Onewithwings

I first tried to get clean in March, and came to NA. I relapsed, went to rehab for a month, and came back to NA, where I continued to relapse. I have relapsed 6 times in the 4 months I have been in NA. This last time was on Friday and it was HORRIBLE, I was so sick. I have been going to NA religiously, calling my sponsor, working my steps, talking to other addicts, praying, meditating, all kinds of stuff, but I can't seem to stay clean! I even kind of want to use again even though it was so horrible, and I feel like a hopeless druggie.

SereniTee

OWW I don't have much to say except that I feel your pain and am thinking of you. I hope that you can find peace and you should feel proud of yourself for alll the efforts you are making

Dee74

Don't give up
What does your sponsor say?

D

Onewithwings

She says go to meetings and keep trying. She says don't talk at meetings unless it is to say I want to use, and to introduce myself as a newcomer. I have been doing that this past week.

artsoul

Hi OWW - Every day clean and sober is a major victory for us, and tomorrow is a new day. You're doing all the right things. I found that seeing a psychiatrist with very helpful for me (with depression and OCD tendencies). Also, when I think there's nothing positive about sobriety, I come here and read the newcomer's posts and try to find something to be grateful for. It usually works, although there are days when I just have to "wait it out." That's OK, too.

Don't ever give up on yourself!:day6

Zencat

I have had periods in the past where even tho I was active in my addiction treatment, I would frequently relapse. Still, I was doing better that I was when I was using every single day back out there in active addiction. Count every single victory as they do add up.

DayTrader

"Your" steps or "the" steps?

How far through the steps are you?

If you've "worked" all of them, you may want to consider that you've missed something.

--Don't take that as a slam, it's not meant to be one. I say it because a relapse happens long before the actual act of picking up. It happens gradually.......as we sloooowly begin to try to re-take control of our lives, our future and so on from the God of our understanding (if we ever gave it to Him in the first place).

Impurrfect

(((OWW))) - I just wanted to send I agree with the others that every day clean is a step in the right direction.

I know that MY relapse began long before I picked up, as ((DayTrader)) mentioned. I had never truly ACCEPTED that I couldn't use again. I KNEW it, in my head, I just didn't accept it. I still thought I could use, occasionally, and not have a problem stopping. It took some pretty harsh consequences for me to realize I just couldn't do that.

When I first got clean, and would think about using, I'd tell myself "not an option...next" with the "next" part meaning: find something to distract me. I had to do it a LOT in the beginning, but now my mind automatically goes to "next" or remembering how bad off I was at the end of my last relapse.

Keep posting and reading...we're here for you!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Onewithwings

Working the steps from the NA step working guide. I am just starting on step 3.