26 and I'm sick of being "that drunk"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 6
26 and I'm sick of being "that drunk"
I have been drinking since I was around 15. My friends and I used to buy 40s of Old English, and sneak into graveyards, and drink and smoke. I drank throughout high school, and then college years.
About 3 years ago I started drinking to the point of blacking out. I lost my ability to quit drinking ( I would drink and drink and drink until I was trashed.)
I don't have the best stomach, and I have hurled in places I wouldn't have wanted to. Drinking has ruined a few jobs of mine, in addition to really taking money out of my pocket at my commission job.
On hungover days, I am no good the entire day.
In 2005 I started having panic attacks and depression. I went on antidepressants and Xanax and turned into an alcoholic xanax head. I got a DUI.
I have done so many stupid and disgusting things that I can't say here.
Although I am of the age when most of my friends on facebook are also alcoholics (whether they know it or not,) I know I need to quit now before it negatively affects my health.
I just don't know how to pass my trigger points. I drink when I'm bored, when I'm stressed, when I'm lonely, when I want to celebrate. I don't even know a normal adult life without alcohol, as I was a teenager when I started.
When I don't drink I sit home, bored, as if I'm missing the world. My sister, an alcoholic, killed herself 10 years ago, and I don't want to follow in her footsteps.
What to do?
About 3 years ago I started drinking to the point of blacking out. I lost my ability to quit drinking ( I would drink and drink and drink until I was trashed.)
I don't have the best stomach, and I have hurled in places I wouldn't have wanted to. Drinking has ruined a few jobs of mine, in addition to really taking money out of my pocket at my commission job.
On hungover days, I am no good the entire day.
In 2005 I started having panic attacks and depression. I went on antidepressants and Xanax and turned into an alcoholic xanax head. I got a DUI.
I have done so many stupid and disgusting things that I can't say here.
Although I am of the age when most of my friends on facebook are also alcoholics (whether they know it or not,) I know I need to quit now before it negatively affects my health.
I just don't know how to pass my trigger points. I drink when I'm bored, when I'm stressed, when I'm lonely, when I want to celebrate. I don't even know a normal adult life without alcohol, as I was a teenager when I started.
When I don't drink I sit home, bored, as if I'm missing the world. My sister, an alcoholic, killed herself 10 years ago, and I don't want to follow in her footsteps.
What to do?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I'm very sorry about the loss of your sister.
Welcome!
I think what you are realizing, is that recovery involves a lot of changes. I had to change many things in my life to make it work. I avoided the wine/beer aisle in the supermarket for a long time. I took a different route home from work. I started going out for long walks after supper, which was a huge trigger time for me. I got involved in volunteer work in my community, which was the best thing I could have done. It got me outside of myself and doing something for the greater good. I also had to remove a couple of people from my life.
There is no need to sit at home and feel bored. Are you interested in sports, music? Whatever your interest might be, take a look around and see what you can do to enjoy yourself.
Welcome!
I think what you are realizing, is that recovery involves a lot of changes. I had to change many things in my life to make it work. I avoided the wine/beer aisle in the supermarket for a long time. I took a different route home from work. I started going out for long walks after supper, which was a huge trigger time for me. I got involved in volunteer work in my community, which was the best thing I could have done. It got me outside of myself and doing something for the greater good. I also had to remove a couple of people from my life.
There is no need to sit at home and feel bored. Are you interested in sports, music? Whatever your interest might be, take a look around and see what you can do to enjoy yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Hey there and welcome!
Your story is fairly similar to mine....I gave up at 27 after 10 years of pretty hard drinking - and justified my drinking because everyone else was doing it. I drank most of the time because I couldnt see a good reason not to. It was never a question of why, more why not! Life doesnt always seem better, sober....but its certainly more manageable....there are times I miss drinking but like someone else wisely said on another thread....ive never woken up in the morning wishing I got drunk the night before.
I would safely assume 90% of us on here have done horrible stuff we wouldnt like to mention to anyone.....youre certainly not alone.
A book called "getting sober" really helped me through the first 30 days.
Your story is fairly similar to mine....I gave up at 27 after 10 years of pretty hard drinking - and justified my drinking because everyone else was doing it. I drank most of the time because I couldnt see a good reason not to. It was never a question of why, more why not! Life doesnt always seem better, sober....but its certainly more manageable....there are times I miss drinking but like someone else wisely said on another thread....ive never woken up in the morning wishing I got drunk the night before.
I would safely assume 90% of us on here have done horrible stuff we wouldnt like to mention to anyone.....youre certainly not alone.
A book called "getting sober" really helped me through the first 30 days.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 275
Just try being sober, and read here on SR as much as you can to see just how many others are in the same boat with you and how helpful it is to read ther experiences. You will find not drinking isn't as impossible or strange as you might think...its great, just requires a lot of hard work and goal setting. The first week or so is challenging and it's verrrry easy to say screw this I like drunk better, but if you can get past the first week or so you will start to feel some really wonderful things again, self respect being my favorite.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi JSD
I was sick of being that guy too. I didn't want to die like 'that'
The way I started was taking it a day at a time. Make a commitment not to drink just for today....repeat as necessary the next day.
If you find you have trouble doing that, and most of us do, you'll find a lot of help and support here.
Anna and Ainslie make some good points
Here are some links to some of the main recovery programmes too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
I was sick of being that guy too. I didn't want to die like 'that'
The way I started was taking it a day at a time. Make a commitment not to drink just for today....repeat as necessary the next day.
If you find you have trouble doing that, and most of us do, you'll find a lot of help and support here.
Anna and Ainslie make some good points
Here are some links to some of the main recovery programmes too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Welcome to our recovery family! I hope we can be as helpful to you as this site has been to me. You don't have to be 'that drunk' any longer. The first week can be rough but it does get better. Medical supervision is always a good idea as w/d can be dangerous if not just annoying and uncomfortable. Sometimes meds can be given for a few days to get past the anxiety and crappy feelings.
So again, welcome!
I hope we can be as helpful to you as this site has been to me. You don't have to be 'that drunk' any longer. The first week can be rough but it does get better. Medical supervision is always a good idea as w/d can be dangerous if not just annoying and uncomfortable. Sometimes meds can be given for a few days to get past the anxiety and crappy feelings.So again, welcome!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: chico, ca
Posts: 321
Welcome and if you find you can't just stop drinking, there are many different avenues. AA is what worked for me, but that's not the only one. Thinking about it and nothing else didn't work for me. Seek and yee shall find. God Bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 6
Thank you guys very much for your encouraging words.
After putting in text what I did above, and omitting all I omitted (which was a lot... ) I realize how much it has affected my life.
I don't think I have to worry about withdrawal. I'm not a morning drinker.. I don't drink at work, and I don't drink during the day.
I'm a Fri/Sat night drinker with the occasional happy hour on Tuesday.
When I was a kid, I didn't have extracurricular activities, which I think is my problem now. I was never really into playing sports (too much effort lol.) I just liked to "hang" with people. Loneliness I think is my problem. I have to be around people all the time.
I'll take the next week and read the other posts now. Thanks for the welcomes!
After putting in text what I did above, and omitting all I omitted (which was a lot... ) I realize how much it has affected my life.
I don't think I have to worry about withdrawal. I'm not a morning drinker.. I don't drink at work, and I don't drink during the day.
I'm a Fri/Sat night drinker with the occasional happy hour on Tuesday.
When I was a kid, I didn't have extracurricular activities, which I think is my problem now. I was never really into playing sports (too much effort lol.) I just liked to "hang" with people. Loneliness I think is my problem. I have to be around people all the time.
I'll take the next week and read the other posts now. Thanks for the welcomes!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Here There & Everywhere
Posts: 153
Welcome JSD!
I didn't drink in the mornings, or during the day, or at work either... Still went through a nasty detox period. Not probably one of the worst, but it was bad for me and I was alone. Just keep that in mind.
All of us here on SR look forward to helping you out whenever you need it. You are in a good place.
Take care and be strong!
All of us here on SR look forward to helping you out whenever you need it. You are in a good place.
Take care and be strong!
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
Jsd, welcome to SR. I'm 29 and have experienced many of the same things as you. Drinking throughout high school, then college, then hitting the blackout stage. Losing jobs, ruining relationships, general embarrassment, DUI, all kinds of ridiculous nonsense I won't bore you with. For a long time these signs were there, along with other people telling me I should quit. But all I really worked on was hiding it better.
Till I got locked up one night, which led to the "experience" that began my recovery. Very long story made awfully short, the next day, I absolutely knew I had to stop drinking. So I headed straight for an AA meeting. It was close, it was free, and I figured some ex-drunks might have a thing or 2 to tell me. I had been to AA when I was 25, and decided it wasn't my thing. But this time, it wasn't like I "decided" to go to AA; looking back, it's almost like something else led me there, because I certainly would never have made the decision to go back to AA. But I found myself at a meeting, and it's helped me a lot.
I also came to this site that very night (after 4 AA meetings on Day 1). I found it while searching "alcoholism" or something. If you want some first-hand evidence, I've come here almost daily since Day 1, a lot more consistently than I attend meetings, and today I've been 4 months without a drop of booze. I don't post every night; sometimes I just drop by for a second to read up on how people are doing and what they're going through. Kinda like AA meetings; I don't always talk, but I do always listen, and there's usually something that helps me. By reading about the experiences of other people and the struggles and joys they're going through, I gain strength in my life. And I gain even more by helping other people.
Newcomers are special; they are the new blood that keeps things going. The newcomers learn from those who have been here for a while, and in turn they pass along knowledge as they grow in their recovery. Many people introduce themselves, and disappear just as fast. But there's strength in proof that something works, and there's lots of really good people here that can prove to you that SR has helped them stay off alcohol. I sincerely hope you'll hang around for a while.
As for what to do other than drinking? Heck if I know. Pick up a hobby you left behind when you started drinking. Play video games. Build a bookcase. Learn to throw a curveball. Catch up on politics. Read comic books. Put together a puzzle. Go see a movie. Watch a baseball game. Take up acoustic guitar. Cook exotic new dishes. Reconnect with old friends. Collect rare 18th-century doll clothing. Do just about anything you want, as long as it doesn't include drinking. I try not to let my alcoholism define me. I don't really go to bars, because that's all about drinking, but I pretty much do everything else in my life that I liked to do when I was drinking, plus some new stuff since I have more time and money.
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you'll stay a while. Lots of really cool people here with a wealth of knowledge, experience, hope, spirit...all kinds of neat stuff.
Till I got locked up one night, which led to the "experience" that began my recovery. Very long story made awfully short, the next day, I absolutely knew I had to stop drinking. So I headed straight for an AA meeting. It was close, it was free, and I figured some ex-drunks might have a thing or 2 to tell me. I had been to AA when I was 25, and decided it wasn't my thing. But this time, it wasn't like I "decided" to go to AA; looking back, it's almost like something else led me there, because I certainly would never have made the decision to go back to AA. But I found myself at a meeting, and it's helped me a lot.
I also came to this site that very night (after 4 AA meetings on Day 1). I found it while searching "alcoholism" or something. If you want some first-hand evidence, I've come here almost daily since Day 1, a lot more consistently than I attend meetings, and today I've been 4 months without a drop of booze. I don't post every night; sometimes I just drop by for a second to read up on how people are doing and what they're going through. Kinda like AA meetings; I don't always talk, but I do always listen, and there's usually something that helps me. By reading about the experiences of other people and the struggles and joys they're going through, I gain strength in my life. And I gain even more by helping other people.
Newcomers are special; they are the new blood that keeps things going. The newcomers learn from those who have been here for a while, and in turn they pass along knowledge as they grow in their recovery. Many people introduce themselves, and disappear just as fast. But there's strength in proof that something works, and there's lots of really good people here that can prove to you that SR has helped them stay off alcohol. I sincerely hope you'll hang around for a while.
As for what to do other than drinking? Heck if I know. Pick up a hobby you left behind when you started drinking. Play video games. Build a bookcase. Learn to throw a curveball. Catch up on politics. Read comic books. Put together a puzzle. Go see a movie. Watch a baseball game. Take up acoustic guitar. Cook exotic new dishes. Reconnect with old friends. Collect rare 18th-century doll clothing. Do just about anything you want, as long as it doesn't include drinking. I try not to let my alcoholism define me. I don't really go to bars, because that's all about drinking, but I pretty much do everything else in my life that I liked to do when I was drinking, plus some new stuff since I have more time and money.
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you'll stay a while. Lots of really cool people here with a wealth of knowledge, experience, hope, spirit...all kinds of neat stuff.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 5
Love it
Originally Posted by Ainslie 
ive never woken up in the morning wishing I got drunk the night before.
Servant of God
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Parts Unknown
Posts: 214
Hold on this feeling of desperation. You will need to recall it someday. Make a record of how terrible you feel at this moment, what brought you here.
You may find yourself free of alcohol for a while and may start to say to yourself "it wasn't that bad, was it? Maybe I can try again?"
You are going to do what you need to do to get to where you belong in life. Just trying to give you my best tip. Don't ever forget the low and how you got there.
You may find yourself free of alcohol for a while and may start to say to yourself "it wasn't that bad, was it? Maybe I can try again?"
You are going to do what you need to do to get to where you belong in life. Just trying to give you my best tip. Don't ever forget the low and how you got there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 5
Hi Dee,
I've been doing good, thanks. Haven't really been posting a lot, just "lurking" and reading posts. Lots of good stuff here. Just over 7 months sober now, struggling a little bit with other stuff, but I'll make a new thread for that. Overall doing okay. :-)
I've been doing good, thanks. Haven't really been posting a lot, just "lurking" and reading posts. Lots of good stuff here. Just over 7 months sober now, struggling a little bit with other stuff, but I'll make a new thread for that. Overall doing okay. :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome Jsd. Glad you found us.
I started drinking young, too. We had awesome parties at the train tressels that even the cops would say "keep it quiet and clean it up" because there were so many kids they were stunned. LOL Great times. Those great times turned into a life long career of drinking up till the age I hit 47. I've been sober over 90 days already. What a long life.
Glad you can make an early decision. There are alot of things you can do to stay out of trouble. My kids just turned me on to Angry Birds. I'm addicted and play every night before going to sleep. LOL Most of my time is spent here...keeping my head in the right place. Just started a new job and am busy with that...you'll find your way. And even if you aren't sure what you want -you know what you don't want.
I am so sorry to hear what happened to your sister. That is devastating.
I started drinking young, too. We had awesome parties at the train tressels that even the cops would say "keep it quiet and clean it up" because there were so many kids they were stunned. LOL Great times. Those great times turned into a life long career of drinking up till the age I hit 47. I've been sober over 90 days already. What a long life.
Glad you can make an early decision. There are alot of things you can do to stay out of trouble. My kids just turned me on to Angry Birds. I'm addicted and play every night before going to sleep. LOL Most of my time is spent here...keeping my head in the right place. Just started a new job and am busy with that...you'll find your way. And even if you aren't sure what you want -you know what you don't want.
I am so sorry to hear what happened to your sister. That is devastating.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1
I get it
So I also hate myself. I am way too ******* intelligent for this. I actually did AA for two weeks and I was fine....I thought I didn't need it, but something about it helped. The Priblem is my hubby is a 13 year recovering addict and he goes to all the meetings I go to. So if I go and then decide I can do it in moderation ( yeah right) I will end up divorced. I love my hubby so much but don't want to risk it. Someone help with my logic. I just keep thinking I can control it......... But the fact that I am on here means I can't. I just can't live without getting high at least once in a while.
Originally Posted by Jsd8675
I have been drinking since I was around 15. My friends and I used to buy 40s of Old English, and sneak into graveyards, and drink and smoke. I drank throughout high school, and then college years.
About 3 years ago I started drinking to the point of blacking out. I lost my ability to quit drinking ( I would drink and drink and drink until I was trashed.)
I don't have the best stomach, and I have hurled in places I wouldn't have wanted to. Drinking has ruined a few jobs of mine, in addition to really taking money out of my pocket at my commission job.
On hungover days, I am no good the entire day.
In 2005 I started having panic attacks and depression. I went on antidepressants and Xanax and turned into an alcoholic xanax head. I got a DUI.
I have done so many stupid and disgusting things that I can't say here.
Although I am of the age when most of my friends on facebook are also alcoholics (whether they know it or not,) I know I need to quit now before it negatively affects my health.
I just don't know how to pass my trigger points. I drink when I'm bored, when I'm stressed, when I'm lonely, when I want to celebrate. I don't even know a normal adult life without alcohol, as I was a teenager when I started.
When I don't drink I sit home, bored, as if I'm missing the world. My sister, an alcoholic, killed herself 10 years ago, and I don't want to follow in her footsteps.
What to do?
About 3 years ago I started drinking to the point of blacking out. I lost my ability to quit drinking ( I would drink and drink and drink until I was trashed.)
I don't have the best stomach, and I have hurled in places I wouldn't have wanted to. Drinking has ruined a few jobs of mine, in addition to really taking money out of my pocket at my commission job.
On hungover days, I am no good the entire day.
In 2005 I started having panic attacks and depression. I went on antidepressants and Xanax and turned into an alcoholic xanax head. I got a DUI.
I have done so many stupid and disgusting things that I can't say here.
Although I am of the age when most of my friends on facebook are also alcoholics (whether they know it or not,) I know I need to quit now before it negatively affects my health.
I just don't know how to pass my trigger points. I drink when I'm bored, when I'm stressed, when I'm lonely, when I want to celebrate. I don't even know a normal adult life without alcohol, as I was a teenager when I started.
When I don't drink I sit home, bored, as if I'm missing the world. My sister, an alcoholic, killed herself 10 years ago, and I don't want to follow in her footsteps.
What to do?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi and welcome Amy
if your marriage did depend on you drinking, it's probably in trouble anyway.
I think you'll find that in most cases though, that's an ungrounded fear
There are lots of folks here who live with drinking or unsupportive spouses - it's hard, but not a dealbreaker - you'll always find support here
I'm glad you've found us
D
if your marriage did depend on you drinking, it's probably in trouble anyway.
I think you'll find that in most cases though, that's an ungrounded fear
There are lots of folks here who live with drinking or unsupportive spouses - it's hard, but not a dealbreaker - you'll always find support here
I'm glad you've found us
D
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