New guy, Pill addict
Star Wars geek!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Warner Robins, Georgia
Posts: 10
New guy, Pill addict
Howdy,
So, I found this site while trying to find out what my symptoms are for quitting Hydrocodone and maybe hoping to find a way to get them online.
My story is this. I was in a motorcycle accident while on my way to training to work in a Zoo as the reptile care taker. I had 12 surgeries within 3 weeks. We decided to try to save my leg. It was totally destroyed just below the knee. I also crushed my hip and have 23 screws holding it together. Well, they put me on Oxy at that time. I was unlimited a to the amount I could take. Largest amount they gave me in one bottle was 280 pills! It lasted 2 months. After a year I decided that I didn't want anymore surgeries and I wanted to walk again. So, I choose to have an amputation so that I could get back to being a husband and a father. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. Well, even after the amputation I still have LOTS of problems as they could not find all my nerve bundles to fix them. So, there is still a lot of pain. Oh, to top it off I had this accident with no health insurance and the lowest full coverage I could get. Anywho, I was put on Hydrocodone after the amputation. They cut me off after three months of the surgery date. I however have used the Medstops and family to continue getting pills as I am still in pain. They are looking into more surgery in the near future too. Anywho, at this point I am out of pills as of Sunday and no way right now to get them.
You know, I read somethings about addiction (as I have never been addicted to drugs before) and some of them ring true with me. Such as the craving. However, I was not taking much at all. I took two 5/500's at 8pm every night. Some times 3 of them if I was hurting really bad. I did not take any during the day. The 2 pills a night helped me to relax and forget about the pain enough so that I was comfortable and could get a good nights sleep. I tried sleeping pills to see if they would work without the Hydro. It didn't. The things I read talked about someone who is hiding things and pills and was ashamed and so on. I am none of these things. I like and want the pain pills. Not that I take enough to get high I jut want them so that I can have a moment without pain. I know that they do not really stop the pain but they do make you forget about it for a while. That is nice to forget about it. I don't know. Right now I have not had any for 2 days and I am not doing all that well. I feel sick and I get sad and even angry. I get to thinking about nothing but getting a pill. I have been on them everyday now for 2 years. And I just get to feeling like "why won't they just prescribe them to me. I had my leg cut off! I hurt! I need them!" I have never felt like this before.
I am taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen right now to try to help. It does not seem to be working very well. My body hurts all over and my arms feel like they have the worse case of arthritis ever! I am a Christian and have thought about going to my church as they have a new Addiction Support Group but, I don't know because, right now I feel like if I can get it, I will. I don't want to make a commitment that I can't keep. I just don't know that I want to stay off of them. And besides, when I go back to surgery they are just going to put me on them again. Then I would have to go through this all over again.
What am I doing here then? I don't know. I am very confused about things right now. I guess I just want to talk to someone who understands.
I just don't know. This really sucks!
So, I found this site while trying to find out what my symptoms are for quitting Hydrocodone and maybe hoping to find a way to get them online.
My story is this. I was in a motorcycle accident while on my way to training to work in a Zoo as the reptile care taker. I had 12 surgeries within 3 weeks. We decided to try to save my leg. It was totally destroyed just below the knee. I also crushed my hip and have 23 screws holding it together. Well, they put me on Oxy at that time. I was unlimited a to the amount I could take. Largest amount they gave me in one bottle was 280 pills! It lasted 2 months. After a year I decided that I didn't want anymore surgeries and I wanted to walk again. So, I choose to have an amputation so that I could get back to being a husband and a father. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. Well, even after the amputation I still have LOTS of problems as they could not find all my nerve bundles to fix them. So, there is still a lot of pain. Oh, to top it off I had this accident with no health insurance and the lowest full coverage I could get. Anywho, I was put on Hydrocodone after the amputation. They cut me off after three months of the surgery date. I however have used the Medstops and family to continue getting pills as I am still in pain. They are looking into more surgery in the near future too. Anywho, at this point I am out of pills as of Sunday and no way right now to get them.
You know, I read somethings about addiction (as I have never been addicted to drugs before) and some of them ring true with me. Such as the craving. However, I was not taking much at all. I took two 5/500's at 8pm every night. Some times 3 of them if I was hurting really bad. I did not take any during the day. The 2 pills a night helped me to relax and forget about the pain enough so that I was comfortable and could get a good nights sleep. I tried sleeping pills to see if they would work without the Hydro. It didn't. The things I read talked about someone who is hiding things and pills and was ashamed and so on. I am none of these things. I like and want the pain pills. Not that I take enough to get high I jut want them so that I can have a moment without pain. I know that they do not really stop the pain but they do make you forget about it for a while. That is nice to forget about it. I don't know. Right now I have not had any for 2 days and I am not doing all that well. I feel sick and I get sad and even angry. I get to thinking about nothing but getting a pill. I have been on them everyday now for 2 years. And I just get to feeling like "why won't they just prescribe them to me. I had my leg cut off! I hurt! I need them!" I have never felt like this before.
I am taking Tylenol and Ibuprofen right now to try to help. It does not seem to be working very well. My body hurts all over and my arms feel like they have the worse case of arthritis ever! I am a Christian and have thought about going to my church as they have a new Addiction Support Group but, I don't know because, right now I feel like if I can get it, I will. I don't want to make a commitment that I can't keep. I just don't know that I want to stay off of them. And besides, when I go back to surgery they are just going to put me on them again. Then I would have to go through this all over again.
What am I doing here then? I don't know. I am very confused about things right now. I guess I just want to talk to someone who understands.
I just don't know. This really sucks!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi AmpGuy
I'm sorry for your situation, but I think the very best thing to do is to be open and honest with your doctor - set it out exactly as you have here...
there are better ways to deal with pain than cribbing pills from family and friends, and better ways to live than being ruled over by pills.
Please do think about joining that addiction group and perhaps NA too.
You'll find a lot of support here too
D
I'm sorry for your situation, but I think the very best thing to do is to be open and honest with your doctor - set it out exactly as you have here...
there are better ways to deal with pain than cribbing pills from family and friends, and better ways to live than being ruled over by pills.
Please do think about joining that addiction group and perhaps NA too.
You'll find a lot of support here too
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Welcome AMP, I know the confusion you're going thru. I've had 14 surguries on my leg and shoulder and I'm finally somewhat normal. I also got hooked on those pain pills and had a time getting off them. I on the other hand was an alcoholic way before the wreck and used it to further my addiction. The first step to getting better is recognizing that we might have a problem. Seems like you're there, so welcome again and I'm sure you'll find a buch of people here who have used a variety of ways, including church, to help themselves. Glad you're here and keep coming back. God Bless
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
I am sorry for your situation.
I agree that talking openly with your dr is the best thing to do.
I understand your confusion and mixed feelings at this point. It's hard to accept that you are being controlled by a substance. I do know that there are pain clinics in many cities that specialize in offering some alternatives to people who are living with pain.
I agree that talking openly with your dr is the best thing to do.
I understand your confusion and mixed feelings at this point. It's hard to accept that you are being controlled by a substance. I do know that there are pain clinics in many cities that specialize in offering some alternatives to people who are living with pain.
Star Wars geek!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Warner Robins, Georgia
Posts: 10
Well, I don't really have a Dr. that I can talk to as I have no insurance and even tho I am in this program called vocational rehab that is suppose to help with that, it is very hard to get them to. I saw a pain clinic once and they wanted to put me on 4 different pills. Some of them cost a lot. I can get the relief with one prescription that costs very little.
I am really having a heck of a time right now. Thing is, There is some Valium in this house somewhere. I know it won't help with pain, but it will help with my wanting Hydrocodone. I go from feeling fine and even happy one minute to sad a crying the next then mad that I can't just get a prescription then sad. I also feel like I am sick.
Its seems to me right now that the pills are not the problem. Getting them is. When I have them I feel good and I get things done around the house and what not and people even say they notice that I am feeling and looking better. They may not know why but, Hydrocodone is why. It' s just 2 pills a day. It is not like I am dosing up all day long. How can I be an addict on 2, 5 mg pills a day. But then why do I feel this way.
Anywho, thanks for your kind welcomes and replies. I don't know that I am doing the right thing tho. I don't know what I am doing here really. There are people here that really need the help. I am just a whiner I guess.
I am really having a heck of a time right now. Thing is, There is some Valium in this house somewhere. I know it won't help with pain, but it will help with my wanting Hydrocodone. I go from feeling fine and even happy one minute to sad a crying the next then mad that I can't just get a prescription then sad. I also feel like I am sick.
Its seems to me right now that the pills are not the problem. Getting them is. When I have them I feel good and I get things done around the house and what not and people even say they notice that I am feeling and looking better. They may not know why but, Hydrocodone is why. It' s just 2 pills a day. It is not like I am dosing up all day long. How can I be an addict on 2, 5 mg pills a day. But then why do I feel this way.
Anywho, thanks for your kind welcomes and replies. I don't know that I am doing the right thing tho. I don't know what I am doing here really. There are people here that really need the help. I am just a whiner I guess.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi again Amp Guy
take out the hydro and substitute booze and weed and you had me. I have cerebral palsy, arthritis, a lot of mobility issues, a lot of pain problems, and I had a heck of lot of frustration...what was a nice booze buzz and weed high hurting anyone...?
They took over my life. I ended up smoking and drinking all day everyday. I nearly died from my addictions.
If you don't want to see a Dr that's your call. But I would investigate the addiction group, and other recovery groups like NA. It costs nothing and it's everywhere.
I can promise you Amp Guy - things do not get better...they get much much worse.
D
Its seems to me right now that the pills are not the problem. Getting them is. When I have them I feel good and I get things done around the house and what not and people even say they notice that I am feeling and looking better. They may not know why but, Hydrocodone is why. It' s just 2 pills a day. It is not like I am dosing up all day long. How can I be an addict on 2, 5 mg pills a day.
They took over my life. I ended up smoking and drinking all day everyday. I nearly died from my addictions.
If you don't want to see a Dr that's your call. But I would investigate the addiction group, and other recovery groups like NA. It costs nothing and it's everywhere.
I can promise you Amp Guy - things do not get better...they get much much worse.
D
Star Wars geek!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Warner Robins, Georgia
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I can promise you Amp Guy - things do not get better...they get much much worse.
I want to hear that it is all going to be okay. I was done with this website earlier with my last post. Till, I found myself frantically search all over the house for something, anything, ANYTHING!!!!! My kids watching me fumble through all the drawers in the house. Luckily they don't know what I am looking for. This is all so crazy! Well, I found diazepam 2 mg. I took it. Why? I don't need it for anything. I knew it was here and Looking back at my last post I can see that I was trying to talk myself into it. I really felt like a man that was out of my mind when I was searching for it and now that I found it I just feel...i don't know. I am not happy about it. I guess I feel like I am stronger then this. I feel like .... What the hell am i doing!!!! This hurts!
You know, I have been thinking about weed as many people say it is great at reliving pain. It is not legal here so that would really not be a good thing. But see, that is not thinking right. I know that much. It should not be about it being legal or not. Maybe, I need to call someone tomorrow. i think my fear is, that they will want me to not have anything as far as meds and I don't know how to do that right now and at times, I don't want to do with out them. Thank you Dee! I can see you have a caring heart. I would see a Dr. if i could but right now no one will see me except at an emergency room Dr. I know if I go there I will do whatever i can to talk them into some pills. And they will write the scrip. I am sorry for being a pain and a whiner.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I get it Amp Guy. I nearly had to die to wise up to myself.
Don't push it that far - you have a chance to nip this in the bud now.
Perhaps google 'free clinics' and your local area - you may find you have a free clinic not too far away?
D
Don't push it that far - you have a chance to nip this in the bud now.
Perhaps google 'free clinics' and your local area - you may find you have a free clinic not too far away?
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Hey Amp. I feel ya. How can "this" amount be a problem? It's not REALLY that bad!
Then, after you get what you're after here come the feelings of guilt, shame, weakness. It's a nasty and wicked cycle that, so long as you're still using, continues to get worse - at least it did for me and everyone else I know who found themselves in the same predicament.
A bit off subject but, after the amputation, did you find you suffered from phantom pain in the missing parts of the limb? I ask because my dad lost his left arm in a car accident and has complained about chronic phantom pain in his left wrist and fingers.....which he no longer has. As he's a long-time and still-practicing alcoholic, I've often wondered how real these pains are or if it's just a ploy or tactic to rationalize the booze and the pain killers. I know you can't tell me what he feels, I just wonder if you have any direct experience in this area.
Mike
Then, after you get what you're after here come the feelings of guilt, shame, weakness. It's a nasty and wicked cycle that, so long as you're still using, continues to get worse - at least it did for me and everyone else I know who found themselves in the same predicament.
A bit off subject but, after the amputation, did you find you suffered from phantom pain in the missing parts of the limb? I ask because my dad lost his left arm in a car accident and has complained about chronic phantom pain in his left wrist and fingers.....which he no longer has. As he's a long-time and still-practicing alcoholic, I've often wondered how real these pains are or if it's just a ploy or tactic to rationalize the booze and the pain killers. I know you can't tell me what he feels, I just wonder if you have any direct experience in this area.
Mike
Star Wars geek!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Warner Robins, Georgia
Posts: 10
Hey Mike,
For me it is a little different. Since my leg was about ripped off there was and still are many problems in the area of pain. Most of my pain I can relate to direct location on my residual limb. A leg has 5 major nerve bundles. In an amputation they like to go in there and repair the nerves as best as they can to eliminate a lot of the pains one may have. For me, the Dr. who was a world class Dr. could only find 2 of the 5 nerve bundles. The others, are somewhere in my leg. That is where a lot of the problem is. Most of the newer amputees say they have phantom sensation and that is not very painful but with the research and technology thanks to the Dr. that did my amputation (Dr. ****) phantom pain will and is becoming more of a temporary thing. The older or conventional amputation can leave someone with a lot of pain. If he is interested he may want to check into having a revision to clear up some of this. Dr. **** said that mine so far is the hardest amputation he has ever done. And that i would need a revision.
Well, i am a little more calm now. Yes, it is due to the Valium. But, now I can see a little clearer. Man, I must have looked like a maniac digging all over trying to find something to ease my pain. I have to tell ya, I have a bad tooth ache and I am VERY tempted to go into the Medstop in the morning as they will give me Lortab 7.5mg for that. And if I get really bad in the office they will give me 10 mg. My wife wants to go to Tybee Island this weekend. It is an Island right off the cost of Savannah GA. I can't see myself doing that while trying to come off of the narcotics. But then is it going to become, " I can't mow the lawn while trying to come off meds" and so on.
Anywho, thank you for letting me rant and go crazy here!
For me it is a little different. Since my leg was about ripped off there was and still are many problems in the area of pain. Most of my pain I can relate to direct location on my residual limb. A leg has 5 major nerve bundles. In an amputation they like to go in there and repair the nerves as best as they can to eliminate a lot of the pains one may have. For me, the Dr. who was a world class Dr. could only find 2 of the 5 nerve bundles. The others, are somewhere in my leg. That is where a lot of the problem is. Most of the newer amputees say they have phantom sensation and that is not very painful but with the research and technology thanks to the Dr. that did my amputation (Dr. ****) phantom pain will and is becoming more of a temporary thing. The older or conventional amputation can leave someone with a lot of pain. If he is interested he may want to check into having a revision to clear up some of this. Dr. **** said that mine so far is the hardest amputation he has ever done. And that i would need a revision.
Well, i am a little more calm now. Yes, it is due to the Valium. But, now I can see a little clearer. Man, I must have looked like a maniac digging all over trying to find something to ease my pain. I have to tell ya, I have a bad tooth ache and I am VERY tempted to go into the Medstop in the morning as they will give me Lortab 7.5mg for that. And if I get really bad in the office they will give me 10 mg. My wife wants to go to Tybee Island this weekend. It is an Island right off the cost of Savannah GA. I can't see myself doing that while trying to come off of the narcotics. But then is it going to become, " I can't mow the lawn while trying to come off meds" and so on.
Anywho, thank you for letting me rant and go crazy here!
Last edited by Dee74; 07-28-2010 at 07:46 PM. Reason: removed doctors name- rule#1
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Fredonia N.Y
Posts: 44
hi ampguy and welcome....i think things happen for a reason and you finding this site was a good thing... and maybe for a reason... i sooo understand what you are going threw.... and my heart goes out to you.... i suffer from a 11 year addiction to lortabs..... i was up to 50 to 60 a day 10/500 about 6 of the 11 years.... i now have one week with out them in me and am waitting to get into a inpatient treatment... which is going to be anyday now... i have been put on the soboxion program so iam lucky not to be going threw the withdraws (this time) but man oh man have i had my share of them... and death is the only word i can come up with to discribe how that feels..... before my addiction started... i was not adrug user of any kind... i left my ex husband because he was and i was agaist it......100%
i went in to see a foot doctor about my feet... (pain was way put of control) was told i needed surgery on both...but i was working full time for a acupuncturist and had to be on my feet... so i could not take the time then to have it done... so they put me on pain meds till i was able to fit it in....lol and well it was lortab...i never admitted this then...but it was love at the very evry 1st pill.... i loved how i felt on them....it took a few years or so before i was taking more then what was perscribed to me...but after like 2 or 3 i sure was and i didt think i had a prom...... omg if i only new then what i no now....but anyhow there are other med's out there that are not controlled... that they can treat you with... i of course asked what do i do now if i have this surgery done....lol 11 years later (now its important to me) silly huh....lol
and was told there are other ways to be treated... as long as i let them no i am a addict and can not take anyting controled at all........
funny thing is that i dont even think i need the surgery now.... i dont have any pain at all... and to be honest cant remember the last time i have had pain in eaither one of my feet....
please just really think about things and do alot of reading on here and ask anything you like... the people on this site are soooo helpful and will always answer the best they can..... talking and reading on here... you just might get the answers you really need.....
in any case i wish you all the best... sorry that you are going threw a tough time.... please keep us posted as to how things are going for you
Jen
i went in to see a foot doctor about my feet... (pain was way put of control) was told i needed surgery on both...but i was working full time for a acupuncturist and had to be on my feet... so i could not take the time then to have it done... so they put me on pain meds till i was able to fit it in....lol and well it was lortab...i never admitted this then...but it was love at the very evry 1st pill.... i loved how i felt on them....it took a few years or so before i was taking more then what was perscribed to me...but after like 2 or 3 i sure was and i didt think i had a prom...... omg if i only new then what i no now....but anyhow there are other med's out there that are not controlled... that they can treat you with... i of course asked what do i do now if i have this surgery done....lol 11 years later (now its important to me) silly huh....lol
and was told there are other ways to be treated... as long as i let them no i am a addict and can not take anyting controled at all........
funny thing is that i dont even think i need the surgery now.... i dont have any pain at all... and to be honest cant remember the last time i have had pain in eaither one of my feet....
please just really think about things and do alot of reading on here and ask anything you like... the people on this site are soooo helpful and will always answer the best they can..... talking and reading on here... you just might get the answers you really need.....
in any case i wish you all the best... sorry that you are going threw a tough time.... please keep us posted as to how things are going for you
Jen
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Sorry to hear about your situation. IMO you are best off to go to the pain clinic. Explain your situation about the insurance etc. and see if they can help. You said you don't abuse the medication. Obviously you need to either be weaned off it or under the supervision of a Doctor. Your going threw withdrawal even though your not abusing the pills. The body is still used to the medication. I've dealt with the pain clinic and they were very helpful to me. Just my opinion amp. I hope they can offer you a solution for your pain.
Best Wishes To You
Best Wishes To You
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Ampguy, First of all Welcome to this site, it's an awesome place to find support and understanding. I too was addicted to Vicodins for 10 years. My addiction started with a car accident that left me with a broken arm and a broken leg. My doctors prescribed Vicodin ES for me. I took them for almost ten years. I had my casts off in 7 weeks. Do you see the problem? My bones were healed for years and years, and I stayed on the pills. They are very addicting. It says it on the jars and the printouts that came with my prescriptions.
I didn't have the injuries that you have, and Im sure I didn't have half as much pain as you have endured. For the last 8 years of my addiction, I didn't need to be on those pills at all. I abused them because I was addicted to them. I am sure you probably have alot of pain on a daily basis, and you will not be judged here. If your ripping drawers apart in front of your kids, then you are an addict and it's understandable. I had ripped draws apart when I ran out too. Been there and done that. Coming off of the opiates is not fun. So, you really do need to see a good doctor. One who can wean you off of the pills properly, and one who can give you the pain management that you desperately need. It's not good to take them daily for a long period of time, and then just stop. You probably need a proper medical detox.
Your in a tough spot. You need to apply for state medical aid or something. I don't know where you live, but in NY and NJ where I am you can get medical help if you don't have insurance. Or if your below a certain income, you can get medicaid. Are you on medicare or disability? I really hope you can find the help you need immediately. Go to the hospital if neccessary. Alot of people that come to this site have abused these drugs with no medical problems. Doctors have written so much of that stuff for people with no medical issues, and there you are a man with serious medical issues, and you cannot get what you need. I don't understand it. Somethings seriously wrong with the health care in this country. My heart goes out to you big time.
I didn't have the injuries that you have, and Im sure I didn't have half as much pain as you have endured. For the last 8 years of my addiction, I didn't need to be on those pills at all. I abused them because I was addicted to them. I am sure you probably have alot of pain on a daily basis, and you will not be judged here. If your ripping drawers apart in front of your kids, then you are an addict and it's understandable. I had ripped draws apart when I ran out too. Been there and done that. Coming off of the opiates is not fun. So, you really do need to see a good doctor. One who can wean you off of the pills properly, and one who can give you the pain management that you desperately need. It's not good to take them daily for a long period of time, and then just stop. You probably need a proper medical detox.
Your in a tough spot. You need to apply for state medical aid or something. I don't know where you live, but in NY and NJ where I am you can get medical help if you don't have insurance. Or if your below a certain income, you can get medicaid. Are you on medicare or disability? I really hope you can find the help you need immediately. Go to the hospital if neccessary. Alot of people that come to this site have abused these drugs with no medical problems. Doctors have written so much of that stuff for people with no medical issues, and there you are a man with serious medical issues, and you cannot get what you need. I don't understand it. Somethings seriously wrong with the health care in this country. My heart goes out to you big time.
Star Wars geek!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Warner Robins, Georgia
Posts: 10
Okay, so, I went to an NA meeting last night. It was odd the way they didn't just talk. They would go around an say their name and then say they are an addict and then they would talk about what was on their mind. So, it wasn't like a conversation. Just really odd.
I understand why they do it that way. It i so people do not get interrupted or have everyone talking all at once. But, talk about a hot seat! Of course they singled me out and said I was the mot important person in the room. Yeah, I was also on Darvocet and Valium to try to supplement for the Hydrocodone. It worked, just not as good. I felt bad knowing I was on meds at an NA meeting. Anywho, they want me to come back tonight. They said I should come every night for a while. I don't think I can do that. I have a family that I have to take care of too. I may go tonight but if not then I'll try to at least go once a week. We'll see. I guess I still really feel that the only real problem is that I ran out of pills and if I had more everything would be okay. I know, that is not right but, it is how I feel right now. It was also odd because most of the people there had been hard core users and for many years. I jut don't feel that I as that way. I think I am right now as I try to supplement for my pill of choice. I took 400mg of Darvocet with 5mg of Valium. The Valium was earlier in the day. I know you are not suppose to take them at the same time as they can mess you up badly. At least that is what the computer said. I think the other problem right now is it seems to be ALL I can think about. I woke up this morning and my first thought was not about the day or my family or God. i had one word in my head and that was it. Hydrocodone! That is messed up! It is a beautiful day today and I barely notice except for the purpose of writing this. "God, help me to enjoy today!"
I understand why they do it that way. It i so people do not get interrupted or have everyone talking all at once. But, talk about a hot seat! Of course they singled me out and said I was the mot important person in the room. Yeah, I was also on Darvocet and Valium to try to supplement for the Hydrocodone. It worked, just not as good. I felt bad knowing I was on meds at an NA meeting. Anywho, they want me to come back tonight. They said I should come every night for a while. I don't think I can do that. I have a family that I have to take care of too. I may go tonight but if not then I'll try to at least go once a week. We'll see. I guess I still really feel that the only real problem is that I ran out of pills and if I had more everything would be okay. I know, that is not right but, it is how I feel right now. It was also odd because most of the people there had been hard core users and for many years. I jut don't feel that I as that way. I think I am right now as I try to supplement for my pill of choice. I took 400mg of Darvocet with 5mg of Valium. The Valium was earlier in the day. I know you are not suppose to take them at the same time as they can mess you up badly. At least that is what the computer said. I think the other problem right now is it seems to be ALL I can think about. I woke up this morning and my first thought was not about the day or my family or God. i had one word in my head and that was it. Hydrocodone! That is messed up! It is a beautiful day today and I barely notice except for the purpose of writing this. "God, help me to enjoy today!"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Originally Posted by AmpGuy
Okay, so, I went to an NA meeting last night. It was odd the way they didn't just talk. They would go around an say their name and then say they are an addict and then they would talk about what was on their mind. So, it wasn't like a conversation. Just really odd.
I understand why they do it that way. It i so people do not get interrupted or have everyone talking all at once. But, talk about a hot seat! Of course they singled me out and said I was the mot important person in the room. Yeah, I was also on Darvocet and Valium to try to supplement for the Hydrocodone. It worked, just not as good. I felt bad knowing I was on meds at an NA meeting. Anywho, they want me to come back tonight. They said I should come every night for a while. I don't think I can do that. I have a family that I have to take care of too. I may go tonight but if not then I'll try to at least go once a week. We'll see. I guess I still really feel that the only real problem is that I ran out of pills and if I had more everything would be okay. I know, that is not right but, it is how I feel right now. It was also odd because most of the people there had been hard core users and for many years. I jut don't feel that I as that way. I think I am right now as I try to supplement for my pill of choice. I took 400mg of Darvocet with 5mg of Valium. The Valium was earlier in the day. I know you are not suppose to take them at the same time as
they can mess you up badly. At least that is what the computer said. I think the other problem right now is it seems to be ALL I can think about. I woke up this morning and my first thought was not about the day or my family or God. i had one word in my head and that was it. Hydrocodone! That is messed up! It is a beautiful day today and I barely notice except for the purpose of writing this. "God, help me to enjoy today!"
I understand why they do it that way. It i so people do not get interrupted or have everyone talking all at once. But, talk about a hot seat! Of course they singled me out and said I was the mot important person in the room. Yeah, I was also on Darvocet and Valium to try to supplement for the Hydrocodone. It worked, just not as good. I felt bad knowing I was on meds at an NA meeting. Anywho, they want me to come back tonight. They said I should come every night for a while. I don't think I can do that. I have a family that I have to take care of too. I may go tonight but if not then I'll try to at least go once a week. We'll see. I guess I still really feel that the only real problem is that I ran out of pills and if I had more everything would be okay. I know, that is not right but, it is how I feel right now. It was also odd because most of the people there had been hard core users and for many years. I jut don't feel that I as that way. I think I am right now as I try to supplement for my pill of choice. I took 400mg of Darvocet with 5mg of Valium. The Valium was earlier in the day. I know you are not suppose to take them at the same time as
they can mess you up badly. At least that is what the computer said. I think the other problem right now is it seems to be ALL I can think about. I woke up this morning and my first thought was not about the day or my family or God. i had one word in my head and that was it. Hydrocodone! That is messed up! It is a beautiful day today and I barely notice except for the purpose of writing this. "God, help me to enjoy today!"
I'm glad you made it to an NA meeting ampguy. Now you should find the proper health care for a man with your injuries. I am hoping you will be able to get all of the help that you need.
Better now than never
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Sunny South Florida
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by AmpGuy
I found myself frantically search all over the house for something, anything, ANYTHING!!!!! My kids watching me fumble through all the drawers in the house. Luckily they don't know what I am looking for. This is all so crazy!--------------------- I am sorry for being a pain and a whiner.
When I read your post, all I could think of was him. Only difference is, your addiction is prescribed.
I too live with pain on a daily basis.... I was told 7yrs ago I needed yet another back surgery. I live with the pain, It is not limiting me, well, sometimes, but I am putting off the surgery as long as possible. On the occasions that it is intense, I get a script. (Last one was LAST July). I heard they are VERY ADDICTING.
You are not a pain or a whiner....Your looking for help. Keep going to your meetings, you can learn alot. Keep coming back here also, I have found alot of support on this website.....Even if Im just lurking around =)
Good luck
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm glad you went Amp. I think you should make time to go as often as you can - if NA doesn't work for you for you find something that does. This link has a million varieties of recovery group and help.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...i-recover.html
Check out the substance abuse forum too if you haven't.
I'm not beating on you but when you say stuff like this, it makes me wince a little...
It really is a progressive thing, man.
If you let it go now, chances are you'll end up one of those hardcore users.
That's not scare mongering - it's just the way this thing works.
Think about it, Amp.
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...i-recover.html
Check out the substance abuse forum too if you haven't.
I'm not beating on you but when you say stuff like this, it makes me wince a little...
I guess I still really feel that the only real problem is that I ran out of pills and if I had more everything would be okay. I know, that is not right but, it is how I feel right now.
If you let it go now, chances are you'll end up one of those hardcore users.
That's not scare mongering - it's just the way this thing works.
Think about it, Amp.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
New guy, Pill addict....
Welcome To Sober Recovery,
I am not a drug abuser but even when I need pain meds I cannot take them. I had a back fusion due to my Osteoarthritis & was given Morphine in the machine that regulates how much you get of the med within a certain amount of time.
I went crazy out of my mind & in the middle of the night they found me not breathing...I woke up in ICU not knowing who I was or where I was. I am an alcoholic & have been sober 22 years but this had no connection to what did happen to me.
I am replying because my husband has severe chronic pain & also is an amputee. He got hurt in a logging accident in 1964 when he was 26 years old. He was given pain meds the six months he was in the hospital & tapered off before he was due to be released.
He has had surgery on his stub two more times & the last time was for bone infection in his pelvis. His leg was off near his left hip & is at his hip now since he doesn't wear a prothesis anymore. He also had part of his pelvis removed.
He was at the point of ending his life due to his pain when the Specialist that did this last surgery a few years ago put him on Oxycodone. They gradually increased the mgs to a point he could be comfortable which now is 80 mgs of the generic oxy.
He is 73 years old & State Industrial paid for four years of college & he chose to be a Social Worker. He worked 24 years in all this pain that progressed as he aged.
He says he is dependent on this medication & does take extra every once in a while but he doesn't have to tell me because I can see the difference in his mood. He is responsible though & it has been several years that he has been at the same level of medication.
It is a well known & documented fact that many people become addicts with a start of a prescription medication after an injury or surgery. There are also many other reasons why someone becomes an addict or alcoholic like me.
I simply started drinking, liked it, managed quite well for many years then passed the point where I didn't like the alcohol but I had to have it to just be what my normal was about the same time every day.
Drugs & alcohol affect each person differently and being able to stay quit was the hard part for me. I do have concern for my husband as he has other medical problems that affect him too but he tries to take care of his needs the best he can with help from me.
kelsh
I am not a drug abuser but even when I need pain meds I cannot take them. I had a back fusion due to my Osteoarthritis & was given Morphine in the machine that regulates how much you get of the med within a certain amount of time.
I went crazy out of my mind & in the middle of the night they found me not breathing...I woke up in ICU not knowing who I was or where I was. I am an alcoholic & have been sober 22 years but this had no connection to what did happen to me.
I am replying because my husband has severe chronic pain & also is an amputee. He got hurt in a logging accident in 1964 when he was 26 years old. He was given pain meds the six months he was in the hospital & tapered off before he was due to be released.
He has had surgery on his stub two more times & the last time was for bone infection in his pelvis. His leg was off near his left hip & is at his hip now since he doesn't wear a prothesis anymore. He also had part of his pelvis removed.
He was at the point of ending his life due to his pain when the Specialist that did this last surgery a few years ago put him on Oxycodone. They gradually increased the mgs to a point he could be comfortable which now is 80 mgs of the generic oxy.
He is 73 years old & State Industrial paid for four years of college & he chose to be a Social Worker. He worked 24 years in all this pain that progressed as he aged.
He says he is dependent on this medication & does take extra every once in a while but he doesn't have to tell me because I can see the difference in his mood. He is responsible though & it has been several years that he has been at the same level of medication.
It is a well known & documented fact that many people become addicts with a start of a prescription medication after an injury or surgery. There are also many other reasons why someone becomes an addict or alcoholic like me.
I simply started drinking, liked it, managed quite well for many years then passed the point where I didn't like the alcohol but I had to have it to just be what my normal was about the same time every day.
Drugs & alcohol affect each person differently and being able to stay quit was the hard part for me. I do have concern for my husband as he has other medical problems that affect him too but he tries to take care of his needs the best he can with help from me.
kelsh
Star Wars geek!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Warner Robins, Georgia
Posts: 10
Well, here is an update. I still have not stopped using. I found a Dr. that has no problems giving my Oxy as he said " considering my situation". I think I am the first amputee he has seen. You know tho, I thought I managed things well but, he gave me 40 pills to take one every night before bed. It was to last 40 days. It is all gone. I didn't even realize I was using so much. I used 40 pills in 14 days. Not good. So, I went to the dentist. They gave me Darvocet. It works to keep me from going crazy but I don't like it as much. Since seeing the Dr. I have not gone to NA at all. I also feel very odd going there because I am still using. It is very strange being in a place where everyone is working hard to be clean and talking about it and here I am high as a kite. Talk a bout a buzz kill! :rotfxko 
No really, I joke but, I do fell bad for showing up there while I am using.
You know, even the thought of quitting scares me. I can't imagine life with out it. The one time I tried I felt like I was loosing my mind and control of my body. It was not fun and that was only one day and a half. I really feel like if the Dr. is going to keep giving them to me then there is no problem and I can continue life as I am. If he cuts me off.... well, I would like to say that I will get help but, I don't know that I would. Sometimes I feel like I would do anything or take anything to supplement. Stupid I know.
No really, I joke but, I do fell bad for showing up there while I am using. You know, even the thought of quitting scares me. I can't imagine life with out it. The one time I tried I felt like I was loosing my mind and control of my body. It was not fun and that was only one day and a half. I really feel like if the Dr. is going to keep giving them to me then there is no problem and I can continue life as I am. If he cuts me off.... well, I would like to say that I will get help but, I don't know that I would. Sometimes I feel like I would do anything or take anything to supplement. Stupid I know.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
