Am I an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Am I an alcoholic?
Hello Everyone! Glad to be a new member of this forum! I found this website when I finally came to the realization (and many falls and bruises later) that I may be an acoholic, but my question is, what, exactly, defines an alcoholic? I feel I am somewhere in between, so if anyone could shed some light, I would appreciate it! Here's my story.
I had always thought to be defined as an 'alcoholic' one must drink everyday, all day. I've always been the type of woman who can drink LARGE amounts in a few hours but then not touch it for months. I guess that's called "Binge Drinking" but does that make me an alcoholic? I admitted to myself (finally) that I can not have just one, two or three drinks. I always felt I could control it (and have managed to in the past) but after a few drinks, most of the time I will tell myself "I'll just have one more" (and one more etc etc) I usually drink beer but I stopped drinking it and moved on to wine - there's a little story to this that made me realize the damage I was doing. My eldest daughter, who's 5 started to count my beer bottles on the counter from the night before. Not knowing it was 'alcohol' she very instinctively told me, "Mama, you shouldn't drink so much"... and this was the beginning of the end for me. I haven't gone through any DT's or anything, can quit at any time, but basically when I start, I have a hard time stopping. I am not depressed, angry, or anything, (at LEAST I don’t think I am!) I just need to find out why I have this compulsiveness to want to drink til I either fall down or pass out. Alcohol is a sore subject in my house simply because of the fool I've made of myself on many occasions in the past, whether we’re out having dinner or in the house with just me and my husband. Whenever I drink, it usually starts from the time my girls go to bed, but lately I've started 30 minutes earlier, just to be able to get that 'extra drink' in before I go to bed at night. Is there such a thing as people who can not handle alcohol without being an acoholic? I am in total confusion at the moment and am hoping someone could help me decide what might be going on. Thank you for reading!
BTW: My father was an acoholic (he came from a huge Irish family) but he’s been sober for over 30 years. I never remember him drinking cause I was very young when he got sober!
Love and Peace to all,
ILoveMyFamily
I had always thought to be defined as an 'alcoholic' one must drink everyday, all day. I've always been the type of woman who can drink LARGE amounts in a few hours but then not touch it for months. I guess that's called "Binge Drinking" but does that make me an alcoholic? I admitted to myself (finally) that I can not have just one, two or three drinks. I always felt I could control it (and have managed to in the past) but after a few drinks, most of the time I will tell myself "I'll just have one more" (and one more etc etc) I usually drink beer but I stopped drinking it and moved on to wine - there's a little story to this that made me realize the damage I was doing. My eldest daughter, who's 5 started to count my beer bottles on the counter from the night before. Not knowing it was 'alcohol' she very instinctively told me, "Mama, you shouldn't drink so much"... and this was the beginning of the end for me. I haven't gone through any DT's or anything, can quit at any time, but basically when I start, I have a hard time stopping. I am not depressed, angry, or anything, (at LEAST I don’t think I am!) I just need to find out why I have this compulsiveness to want to drink til I either fall down or pass out. Alcohol is a sore subject in my house simply because of the fool I've made of myself on many occasions in the past, whether we’re out having dinner or in the house with just me and my husband. Whenever I drink, it usually starts from the time my girls go to bed, but lately I've started 30 minutes earlier, just to be able to get that 'extra drink' in before I go to bed at night. Is there such a thing as people who can not handle alcohol without being an acoholic? I am in total confusion at the moment and am hoping someone could help me decide what might be going on. Thank you for reading!
BTW: My father was an acoholic (he came from a huge Irish family) but he’s been sober for over 30 years. I never remember him drinking cause I was very young when he got sober!
Love and Peace to all,
ILoveMyFamily
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Hi Ilovemyfamily
I spent years trying to figure out whether I was an alcoholic or not - sometimes I thought I was, other times not...but I kept drinking nonetheless.
I think the important thing, far more important than any label, is to ask yourself
But for the record...this is from the US Centre for Disease Control - it's just a guide naturally...but it sounds fair enough to me - others may disagree.
Alcoholism or alcohol dependence is a diagnosable disease characterized by several factors, including a strong craving for alcohol, continued use despite harm or personal injury, the inability to limit drinking, physical illness when drinking stops, and the need to increase the amount drunk to feel the effects.
Alcohol abuse is a pattern of drinking that results in harm to one’s health, interpersonal relationships, or ability to work. Certain manifestations of alcohol abuse include failure to fulfill responsibilities at work, school or home; drinking in dangerous situations, such as while driving; legal problems associated with alcohol use; and continued drinking despite problems that are caused or worsened by drinking. Alcohol abuse can lead to alcohol dependence. To me, the point is I don't think it matters which one you identify with more - it's a problem either way.
D
I spent years trying to figure out whether I was an alcoholic or not - sometimes I thought I was, other times not...but I kept drinking nonetheless.
I think the important thing, far more important than any label, is to ask yourself
- is it a problem and most importantly of all
- what am I going to do about it now?
But for the record...this is from the US Centre for Disease Control - it's just a guide naturally...but it sounds fair enough to me - others may disagree.
Alcoholism or alcohol dependence is a diagnosable disease characterized by several factors, including a strong craving for alcohol, continued use despite harm or personal injury, the inability to limit drinking, physical illness when drinking stops, and the need to increase the amount drunk to feel the effects.
Alcohol abuse is a pattern of drinking that results in harm to one’s health, interpersonal relationships, or ability to work. Certain manifestations of alcohol abuse include failure to fulfill responsibilities at work, school or home; drinking in dangerous situations, such as while driving; legal problems associated with alcohol use; and continued drinking despite problems that are caused or worsened by drinking. Alcohol abuse can lead to alcohol dependence.
D
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,864
Many people think that to be an alcoholic, they must drink all day or be homeless and live under a bridge somewhere begging for money on the streets. Nothing can be further from the truth. If alcohol often causes problems in your life; if you have trouble quitting drinking after the first drink; if you have physical cravings for alcohol...all of these things could be considered alcoholism, but labels don't really matter.
Alcoholism is progressive. Many people go for years before their lives are negatively impacted in a large way. Many hold down good jobs, don't miss work due to drinking, go to church, etc., but that doesn't mean they aren't alcoholics. No one knows where the invisible line is. Once that line is crossed, they almost always need help to stop drinking because they have become both physically and mentally addicted.
Welcome to SR. Read the stickies at the top of this forum. There is much knowledge to be found there. This place is full of wonderful people who will help you in any way they can.
Alcoholism is progressive. Many people go for years before their lives are negatively impacted in a large way. Many hold down good jobs, don't miss work due to drinking, go to church, etc., but that doesn't mean they aren't alcoholics. No one knows where the invisible line is. Once that line is crossed, they almost always need help to stop drinking because they have become both physically and mentally addicted.
Welcome to SR. Read the stickies at the top of this forum. There is much knowledge to be found there. This place is full of wonderful people who will help you in any way they can.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Being an alcoholic isn't what you drink, or how much, or how often, it's what happens to you when you drink and if it's doing damage to you or others.
If you think it's a problem, it probably is. Alcoholics have no control over alcohol. They can't stop once they start drinking, or they can't function without alcohol. Binge drinking can be alcoholism too if it's causing problems, no matter how infrequent it is.
Besides which, it doesn't matter what label you put on yourself, what matters is what you do about it. If it's causing problems, why not stop drinking altogether and see how it goes?
Welcome to SR!
If you think it's a problem, it probably is. Alcoholics have no control over alcohol. They can't stop once they start drinking, or they can't function without alcohol. Binge drinking can be alcoholism too if it's causing problems, no matter how infrequent it is.
Besides which, it doesn't matter what label you put on yourself, what matters is what you do about it. If it's causing problems, why not stop drinking altogether and see how it goes?
Welcome to SR!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
My belief is that alcoholism is not about how much or how often you drink. It's about what happens to you when you drink.
If alcohol is causing you trouble in your life and you can't stop drinking, in my opinion that's an alcoholic, but of course it's something that you will have to decide on your own. If you decide to stop drinking, we are here to offer support and information.
If alcohol is causing you trouble in your life and you can't stop drinking, in my opinion that's an alcoholic, but of course it's something that you will have to decide on your own. If you decide to stop drinking, we are here to offer support and information.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome ILMF! It's good that you're asking questions. There's a higher risk for you if your father was an alcoholic, so it could be that you have that tendency, too.
None of us instantly become addicted to alcohol. It's more applicable to talk about the stages of alcoholism. We usually start off drinking on a limited basis and the problems start showing up as we drink more and more but. There are red flags along the way, however - lack of control is one of them (drinking more than you intend to).
Something you said also raises some questions:
IMO, that's more like alcoholic drinking than it is social drinking.
Keep reading around the site - there's alot of information and support here!!
None of us instantly become addicted to alcohol. It's more applicable to talk about the stages of alcoholism. We usually start off drinking on a limited basis and the problems start showing up as we drink more and more but. There are red flags along the way, however - lack of control is one of them (drinking more than you intend to).
Something you said also raises some questions:
lately I've started 30 minutes earlier, just to be able to get that 'extra drink' in
Keep reading around the site - there's alot of information and support here!!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,864
Several things in your post cause me to believe you very well could have an alcohol problem. Are you technically an alcoholic? It's difficult to say, but the fact that you admit to being unable to just have one or two, starting to drink earlier, the fact that alcohol is a sore subject because of your actions while drinking, all sound like warning signs. If alcohol causes problems for you, it's a good bet that you should probably consider quitting. Alcoholism never gets better unless the person stops drinking.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Only you can really decide. I hate labels in general, but "if you ask it is very likely you are", now makes sense to me. Maybe try this; don't drink for a month, log in here every other day or so, and at the end of the month ask yourself the same question? A lot of great people here. I just focus on the fact that in the past when I drank bad things happened; therefore i don't drink today (which also implies i do some other stuff to make that happen, one of which is posting/participating here). Welcome!
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Maybe your question should not be 'am I an alcoholic' but 'what am I going to do about it'
The fact that you are here asking this question suggests you have drinking problems and you know it.
If someone said you were an alcoholic, would it make any difference? Would that be or not be your motivation to stop or not?
The fact that you are here asking this question suggests you have drinking problems and you know it.
If someone said you were an alcoholic, would it make any difference? Would that be or not be your motivation to stop or not?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome ILMF!
I just posted this on another thread about "Quotable Quotes" - it's one of my favorites and came to mind with your question:
I certainly can't say if you're an alcoholic. I can say that I could also drink LARGE amounts of alcohol, didn't get the DT's, could stop for a month or so....
....but, in time, I also began drinking sooner in the day and until later at night, changed the type of alcohol I was consuming thinking I could control it better, rotated liquor stores so the clerks wouldn't recognize me as a regular, had family members talking about my drinking (or not talking as you described it being a sore subject)...and on and on.
Alcoholism is progressive. What you haven't experienced yet (DT's, etc.) is surely to follow unless changes are made.
It doesn't matter if anyone's alcoholism is a genetic or learned behavior or both...what matters is that once drinking has become a problem, it's only a matter of time before it turns from a problem into a dependency unless some action is taken to prevent that.
Glad you're here. Cruise around the forums. I'm sure you'll identify with many of the stories here.
I just posted this on another thread about "Quotable Quotes" - it's one of my favorites and came to mind with your question:
One of my favorite quotes about the "Am I an alcoholic?" question comes from the book Drinking: A Love Story by Caroline Knapp.
When you question your alcoholism, here's a nice piece of logic: If I am an alcoholic, I shouldn't drink and if I'm not an alcoholic, I don't need to.
People who aren't alcoholics do not lie in bed at two-thirty in the morning wondering if they're alcoholics. A good reality check.
When you question your alcoholism, here's a nice piece of logic: If I am an alcoholic, I shouldn't drink and if I'm not an alcoholic, I don't need to.
People who aren't alcoholics do not lie in bed at two-thirty in the morning wondering if they're alcoholics. A good reality check.
....but, in time, I also began drinking sooner in the day and until later at night, changed the type of alcohol I was consuming thinking I could control it better, rotated liquor stores so the clerks wouldn't recognize me as a regular, had family members talking about my drinking (or not talking as you described it being a sore subject)...and on and on.
Alcoholism is progressive. What you haven't experienced yet (DT's, etc.) is surely to follow unless changes are made.
It doesn't matter if anyone's alcoholism is a genetic or learned behavior or both...what matters is that once drinking has become a problem, it's only a matter of time before it turns from a problem into a dependency unless some action is taken to prevent that.
Glad you're here. Cruise around the forums. I'm sure you'll identify with many of the stories here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Rural OK
Posts: 329
Another thing to consider is the PROGRESSIVE nature of alcoholism. It always starts small and gets progressively worse the longer we drink. I drank for years on week ends or special occasions,thinking I could quit anytime I wanted. Then I woke up to the fact that I did not control it, IT controlled me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
Hello again! Thank you everyone for your response!
I guess I just feel a bit ‘lost’ in this because I ‘assumed’ in order to say, “I’m an acoholic”, one must have a dependency on it. I know I have problems with it (a lot of people do) but does that make them alcoholics? Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way. ANY ‘problem’ with drinking could be considered an alcoholic problem. I’m not worried about the label so much as trying to sort out what is going on with me. It’s like after a couple of drinks my mind just ‘shuts off’ and I go into ‘autopilot’ mode (ie back to the fridge for another beer or wine) I guess I need to do a bit more reading on this great website to help me figure it out!
Now that I think about it, I forgot to mention something else. I have a DRINKING problem (PERIOD) with any and ALL drinks. Whether it be tea, coffee , juice, or even water, I seem to have this ‘need’ or ‘habit’ of having a drink with me all day.Whenever I sit at my computer, you’ll very rarily see me without something to drink. Maybe because I have this ‘habit’ that I just need to stick with the ‘non alcoholic’ drinks.
I didn’t realize this could be an inherited thing. My brother is an alcoholic too, which is why he is 40 years old, living at home with no car or job. All little jobs he does get, when he gets paid, the first thing he thinks of IS alcohol. My sister, on the other hand, NEVER touches the stuff! She just never got into it I guess and the poor girl has WAY more problems then me!
As for reasons to quit I have many (like all of you!) and one of them is at kindergarten right now, one at work (husband) and one here at home with me. My husband always told me “I will not tell you you should not/can not drink UNLESS it’s hurting you or the family”. He says he doesn’t want to treat me like a child and that I can and should make the decision for myself. If you can’t be an adult in a given situation, then why put yourself there in the first place? (I should make this line my motto!)
PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU! (and MANY thanks for your replies!)
Sincerely,
ILoveMyFamily
I guess I just feel a bit ‘lost’ in this because I ‘assumed’ in order to say, “I’m an acoholic”, one must have a dependency on it. I know I have problems with it (a lot of people do) but does that make them alcoholics? Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way. ANY ‘problem’ with drinking could be considered an alcoholic problem. I’m not worried about the label so much as trying to sort out what is going on with me. It’s like after a couple of drinks my mind just ‘shuts off’ and I go into ‘autopilot’ mode (ie back to the fridge for another beer or wine) I guess I need to do a bit more reading on this great website to help me figure it out!
Now that I think about it, I forgot to mention something else. I have a DRINKING problem (PERIOD) with any and ALL drinks. Whether it be tea, coffee , juice, or even water, I seem to have this ‘need’ or ‘habit’ of having a drink with me all day.Whenever I sit at my computer, you’ll very rarily see me without something to drink. Maybe because I have this ‘habit’ that I just need to stick with the ‘non alcoholic’ drinks.
I didn’t realize this could be an inherited thing. My brother is an alcoholic too, which is why he is 40 years old, living at home with no car or job. All little jobs he does get, when he gets paid, the first thing he thinks of IS alcohol. My sister, on the other hand, NEVER touches the stuff! She just never got into it I guess and the poor girl has WAY more problems then me!
As for reasons to quit I have many (like all of you!) and one of them is at kindergarten right now, one at work (husband) and one here at home with me. My husband always told me “I will not tell you you should not/can not drink UNLESS it’s hurting you or the family”. He says he doesn’t want to treat me like a child and that I can and should make the decision for myself. If you can’t be an adult in a given situation, then why put yourself there in the first place? (I should make this line my motto!)
PEACE AND LOVE TO ALL OF YOU! (and MANY thanks for your replies!)
Sincerely,
ILoveMyFamily
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by ILoveMyFamily 
Is there such a thing as people who can not handle alcohol without being an acoholic?
I don't think you're an alcoholic. And I don't think you should drink. I've never understood the importance of the label. Most people agree that abstaining from meth is a good idea whether one is a meth addict or not, and it sounds like this attitude towards alcohol would serve you. For you it's a harder drug - perhaps not one you're addicted to, but one you should avoid nonetheless.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
Originally Posted by ILoveMyFamily
Hello again! Thank you everyone for your response!
Now that I think about it, I forgot to mention something else. I have a DRINKING problem (PERIOD) with any and ALL drinks. Whether it be tea, coffee , juice, or even water, I seem to have this ‘need’ or ‘habit’ of having a drink with me all day.Whenever I sit at my computer, you’ll very rarily see me without something to drink. Maybe because I have this ‘habit’ that I just need to stick with the ‘non alcoholic’ drinks.
Now that I think about it, I forgot to mention something else. I have a DRINKING problem (PERIOD) with any and ALL drinks. Whether it be tea, coffee , juice, or even water, I seem to have this ‘need’ or ‘habit’ of having a drink with me all day.Whenever I sit at my computer, you’ll very rarily see me without something to drink. Maybe because I have this ‘habit’ that I just need to stick with the ‘non alcoholic’ drinks.
I say that I have a liquid bulimia. It happens to me too. I need a drink constantly. Or something in my mouth. I was a smoker, then I got addicted to nicotine lozenges, which are probably worse since you can have them constantly and no need to go out for a cig. It is a terrible compulsion. I have stopped drinking 2 liters of diet soda and I am sticking to water and herbal tea at the moment. But in my case I need to find a solution to this compulsion. If I drink alcohol it is obviously worse.
I do not know if you are an alcoholic and you probably are far away from where many of us have been before considering the question at all. As Magda says we all know people who get badly drunk from time to time, do stupid things in a party and then stay far away from alcohol as the normal rule. I would not consider these people alcoholics. But it would suprirse me this could cause problems in their family as you see to suggest. In addition, you describe some facts indicating that you are on the road to drink more quantity and more often. It is good you are aware of it.
By the way...If you find a solution to the compulsion to drink all the time, please share it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 64
Welcome ILMF! It's true. Everyone's experience is different. I heard the story of a guy at an AA meeting who had only had isolated binge drinking experiences but had come from a family with a history of alcoholism and so he spotted his own alcoholic drinking before it progressed into daily dependence. As for constant liquid intake–me too! What's up with that? I wonder if it's an alcoholic thing??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3
Hi Magda and Wilde10! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! 
Magda: I agree with you wholeheartedly! As I said in an earlier post, if I KNOW I can't handle something, why do it? I am so tired of this 'guilt' feeling, trying my best to be the perfect 'mom' and 'wife' yet knowing I have this demon and just 'going with the flow.' Thank you for your analogy. It sure hit home with me! It truly makes no difference if it's alcohol or tea, I just have this compulsion to drink and have been this way for years. I guess as I got older, I moved onto the 'harder stuff', which was always bound to cause me and my family problems. Family is definitely more important and the more I focus on that, the less likely I am to use my 'compulsion' for anything alcoholic.
Wilde10: It's so nice to see someone else shares the same 'problem' as me! I know before I even LIFT my first bottle of beer (or glass of wine) that there will more then likely be a problem, I will not be able to know my limit. This 'drinking' thing is something I never even thought about until just recently. I could drink anything (and not eat) as I prefer liquids to food anyway. I had really gotten a taste for beer and looked forward to the first couple of bottles, but after that, it didn't matter (or I didn't care) WHAT I was drinking then! I just know that when it comes to alcohol, I tend to have this reoccuring 'trend' to keep drinking til I am either blind or ready to 'pass out'. Unfortunately it does help me relax in the evenings after my girls have gone to bed. I guess it's the time we look foward to in having these drinks that are the hardest to let go. Can I have a cup of tea in the evenings instead of wine or beer? Sure I can, but I prefer NOT to and that is what scares me a bit.
If you find the answer to this compulsive drinking problem please do let me know! I don't know what it is but if it's water you're drinking, then it can NEVER be a bad thing!
In Love and Light,
ILoveMyFamily
Magda: I agree with you wholeheartedly! As I said in an earlier post, if I KNOW I can't handle something, why do it? I am so tired of this 'guilt' feeling, trying my best to be the perfect 'mom' and 'wife' yet knowing I have this demon and just 'going with the flow.' Thank you for your analogy. It sure hit home with me! It truly makes no difference if it's alcohol or tea, I just have this compulsion to drink and have been this way for years. I guess as I got older, I moved onto the 'harder stuff', which was always bound to cause me and my family problems. Family is definitely more important and the more I focus on that, the less likely I am to use my 'compulsion' for anything alcoholic.
Wilde10: It's so nice to see someone else shares the same 'problem' as me! I know before I even LIFT my first bottle of beer (or glass of wine) that there will more then likely be a problem, I will not be able to know my limit. This 'drinking' thing is something I never even thought about until just recently. I could drink anything (and not eat) as I prefer liquids to food anyway. I had really gotten a taste for beer and looked forward to the first couple of bottles, but after that, it didn't matter (or I didn't care) WHAT I was drinking then! I just know that when it comes to alcohol, I tend to have this reoccuring 'trend' to keep drinking til I am either blind or ready to 'pass out'. Unfortunately it does help me relax in the evenings after my girls have gone to bed. I guess it's the time we look foward to in having these drinks that are the hardest to let go. Can I have a cup of tea in the evenings instead of wine or beer? Sure I can, but I prefer NOT to and that is what scares me a bit.
If you find the answer to this compulsive drinking problem please do let me know! I don't know what it is but if it's water you're drinking, then it can NEVER be a bad thing!
In Love and Light,
ILoveMyFamily
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Bali, Indonesia
Posts: 645
I dont have a solution to the compulsion to drink all the time but I have it too! Ever since I can remember ive always carried a drink with me everywhere....I try to drink water but im not a huge fan....
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