Dry Drunk? what is it?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 293
For some people, like myself, stopping drinking is just not enough hence the need for AA, 12 step programme's, religion, counselling, meditation or whatever does it for you.
As someone has already pointed out, we have certain character traits even before we start drinking. We can develop more character defects, resentments a biggy for me which were surely exacerbated through the episodes of abusive drinking. Selfishness, self centerdness, anger etc etc, are typical traits we share. Put alcohol on top of this and it can be explosive.
So we feel we have to change if we want to live a full, decent, calm and productive life.
I've not had a drink for 17 months, stopped going to AA about 2 years ago as I got too hung up with the disagreements, the religious aspects etc.
I've been through really tough times since I stopped drinking and have dealt with huge problems, but I started a permanent job a few months back and things are going off the wall. It's the little problems at work I can't deal with and have nearly went off my rocker when the boss dared to draw to my attention something I had overlooked. They had also been planning a night out which made me feel really uneasy and nervous. I nearly quit.
So, it's because of situations like this where I realise I need more help and I need to change. I was used to being the boss and I think if I'm honest I don't like not being in control of situations at work. You see, I was fine in the 17 months I hadn't drank (well sort of) because I was more or less doing my own thing without having to deal with the "Big Bad World". I've heard it said in AA, we have to learn to accept life on life's terms, and therein lies a big problem for me.
I have been thinking about going back to AA because I know I would be able to lead a more contended and meaningful life if I was on a 12 step programme, I just need to find a way of getting round the religious parts. The support from people in AA has also left a void. Who else could understand my reaction to situations? I miss sharing things like that with other people.
So, I'm not too keen on the term "dry drunk" I am who I am drink or no drink. The alcohol and the drunken behaviours are merely symptoms of the real problem. It's high time I did something about it once and for all.
Wish me Luck!
As someone has already pointed out, we have certain character traits even before we start drinking. We can develop more character defects, resentments a biggy for me which were surely exacerbated through the episodes of abusive drinking. Selfishness, self centerdness, anger etc etc, are typical traits we share. Put alcohol on top of this and it can be explosive.
So we feel we have to change if we want to live a full, decent, calm and productive life.
I've not had a drink for 17 months, stopped going to AA about 2 years ago as I got too hung up with the disagreements, the religious aspects etc.
I've been through really tough times since I stopped drinking and have dealt with huge problems, but I started a permanent job a few months back and things are going off the wall. It's the little problems at work I can't deal with and have nearly went off my rocker when the boss dared to draw to my attention something I had overlooked. They had also been planning a night out which made me feel really uneasy and nervous. I nearly quit.
So, it's because of situations like this where I realise I need more help and I need to change. I was used to being the boss and I think if I'm honest I don't like not being in control of situations at work. You see, I was fine in the 17 months I hadn't drank (well sort of) because I was more or less doing my own thing without having to deal with the "Big Bad World". I've heard it said in AA, we have to learn to accept life on life's terms, and therein lies a big problem for me.
I have been thinking about going back to AA because I know I would be able to lead a more contended and meaningful life if I was on a 12 step programme, I just need to find a way of getting round the religious parts. The support from people in AA has also left a void. Who else could understand my reaction to situations? I miss sharing things like that with other people.
So, I'm not too keen on the term "dry drunk" I am who I am drink or no drink. The alcohol and the drunken behaviours are merely symptoms of the real problem. It's high time I did something about it once and for all.
Wish me Luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Good luck Kooks! And congrats on 17 months. I'm curious, my understanding is there are secular counterparts to AA...I don't know their acronyms but I've heard o them. Have you looked into them?
Also, is looking through our character flaws through the prism of our alcoholism really the best way to address them? I had most of my bad flaws before I began drinking and the drink certainly amplified them. As for traits that I consider brought on by alcohol, namely depression and reclusiveness, I have not had to deal with them since giving up booze, if they turn up again in the future I will figure out how to address them then.
My other major life problems, a lack of healthy boundaries with my family, a martyr complex and avoidance of problems, exist outside of my my alcohol abuse. Although I did use alcohol to help me avoid problems, so that problem has one less thing to hide behind! As for the boundaries/ martyr issue, I have been working on that one for three years now and already made a lot of headway, they can only get better now that I don't have to deal with getting sloshed all the time.
Also, is looking through our character flaws through the prism of our alcoholism really the best way to address them? I had most of my bad flaws before I began drinking and the drink certainly amplified them. As for traits that I consider brought on by alcohol, namely depression and reclusiveness, I have not had to deal with them since giving up booze, if they turn up again in the future I will figure out how to address them then.
My other major life problems, a lack of healthy boundaries with my family, a martyr complex and avoidance of problems, exist outside of my my alcohol abuse. Although I did use alcohol to help me avoid problems, so that problem has one less thing to hide behind! As for the boundaries/ martyr issue, I have been working on that one for three years now and already made a lot of headway, they can only get better now that I don't have to deal with getting sloshed all the time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 293
Hi La Femme, things do start getting better the minute we stop drinking. Facing up to problems is not easy, and when we stop drinking we have a lot of growing up to do, that's it in a nutshell really. I have difficulty in dealing with emotions and sometimes I feel an emotional wreck, like my heads a pressure cooker and I'm just managing to keep the lid on.
I often said I was depressed through my drinking and even now, but if I'm really honest I think it's more of feeling sorry for myself and a case of down in the dumps. I can cheer up with good news or look forward to things, whereas if I was really depressed nothing could lift my mood....I think!!
I haven't really looked into any other programme's, if anyone has more info maybe they could let us know. I think there was one called Lifering or something that I saw on here but I don't know if I can access it being in Scotland.
Good Luck in your journey.
PS...It's actually 27 months I've been off the drink....oops!
I often said I was depressed through my drinking and even now, but if I'm really honest I think it's more of feeling sorry for myself and a case of down in the dumps. I can cheer up with good news or look forward to things, whereas if I was really depressed nothing could lift my mood....I think!!
I haven't really looked into any other programme's, if anyone has more info maybe they could let us know. I think there was one called Lifering or something that I saw on here but I don't know if I can access it being in Scotland.
Good Luck in your journey.
PS...It's actually 27 months I've been off the drink....oops!
Next stop: real life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 990
In my experience, it's used mostly by AAers (& other program people) to refer to someone who isn't working the program "correctly" or is sober without a program. It has less loaded meanings as well, but that's the one I've come across the most.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
LF.....
We have a Forum dedicated to Secular Recovery
and
here is a list of various programs for you to explore
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
It's true....not everyone finds AA to be their solution.
In our AA text...it clearly states it's not for everyone.
Big Book On Line
nor does AA have to be for you.
Many of our SR members are successfully winning over
alcohol who use no formal program. others find their
way in secular paths.
There is no one way to recover....
Find something that benefits you and continue to move forward.
We have a Forum dedicated to Secular Recovery
and
here is a list of various programs for you to explore
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
It's true....not everyone finds AA to be their solution.
In our AA text...it clearly states it's not for everyone.
Big Book On Line
nor does AA have to be for you.
Many of our SR members are successfully winning over
alcohol who use no formal program. others find their
way in secular paths.
There is no one way to recover....
Find something that benefits you and continue to move forward.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
That's what I like about this forum...it's open to people who are seeking recovery in a variety of ways. No one way works for everyone...IMO, and that goes for everything in life:-)
Kooks...I think there is a program called SMART that is secular.
Kooks...I think there is a program called SMART that is secular.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Originally Posted by LaFemme 
Also, is looking through our character flaws through the prism of our alcoholism really the best way to address them? I had most of my bad flaws before I began drinking and the drink certainly amplified them. As for traits that I consider brought on by alcohol, namely depression and reclusiveness, I have not had to deal with them since giving up booze, if they turn up again in the future I will figure out how to address them then.
For 9 years, I was a mess and struggled with a bunch of problems: depression, egoism, fear (of change, socializing, etc.), poor coping mechanisms, inability to handle emotions, loneliness, distrust... All of these things reinforced each other and by the time I was ready to change, I had no idea where one problem ended and another began. They all reinforced one another and focusing on one problem did nothing. The origins had become muddled.
If I drank for 10+ years, I could easily see running into this same problem. My perception of my alcoholism would be different and my chosen solution would be different too.
When I share in a meeting, I'm speaking about my own experience (whether I'll admit to it that night or not
). What works for me works for me. It may not work for someone else and that's cool. We all come from different places with this illness.Now, people who use the term to divide and proclaim some individuals as "real alcoholics" and others as "heavy drinkers" just because they have different views of alcoholism...that's why earplugs were invented
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
[/QUOTE]
Now, people who use the term to divide and proclaim some individuals as "real alcoholics" and others as "heavy drinkers" just because they have different views of alcoholism...that's why earplugs were invented[/QUOTE]
FYI, I drank for 20 years, and there is no way that the last 5-6 were anything but alcoholic:-(
I think most emotional issues, whether your are alcoholic or not, feed into each other and are hard to separate...my lack of boundaries, fed into my martyr complex, which led to dissatisfaction with my own life, since I wasn't taking care of myself, which led to anger at my family for not recognizing this and helping me and the fact that they actively prevented me from getting therapy when I asked for it as a teenager...and on it goes. Releasing the anger towards my family and establishing boundaries has gone a long way to helping me grow as a person...and I started on these things long before I gave up drinking (I'm only on day 13 after all:-)
Now, people who use the term to divide and proclaim some individuals as "real alcoholics" and others as "heavy drinkers" just because they have different views of alcoholism...that's why earplugs were invented
[/QUOTE]FYI, I drank for 20 years, and there is no way that the last 5-6 were anything but alcoholic:-(
I think most emotional issues, whether your are alcoholic or not, feed into each other and are hard to separate...my lack of boundaries, fed into my martyr complex, which led to dissatisfaction with my own life, since I wasn't taking care of myself, which led to anger at my family for not recognizing this and helping me and the fact that they actively prevented me from getting therapy when I asked for it as a teenager...and on it goes. Releasing the anger towards my family and establishing boundaries has gone a long way to helping me grow as a person...and I started on these things long before I gave up drinking (I'm only on day 13 after all:-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
LaFemme, I might be confused by your last couple of posts, but maybe not. I agree that it's hard to distinguish emotional issues from each other. When it comes to looking at one's own experience with alcoholism, I think it's helpful to see more of yourself (even though it is not ALL of you and ALL the years of your life) because the constant inclusion of alcohol to create a personal normality tells us something.
I think it's worth it to see things that were good during our drinking years too. I don't doubt there can be progress in some areas of our life even then. I can think of examples in mine where I did good things in spite of the concurrent compulsion to drink routinely. And yet we - people in general - think of alcoholics and nice people as dissimilar things. (Dr Jeckyl/Mr Hyde comes to mind...or Dorian Gray.)
But I suppose there is a dimension of humility that comes with giving up alcohol use that allows us to see the starting line of working on ourselves as much more prominent when we've quit than during the drinking periods. Some people will need this in order not to give into notions that they can drink again and everything would be OK. There might be other notions or emotions that come over a person during the initial quitting period too, like relief and gratitude after shame. Just as I used to believe that alcohol somehow made me a better person, my study of my alcoholism - my past of chronically and robotically adding something to myself - helps me to understand the person I am and what can be better; and what works. Only this time it can't be gulped down. Happiness can be, without my being right, and all those other good sayings that ended up being true after all.
To go back again to the pretty phrase dry drunk (ahem), I think there is a temptation to participate in a competition of methods and "camps" when the word comes up. Us/Them distinctions and the whole lot of instincts we feel when we think we're being "talked about." We can call THAT being a dry drunk too, ha ha. I'm never going to like myself enough, and by looking at why I can embrace it, I am allowing myself points under the Not Dry Drunk column.
I think it's worth it to see things that were good during our drinking years too. I don't doubt there can be progress in some areas of our life even then. I can think of examples in mine where I did good things in spite of the concurrent compulsion to drink routinely. And yet we - people in general - think of alcoholics and nice people as dissimilar things. (Dr Jeckyl/Mr Hyde comes to mind...or Dorian Gray.)
But I suppose there is a dimension of humility that comes with giving up alcohol use that allows us to see the starting line of working on ourselves as much more prominent when we've quit than during the drinking periods. Some people will need this in order not to give into notions that they can drink again and everything would be OK. There might be other notions or emotions that come over a person during the initial quitting period too, like relief and gratitude after shame. Just as I used to believe that alcohol somehow made me a better person, my study of my alcoholism - my past of chronically and robotically adding something to myself - helps me to understand the person I am and what can be better; and what works. Only this time it can't be gulped down. Happiness can be, without my being right, and all those other good sayings that ended up being true after all.
To go back again to the pretty phrase dry drunk (ahem), I think there is a temptation to participate in a competition of methods and "camps" when the word comes up. Us/Them distinctions and the whole lot of instincts we feel when we think we're being "talked about." We can call THAT being a dry drunk too, ha ha. I'm never going to like myself enough, and by looking at why I can embrace it, I am allowing myself points under the Not Dry Drunk column.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Obviously, different people mean different things when they use the word "dry drunk"--which makes it tricky, because if different hearers interpret it differently we aren't really communicating, are we?
I know that I have times when I slip back into old ways of reacting to people and situations. It reminds me of the "autopilot" reactions I would have when I was drinking and couldn't properly process information, when I was feeling self-loathing and paranoia, didn't see things clearly because I was so scared all the time. I think of those "slips" as a form of "dry drunk"--I sometimes think and behave almost the way I did when I was drinking.
To me, it signals that something isn't "right" with me and that I had better tend to it. Maybe I'm feeling too "hungry, angry, lonely, tired." Maybe I need to talk to someone else or go to a meeting. Maybe I'm falling back into my "I'm the center of the universe" mode. Whatever.
I don't think it's helpful to label other people (or even myself) as "a dry drunk." But usually by the time we wind up in recovery we've learned a lot of dysfunctional behaviors that persist or pop up from time to time even when we aren't drinking anymore. If the concept works for you, fine, if not, also fine. Whatever works.
I know that I have times when I slip back into old ways of reacting to people and situations. It reminds me of the "autopilot" reactions I would have when I was drinking and couldn't properly process information, when I was feeling self-loathing and paranoia, didn't see things clearly because I was so scared all the time. I think of those "slips" as a form of "dry drunk"--I sometimes think and behave almost the way I did when I was drinking.
To me, it signals that something isn't "right" with me and that I had better tend to it. Maybe I'm feeling too "hungry, angry, lonely, tired." Maybe I need to talk to someone else or go to a meeting. Maybe I'm falling back into my "I'm the center of the universe" mode. Whatever.
I don't think it's helpful to label other people (or even myself) as "a dry drunk." But usually by the time we wind up in recovery we've learned a lot of dysfunctional behaviors that persist or pop up from time to time even when we aren't drinking anymore. If the concept works for you, fine, if not, also fine. Whatever works.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
To me Dee follow up nailed it. The implication of that is: for most some kind of program is necessary not only to maintain a non drinking/using existence, but also to grow out of the mindset that drives us to crave/escape. I know that when I'm not actively doing some work, my mindset does slip back into some of the bad preconceptions that i held while using. I know enough to catch myself, if i started drinking again i would likely slip back into denial and more or less exclusively feed the beast. It's possible to do the right things for the wrong reasons..... Such are the real motives of the active addict; nearly every action is self centered to the extreem (the self will run riot kinda thing... Thanks AA it actually makes sense now).
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
"I don't think it's helpful to label other people (or even myself) as "a dry drunk."
Treatment professionals avoid the term like the plague, largely because it does carry a negative social stigma. Though they will admit the term has relevance when used properly. The problem is that, like a lot of coloquialims, it can be used in a mean/cruel/derogatory way. Just remember; stigma is out there, but what can you as an individual do? Focus on your own preconceptions and maybe ask if they help you or hurt you. If the latter, can younrealistically change them?
Treatment professionals avoid the term like the plague, largely because it does carry a negative social stigma. Though they will admit the term has relevance when used properly. The problem is that, like a lot of coloquialims, it can be used in a mean/cruel/derogatory way. Just remember; stigma is out there, but what can you as an individual do? Focus on your own preconceptions and maybe ask if they help you or hurt you. If the latter, can younrealistically change them?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Jerusalem, Israel
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Timebuster
Unfortunately when many former drinkers go through the grieving process over the loss of their old friend, the bottle, some never get past the anger stage.
It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too.
Finally their old friend let them down... they got in trouble with the law, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking... whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say "so long" to the bottle. Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.
First comes the denial - it's really not that big a deal, I've always said I could quit anytime and then the anger and depression when they realize just how much that had come to depend on their old friend alcohol. Many make it through the process to the final stage - accepting the loss, learning and growing through the experience, and moving on.
Some never make it. It's sad to see them, sometimes many years later, still stuck in their anger, bitterness, and resentment at having to make the change in their lives. They haven't had a drink in years, but they have also never had a "sober" day. You even see them in the 12-step rooms... been in the program for years and years and their lives seem to be a constant unmanageable struggle. All those years and they have no more of a spiritual awakening than they did the first time they walked into the room.
"Dry Drunk" has been described as "A condition of returning to one's old alcoholic thinking and behavior without actually having taken a drink." Or as one wise old drunk put it, if a horse thief goes into A.A. what you can end up with is a sober horse thief. Or a personal favorite: you can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you've still got a fruit cake! Those who quit drinking but are still angry about it, wind up living miserable lives and usually make everyone else around them miserable too. If it has been said once in an Al-Anon meeting, it has been whispered thousands of times, "I almost wish he/she would go back to drinking."
It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too.
Finally their old friend let them down... they got in trouble with the law, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking... whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say "so long" to the bottle. Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.
First comes the denial - it's really not that big a deal, I've always said I could quit anytime and then the anger and depression when they realize just how much that had come to depend on their old friend alcohol. Many make it through the process to the final stage - accepting the loss, learning and growing through the experience, and moving on.
Some never make it. It's sad to see them, sometimes many years later, still stuck in their anger, bitterness, and resentment at having to make the change in their lives. They haven't had a drink in years, but they have also never had a "sober" day. You even see them in the 12-step rooms... been in the program for years and years and their lives seem to be a constant unmanageable struggle. All those years and they have no more of a spiritual awakening than they did the first time they walked into the room.
"Dry Drunk" has been described as "A condition of returning to one's old alcoholic thinking and behavior without actually having taken a drink." Or as one wise old drunk put it, if a horse thief goes into A.A. what you can end up with is a sober horse thief. Or a personal favorite: you can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you've still got a fruit cake! Those who quit drinking but are still angry about it, wind up living miserable lives and usually make everyone else around them miserable too. If it has been said once in an Al-Anon meeting, it has been whispered thousands of times, "I almost wish he/she would go back to drinking."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by Timebuster
Unfortunately when many former drinkers go through the grieving process over the loss of their old friend, the bottle, some never get past the anger stage.
It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too.
Finally their old friend let them down... they got in trouble with the law, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking... whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say "so long" to the bottle. Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.
First comes the denial - it's really not that big a deal, I've always said I could quit anytime and then the anger and depression when they realize just how much that had come to depend on their old friend alcohol. Many make it through the process to the final stage - accepting the loss, learning and growing through the experience, and moving on.
Some never make it. It's sad to see them, sometimes many years later, still stuck in their anger, bitterness, and resentment at having to make the change in their lives. They haven't had a drink in years, but they have also never had a "sober" day. You even see them in the 12-step rooms... been in the program for years and years and their lives seem to be a constant unmanageable struggle. All those years and they have no more of a spiritual awakening than they did the first time they walked into the room.
"Dry Drunk" has been described as "A condition of returning to one's old alcoholic thinking and behavior without actually having taken a drink." Or as one wise old drunk put it, if a horse thief goes into A.A. what you can end up with is a sober horse thief. Or a personal favorite: you can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you've still got a fruit cake! Those who quit drinking but are still angry about it, wind up living miserable lives and usually make everyone else around them miserable too. If it has been said once in an Al-Anon meeting, it has been whispered thousands of times, "I almost wish he/she would go back to drinking."
It is a very real loss. The drink has been their friend for many years and one they could count on. When the whole world turned against them, the bottle never let them down. It was always there ready for the good times, the celebrations, the parties, as well as the sad, mad, and lonely times, too.
Finally their old friend let them down... they got in trouble with the law, lost a job or career, almost lost their family, or the doctors told them they had to stop drinking... whatever the reason, the circumstances of their life brought them to the point where they made a decision to say "so long" to the bottle. Whether they realized it or not, they began the stages of grieving - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - the same stages most people go through when they have a great loss in their lives or have been told they have a terminal illness.
First comes the denial - it's really not that big a deal, I've always said I could quit anytime and then the anger and depression when they realize just how much that had come to depend on their old friend alcohol. Many make it through the process to the final stage - accepting the loss, learning and growing through the experience, and moving on.
Some never make it. It's sad to see them, sometimes many years later, still stuck in their anger, bitterness, and resentment at having to make the change in their lives. They haven't had a drink in years, but they have also never had a "sober" day. You even see them in the 12-step rooms... been in the program for years and years and their lives seem to be a constant unmanageable struggle. All those years and they have no more of a spiritual awakening than they did the first time they walked into the room.
"Dry Drunk" has been described as "A condition of returning to one's old alcoholic thinking and behavior without actually having taken a drink." Or as one wise old drunk put it, if a horse thief goes into A.A. what you can end up with is a sober horse thief. Or a personal favorite: you can take the rum out of the fruit cake, but you've still got a fruit cake! Those who quit drinking but are still angry about it, wind up living miserable lives and usually make everyone else around them miserable too. If it has been said once in an Al-Anon meeting, it has been whispered thousands of times, "I almost wish he/she would go back to drinking."
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Jerusalem, Israel
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Fandy
I find this post offensive and insulting, not helpful or excellent.
This is what i got out of the post. Somepeople who give up drink or drugs cant get past the fact that they had to give it all up.
There are many who get past the anger phase and lead productive healthy lives and their family get back a loved one that they had thought they had lost forever to addiction......
But one has to face up to the reality that some who give up their active addiction do not give up their personality disorders that led them to drink in the first place. Some become resentful but can no longer drink to hide their inner turmoil. Those types of addicts can at some stage create more havoc in their families lives than when they were drinking.
If you think that some families do not whisper to themselves that they wish their loved ones were drinking again means you are not accepting the reality of some situations that get totally out of control while not drinking....
i dont think the op meant to insult anyone...
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I guess I've always ignored the term just because I think it's just "AA speak" from the old days. Now it's more about identifying the underlying issues (bipolar, OCD, depression, etc.) that often go along with alcohol and drug abuse, or were created by it.
I never found the term particularly helpful, especially when I was having a really hard time......
I never found the term particularly helpful, especially when I was having a really hard time......
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I think we're getting off topic.
The original post made no reference to AA at all.
It's disappointing to me that nearly every discussion like this ends up in rancour,
Even if I don't care for the phrase, I imagine most of us have experienced what it's like to 'just not drink'. I would have thought there was more than enough to share from here drawing from our own experiences.
Quibbling is not the best use of anyones time, especially not for someone who may have come here looking for help.
If it doesn't stop...you know the drill.
D
The original post made no reference to AA at all.
It's disappointing to me that nearly every discussion like this ends up in rancour,
Even if I don't care for the phrase, I imagine most of us have experienced what it's like to 'just not drink'. I would have thought there was more than enough to share from here drawing from our own experiences.
Quibbling is not the best use of anyones time, especially not for someone who may have come here looking for help.
If it doesn't stop...you know the drill.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Um, yes please, let's not argue...I did not mean to introduce a topic that was so loaded.
However, I have learned some interesting things about how people in recovery view alcoholism and their experiences both in the bottle and out of the bottle. The only thing I can really gain from this is that there are as many types of alcohol abuse and recovery as there are people.
One trend that seems fairly dominant is that people who abuse alcohol are self centered and egotistical...I find that curious simply because of my own experiences. I drank in large part because I was miserable because I put myself and my needs behind everyone else in my world.
But that is probably a topic for another thread.
However, I have learned some interesting things about how people in recovery view alcoholism and their experiences both in the bottle and out of the bottle. The only thing I can really gain from this is that there are as many types of alcohol abuse and recovery as there are people.
One trend that seems fairly dominant is that people who abuse alcohol are self centered and egotistical...I find that curious simply because of my own experiences. I drank in large part because I was miserable because I put myself and my needs behind everyone else in my world.
But that is probably a topic for another thread.
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