solareclipse

Hi all, I just wanted to talk about some stuff I've been noticing with myself and see if anyone else has seen this kind of thing in themselves. I have 23 days sober from alcohol, which has been a problem for me for 8 to 10 years. This is the longest I've ever been sober. I've been attending AA meetings almost every day and found this incredibly helpful. Sometimes turning down drinks you start to feel like you're the only person with this problem and why me? and meeting so many other happy, successful addicts reminds me that this is not the case and that a lot of people are dealing with the exact same thing.

Anyway, so one thing I've heard is that addicts search for external solutions to internal problems. I know that I've done this for as long as I can remember–since I was a little kid really–but recently I've been extra tuned into it and wonder how to deal with this sort of constant dissatisfaction it creates to be this way. Right now, I'm preoccupied with: getting married, going on vacation, moving to CA, bleaching my teeth, making more money, losing weight, etc. I could probably go on. Those are the main ones. The point is they are all part of a cycle of dissatisfaction. Right now, I am in a happy relationship, living in a nice apt in an interesting neighborhood in NY, making more money than I was making a year ago...I mean I think it's good to want things but there's this line where I wonder if I'm just permanently dissatisfied rather than healthily wanting to moving forward. (I realize this post makes me sound horribly superficial I guess I'm trying to be honest about something that I've realized about myself and I'm not happy with.) Anyone feel this way/notice similar obsessive tendencies? Anyone have advice on how to focus on the good and not be driven by an addictive voice that wants more, more, more???

least

I too harbor feelings of dissatisfaction with my lot in life (sometimes). What I'm trying to do is emulate my dogs. They live in the moment, grateful for whatever they get and happy to just be dogs. They don't worry about tomorrow or regret yesterday, just live in the 'now'. So I try to just live in the 'now', following their example.

Don't know if this helps, but it's what I do and it helps me.

solareclipse

Thank you Least! That is a good way to think of it–to think of a dog's point of view. It does all come down to living in the now and I think for me and maybe other addicts too living in the moment is not our natural inclination.

MTWildflower

I can totally relate to what you're saying.

Larkspur

I can relate too. I don't think it's necessarily bad to want to improve aspects of your life, I just struggle with trying to do everything-right-now-want-it-all-at-once. I get all excited about one aspect of life improvement (like starting some exercise) and then decide it would be best to also quit drinking and smoking, have my teeth whitened to stop me wanting to smoke again, consider changing my job, renovate my apartment and start learning a new language.

Setting myself up for failure much?!

I guess what I'm trying to do differently at the moment is be patient and recognise that I'm actually trying to do something really big, and just give it the time it needs to stick. I've quit drinking and smoking (19 days) and those are two habits I've been trying to deal with for years. I think I can take two or three months to make sure those things are really starting to take before I start trying to make sure I do 30 minutes of exercise a day as well, or start looking for a new job, or change my whole wardrobe.

Anna

It might be helpful to you to keep a Gratitude Journal.

During times when I've been frustrated with my recovery, I found it useful to keep a journal and to write down three things that I am grateful for, every day. It helps me to shift the focus.

Dee74

Hi solareclipse

I think it's great you're very much aware of stuff

Don't forget tho - you're stacking 24 days against 8-10 years. We can, and do change - but it takes time.

Anna's idea of a journal is a good one. It;d important to realise how much is already good in our lives.

So is trying our best to live in the day, and letting go of trying to control everything.
It was a major revelation to me to realise how much of my addiction was bound up in my need to control my environment and my moods via the bottle.

Letting go of that controlling need and letting things happen, having some faith that things work out without me overseeing everything, and looking at the many many things I have to be grateful for right, now have helped me with some of the underlying frustration and dissatisfaction I'd felt for years.

But like I say: it's an event, not a process - maybe cut yourself a little bit of slack?

Welcome to SR!
D

solareclipse

Thanks for your responses. Larkspur, I think that's my problem too. It's like OK now that I'm making one change, all of these other things should happen and they should all happen right away. I'm totally impatient! I like the gratitude journal Anna. I think I'll try that. Even just writing down those few reasons I have to be happy in the initial post made me feel less obsessed with the future and brought me back to today. It's certainly a work in progress...

PilgrimPat

I'm overweight, have no job, no girlfriend, can't drive because of a DUI2, and relapsed last Saturday after 3 weeks sober.

Do you feel any better now?