The only way the sober members of AA are going to keep their sobriety is if they help another drunk. That's just the way it works.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey Claw and welcome to SR! Its a great resource, that helps a ton of diverse people.
I'm so grateful to our military and thank you for all you have done. I am so happy that you are here and getting the help you need!
Does the VA provide any help for you as well?
I'm so grateful to our military and thank you for all you have done. I am so happy that you are here and getting the help you need!
Does the VA provide any help for you as well?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome Claw!
You're right, the folks here are awesome - glad you're with us!
Also glad that you're finding support in AA. I went to AA in early sobriety too. Being with people who understand what you're going through is really important.
Speaking from experience, pls take your time in selecting a sponsor. I rushed into asking someone too quickly just so that I could say "I have a sponsor." That was a mistake.
I learned that it's sooooo important to let the qualities and type of sobriety that someone has be your guide.
Your sponsor should absolutely rock!
Nobody is perfect of course. Sponsors are there to guide you; it's so much better (imo) if they're guiding you towards a life in recovery that you admire and would like to learn how to attain.
Looking forward to sharing this journey with you!
You're right, the folks here are awesome - glad you're with us!
Also glad that you're finding support in AA. I went to AA in early sobriety too. Being with people who understand what you're going through is really important.
Speaking from experience, pls take your time in selecting a sponsor. I rushed into asking someone too quickly just so that I could say "I have a sponsor." That was a mistake.
I learned that it's sooooo important to let the qualities and type of sobriety that someone has be your guide.
Your sponsor should absolutely rock!
Nobody is perfect of course. Sponsors are there to guide you; it's so much better (imo) if they're guiding you towards a life in recovery that you admire and would like to learn how to attain.
Looking forward to sharing this journey with you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Welcome Claw....you are in a great place to start your journey. We all have been there and the benefits of sobriety is amazing and is completely possible.
Thank you for service and I am a spouse of an active duty member and we are overseas. I had about 10 years of drinking under my belt before I finally said enough is enough. My first go at sobriety was in January of this year and I came to SR. I had a relapse in April and picked back up and came back to SR for support along with counseling and I am coming up to 4 months sober.
I know it can be rough to change our patterns/behaviors but with a good program in place we learn the tools to live amazing lives without the crutch of the bottle.
Glad you are here friend. Keep on posting and we are here for ya!
Thank you for service and I am a spouse of an active duty member and we are overseas. I had about 10 years of drinking under my belt before I finally said enough is enough. My first go at sobriety was in January of this year and I came to SR. I had a relapse in April and picked back up and came back to SR for support along with counseling and I am coming up to 4 months sober.
I know it can be rough to change our patterns/behaviors but with a good program in place we learn the tools to live amazing lives without the crutch of the bottle.
Glad you are here friend. Keep on posting and we are here for ya!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
[QUOTE=DayTrader;2666583] "Believe it or not Claw, the sober ppl in those meetings need you as a sponsee more than you need them as a sponsor." Daytrader's
My sponsor would often say this to me and I just didn't understand it. I can remember after a session of going through a section of the Big Book, he use to say, "I FEEL GREAT." And it really use to bother me because I thought, what? am I not the one that should be feeling good about this? Until I started to sponsor my first sponsee, and now I understand. My help comes from me helping someone else.
Claw, I too was scared to ask someone for help. I think the biggest thing my fear came from was the fear from being rejected. But even if the first one you ask turns you down, don't feel rejected and give up. They might have a good reason to say no. But with God's help, you'll find someone willing and will be more than happy to sponsor you.
It's good to see you posting and the positive reaction you have.
God bless,
Harry
My sponsor would often say this to me and I just didn't understand it. I can remember after a session of going through a section of the Big Book, he use to say, "I FEEL GREAT." And it really use to bother me because I thought, what? am I not the one that should be feeling good about this? Until I started to sponsor my first sponsee, and now I understand. My help comes from me helping someone else.
Claw, I too was scared to ask someone for help. I think the biggest thing my fear came from was the fear from being rejected. But even if the first one you ask turns you down, don't feel rejected and give up. They might have a good reason to say no. But with God's help, you'll find someone willing and will be more than happy to sponsor you.
It's good to see you posting and the positive reaction you have.
God bless,
Harry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Jersey
Posts: 6
I went to my meeting tonight and had an experience that I need to share. About 10 mins into the meeting a person that my wife spends a fair amount of time doing volunteer work with came into the meeting. This person my wife does volunteer work with (and I don't know how to say this without sounding like I'm judging her or taling her inventory), well... from my personal experiences with her and from what my wife tells me, I have zero faith that she would keep my presence at the meeting anonymous.
The person that came into the meeting is married to a man I do volunteer work with. We share many common friends and business associates.
At least right now, my addiction and my failure to get sober is something that I don't see any reason to share with anyone except my family, my doctor, and the people in AA and here at SR. It's something that causes me a great deal of shame. I think if I got "outed" right now... wow, it makes me cringe even thinking about that. I'd probably want to never see a lot of those people again.
I don't know if this person actually saw me. I kept my back to her for the entire meeting, and when we got up at the end to hold hands and say our prayer I walked straight to the exit, hoping she wouldn't see me and thinking that I'll NEVER come back to this place for a meeting, even though it's very convenient.
I'm seeking your thoughts on what happened. Is my thinking a result of my still alcohol polluted brain (only 3 days sober at this time)? Am I being paranoid or irrational? I would ask my wife, but I will not break another person's anonymity.
If my thinking is screwed-up please say so. If not, how would you deal with what happened tonight?
SR is a big help, and I've gotten a lot out of reading the posts on this thread and others. Thank you all very much.
Feeling better physically, got some sleep last night and ate some real food today.
Still white-knuckled, but determined to get sober...
Claw
The person that came into the meeting is married to a man I do volunteer work with. We share many common friends and business associates.
At least right now, my addiction and my failure to get sober is something that I don't see any reason to share with anyone except my family, my doctor, and the people in AA and here at SR. It's something that causes me a great deal of shame. I think if I got "outed" right now... wow, it makes me cringe even thinking about that. I'd probably want to never see a lot of those people again.
I don't know if this person actually saw me. I kept my back to her for the entire meeting, and when we got up at the end to hold hands and say our prayer I walked straight to the exit, hoping she wouldn't see me and thinking that I'll NEVER come back to this place for a meeting, even though it's very convenient.
I'm seeking your thoughts on what happened. Is my thinking a result of my still alcohol polluted brain (only 3 days sober at this time)? Am I being paranoid or irrational? I would ask my wife, but I will not break another person's anonymity.
If my thinking is screwed-up please say so. If not, how would you deal with what happened tonight?
SR is a big help, and I've gotten a lot out of reading the posts on this thread and others. Thank you all very much.
Feeling better physically, got some sleep last night and ate some real food today.
Still white-knuckled, but determined to get sober...
Claw
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Claw-- sent you a private message. I'm in NJ as well...since it's not that big of a state, let me know where you are and perhaps I can suggest meetings or we can catch up. Whatever works, and certainly no pressure at all.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Claw
I've never done AA - but the likelihood is this person is there for the same reasons you are, surely?
I've heard stories of anonymity being broken, sure - but it's still a rare enough event to be noteworthy on these boards.
If it really bothers you I'd pick another meeting.
I read of folks who drive to the next town, y'know ?
D
I've never done AA - but the likelihood is this person is there for the same reasons you are, surely?
I've heard stories of anonymity being broken, sure - but it's still a rare enough event to be noteworthy on these boards.
If it really bothers you I'd pick another meeting.
I read of folks who drive to the next town, y'know ?
D
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Originally Posted by Claw 
I went to my meeting tonight and had an experience that I need to share. About 10 mins into the meeting a person that my wife spends a fair amount of time doing volunteer work with came into the meeting. This person my wife does volunteer work with (and I don't know how to say this without sounding like I'm judging her or taling her inventory), well... from my personal experiences with her and from what my wife tells me, I have zero faith that she would keep my presence at the meeting anonymous.
The person that came into the meeting is married to a man I do volunteer work with. We share many common friends and business associates.
At least right now, my addiction and my failure to get sober is something that I don't see any reason to share with anyone except my family, my doctor, and the people in AA and here at SR. It's something that causes me a great deal of shame. I think if I got "outed" right now... wow, it makes me cringe even thinking about that. I'd probably want to never see a lot of those people again.
I don't know if this person actually saw me. I kept my back to her for the entire meeting, and when we got up at the end to hold hands and say our prayer I walked straight to the exit, hoping she wouldn't see me and thinking that I'll NEVER come back to this place for a meeting, even though it's very convenient.
I'm seeking your thoughts on what happened. Is my thinking a result of my still alcohol polluted brain (only 3 days sober at this time)? Am I being paranoid or irrational? I would ask my wife, but I will not break another person's anonymity.
If my thinking is screwed-up please say so. If not, how would you deal with what happened tonight?
SR is a big help, and I've gotten a lot out of reading the posts on this thread and others. Thank you all very much.
Feeling better physically, got some sleep last night and ate some real food today.
Still white-knuckled, but determined to get sober...
Claw
The person that came into the meeting is married to a man I do volunteer work with. We share many common friends and business associates.
At least right now, my addiction and my failure to get sober is something that I don't see any reason to share with anyone except my family, my doctor, and the people in AA and here at SR. It's something that causes me a great deal of shame. I think if I got "outed" right now... wow, it makes me cringe even thinking about that. I'd probably want to never see a lot of those people again.
I don't know if this person actually saw me. I kept my back to her for the entire meeting, and when we got up at the end to hold hands and say our prayer I walked straight to the exit, hoping she wouldn't see me and thinking that I'll NEVER come back to this place for a meeting, even though it's very convenient.
I'm seeking your thoughts on what happened. Is my thinking a result of my still alcohol polluted brain (only 3 days sober at this time)? Am I being paranoid or irrational? I would ask my wife, but I will not break another person's anonymity.
If my thinking is screwed-up please say so. If not, how would you deal with what happened tonight?
SR is a big help, and I've gotten a lot out of reading the posts on this thread and others. Thank you all very much.
Feeling better physically, got some sleep last night and ate some real food today.
Still white-knuckled, but determined to get sober...
Claw
That said, if she was at the meeting, you guys are on an even playing field. Remember, for her to divulge your attendance at the meeting, she needs to reveal that she was there as well. Chances are, she's not going to do that.
That's if she saw you.
You are feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety right now-- and it's normal. But any sort of shock like this is going to feel that much more intense. I remember that loud noises made me jump for about a week.
The key thing is to a) not get drunk over this and b) not let it keep you from meetings.
Chances are, she did not see you. If she did, she's an alcoholic, and she's probably going through the same concerns you are right now. Wouldn't that be funny?
Deep breath. Get some sleep. You are doing great.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Claw,
I'll second that. Most likely she WAS there for the same reason as you. I've run into a handful of people I know from "the outside" at meetings. At this point, if I did get "outed" it wouldn't be a huge deal to me, but it sure would have felt like it the first week.
Chances are that even if she saw you, she would respect the anonymity of the program.
Don't let that fear keep you away from meetings. I'm from NJ, too, and most places have a ton of meetings, so maybe for awhile you could check out some other ones.
I'll second that. Most likely she WAS there for the same reason as you. I've run into a handful of people I know from "the outside" at meetings. At this point, if I did get "outed" it wouldn't be a huge deal to me, but it sure would have felt like it the first week.
Chances are that even if she saw you, she would respect the anonymity of the program.
Don't let that fear keep you away from meetings. I'm from NJ, too, and most places have a ton of meetings, so maybe for awhile you could check out some other ones.
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