Turninghome

Now that I am a bit "clearer" headed I think I was supposed to introduce myself here. I put my intro in the wrong place the other morning. Sorry about that. Here it is copy and pasted with an update at the end.
From Tuesday morning:

"Hi. Wow. I do not usually have this hard a time being able to write. Interesting. I need to give my gratitude to all of the people on this forum. I found you guys doing a search on opiates withdrawals Sunday morning and have literally been reading posts since then. It was a lifeline that I held on to like you wouldn't believe. I laid in different parts of the house where I could keep my phone plugged into the wall and keep reading. LOL. I finally slept for about 3 hours this morning and felt ready to tackle the registration process! I am very obviously addicted to Reprexain. It is the ibuprofen instead of tylenol based form of Vicoden. On Saturday when I quit I was at 20 10's a day. I have been on them since 2001. Until about a year and a half ago I NEVER went over my 4 times a day prescription. I have physical issues that warrant drugs but not the way I started using them. What started the increased dosage was a MRSA infection I developed after a breast biopsy. The only way I could do my wound care was by chewing two or three before changing the packing out everyday. The wound took 8 months to heal and by then there was no going back. I knew I was going to run out on Saturday and made the decision to not pick up my refill. I am sick of what I have turned into. I function and I survive but that is not any kind of life. I am a mom that is always volunteering, I am a dog trainer that works with a BIG dog rescue group, and I am a wife of 14 years. What a freaking joke. I am a zombie that manages to fake my way through all of that. I am over it. I want to feel what I am faking. My head is clearing and I am ashamed of what I see around me. A dirty home, lies told to family and friends, and self destruction. So if it is okay with you guys can I hang around here a bit? I am starting to research some alternative pain control methods like accupuncture. I cannot take the pain meds the way they are prescribed anymore so I will not be taking them at all. That is my goal.
Ok. Just called my pharmacist and told her what was going on and canceled my refills. My hands are shaking like a freaking leaf. My husband thinks I have the flu but I am going to sit down and talk to him tonight. My brother got his ten year chip a couple of months ago so I think I might call him tonight, too. It's really strange. My mind is clearer but I am having heck getting my body to respond to what my brain is telling it. Major clutziness right now. What is fascinating is that my pain level in certain parts of my body is actually better. One minute at a time seems to be about how well I am doing right now but I have no more pills in my home or at the pharmacy now so hopefully that will help."

Update today: Still sober and kind of terrified at how well I feel. I got some sleep last night which was such a wonderful gift. I am about to attempt to make a grilled cheese sandwich! Small steps, right?? You guys are all so special to me and have no idea, do you?

Fandy

congrats on your decision and your progress.

Are you planning on speaking to your physician to help you through the process?

I can relate to the restful sleep, waking up clear-minded is a real gift.

Turninghome

Thanks, Fandy. I have an appt with DR next week. Husband is going with me. My Dr is very generous with medications but on the flip side will definitely support me in this process if I ask. Let me just say he has some issues of his own. I didn't tell him about quitting because I knew he would have wanted me to taper and I KNEW i could not do it that way. C/T was hell but I did it and I am proud of myself.

Fandy

by the time you see your doc. next week, you will probably feel like a new person. I hope you remain pain-free.

Turninghome

BTW, Thought I would add something else I did. Husband helped me gather about a dozen empty old pill bottles from around the house last night. WITH HIS SUPERVISION, We took them out back and blew them all to h*ll with my favorite pistol and shotgun. It felt so good. Just thought I would share because it felt very freeing.

Anna

Hi Susan,

I'm glad you have decided to talk to your dr and that you are living a sober life.

During the few years I was drinking, I think I operated on a robot level too. I managed to show up most of the time and do things, but I wasn't really there. Ick!

I hope you keep reading and posting.

BrokenChains

Hi Susan,

You are very inspiring. I can tell that you really want this and have taken huge steps to stay free.

You have tons of support here. I look forward to reading your continuing progress on this journey.

least

Welcome to SR! HOpe you continue to feel better.

Opivotal

So happy to hear of your progress!! YOU should be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you and I don't even know you. lol Continue posting and stay strong.

My best to you. :ghug3

chellabella

Way to go, Susan! I'm on day 4 of my final recovery and can relate to just looking around and seeing what reality is. It's amazing how we can still "function" through the idiocy. Just think how nice life is going to be now that we don't have to "act" and go through the day!

Wishing us both success.....and thanks to all the great encouragers on this site!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Susan

D

hoping2recover

Hi again Susan

I'm glad to hear that you are doing well! I am now on day 3 of my opiate w/d and things are looking up just a tad. The only part I am hating is that I just don't feel "comfortable" in my own skin. Not sure if you've felt that or not, but it's weird. LOL

Anyways, congrats to you and I know we both can do this! I love that you got out your gun and blew those suckers away! HAHA

Take care! <3

Brandi