Friends who drink heavily and watching them
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: texas
Posts: 64
Friends who drink heavily and watching them
Im having a rough time right now. Im 21 days sober for the first time in maybe like 15 years. Im glad for making it this far. Last night I went out to hang with some friends and play dominos up at a bar.
My friends drank and I somehow behaved by drinking diet coke all night. After awhile the majority of them decided to go venture around and do shots everywhere at various other bars. They all were smiling, getting drunk, having fun and I sat there pretty miserable.
My question .. does it ever get easier? I'm so worried I'm gonna reach that point where I say screw it and go right back to where I was.
My friends drank and I somehow behaved by drinking diet coke all night. After awhile the majority of them decided to go venture around and do shots everywhere at various other bars. They all were smiling, getting drunk, having fun and I sat there pretty miserable.
My question .. does it ever get easier? I'm so worried I'm gonna reach that point where I say screw it and go right back to where I was.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 64
I'm only on 27 so not exactly speaking from experience but yes I think it does get easier. For now though you might not want to put yourself in situations that make you feel miserable. Yesterday I met my SO after work–it was a gorgeous summer Thursday evening and one month ago getting a drink would have been a no-brainer. He was like, "do you mind if we go for drinks?" (implying that i would get a non-alcoholic drink while he got an alcoholic one) and I was like "actually yes I do mind. Let's get dinner instead." So we went and got food and he had some drinks with dinner that didn't bother me at all but sitting across from him and having Diet Coke while he had whatever would have been unnecessary torture.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Yes, it does get easier. Once you have more sober time under your belt and are more comfortable in sobriety I don't think you'll feel so miserable and 'out of it'. I have a different perspective however cause I did most of my drinking at home alone so didn't have the bar scene to contend with.
If it's hard to watch your friends 'having fun' drinking maybe it would be best to avoid the bar scene for a while.
If it's hard to watch your friends 'having fun' drinking maybe it would be best to avoid the bar scene for a while.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: texas
Posts: 64
Well whats weird is they go out act like getting smashed is going to be great and then are all depressed the next day like me when they wake up hung over, blacking out, etc. I guess the real answer is maybe I need to find a new scene.
Temptation is a sneaky, strong guy to fight.
Temptation is a sneaky, strong guy to fight.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
hey there and congratulations on reaching 21 days!
from what ive gleaned, im a little different from most people here in the sense that I still go to bars - at least weekly. If I felt being in bars negatively impacted me, i wouldnt go. My danger zones are when im home alone or flying interstate - i dont often get tempted to drink with other people. Although I waited a few months into sobriety before I went to any bars....
It did get a lot easier for me, I now see alcohol as just a ridiculous drug that im so much better off without. I dont see the point in trying to shield myself from it, because it is everywhere....
I dont think youre totally crazy for putting yourself in that situation, I think it shows courage and conviction. But if you cant be happy in a bar sober, then there isnt much point in being there.
from what ive gleaned, im a little different from most people here in the sense that I still go to bars - at least weekly. If I felt being in bars negatively impacted me, i wouldnt go. My danger zones are when im home alone or flying interstate - i dont often get tempted to drink with other people. Although I waited a few months into sobriety before I went to any bars....
It did get a lot easier for me, I now see alcohol as just a ridiculous drug that im so much better off without. I dont see the point in trying to shield myself from it, because it is everywhere....
I dont think youre totally crazy for putting yourself in that situation, I think it shows courage and conviction. But if you cant be happy in a bar sober, then there isnt much point in being there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Maybe try and change the way you see them "having fun"...I mean are they really? Or are they just smashed? What about getting smashed, doing stupid stuff you regret the next day, and spending lots of money while doing it is fun?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: texas
Posts: 64
She the problem for me is, staying at home by myself gets me down. Being social keeps me busy so I dont suffer at home with my own thoughts. But my problem always was that I was a heavy "social drinker".
I have two modes. Either go out and not drink or go out and get destroyed. I dont drink one beer. If Im going to have one I might as well have 20. I guess I do things to extremes in that sense which makes being social hard.
Having some pretty heavy drinkers as friends doesnt help. They arent bad people. They are fun, but when alcohol gets in us everyone changes it seems.
The other problem for me is Im trying to change what I have been doing for 15 years and it doesnt feel natural. My mind is like, "what is this?". Ugggghhh this is a struggle.
I have two modes. Either go out and not drink or go out and get destroyed. I dont drink one beer. If Im going to have one I might as well have 20. I guess I do things to extremes in that sense which makes being social hard.
Having some pretty heavy drinkers as friends doesnt help. They arent bad people. They are fun, but when alcohol gets in us everyone changes it seems.
The other problem for me is Im trying to change what I have been doing for 15 years and it doesnt feel natural. My mind is like, "what is this?". Ugggghhh this is a struggle.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by LaFemme 
Maybe try and change the way you see them "having fun"...I mean are they really? Or are they just smashed? What about getting smashed, doing stupid stuff you regret the next day, and spending lots of money while doing it is fun?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 275
I'm right behind you, 17 days for me. Yeah, I hear you, it seems like our lives are incomplete because there is an enormous amount of free time that we spent getting bombed. The idea of rebuilding or lives is a scary one, but it is becoming quite clear that is what I'm facing. This early in my sobriety I kind of lay low, ride my bike, watch movies or clean this or that because I'm still so moody but I need to start finding ways to spend my sober time in a social enviornment. I want to be sober more than I want to drink I know that. That bar scene would have been a disaster for me, were all different in what we can and can't tolerate but I would have probably caved in!!! Hang in there, and remember you got the last laugh when your friends "having fun" turned into a long and miserable hangover the following day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Congrats on 21 days. I can relate to how you feel. Being miserable while everyone is partying. I did it once and got very nervous, like antsy, but was determined not to drink. I was only a week in a that point. I decided not to put myself in that situation for a while. It did feel like torture. You'll find out whats works for you. Just don't put yourself in harms way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Oh, and even though I kind of think I could handle a bar, I wouldn't put mysel in that situation au this point.
What do you like to do...it might be a while since you've done it, but tryand remember and then see if there is a way to do it in a social setting that doesn't involve booze.
For me, painting, I had gotten to the point were I rarely painted even though it is my calling and passion in this life...alcohol robbed me of 5 years worth of work, I won't let it take more from me!
What do you like to do...it might be a while since you've done it, but tryand remember and then see if there is a way to do it in a social setting that doesn't involve booze.
For me, painting, I had gotten to the point were I rarely painted even though it is my calling and passion in this life...alcohol robbed me of 5 years worth of work, I won't let it take more from me!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Hi hearnerules,
I've stopped hanging around heavy, heavy drinkers. In my case, we never had much in common except for our desire to get drunk and now that I'm sober, hanging out with heavy drinkers is pretty damn boring.
A guy I met in the program said it well: When he went out with some heavy drinkers, he was extremely uncomfortable. Their need to get drunk made him uneasy. He left them and joined with some friends that were light, social drinkers. He said that the first group needed to get drunk, whereas the second was just a group of friends who happened to be at a bar. Much more fun.
For me, it's all about the people I choose to be around. I have nothing against those who want to get drunk every other night but it's not my idea of fun anymore, so I don't hang out with them. Nothing personal, it's just not for me.
There are good people everywhere. It's on me to find them
I've stopped hanging around heavy, heavy drinkers. In my case, we never had much in common except for our desire to get drunk and now that I'm sober, hanging out with heavy drinkers is pretty damn boring.
A guy I met in the program said it well: When he went out with some heavy drinkers, he was extremely uncomfortable. Their need to get drunk made him uneasy. He left them and joined with some friends that were light, social drinkers. He said that the first group needed to get drunk, whereas the second was just a group of friends who happened to be at a bar. Much more fun.
For me, it's all about the people I choose to be around. I have nothing against those who want to get drunk every other night but it's not my idea of fun anymore, so I don't hang out with them. Nothing personal, it's just not for me.
There are good people everywhere. It's on me to find them
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 8
the bar scene
It doesn't bother me to go to bars - drinking water and coke is SO much cheaper... and it gives me a chance to see what I was like when I got drunk - not very attractive.
When I first stopped drinking, I did have more time and then I thought how would I like to use this new found thing - free time. And it is awesome - I have time to explore my interests. So, for anyone who is new to not drinking, start thinking about what you would like to do and know that you have the time to do it, plus some extra cash.
When I first stopped drinking, I did have more time and then I thought how would I like to use this new found thing - free time. And it is awesome - I have time to explore my interests. So, for anyone who is new to not drinking, start thinking about what you would like to do and know that you have the time to do it, plus some extra cash.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 617
It will get easier over time, but it may be a good idea to make yourself scarce until you're ready to hang with them & not feel self-consious about it. Too much temptation around for someone with 21 days...........
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I had to change my life. I don't wish to hang around with the same characters that I used to hang with when i was getting wasted. I live a different life now. One that alcohol and drugs can play no part in. I would feel uncomfortable. Also putting myself in a situation, which for somebody who appreciates that to drink is to die, would be rather illogical.
I changed my 'people, places and things' so to speak.
peace
I changed my 'people, places and things' so to speak.
peace
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
