artsoul

I feel for ya, Kim - I always had the worst drinking binges when my kids would leave to go see their dad. Every time I'm alone, the first thing I think of is "time for a drink" - even after almost 90 days! It's just the old habitual thought that is still there, just barely. When I am suddenly alone, there's a kind of (almost physical) reaction of anxiousness, but then after a day or two, I'm very happily getting on with things. I have NO clue what's that all about. Maybe it's just a human response(?) that everyone goes through, alcoholic or not.....

The point is, you're a helluva lot stronger than you think - and you know that you're strong. It's just those emotions can get in our face and blot out all the things that make up feel solid and secure.

I'm probably not doing a thing to be helpful here (!), but I can surely relate to what you're saying. Take those deep breaths and fill them with all the love you have in yourself, your family........ trust that the universe is a safe place and know that we're all with you in spirit. I know you can do this!

Kmber2010

Thank you all so much for the kind words and continued support. I felt much better after I posted and yesterday progressed without a panic attack (yippeee) and anxiety was removed. Slept well and woke up to a bit of anxiety which of course passed.

Did get a message from hubby that he arrived safely which was good but I felt good before that.

I am grateful I am sober and have learned the power of support and the importance of lifestyle changes. I know if I were not sober then this would have been another nightmare that I would have continued.

I love all of the different experience here and suggestions and never am I unhappy or angered by thoughts that my differ from my own. I am like a sponge my friends in early sobriety and I want to improve, evolve and get more grounded as I go along.

I definitely have much to live for in sobriety with my wonderful partner (yes, I am proof that live can start over) and a new baby on the way. I am focusing on not getting stressed or allowing myself to create an imaginary hole.

Don't know if it common to alcoholics but hell before I even had a problem with drinking I was always my own worst enemy/critic. I have a tendency to beat myself up which may have been the open door to self-medicate/punish...awwww who knows.

Getting counseling was huge for me. To stop drinking was one thing but how do I handle stress?

As my counselor puts it to me - Kim these are the facts......You went through a bad divorce.....within 3 months remarried to a military man and left everything you knew to move to Germany.....got sober, got a job and are now pregnant. Those are some heavy changes mentally on anyone but you have to look at the positives.

Friends I am doing that....trying to look at the positives. When I cried that I couldn't take the thought of a miscarriage and that may cause me to relapse....my counselor says yeah? You got pg so you know you can and will do it again if that is the course. Enjoy it and embrace it instead of trying to twist it around to something negative.

If I weren't sober I sure as heck wouldn't be in tune with myself nor would I be able to post this.

I am blessed to have found the courage through my HP, SR and Counseling to get sober.

Huggs to you all for helping me and not judging me. Each of you really do help me because I am new person thanks to sobriety.

Keep it going!!! Kim