NEOMARXIST

It's certainly an, "inside job", in that I will go everywhere that I go to. ie- I can't run away from me. So I have to get myself into a healthy place of recovering from my alcoholism on a daily basis. ie totally new mindset, attitude, outlook, 'Spiritual awakening' or whatever else you want to call it.

However I think that the advice about having to change "people, places and things" (that was the advice I heard at AA as a newcomer) is very good and honest advice. I think that is crucial to staying sober early on in sobriety when you are very vulnerable. I also think that is partly why soooo many don't manage to stay sober, because they aren't willing to make those sacrifices to not associate with the old crowd, go the parties, take that first drinkor spliff with ya boys, or whatever else.

Getting sober, certainly required, a massive amount of "insulating" ie- accpetance that I had to totally change my people, places and things. So to make sure that I stayed away from that first drink at all costs and embraced my recovery as my new way of life. I had to totally accept my alcoholism to be willing to do this however. I think many young people are simply not willing to do this and so end up drinking again. Most probably because they don't totally accept they are definately alcoholic and so try to keep on controlling it etcetc. or are simply not willing to give the "sessions" up -parties, after work spliff or beers, pub with mates, beer garden in the sunny weather, music festival, camping trips, etcetcect

Then the "inside" job takes place about looking at "people, places and things" with the opposite viewpoint of how life has to be on life's terms. So not harboring resentments and accepting them for what they are and accepting that you can't control these things to an extent.

I totally get the acceptance thing that LexieCate quotes from the BB. That really speaks to me and is my experience exactly. When I accept me for being me then I am contented and serene. This was the main part of my recovery to being where I want to get to. I don't have as much problem with the other stuff as my biggest problem and resentment was myself. Lots of my recovery work has been towards this aspect. However this only became possible because I insulated by changing my people, places and things to allow me to protect my precious sobriety.

Peace

RobertHugh

For me, I've learned that some of what I "hear" in AA is not found in our text. That doesn't mean it's not valuable, it just means that I need to make sure I view it through the filter of the program of recovery outlined in our book. Not all the slogans are in sync with our program, and some I believe are potentially misleading for the newcomer.

And all I heard early on was "people, places and things." And very little about the inside job and recovery. So I moved, changed my friends, and stopped hanging out in bars. Not bad advice...and it insulated me from old behavior. The problem for me was that I thought I was done-- either because I wasn't taking it seriously, or because I wasn't getting the message.

augustwest

we addicts are so adept at complicating everything. hahaha. my understanding of this is simply that the one thing i always have control over is my relationship to people, places, and things. that "things" don't really change, but the way i perceive them certainly does. there are exceptions to everything but the underlying principle in "people, places, and things" for me is the same wisdom contained in the serenity prayer. The wisdom of acceptance and the courage to change what i can.

sure, i could change someone by running them over with my car or even change the local library by spray painting the walls and smashing the windows but that's not the salient point. i used to be one who would look hard for the exceptions and differences in such things, but now i just look for what the underlying spiritual principle is. that's where i find useful information that can be applied to my life. pointing out obvious inconsistencies i found was usually a function of my ego, and not a search for wisdom and truth.

Harry01854

People never act the way I think they should, I can't change that so I have to work on acceptance. I'm in a hurry and everytime I come to a light it is red, I can't make it turn green so I ask God for the strength to have patience and accept the fact no matter what, I will get to where ever it is I'm going. I live in an area where there are package stores and barrooms plentiful, I can't make them all close down or change them to malt shops so I ask God for the courage to not get angry over the fact that I cannot drink like normal people.

I just have to learn to accept that because I stopped drinking the world isn't going to change to make life easier for me to live in. I have to do all my changing from inside. I have to change how I see the world today, sort of have to put on a new set of glasses. I have to change the way I think about everything, because my way of thinking is not right and neither are my ideas. I have to change my behavior because My own behavior is not acceptable to society.

I have yet to find anybody that will tell me that this is going to be easy. This is the hardest I have ever worked in my entire life.

Harry

ChuckD1

I’m starting to understand that I can’t change people, places and things. I can’t change my feelings or emotions. I wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack. I can’t change the feeling. It will go away in a few minutes. I find it very helpful saying the Serenity Prayer. Most of the time I fall back to sleep or I just accept the feeling. Are feelings and emotions things? What else can I do?
Thanks for all the replies
Chuck

Harry01854

Well they are things that exist in all of us. And depending on the circumstances, sometimes it is hard to change that feeling or emotion. But it doesn't mean that we can't change how we feel or how emotional we are.

But, to me this is a very good question and I'm hoping to see more replies on it myself. This is something I'm not sure on how to answer. But, I am looking forward to more insight on the subject.

Thanks,

Harry

RobbyRobot

My feelings and emotions, and thoughts, are not 'things' and neither are yours I'm sure. We have personalities and we're constantly changing sometimes in little unnoticed ways and sometimes in fully aware ways by our choices and actions.

I've found the best I can do with feelings is accept them as they are and also to create new ones to help with that acceptance process. Just dwelling or facing feelings without being inventive would be wasting my efforts in changing my life experiences. We are not helpless even in the midst of a panic attack or struggle. In the creation of new feelings and ideas I try to be as honest and truthful as I can without going into denial about what is already happening to me in my daily living. Changes in feelings does take time though, as you mentioned in eventually it just passes away. Hiding from myself is always a poor strategy in dealing with my feelings, emotions, and thoughts. It's all a balancing process acted out each and every day. Being true to myself (ourselves) is of paramount importance.

RR

augustwest

meditation and prayer on a regular(daily) basis

glbalvill

'xactly.

f,

israel

EliL

I was expecting a post on can’t change people, places and things rather than can chabge people, places and things! Whatever slogan and action works is good enough though

Eaglelizard

One person you can't change is Elvis and I hope you give him another chance.

LBrain

I think LaFemme hit on the answer.
The short of it is it's implied that you can control your environment.

People - If everyone you hung out with daily were heavy drinkers or encouraged you to drink - stay away from them. Change your association with certain people or groups of people.

Places - Bars (and similar environments) - Stay away from them.

Things (a list that couldn't be compiled) - Anything that was associated with drinking. This also falls under the people/places umbrella. Concerts, parties, picnics, WEDDINGS, Bar Mitzvah, football/baseball/futbol games, etc. The list goes on. Anything you did that you drank or expected to drink while doing it can be considered a "thing". For me, yard work was a "thing". Since I had to do yard work, I took measures to remove from myself the 'urge to drink' in order to complete the task. Whether it was a self-enforced timeout or whatever.

This is what I believe to be the 'people/places/things' as mentioned in that little saying. It is all to give yourself a fighting chance to get through those rough times, or for some, people/places/ things may have to be a lifetime alteration. I didn't go to parties in the beginning. However, now with a solid foundation of sobriety I do not feel threatened by any of the above. I don't even notice people drinking anymore. Hell, I work in a beer store now and I might as well be selling dust mops for all the effect it has on me. You do not have to abandon your friends, but you should give yourself time away if it interferes with your sobriety. And if they are true friends, they will understand. My friends were very supportive and even asked me if it was okay if "they" had a drink even if I was in their home. True friends.

TYG2

I'm still praying for the wisdom to know the difference (courtesy Serenity Prayer) lol