Cocteau

Hi,

I'm 38 years old and have been drinking since I was 12. I started with my friends, drinking on weekend nights. At the time I also did a lot of drugs (though luckily by my early 20s, I stopped using drugs). My drinking has been pretty consistent throughout my life, mostly on the weekends though sometimes during the week if I'm dealing with a lot of stress.

I frequently go all week not drinking - and even despising drinking - and then Friday night comes and suddenly the urge to drink is overwhelming. This leads to getting drunk on Friday night, being hungover on Saturday which leads to drinking again that night, being hungover on Sunday, and though I used to not drink on Sundays, now I'll often drink Sunday night again. It then can take me days until I get over depression of drinking - and then it starts over again the next weekend. After 26 years of drinking, it feels like I must get drunk on weekend nights; in my youth, that defined a fun night.

Like most people, I've done stupid things while drunk. Thank GOD that I've never gotten a DUI, arrested, lost a job, etc. But I do stupid things like saying or doing things I regret; for example, last night I got drunk (I had off today, making it the "weekend" for me) and sent my boss a nasty email. Everything I wrote at the time was honest and truthful, but maybe they were things I shouldn't have said; now I'm afraid of his reaction. I've generally learned my lesson many times to never send emails, go on Facebook, or chat online while drunk - but last night I let my defenses down. Also, I feel like I've lost most of my friends because they're tired of being around me when I'm drunk; it's not that I'm a mean drunk, rather I'm a happy drunk, but people don't like to be around a drunk unless they are one themselves.

I'm married with one child, and as you can imagine my wife doesn't like my drinking. And we all know the impact of drinking on a marriage.

I've been wanting to quit drinking for years and have tried various approaches. I've been successful for six months or so at a time, but then I come back to it, probably because I fool myself into thinking that drinking on the weekends isn't too bad of a problem. Lately, I haven't been able to even stop for more than a week; every weekend, I get drunk again.

I'm looking for a way to quit, but I'm not very interested in AA. I attended a few meetings years ago and just couldn't click with it. Also, I've read a lot about Rational Recovery and watched the videos, and would tend to agree with most of their objections to AA. With that said, I'm considering giving AA another try though I'm not hopeful. I'm also wanting to try hypnosis since it helped me to quit smoking.

Does anyone have other methods they could recommend to stop drinking?

P.S. I have a secret clearance and one of the questions on the application is "Have you ever sought treatment for alcohol or drug abuse?" This has made me fearful of getting help for my drinking - but now I realize that stopping drinking is more important that any clearance or job. The irony of it is that I know so many people with their clearance who are clearly alcoholics but never seek treatment because they don't want to lose their clearance; what would the government prefer, a former alcoholic or a current alcoholic afraid to get treatment?

Thanks,

Cocteau

intention

Hi Cocteau and welcome to SR.

I don't think anyone goes to AA because they want to, so you are not alone in thinking that AA is not for you. I believe those who go into AA and work the 12 step program of recovery do so because they have exhausted all other options.

There are other ways to get sober and recover which work for some people but for me, and many like me, only having a spiritual awakening from working the 12 steps got me recovered. I recovered because it (the spiritual awakening) removed my obsession to drink, so now staying sober is easy, providing I continue to maintain my spiritual condition. Before it was always a battle to stay off the booze - which I lost time and time again.

Whatever you choose to do, know that AA will always welcome you. I have just got home from a meeting and to hear the gratitude in the rooms from a group of alcoholics to the program and the meetings of AA, is incredibly uplifting.

Good luck.

least

If you have a regular doctor I'd ask him/her for help in quitting. Or an outpatient program you could go to for help in getting and staying sober. Whatever method/program you choose, work it like you life depends on it - cause it does!

I use a combination of some AA meetings, weekly counseling with an addiction specialist, and this site. It's working for me.

Welcome to the SR family. You're smart to want to stop drinking before something really bad happens to stop you.

loveon2legs

Hi Cocteau and Welcome to SR...
Wow, your story sounded so familiar to me..could have wrote it myself!! There really are no hard and fast rules to stop drinking..I do however think you have to want it with all your heart and soul....before I became sober 6months ago I tried stopping or "controlling" my drinking for years...never worked...no amount of alcohol is safe for me...I began my drinking career at the age of 13, so it has been a huge part of my life too..and like u said the weekends were the fun drinkin' times...then they just stopped being fun..and the weekend drinking would roll over to weekdays..i couldn't draw the line in the sand.... I haven't been to AA or done any counselling, I read alot of recovery books,and spend alot of time in nature and by the water, and I journal...so far it's working for me...So maybe just sit with yourself for abit and find out where it is you want to go, and how you will go about doing it..... the answer is there.... you just have to listen...
all the best my friend... xo

jamdls

Hi Cocteau, welcome to SR. AA meetings weren't for me either, but the basic concept of the 12 steps is what got me sober and continues to keep me sober. I drank for the better part of 30 yrs and had no desire to stop, until I almost suceeded in killing myself. Accepting that I was an alcoholic or problem drinker or whatever was the first step towards my freedom. Listening to and/or reading the stories of others with alcohol problems made me take a very hard look at myself as I too often saw myself in their stories and I didn't like what I saw. You have to want to stop for yourself you have to commit to yourself. Read and post here on SR, read any alcoholic related literature you can, pray if you believe.

Balou

to our dysfunctional family
AA is not for everyone, however, I know some people that hated it for years and at some point surrendered to it and became sober. There are other options like coming on this website. I go to NA and I felt at home the minute I stepped in the door. You are moving in the right direction, you are at a crossroad, which way are you going to go???
Good Luck

"Every waking moment is a chance to turn it all around"

Draciack

Hi Cocteau,

Here is a link to some recovery programs: Recovery Programs and Resources Information

I use a blend of SR, AA, SMART, and CBT.

Welcome to SR

Dee74

Hi cocteau

Lots of good advice here - I'll simply add my welcome
I agree with you on the clearance thing too

D

Anna

Well, I definitely needed a spiritual awakening in order to recover, but I am not an AA person. I used a few great books and after a few years of recovery, I found SR and I have been here for years. I find so much inspiration and hope here.

For me, the bottom line has been balance. I was obsessed with alcohol and I have found balance to be crucial for me. I work on my recovery every day. I do something to help myself physically, mentally and spiritually every day.

Whatever method of recovery you decide to use, SR is always here for you.

LaFemme

Hi! I used to live in DC and know a lot of people whose livelihoods depend on clearance so I feel your pain.

I'm no expert, but I believe with all my heart that this time I am sober forever. The difference for me is that I have done a lot of work on myself these past few years. I have always been a deeply spiritual person, which might be why I have no inclination towards AA. I have read dozens of books on recovery, books using meditation, positive thinking, diet, nutrition and a book called the easy way to stop drinking. Those books, combined with a great deal of personal work, Gods love and help and finding SR, are the tools that will keep me sober this time.

Good luck!

LifeIs

The most important thing is to want to stop drinking and to stop. I didn't do too well with AA, but the group helped me a lot in the beginning. There are other options and you will find many suggestions on this forum. Go with what fits you best. Read, read, read, so much to learn from others on SR.
Stay sober and be strong!

DayTrader

I've grown to love AA but, at first, that wasn't the case. I had been forced into alateen meetings when I was young and hated it then so I (thought) I knew what was in store for me when I hit the "big boy meetings" as an adult.

The fellowship of AA is based upon a common problem - alcoholism and, more importantly (to the group) - a common solution. That solution is based upon the belief that we could NOT stop drinking and/or could not stay stopped. We needed power that we weren't able to muster up on our own. We get that power from each of our own personal God's of our own understanding. The steps are designed to help us recognize our predicament, go searching for some sort of power greater than ourselves (which, for many, is just "the aa group" at first), learning to ask that power for help, getting rid of the selfishness and self-centeredness in our lives, making amends, and helping others (to do what we did to recover).

Any other program of recovery is fine. If they work for you - have at 'em. Everyone in AA seems like a big cheerleader because they tried everything they could think of but the ability to stop wasn't there. AA's kinda like the last house on the block. Nobody wants to have to go that far down the street BUT.....for those that do.....they realize that house is wayyyyyyyyy cooler than they thought it'd be. It's hard not to jump up and down and get excited about something that works so well in spite of most of us not believing it would work (at first).

Good luck to you. You've already taken a huuuuuuuuuuuuge step in recovery: looking at, admitting, and talking about your problem.

endzoner

Welcome to the SR family .. were glad your here ..

Many have attempted to try AA most wernt ready for it .. perhaps another attempt mite be the answer .. definatly canthurt to give it another try .
As for the clearence job .. thats a tuff situation .. but in todays world with the things the way there are its a catch 22 .. do you seek treament and possibley loose the job ( uncertain you will ) or do you stay the way you are and screw up something and get say a dwi and loose your job for not giving recovery a true hearted attempt .
your story like many others was written outta a chapter in my life .. I was like you a weekend drinker living and workin for the weekend to enjoy it and then feel like you wasted the entire few days for nuttin other then a brief recall of the stupid things I did or said . Im sober now nearly 7 yrs and I can honnestly say I dont miss those weekend drinkin events in a bar where you really dont get to honnestly know a person for who they really are , other then a drunk like myself .. Its way better to be doing something other then sitting in a bar meeting ppl like that , Now I enjoy other things on the weekends so much to do at times I cant decide ! and notta thing involves sitting inside on a chair pouring back cold ones .. I hope you give AA or any other recovery program a real 100% effort .. for you and your family .. Im sure they would love to see the real you back and enjoying there company verses those of a bar .. ~ huggles Endzy ~

LexieCat

I always thought AA was great--for other people. I resisted it for a long time because I was sure I could "get a handle on" my drinking--I was a smart person, surely this isn't rocket science.

Well, the deal is, I finally figured out the only way for me to recover was to STOP drinking, entirely, for good. AA isn't the only way to do that, but the support system is hard to beat--there are meetings anytime you want/need one. I started out by going to 90 meetings in 90 days, with the mental proviso that if that didn't work I would look into formal treatment. 90 in 90 worked well for me--like rehab or formal treatment, it gets you immersed in recovery right away. It also disrupts your normal drinking routine--gives you a place to be and something to do when you would normally be drinking.

I supplement my AA with readings and discussions about other approaches, including Buddhist recovery techniques--which mesh surprisingly well with 12-step recovery. Just an FYI, though I know many people who have recovered without AA, I've NEVER heard of hypnosis working. As difficult as it is to quit smoking, drinking works differently.

Keep an open mind, and you might be surprised at what does help.

mercurial me

Everyone has their own motivation to quit drinking. I don't have any magic answers but focusing on your own reasons to quit drinking may be a start.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community....