Should I help a friend? I don't know what to do....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: albuquerque, new mexico
Posts: 63
Should I help a friend? I don't know what to do....
I'm only 20 days sober. And when I decided to get sober, or rather the day before I decided to get sober I had it out with a very good friend I've known for over 10 years. We were inseperable, but I couldn't handle her talking about me behind my back and 'calling the kettle black'. I decided to end our friendship. We still interact weekly because of our mutual outing, same shared friends, same softball team, ect. I have heard and seen that she is suffering in her own life, alcohol is a huge factor in that. I feel guilty for not being there for her in her time of need.... The debate I'm fighting in my head is that I don't want to hinder my recovery by giving to others what I must first give myself. That's how I ended up where I am today, an alcoholic.
What should I do? Turn a blind eye? Be the friend that I would want to be there for me if I were her? I don't know what to do?
What should I do? Turn a blind eye? Be the friend that I would want to be there for me if I were her? I don't know what to do?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
It may sound selfish jmf7dd but you're doing the best thing by staying away.
I can;t count the number of times I was pulled back into the maelstrom by friends...
If your friend wants recovery she will find it. It's not your job to find it for her.
In time, you may be able to offer her guidance and advice when you know what you're doing yourself - but for now, stick your own struggle.
D
I can;t count the number of times I was pulled back into the maelstrom by friends...
If your friend wants recovery she will find it. It's not your job to find it for her.
In time, you may be able to offer her guidance and advice when you know what you're doing yourself - but for now, stick your own struggle.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I agree with Dee, right now you need to put all your energy into your own recovery. I hope that somewhere down the road she will come to you for advice. I know when I decided to get well, I went to the only person I know in recovery.
Congrats on 20 days.
Congrats on 20 days.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Some of the best "help" we can be is the shiniest brightest example of how great permanent recovery can be. You can't make her mind up and you can't do the work for her.
Remember that old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. What you can do is make that horse thirsty though......and show it how good the water tastes.
You ARE helping...a lot....already.
Remember that old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. What you can do is make that horse thirsty though......and show it how good the water tastes.
You ARE helping...a lot....already.
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
agreed with those above , and leading by example ... since you are seen in the same circle of friends and places , her seeing your recovery is a good thing , it mite send her to seek help and get some of what you got . I know seeing others around me was a great help in getting what that had . SO stick with what your doing and another thing you can do for her is ( if you do so ) pray that she finds strength to get help for her self ... congrats on your sober time ~ huggles Endzy ~
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