lucyinthesky3

What exactly defines an addict? I'm REALLY fricken confused about this. I've also heard so many different answers. I've heard NA-ers say that an addict is someone whos life revolves around getting and using drugs, and when your drug use begins to interfere with other aspects of your life but then I heard so many other definitions.

I've also heard certain behaviours or habits be called "addict behaviour" but not necessarily in the context that that person IS an addict, but more like bordering the thin(?) line between 'normal' and addicted. Like, a person can *abuse* drugs sometimes but not necessarily be an addict, I think... like I know people who definitely would have fit the description of a drug abuser, but were able to just stop, and never look back. Clearly they weren't addicts then.

Is it possible to have a drug problem without it necessarily being an addiction? What if somebody does abuse drugs, or does sometimes use drugs to 'numb' out but it doesn't interfere with any other area of their lives? My aunt is a generally happy, successful person but the odd time when something really bad happens she'll get drunk, but it's not something that's out of control. Like she wouldn't if she had to work the next day or anything. So that would be drug abuse, but she's definitely not an addict.

Also, how do you know if you truly use drugs to 'numb' out? I can't figure out if I do or not. I usually just do drugs because I'm bored or want to have fun. I definitely admit that I do sometimes abuse drugs to 'escape' boredom, but I wouldn't say it's a lost of control or anything and it doesn't much interfere with other aspects of my life. Like if I have something important the next day, like work or anything I wouldn't get high. I more just like having fun, and I enjoy the effects. The hardest drugs I have used at prescription amphetamine and cocaine, and of all the drugs I 'use' they are my least favourite. I'm a wimp with comedowns, but because my prescription is generally readily available and free, I do tend to abuse it more then I should. If it weren't free though, no way would I pay for it, I'd just say f*ck it. Really, if it wasn't for prescriptions I'm not sure I'd do drugs so often at all.

Also, I'm not one to, at least consciously, run out to get high or drunk if something bad happens or I get upset. I generally DON'T drink or do drugs at these times because of the fact that I'm upset.

I'm just super confused. I think I may have problematic behaviours with drugs and alcohol, things I should really look deeper into and certain things I should quick all together, like the prescriptions, but generally my drug use is recreational and with other people. I do 100% believe that many people can use drugs recreationally, just the same way many people can use alcohol recreationally. Infact alcohol is way worse then most drugs, but people look past it and accept it because its socially acceptable.

I also can't f*cking stand when I hear people say "If you're wondering if you're an addict, you probably are." That is so not true. Someone can have a hard time quitting partying for a myriad of reasons, not just being an addict. Also, like I said, some people can be worried about certain behaviours or habits they have but they aren't necessarily an addict.

I'm sooo confused. It's not a matter of me being in denial either. My friend told me today "Denial is not just a river in Egypt" lolol but I am willing to admit I have a problem if I actually do, I just can't figure it out. I also realize that maybe there isn't really a clear cut definition of an addict because its such a spectrum disease, and different for every person. If that is the case though, do I just look at the fact that its not interfering with my life (that I can see at least, and I'm pretty self aware)? I do have an addict in my immediate family, and its definitely a clear cut case of addiction there.

Also, does maybe, the type of drugs you use make it more difficult to define? I don't use the drugs that you most commonly see, like this member of my family, like heroin, crack, etc. The stuff that lands people on the streets and you can see very quickly the effects and things that define them as addicts, but with the club drugs I use and prescriptions, maybe its not as easy to tell just because the dynamics of these drugs are different and the way they would effect an addicts life are different and less obvious???

I dunnnnnooo man, but I'm confused!

Pleeease, tell me your opinions? I am open to hearing, considering, thinking about anything. I need to get this figured out and off my mind. There are only a few people, literally who think I have a problem, but maybe thats because they are some of the few people I let close? Sadly 2 of them have broken my trust minus 1, who is starting to. Also, they are all addicts, and it seems like as soon as anyone goes into recovery or NA, suddenly they judge and think everybody has an addiction. They can't see that a lot of people can use drugs recreationally and not be addicts. These people also seriously accuse everyone who parties of being addicts basically.

Annnyyways, if you have read this far, I thank you! lol. Hopefully I havem ade some sense through my ramble.

Impurrfect

((Lucy))

I don't know that this will help you, any, but I can tell you a bit of my story.

When I was young, I used alcohol and drugs "recreationally". Never had a problem with it, other than one DUI and I never drove drunk again, though I continued to drink. I was with a guy that WAS an alcoholic so we drank....a lot.

When we split up, I could care less about drinking. Years later I started abusing opiates. I DID get in trouble with this...MAJOR trouble, but I quit taking massive amounts cold turkey. Never once had withdrawals, no cravings, etc.

Some time later I met a guy who introduced me to crack. To THAT, I can say, I am most definitely addicted, though I've been clean and in recovery for 3 years.

It's more than likely that your friends in recovery are seeing a pattern that maybe they started out with? When you use any substance because you're not comfortable with whatever your feeling, like being "bored", you start a habit. Some people CAN use "recreationally", but the majority of people I've seen...it's like a switch is turned on and they can't do without it.

There are people here who started out using "X" recreationally, and are now addicted. There are all KINDS of things people can get addicted to.

"Addictive behavior" is a lot of things: lying, stealing are some of the worst. More subtle ones can be justifying your use, like "well, everyone else was doing it and I didn't want to be the only one not" when the simple fact is...you wanted to get high.

I think you're very smart to be looking at this. You may be one of the ones who can "take it or leave it", but knowing that friends are concerned about you is something I would play close attention to. Those closest to us often see things we can't see ourselves. You never know when that "switch" will be turned on. One day you're fine, the next morning you wake up and you find any excuse to use.

Hope this helps you some.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

MagdaTheGreat

I like Lance Dodes' definition of addiction, which is that if you use a drug or behavior (e.g. sex, gambling) to change your emotional state because you feel helpless to change it any other way, then you are addicted. Normally if I hear someone say that they are using for fun I assume they aren't an addict, but you also mentioned using to alleviate boredom. If there are times when your boredom is so unbearable that drugs are the only way you can get out of it, then that is a definite sign of addiction. Boredom is my primary trigger.

In the end, do you really need the label to address behaviors that you admit are unhealthy?

onestepforward

Hi there Lucy,
I read through your post

You bring up some excellent questions! IT seems like you are really struggling with your use.

I like John Bradshaw's definition: "A patholigical relationship to any mind altering experience with life damaging consequences."


I think you answered your own question. What is bored? Bored is usually a time when we are left alone with our own thoughts, which usually, at least for me, triggers an anxiety that I like to escape. Can you have fun without drugs?

Nobody can tell you if you are an addict or not. For me, I spent a lot of times on boards like this trying to "determine" whether or not I was an addict. Finally, I decided that it doesn't matter. What mattered is I was living a miserable life due to my constant drinking. My consequences weren't tangible (i.e. loss of job, dui) but spiritual and physical. Now I tell people "I drank, it caused me pain, so I stopped".

Just some stuff to think about. If you are concerned enough to be on a recovery website posting, that is a red flag.

Best of luck to you. Keep posting and let us know how you are ok?

:ghug3

Dee74

Hi Lucy

I don't know whether you're an addict or not, although I tend to agree with what the others have said - but only you know what factors bought you here, to a recovery website.

If you're looking for a different way of life, and help and support to find it? You're in the right place

D

Peter G

For me it's when you use and abuse a substance after having experienced dire consequences as its result - and continue to do so. When your morals and ethics play second fiddle to your desire to use, you're likely addicted.

That's not to say that nasty things can't happen to people who aren't addicts, but when it becomes habitual to screw up or have things screw up, and your substance of choice is at the center of that scenario - you are addicted to that substance.

MelindaFlowers

Hello!

I am by no means an expert on addiction, but one thing that's fascinated me since I stopped drinking is how everyone's experience, mentally and physically, is so unique yet so similar.

I recommend reading lots and lots of posts on here to get a better idea about addiction. I tried drinking for the first time at 19 and it was leading me to the abyss by 28. I became obsessed with it. I experiment with one 'serious' drug twice, felt like I had a swinging two hours on the dancefloor, had never felt like that before. That was about six years ago and the thought has never crossed my mind since to want it, get it, or do it after that. I've smoked weed probably a dozen times in my life at parties or with friends, but it made me weird, hazy, and the need to eat two family-size bags of Cheetos. The last time was about five years ago and I have no interest in ever doing it again.

I think physical addiction is very unique to each individual. In the post above Impurrfect shared that she stopped opiates without any cravings or withdrawal? I stopped drinking without any physical withdrawal but with cravings. And she said she was taking massive amounts. I was drinking massive amounts. Huh? Maybe we weren't physically dependent/addicted? But I did have cravings and I still daydream about drinking several times a day.I was definitely mentally addicted to drinking.

I am addicted to cigarettes. Maybe that sums up my experience with true-blue addiction. I crave them at certain intervals, about every 90 minutes, but I often "binge" and have several in a row. I get anxious when I am about to run out. I spend money on them even though I don't have much money right now. I know they are bad for me but I still smoke. I hide it from my family because I know they would hit the ceiling if they found out. I want to stop but dread stopping at the same time. It's difficult at this point to picture my life without them.

Maybe the "abusers" are the ones who can just simply stop anytime they want to. For example, my partner can smoke half a pack a day for a week and just.......stop. There is literally an open pack on the counter and he won't have one for the next two weeks. He also had a several year phase of hard drug use, the whole variety, on a very regular basis and just stopped one day. No intervention, no rehab, no detox, no meetings, counseling, nothing. That was over seven years ago.

But, I also think that the abusers often don't want to stop unless a reason is staring them in the face. I didn't truly want to stop drinking until my hypochondriac mind convinced myself, and truthfully, that I was killing myself, and not that slowly either.

I'm looking forward to reading other people's responses.

TimeDrain

I think it's when you need something even if the outcome is no longer positive. You cannot just walk away from it , it's something that has a powerful impact on you.

Addiction is fascinating, perplexing, depressing, powerful , and frustrating.

If drugs/alcohol ( for some sex/food/videogames/etc..) were not powerful and didn't alter me profoundly I would not have any interest in them . They give you a moment of power to alter your state.

I think in the beginning those altered states were exciting and magical and we all chase those feelings. We never find that pinnacle of everlasting peace and happiness so the cycle continues. Your body responds to things with a reward process and thinks they are good.

So you have your body physically craving things , mind craving the rush or the "peace" , and repetitive routines that are hard to break even when not dealing with powerful substances.

A real nightmare is what addiction is. However we are smarter and better than it so we can take back control and use it to appreciate things most others probably take for granted.

Thankfully every single one of us has the ability to defeat it and we all get to help each other.

SereniTee

A simple and (I think) true definition I heard from my addiction counsellor is someone who often uses more than they intend to use and continues to use despite negative impacts it has on the person's life. I find that definition helpful and simple to understand.

ozgoddess

Hi Lucy,

Having spoken to you in the open chat room I must say that some of the stuff you are doing would be considered reckless. Whether you are an addict is something you have to decide.

In my experience, people who have problems stopping drugs and alcohol while socialising do have an addiction problem, otherwise i don't see why they can't socialise sober?

I also stand by what i said in the chat room. Most people who come here are here because they realise they have an issue with drugs/alcohol. Sorry if that annoys you but considering addiction is something that is generally self diagnosed, you will probably hear it again.

Also, it doesn't mean your life has to become a train wreck in order for you to be defined as an addict. My life was functioning fine. I have a good job, a mortgage that is paid, my family still love me, etc etc but i am definitely an alcoholic. Maybe i was lucky, and maybe the bad stuff was just around the corner. Thank goodness I realised before it was too late then.

I hope it all becomes clear to you soon. This is a great place for support if you need it

Lithobid

Hi Lucy,

wonderful questions you are asking, I asked myself these very same questions over and over, am I an addict? Really a true addict?? I had to decide that for myself (by going out multiple times to try and control my drinking, and failed) , and I believe everyone does, that only makes it more scary though huh! But you're in the right place girl.

I would say that if you are writing in a forum like this and asking these questions, there is probably something wrong. I'm not saying your an addict, but something is gone unbalanced in your life. I would give it the old AA try, and go out and try some "controlled drinking". Or drugging, if you are able to have one fix or drink, and walk away without any serious cravings for a month, then you're probably ok. If you can't make it 30 days something is wrong.

You may not understand this now Lucy, but the real miracle happens when you stop being afraid of being an addict, and start to embrace your recovery.

Your in my prayers

-lith

getr345

Addict: One who is addicted to a substance or an activity. Also, one who has in the past been addicted to a substance or an activity and for whom a single use of said substance or activity would almost assuredly result in a return to active addiction. Hence, I am an "addict" and always will be because I have been addicted to nicotine in the past as well as the activity of escapism via the use of other drugs and alcohol. I know for a fact that if I smoked a single cigarette today, I would be right back to smoking immediately and likewise if I took a drink today, I would return immediately to escapism through drinking.

Toronto68

Lucy, one response I can think of right now for that question is that an addict can begin to appear if they have a drunk or high session in place of being with someone they normally like being around who doesn't have anything to do with drugs. By that point, there is probably something that has already gone on in the person who uses, a line already crossed.

MelindaFlowers

What OZ said is exactly right:

Also, it doesn't mean your life has to become a train wreck in order for you to be defined as an addict.

This is absolutely true. I completed my masters degree with a 3.85 gpa while binge drinking every night and hung over everyday, seven days a week. In my case, I used it as a justification that drinking 12 drinks every night was fine, or at least not that bad. It was health concerns that made me want to stop.

Pib

Hi
I read your message and was very interested in what you had to say. I am new to this program, this computer system, but not new to life, or addiction. I have had an alcohol problem from 1985 and had some problems but have been sober for 25 years. 5 and a half years ago I became addicted to prescription drugs after a serious surgery. I knew I had a problem because of the way I reacted and the things I did to get my doctor to give me more also because of the training from the alcohol program I attended.

I'm telling you these things not to take from you but to show that I have been there done that.

You asked, "How do you know when you have a real problem?" I have learned that no one else can tell you when you have a problem. No one else can feel what you feel. A true addiction is the feelings you get along with the state of mind that works with those feelings and no one else can feel and be in your mind. My sponsor once asked me, "What is the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?" To me the answer to this question is the same as the answer to yours.

Answer: A drunk is someone who drinks after the value of the drink has been reached. An alcoholic is someone who drinks after the value of the drink has been reached and is trying to do something about it. Obviously, if you did not feel you needed to CHANGE your drinking pattern, you would not do anything about it and if this was so you would not say you are an alcoholic. The same things goes for being an addict.

Many people can see your actions and decide they think you have a problem but as I stated earlier only you really know if you feel you need to change, therefore, only you know if you can call yourself alcoholic/addict.

This does not mean you should not think about these things. You sound like a truly intelligent person and I agree with you that many people can use drugs recreationally. I have met many who do. I can not so I say I am an addict. An addict includes any or all drugs. Alcohol is a drug so I only need to say I'm an addict.
Pib

Pib

Sorry as I said I'm new. I thought I was posting my reply not creating a new one. Hopefully I'll learn.
Pib

Dee74

Welcome Pib.
You replied in the right way

D

Peter G

That is pure awesome.

lucyinthesky3

Hey everyone. Thank you so much for your thought-provoking replies. Sorry, I didn't reply sooner. I had a revelation yesterday... I was walking home from the store and thinking about how I'll proly take some dexedrine when I get home, even though a big part of me didn't even want to and I knew I really shouldn't and would probably regret it. And anyways, I started thinking and asking myself why I was going to do it when I really didn't even fully want to and the thought of it even made me slightly ill? And for the first time, it hit me and I realized why... I mean a part of it is boredom but I realized its more than that, esp. lately, I have been getting high way more than even before. I realized, getting when I do dexedrine/ritalin or sometimes cocaine, it's because it makes me feel alive and I feel feelings on it, like its like I feel emotions. So I though, well what do I feel when I'm sober than and I realized, honestly, I feel completely dead inside, and empty and completely numb. I realized that the reason I get high non-recreationally, even when I know I shouldn't and don't even want too, is because its the only time I feel awake and alive inside, esp. lately. I don't know why I suddenly realized this after trying to figure this out for the past year. So, I don't really know what to do with this realization but it's kind of intense.

I realized, I think I am definitely in a bad pattern here and obviously have a problem, but I don't think I am technically an addict, because if I wasn't covered for these pills and had to pay, I wouldn't, I would just accept that I don't have anything to get high off but because they are free and there and available, I definitely am very compulsive with them and do tend to lose control, or maybe will power, I don't know.

I realized also that the drugs I use recreationally with my friends and for introspective purposes are completely different, like I use them for totally different reasons than these pills. So even though I have no problem with the drugs I use recreationally, probably bc I have to pay for them but also the dynamic of those drugs and these are different, but I definitely have an issue to sort out with my compulsive use of these pills... and not for recreational reasons in moderation, or for introspective purposes, but to make myself feel awake and alive emotionally...its f**ked up. I feel human and a part of the world when I am high, sometimes when I'm sober its like I'm just me and I don't exist anywhere else. Esp. since moving to this town and knowing no one, I'm always buy myself. I don't know why it took me so long to realize this, and why it just hit me. I think I've been dead inside for a while but now its just like worse, or maybe I just feel it more bc I don't have ppl around me to distract me from noticing...

So now I'm kind of not sure what to do from here. In a way, I feel like even if I quit these pills, I don't know if I could ever feel alive inside again, it feels like I'm ruined inside in a way. I've tried to go to counselling for past issues in my life that proly relate to why I feel dead inside, but I just completely shut down every time. So, I dunno. I wish I never started doing these dumb pills. Everything was fine before when I only used psychedelics and ecstasy in moderation, while out with friends. Not these dumb pills that I usually do alone and make me secretive and I hide from ppl. And are making me unhealthy physically. I almost wish I wasn't covered for these pills, I doubt i would ever pay for them. But I also know, that obviously I have a deeper issue that needs to be addressed underneath even the pills.

So now I am confused and not sure what to do or even think.

Dee74

Ok, addiction or not - this doesn't worry you Lucy?

It would me, cos it's exactly the way I felt - and I damn near destroyed myself.

D