Regular drinking VS problem drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Queensland
Posts: 34
Regular drinking VS problem drinking
Hi Guys, I wrote this a few days ago but only got to post it today. I was having a good day that day but not so good today.p;[
I was reading a thread last night that was very interesting about what constitutes alcoholism, is it a disease, if so what is its definition, what controls it etc, how do you know if you are an "alcoholic"? One guy said his father drinks 2-3 gin and tonics a night and never more and that his father doesnt understand people that can't stop their drinking. Some people said they are alright until they have their first drink then they can't stop drinking. Some people say that if they are not drinking they still obsess about their next drink. All very intresting insights. Another person said you don't know if you have a problem until you try to stop drinking which is a good point. I wonder if the father who drinks gin and tonics would strike a problem if he had to give up alcohol say for major surgery?
Anway I am just throwing around ideas. I was at my first party last Saturday where I was the only one not drinking. We were talking about drinking and I used to be a regular 3 to 4 wines a night and a few more on weekends or if I had a stressful day like my reward system. Been doing this about two years now. I don't like my dependence on it, especially when I started drinking more because of stress or problems.
I said at the party I am not drinking weekdays and thinking of extending it to weekends. My friend at the party said if you don't drink weekdays you are more likely to become a binge drinker on weekends (she was referring to her husband who drinks like a fish Friday and Saturday) He deliberatey does not have dinner Friday nights so the alcohol hits harder. He feels stuffed for most of the mornings. It is such a waste of the weekend in my opinion.
Anyway I am doing alright 2 and a half weeks now and no drinks, but I do feel flat, like I have lost my reward system. Doesn't help that I have a cold and feel so tired. The antabuse stops me obsessing about will I won't I drink which helps save so much mental energy. For that I am so grateful. I have a tendency to obsess, but mostly that has led to positive outcomes in my life as being able to stick to training schedules and reaching my sporting goals. (Third in my age group in two marathons in my late thirties and at 40, meeting my weight training goals, getting good marks in everyting I study).
The antabuse has given me more "headroom" to contemplate everything. When I tried to go alcohol free a few nights druing the week the "will I won't I have a drink" thoughts used to drive me mental and take up so much wasted energy. I have acutally been using the extra time to watch some TV which I am really enjoying. My running training and drinking time with my husband meant I only used to watch about 3 hrs of TV a week now I am watching about 1.5 hrs a night, but still doing my running training.
Anyway interested to hear your ideas guys. This is an excellent forum. Got to get my backside to work now so look forward to your replies when I get home. Jaffapoppy
I was reading a thread last night that was very interesting about what constitutes alcoholism, is it a disease, if so what is its definition, what controls it etc, how do you know if you are an "alcoholic"? One guy said his father drinks 2-3 gin and tonics a night and never more and that his father doesnt understand people that can't stop their drinking. Some people said they are alright until they have their first drink then they can't stop drinking. Some people say that if they are not drinking they still obsess about their next drink. All very intresting insights. Another person said you don't know if you have a problem until you try to stop drinking which is a good point. I wonder if the father who drinks gin and tonics would strike a problem if he had to give up alcohol say for major surgery?
Anway I am just throwing around ideas. I was at my first party last Saturday where I was the only one not drinking. We were talking about drinking and I used to be a regular 3 to 4 wines a night and a few more on weekends or if I had a stressful day like my reward system. Been doing this about two years now. I don't like my dependence on it, especially when I started drinking more because of stress or problems.
I said at the party I am not drinking weekdays and thinking of extending it to weekends. My friend at the party said if you don't drink weekdays you are more likely to become a binge drinker on weekends (she was referring to her husband who drinks like a fish Friday and Saturday) He deliberatey does not have dinner Friday nights so the alcohol hits harder. He feels stuffed for most of the mornings. It is such a waste of the weekend in my opinion.
Anyway I am doing alright 2 and a half weeks now and no drinks, but I do feel flat, like I have lost my reward system. Doesn't help that I have a cold and feel so tired. The antabuse stops me obsessing about will I won't I drink which helps save so much mental energy. For that I am so grateful. I have a tendency to obsess, but mostly that has led to positive outcomes in my life as being able to stick to training schedules and reaching my sporting goals. (Third in my age group in two marathons in my late thirties and at 40, meeting my weight training goals, getting good marks in everyting I study).
The antabuse has given me more "headroom" to contemplate everything. When I tried to go alcohol free a few nights druing the week the "will I won't I have a drink" thoughts used to drive me mental and take up so much wasted energy. I have acutally been using the extra time to watch some TV which I am really enjoying. My running training and drinking time with my husband meant I only used to watch about 3 hrs of TV a week now I am watching about 1.5 hrs a night, but still doing my running training.
Anyway interested to hear your ideas guys. This is an excellent forum. Got to get my backside to work now so look forward to your replies when I get home. Jaffapoppy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
I think it's normal to feel a little flat - a lot of us feel as if we lost our best friend...a pretty nasty manipulative and toxic best friend, but it was a close relationship nevertheless.
Just keep taking it a day at a time, JP....keep doing the right things...try to add some new interests or ramp up your existing ones maybe?
This is your new life - make it what you want it to be
D
Just keep taking it a day at a time, JP....keep doing the right things...try to add some new interests or ramp up your existing ones maybe?
This is your new life - make it what you want it to be
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
I was the person whose Dad drink 2-3 drinks a night, everynight for as long as I can remember, and I'm 42. That being said I was contemplating your thoughts about "drinking as a reward" last night. But not just drinking as a reward, but drinking as the all time goal in my life previous to my sobriety. I am enjoying my sobriety, (almost 23 days now), but I realized that I don't look forward as much as I used to. I always used to look forward to, firstly upcoming parties and events where I was going to get drunk, then it was weekends where I knew I was going to get drunk, completing jobs and celebrating birthdays and holidays when I was gonna get drunk, then eventually looking forward to my daily time alone when I was gonna get drunk to finally looking forward to the next morning when I was gonna get drunk.
By taking the "getting drunk" out of the equation, I don't feel as hurried to get to the next point in time. So I was trying to decide whether I liked the feeling of not having boozing to look forward to, because I haven't ever really looked forward to anything else for a very, very long time. I am going to Vegas this weekend, and usually before taking a 4 day trip anywhere I would be counting the days to when I was gonna crack the 1st beer, now I am looking forward to getting away for fun with my wife, but the same amount of anticipation isn't really there. (I will be sober for the whole trip).
So although I am not getting as worked up as I used to, looking forward to the future, I think it also might be making me more content in today.
By taking the "getting drunk" out of the equation, I don't feel as hurried to get to the next point in time. So I was trying to decide whether I liked the feeling of not having boozing to look forward to, because I haven't ever really looked forward to anything else for a very, very long time. I am going to Vegas this weekend, and usually before taking a 4 day trip anywhere I would be counting the days to when I was gonna crack the 1st beer, now I am looking forward to getting away for fun with my wife, but the same amount of anticipation isn't really there. (I will be sober for the whole trip).
So although I am not getting as worked up as I used to, looking forward to the future, I think it also might be making me more content in today.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,899
I gave up on what defines what, and just had to stop doing those things that kept me down. Then I came to realize there was hope for recovery...recovery from all that stuff that was causing me distress.
Its a process that takes effort and time. I eventually found out that all the effort I put in my program of recovery payed off...big time.
Each day is a new opportunity to apply the principals I have learned in addition treatment recovery. Thus making the next day, one more of a chance, to reclaim all that lost time I spent in hopeless addiction.
Its a process that takes effort and time. I eventually found out that all the effort I put in my program of recovery payed off...big time.
Each day is a new opportunity to apply the principals I have learned in addition treatment recovery. Thus making the next day, one more of a chance, to reclaim all that lost time I spent in hopeless addiction.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
Wow..I think I am sharing a brain with you guys...I am at 2.5 weeks and also feeling "flat" and at times very anxious and not really looking forward to things like I did when wine was my friend. i.e. going to the beach next week is making me anxious instead of excited because I have NEVER been there without bring my friend "Char"donnay. I am in counseling and being assured time and again that this is NORMAL in early sobriety. We need to give our brain chemistry time to readjust to the absence of alcohol and be patient with ourselves. Reading this forum is a big help because even though we do not know one another we are going thru something very personal together..best to all of you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 64
I'm on day 25 today and I can relate to the flat feeling and also what someone else described as not looking forward to things in the same way. It's like the weekend seems a little less fun and a little more like every other day. I guess I need to keep in mind that my previous idea of "fun" usually ended up with me blacking out for hours at a time and asking my SO if he hated me first thing the next morning. I've been going to meetings and making an effort to talk and be social while there. This adds a new and kind of fun element into my life and as much as sometimes I don't feel like going to a meeting, I'm usually pretty happy once I'm there. Posting here is a nice new habit too–I'm not a member of any other online forum and having a reason and an outlet to write a little every day or a few times a week feels good. I also make an effort to and just naturally have found myself getting excited for other things...give yourself something to look forward to maybe, whether it's dinner, ice cream, a day at the beach–now is the time to be good to yourself. Buy yourself a good book, go see a movie, go to a yoga class if that's your thing. I'm thinking (hoping) that in time we'll adjust and start to get as excited about healthy things as we once were about drinking.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Warning...not nessarily based on any fact....only my experience
and observation....
An alcoholic is someone who continues to drink
despite negetive results.
I did a lot of risky ..dangerous and just plain
actions when I was a drinker.
For me....not drinking is safer and saner....
BTW....the majority of the worlds's population abstains
from alcohol. ..tho drinkers consider it normal.
and observation....
An alcoholic is someone who continues to drink
despite negetive results.
I did a lot of risky ..dangerous and just plain
actions when I was a drinker.
For me....not drinking is safer and saner....
BTW....the majority of the worlds's population abstains
from alcohol. ..tho drinkers consider it normal.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
Originally Posted by Jaffapoppy 
Hi Guys, I wrote this a few days ago but only got to post it today. I was having a good day that day but not so good today.p;[
I was reading a thread last night that was very interesting about what constitutes alcoholism, is it a disease, if so what is its definition, what controls it etc, how do you know if you are an "alcoholic"?Jaffapoppy
I was reading a thread last night that was very interesting about what constitutes alcoholism, is it a disease, if so what is its definition, what controls it etc, how do you know if you are an "alcoholic"?Jaffapoppy
After a while, labels arent as important. Alcoholic - well is that just an old school less politically correct way of saying alcohol dependent? Sounds so to me. I was alcohol dependent. Im not now, and I have a better quality of life without it. Sometimes its hard to see that, but thats all part of recovery, and life in general!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Definitions and descriptions vary widely. The doctor who contributed to AA's Big Book observed one common symptom possessed by, what he considered, alcoholics. A physical reaction that makes me want more after I've had a drink or two.
I never felt this phenomenon was a physical reaction. I would tell myself lies like, 'well I know I said I was only having two, but I changed my mind.' But really, looking back, when I started drinking, there was no predictable way of knowing when it would stop. Sometimes I could control it, but I couldn't enjoy it when I did. Other times I'd wake up on a jail floor.
This physical reaction, combined with a mental obsession when I'm not actively drinking, led the doctor to consider these alcoholic types absolutely hopeless. They can't safely drink at all, and they can't keep from starting to drink.
That's was me, over and over.
I never felt this phenomenon was a physical reaction. I would tell myself lies like, 'well I know I said I was only having two, but I changed my mind.' But really, looking back, when I started drinking, there was no predictable way of knowing when it would stop. Sometimes I could control it, but I couldn't enjoy it when I did. Other times I'd wake up on a jail floor.
This physical reaction, combined with a mental obsession when I'm not actively drinking, led the doctor to consider these alcoholic types absolutely hopeless. They can't safely drink at all, and they can't keep from starting to drink.
That's was me, over and over.
Originally Posted by AA BB 1st
All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated. The only relief we have to suggest is entire abstinence.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by keithj
Definitions and descriptions vary widely. The doctor who contributed to AA's Big Book observed one common symptom possessed by, what he considered, alcoholics. A physical reaction that makes me want more after I've had a drink or two.
I never felt this phenomenon was a physical reaction. I would tell myself lies like, 'well I know I said I was only having two, but I changed my mind.' But really, looking back, when I started drinking, there was no predictable way of knowing when it would stop. Sometimes I could control it, but I couldn't enjoy it when I did. Other times I'd wake up on a jail floor.
This physical reaction, combined with a mental obsession when I'm not actively drinking, led the doctor to consider these alcoholic types absolutely hopeless. They can't safely drink at all, and they can't keep from starting to drink.
That's was me, over and over.
I never felt this phenomenon was a physical reaction. I would tell myself lies like, 'well I know I said I was only having two, but I changed my mind.' But really, looking back, when I started drinking, there was no predictable way of knowing when it would stop. Sometimes I could control it, but I couldn't enjoy it when I did. Other times I'd wake up on a jail floor.
This physical reaction, combined with a mental obsession when I'm not actively drinking, led the doctor to consider these alcoholic types absolutely hopeless. They can't safely drink at all, and they can't keep from starting to drink.
That's was me, over and over.
As a human being, my natural inclination is to pursue what feels good and avoid what feels bad. Pleasure v pain. I never knew I felt "bad" until I found drinks and drugs that instantly made me feel good. So, not surprisingly, I pursued the feel good stuff until the negative consequences caused me enough pain and misery to outweigh the relief of drinking.
Meanwhile, however, due to my compulsive dependencies, my natural ability to regulate my own feelings internally atrophied through disuse, and when I stopped managing my feelings with outside stuff (stopped drinking), I REALLY got unmanageable. I had no idea what to do with the uncomfortable, painful feelings. thankfully, after a long enough period of abstinence, my natural psychic abilities were able to resume, and the program of AA guided me and taught me how to use them to experience being healthy and whole. I don't know if I ever knew how to be self-regulating, but if I did, I surely lost that ability over the years of turning my life and my will over to my addictions.
This early "recovery" of my natural psychic abilities was a slow process, taking months, not weeks....and then even continuing to improve over the years. My early daze were quite awful...confused, miserable, full of guilt and shame, fear, doubt and insecurity. I was without defense against those feelings I'd been ignoring for so long. I firmly believe that cautions about "pink clouds" in early recovery are justified. I can't even imagine early recovery being the proverbial "bowl of cherries." It's like realizing one is totally lost in the forest, but becoming enchanted by all the flora and fauna, forgetting the "being lost" part. Once I accepted guides to lead me out of that forest of dark and dangerous thoughts and feelings, I began to improve. Today I am able to take responsibility for all my feelings. No blaming, no complaining. In essence, I had to become willing to do what I didn't "feel" like doing....and that was entirely new behavior for me.
blessings
zenbear
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Can
Posts: 79
I'm one of those people who can't stop once they start. I don't feel flat after not drinking because when I do drink, it's usually so much that I feel like crap the next day. Over time I seem to get used to the feeling. So after I've dried out, I feel pretty good.
Speaking of fathers, mine is also 2-3 drinks a night guy maybe 3-4 nights a week and he also can't understand why it's hard for me to not stop after having just a few. "Fortunately" for him and many other non-alcoholics, he doesn't understand.
He actually uses a jigger to measure each drink to 1.25 ounces. A jigger is something that would never occur to me to use. Just fill up my big plastic cup half-full or so and dump in whatever mix there happens to be around.
Speaking of fathers, mine is also 2-3 drinks a night guy maybe 3-4 nights a week and he also can't understand why it's hard for me to not stop after having just a few. "Fortunately" for him and many other non-alcoholics, he doesn't understand.
He actually uses a jigger to measure each drink to 1.25 ounces. A jigger is something that would never occur to me to use. Just fill up my big plastic cup half-full or so and dump in whatever mix there happens to be around.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Originally Posted by 223
I'm one of those people who can't stop once they start. I don't feel flat after not drinking because when I do drink, it's usually so much that I feel like crap the next day. Over time I seem to get used to the feeling. So after I've dried out, I feel pretty good.
Speaking of fathers, mine is also 2-3 drinks a night guy maybe 3-4 nights a week and he also can't understand why it's hard for me to not stop after having just a few. "Fortunately" for him and many other non-alcoholics, he doesn't understand.
He actually uses a jigger to measure each drink to 1.25 ounces. A jigger is something that would never occur to me to use. Just fill up my big plastic cup half-full or so and dump in whatever mix there happens to be around.
Speaking of fathers, mine is also 2-3 drinks a night guy maybe 3-4 nights a week and he also can't understand why it's hard for me to not stop after having just a few. "Fortunately" for him and many other non-alcoholics, he doesn't understand.
He actually uses a jigger to measure each drink to 1.25 ounces. A jigger is something that would never occur to me to use. Just fill up my big plastic cup half-full or so and dump in whatever mix there happens to be around.
Funny how my drunken mind works when I thought I was regulating my intake!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
I think part of the problem is equating a drink with a reward...in what way is drinking poison a reward?
My life with alcohol was flat, numb, all the colors and happiness sucked out of it..if you are a Harry Potter fan alcohol is like inviting a Dementor into your life;-)
I used alcohol to shut off, only problem is alcohol is a depressant so it made me miserable.
If an alcoholic is someone who does not have control of alcohol then every normal drinker I know has at least been an alcoholic from time to time. My college room mate is someone who would be defined as a "normal" drinker but I have held her hair back when she was worshipping the porcelain goddess.
I think everyone has the potential to become an alcoholic.
Our society glamorizes alcohol consumption for no good reason and that leads many people down a path they should never get on.
My life with alcohol was flat, numb, all the colors and happiness sucked out of it..if you are a Harry Potter fan alcohol is like inviting a Dementor into your life;-)
I used alcohol to shut off, only problem is alcohol is a depressant so it made me miserable.
If an alcoholic is someone who does not have control of alcohol then every normal drinker I know has at least been an alcoholic from time to time. My college room mate is someone who would be defined as a "normal" drinker but I have held her hair back when she was worshipping the porcelain goddess.
I think everyone has the potential to become an alcoholic.
Our society glamorizes alcohol consumption for no good reason and that leads many people down a path they should never get on.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
