Wait for it...Then 'Bank' it.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Wait for it...Then 'Bank' it.
What I find helped me when I was feeling a little 'off' was to think back to the really great days that I had in sobriety. I knew that this bad feeling would pass, as I trusted in the many recovering alcoholics who had gone before me, and inevitably it did.
I would think back to those great 'snippets' of peace of mind, gratitude and contentment with where I was at, and that would help me 'look forward' to once again feeling that again.
Also I accepted that you cant always feel 100% where you want to be. I was/am conscious of the addict in me which always wants to feel like I am at my 'perfect equilibrium' as I phrase it. Basically I view my sobriety and recovery as like a balance that I feel. I know when everything is running perfectly smoothly as I feel content, peaceful and no anxiety. Also my mind is happy to stay in the present moment and not worry overtly about the future or past.
However I also start to recognise when my 'balance' has been knocked off so to speak. I don't like the feelings, it isn't particularly nice. I know what causes this to happen now as I have learned through my previous experiences and similar feelings in sobriety and recovery. However I let the feelings and emotions flow naturally and use all of my 'tools' that I have learned in recovery to get through it and restore my 'perfect equilibrium'.
Basically the key is not giving up too soon. Had I not have worked through my tough times, with a faith in 'recovery' that it would get better, then I would have not have known that sobriety and recovery can be so contented and peaceful. The secret is to embrace and 'Bank' the good hours/days/weeks/months so that you have the evidence that sobriety and recovery works and you know how good you can feel. Then when you are feeling 'off' then you can always think back to how good you felt and what needs to be worked on to get yourself back there again.
Like many things in recovery these are all skills that can be learned and inevitably come with more sober time obtained. Time really is a healer in many ways with recovery providing you 'work' it every day. Whatever that may entail for you personally. As long as you are making positive steps forwards, however tiny they may be, then that is what matters. Never forgetting of course that every single day sober for an alcoholic is an achievement and should be cherished. It is so easy to forget that. I can be guilty of that at times too.
Keep on Keeping on!!
Increase The Peace
I would think back to those great 'snippets' of peace of mind, gratitude and contentment with where I was at, and that would help me 'look forward' to once again feeling that again.
Also I accepted that you cant always feel 100% where you want to be. I was/am conscious of the addict in me which always wants to feel like I am at my 'perfect equilibrium' as I phrase it. Basically I view my sobriety and recovery as like a balance that I feel. I know when everything is running perfectly smoothly as I feel content, peaceful and no anxiety. Also my mind is happy to stay in the present moment and not worry overtly about the future or past.
However I also start to recognise when my 'balance' has been knocked off so to speak. I don't like the feelings, it isn't particularly nice. I know what causes this to happen now as I have learned through my previous experiences and similar feelings in sobriety and recovery. However I let the feelings and emotions flow naturally and use all of my 'tools' that I have learned in recovery to get through it and restore my 'perfect equilibrium'.
Basically the key is not giving up too soon. Had I not have worked through my tough times, with a faith in 'recovery' that it would get better, then I would have not have known that sobriety and recovery can be so contented and peaceful. The secret is to embrace and 'Bank' the good hours/days/weeks/months so that you have the evidence that sobriety and recovery works and you know how good you can feel. Then when you are feeling 'off' then you can always think back to how good you felt and what needs to be worked on to get yourself back there again.
Like many things in recovery these are all skills that can be learned and inevitably come with more sober time obtained. Time really is a healer in many ways with recovery providing you 'work' it every day. Whatever that may entail for you personally. As long as you are making positive steps forwards, however tiny they may be, then that is what matters. Never forgetting of course that every single day sober for an alcoholic is an achievement and should be cherished. It is so easy to forget that. I can be guilty of that at times too.
Keep on Keeping on!!
Increase The Peace
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
I chased the perfect equilibrium for a long time. Every day had to be perfect or else... I railed at the weather when it rained or the dog when it pooped on the rug or my family who just didn't understand me. They had ruined my perfect day. Pretty unhealthy mindset, huh 
The good times help me remember the bad times will pass.
The bad times help me remember the good times are temporary too.
Great post, Neo
The good times help me remember the bad times will pass.
The bad times help me remember the good times are temporary too.
Great post, Neo
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
Thanks for this post neo, yes sometimes especially early days,you gotta tough it out abit, only 3 months in,so early days, but know what your saying regarding getting better at handling things,that could easily throw you off course,and put you back on the booze treadmill..strange like over 2 weeks ago,had a really tough few days, things not going to plan, money probs,vehicle playing up, etc, and in spite of over 2 months in, i felt like i was getting nowhere,or so i thought at the time, in fact it was,nt the case, was making good progress just bogged down for a few days,in mental turmoil, that i worked through,so well able to get to grips with next time round, like you say,those harder moments make the stronger person come through, and lighter times so much sweeter,
cheers..
cheers..
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Great post, Neo! I'm ready for your book to come out......
It doesn't feel good when we're in the middle of the muck, for sure, but knowing that we got through a bad day or week without drinking is priceless, as they say. It's like turning a negative into a positive, thinking "I'm letting myself feel sad or cry today - wow, that's a real milestone!"
Thanks for the post!!
It doesn't feel good when we're in the middle of the muck, for sure, but knowing that we got through a bad day or week without drinking is priceless, as they say. It's like turning a negative into a positive, thinking "I'm letting myself feel sad or cry today - wow, that's a real milestone!"
Thanks for the post!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I've talked to SO many people new to recovery, who figure that something must be "wrong" because they aren't feeling wonderful.
Um, no, actually, nothing IS "wrong". Life is difficult sometimes. WE are difficult sometimes. Other people are difficult sometimes. We just aren't used to it because we are accustomed to numbing out, drinking it away.
It feels very strange, in the beginning, to actually feel feelings. I used to roll my eyes at those posters that say "How are you feeling?" with all the goofy "smilies" showing different emotions. But actually, one of the weird things is that when I stopped drinking, I actually did sometimes have to figure out what exactly it was I was feeling.
And, once I figured it out, then I had to decide whether it was something I couldn't change (and therefore had to accept) or something I could and should do something about. Furthermore, even things that I COULD do something about, sometimes were best left alone for the time being until I was in a better position to deal with it.
For me, not drinking was the easy part. Figuring out what to do with myself and my emotions without my default go-to response was the hard part.
Um, no, actually, nothing IS "wrong". Life is difficult sometimes. WE are difficult sometimes. Other people are difficult sometimes. We just aren't used to it because we are accustomed to numbing out, drinking it away.
It feels very strange, in the beginning, to actually feel feelings. I used to roll my eyes at those posters that say "How are you feeling?" with all the goofy "smilies" showing different emotions. But actually, one of the weird things is that when I stopped drinking, I actually did sometimes have to figure out what exactly it was I was feeling.
And, once I figured it out, then I had to decide whether it was something I couldn't change (and therefore had to accept) or something I could and should do something about. Furthermore, even things that I COULD do something about, sometimes were best left alone for the time being until I was in a better position to deal with it.
For me, not drinking was the easy part. Figuring out what to do with myself and my emotions without my default go-to response was the hard part.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Had a great day yesterday. Felt really back on 'balance' again. Today has been much the same. Just enjoying litening to my music, playing guitar, planning my activities for the next day, driving in my car and generally feeling ever so grateful for being a recovering alcoholic.
I must say that from last Sunday afternoon (where ironically I had been going to further my sobriety/recovery) then my balance was smashed off big-time. I recognised it due to the anxiety and restless feeling that I was feeling in my mind. I managed to keep it at bay during the week, using my 'tools' that I have gained in recovery. Also using all of the memories and many great days of sobriety than I had put in the memory 'bank'. That kept me pushing forward and I was able to identify why I was feeling like I was.
A decision needed to be firmly made and I made it after talking it over. As I knew would happen I immediately felt better and my 'perfect equilibrium' was restored. I am perfectly happy to stay in the day now and wait for what ever is around the corner to show its hand. I made sure that I stored all of this experience firmly in my recovery 'bank'. I like feeling peace and love.
Increase The peace
I must say that from last Sunday afternoon (where ironically I had been going to further my sobriety/recovery) then my balance was smashed off big-time. I recognised it due to the anxiety and restless feeling that I was feeling in my mind. I managed to keep it at bay during the week, using my 'tools' that I have gained in recovery. Also using all of the memories and many great days of sobriety than I had put in the memory 'bank'. That kept me pushing forward and I was able to identify why I was feeling like I was.
A decision needed to be firmly made and I made it after talking it over. As I knew would happen I immediately felt better and my 'perfect equilibrium' was restored. I am perfectly happy to stay in the day now and wait for what ever is around the corner to show its hand. I made sure that I stored all of this experience firmly in my recovery 'bank'. I like feeling peace and love.
Increase The peace
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Thanks, Neo. I agree; when I start feeling down, I just think of the other times I felt down and then came out of it. With those experiences behind me, I have evidence to show me that things will get better. If I came through the bad times at one point, I can certainly do so again. Thanks for sharing that with us.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,507
Neo - I think I'll start a journal to record the moments you spoke of. I wish so much I'd started one when I first got sober, but writing stuff down was the last thing on my mind back then. It would've been so helpful, to look back & see myself stumble and crawl - then stand up & start walking forward.
"Basically the key is not giving up too soon" - such valuable information for the newcomer. So difficult to convey that things will get better & the terrible anxiety will leave them. Thank you, Neo for another insightful thread. I'm so glad to be on this journey with you.
"Basically the key is not giving up too soon" - such valuable information for the newcomer. So difficult to convey that things will get better & the terrible anxiety will leave them. Thank you, Neo for another insightful thread. I'm so glad to be on this journey with you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
In life I think we are standing on a ball. At times we are perfectly balanced but most of the time we are working on getting back there. If life was easy then...(insert your own profound words)..
Being sober and in recovery is all about pain and gain. We gain as we pain and we pain as we gain.. I throw myself into serving others in one way or another. I swear at 18 years sober I still am shocked of how much it helps instead of just sitting watching TV.
My own mind/fears are the worst things in my life. Even today sometimes that mind just wonders and I swear 95% of the things I would worry about never come true....
It is when I focus on serving and God with acceptance is key today. When those are aligned then I have my eyes closed perfectlly balanced standing on a ball.
AG
Being sober and in recovery is all about pain and gain. We gain as we pain and we pain as we gain.. I throw myself into serving others in one way or another. I swear at 18 years sober I still am shocked of how much it helps instead of just sitting watching TV.
My own mind/fears are the worst things in my life. Even today sometimes that mind just wonders and I swear 95% of the things I would worry about never come true....
It is when I focus on serving and God with acceptance is key today. When those are aligned then I have my eyes closed perfectlly balanced standing on a ball.
AG
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing 
In life I think we are standing on a ball. At times we are perfectly balanced but most of the time we are working on getting back there. If life was easy then...(insert your own profound words)..
Being sober and in recovery is all about pain and gain. We gain as we pain and we pain as we gain.. I throw myself into serving others in one way or another. I swear at 18 years sober I still am shocked of how much it helps instead of just sitting watching TV.
My own mind/fears are the worst things in my life. Even today sometimes that mind just wonders and I swear 95% of the things I would worry about never come true....
It is when I focus on serving and God with acceptance is key today. When those are aligned then I have my eyes closed perfectlly balanced standing on a ball.
AG
Being sober and in recovery is all about pain and gain. We gain as we pain and we pain as we gain.. I throw myself into serving others in one way or another. I swear at 18 years sober I still am shocked of how much it helps instead of just sitting watching TV.
My own mind/fears are the worst things in my life. Even today sometimes that mind just wonders and I swear 95% of the things I would worry about never come true....
It is when I focus on serving and God with acceptance is key today. When those are aligned then I have my eyes closed perfectlly balanced standing on a ball.
AG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Just got back from the Cinema. How does this relate to my recovery you may ask? Well basically this is the first time I have been to the cinema in around 13 years. I think the last time I went I was 11 years old.
The cinema was somewhere that I just couldn't get enthralled about. 2 hours sitting down with no booze. I just couldn't see the appeal of doing a recreational activity if it didn't involve getting wrecked in the process. This applied for every other activity too.
I realise that the obsession to drink alcohol is such a powerfull thing and something which takes time to be fully removed to a point where I can look forward to a 'normal' activity and look forward to it and embrace it for what it is. Without being depressed that I can't get loaded or thinking that the experience is boring and not worth bothering with because I can't increase the experience through drink and drugs.
I can say that I am contented with accepting experiences/activites for what they are now, rather than trying to search for 'something' extra through drink and drugs.
I always used to feel like something was 'missing'. So the only activity that I would look forward to and actually participate in was locking myself away and drinking and drugging myself into oblivion. It's kinda hard to explain what I'm feeling and these are all 'normal' things that most people take for granted but for me all of these 'normal' activities are a sign of real progress. I know that I would have never have gone to the cinema today and made some happy memories to put into the memory 'bank'. I am grateful for this and it's purely a result of staying sober and in recovery 'one day at a time' that have enabled me to get my life back.
I am glad that I had all of my experinces on drink and drugs but I feel contented with where I'm at now and that I am grateful for having the oppurtunity to be able to be 'free' from my chemical addictions.
Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.
peace
The cinema was somewhere that I just couldn't get enthralled about. 2 hours sitting down with no booze. I just couldn't see the appeal of doing a recreational activity if it didn't involve getting wrecked in the process. This applied for every other activity too.
I realise that the obsession to drink alcohol is such a powerfull thing and something which takes time to be fully removed to a point where I can look forward to a 'normal' activity and look forward to it and embrace it for what it is. Without being depressed that I can't get loaded or thinking that the experience is boring and not worth bothering with because I can't increase the experience through drink and drugs.
I can say that I am contented with accepting experiences/activites for what they are now, rather than trying to search for 'something' extra through drink and drugs.
I always used to feel like something was 'missing'. So the only activity that I would look forward to and actually participate in was locking myself away and drinking and drugging myself into oblivion. It's kinda hard to explain what I'm feeling and these are all 'normal' things that most people take for granted but for me all of these 'normal' activities are a sign of real progress. I know that I would have never have gone to the cinema today and made some happy memories to put into the memory 'bank'. I am grateful for this and it's purely a result of staying sober and in recovery 'one day at a time' that have enabled me to get my life back.
I am glad that I had all of my experinces on drink and drugs but I feel contented with where I'm at now and that I am grateful for having the oppurtunity to be able to be 'free' from my chemical addictions.
Grateful to be a recovering alcoholic.
peace
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