Self-indulgent and weak.. what a combo..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 44
Self-indulgent and weak.. what a combo..
I dunno why we give up when we know how badly it feels to fail. I fell off the wagon, gosh I think on the seventh of July. Wow, what a feat, it was like 3 days sober or something.
Gosh, I just wish I could be as strong as all of you. Obviously that is not the case. I'm apparently weak and self-indulgent. How am I going to do this? I mean, someone as weak as I surely can't compete against the bottle. Geez, I just wish it was easy. Nothing is easy I guess.
Oh well, just ranting and raving. Here we go again. It's day one, and I'm feeling blue. I don't know why I bother, when I know how it's gonna end up.
Good luck to everyone else. Be strong and above all - SAFE.
Dianna
Gosh, I just wish I could be as strong as all of you. Obviously that is not the case. I'm apparently weak and self-indulgent. How am I going to do this? I mean, someone as weak as I surely can't compete against the bottle. Geez, I just wish it was easy. Nothing is easy I guess.
Oh well, just ranting and raving. Here we go again. It's day one, and I'm feeling blue. I don't know why I bother, when I know how it's gonna end up.
Good luck to everyone else. Be strong and above all - SAFE.
Dianna
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
Don't bet yourself up. However, many of the things you said are very true. We will never be stronger than the bottle until we learn to BE stronger than the bottle. Right now, the bottle is working out, taking steroids, and doing lots of cardio. We just sit around and let it kick our butts. Until we start training to get stronger, the bottle will always win. There are many tools to use to get stronger. So I encourage you to find something that works for you and train your butt off! Spend as much time working on your sobriety as you do drinking and I guarantee your results will blow your mind!!!
You are not weak, just out of shape. You can do this. We are all here for you. There are many of us here that are success stories because we wanted to be sober MORE than we wanted to be drunk. When that happens, amazing things unfold. I wish you well, and stick around and keep reading here.
Welcome, and keep your head up.
You are not weak, just out of shape. You can do this. We are all here for you. There are many of us here that are success stories because we wanted to be sober MORE than we wanted to be drunk. When that happens, amazing things unfold. I wish you well, and stick around and keep reading here.
Welcome, and keep your head up.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
One of the things that you can learn in recovery is to recognise and come to understand that you have a disease and that you are not a bad person.
You are not weak or self indulgent. You are okay. It's okay to have a disease. Think of all the people in the world who have diseases: do they hate themselves for having a disease?
It took me a long to see things that way. I beat myself up, for a long time.
Now I know that I am not like normal people. Normal people don't suddenly have a craving for a drink at 6AM. Nor do they satisfy that craving by drinking at 6AM. Normal people don't need alcohol at all. They buy alcohol products the way I buy socks: without any particular sense of overwhelming need. I bought alcohol products the way they buy medicine: it needed it or the withdrawals would start.
I didn't drink because I was weak and self indulgent: I drank because I was restless, irritable and discontent and I also have a physical intolerance for processing alcohol in my body like normal people: I simply can't do it. The combination of those two factors makes me an alcoholic, but, there are solutions, and you can stop drinking.
You are not weak or self indulgent. You are okay. It's okay to have a disease. Think of all the people in the world who have diseases: do they hate themselves for having a disease?
It took me a long to see things that way. I beat myself up, for a long time.
Now I know that I am not like normal people. Normal people don't suddenly have a craving for a drink at 6AM. Nor do they satisfy that craving by drinking at 6AM. Normal people don't need alcohol at all. They buy alcohol products the way I buy socks: without any particular sense of overwhelming need. I bought alcohol products the way they buy medicine: it needed it or the withdrawals would start.
I didn't drink because I was weak and self indulgent: I drank because I was restless, irritable and discontent and I also have a physical intolerance for processing alcohol in my body like normal people: I simply can't do it. The combination of those two factors makes me an alcoholic, but, there are solutions, and you can stop drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Alcoholism is not a character defect. It's a disease.
Figure out what caused you to relapse and prevent it from happening again. That's the way to move forward. Know that you can do this!
Figure out what caused you to relapse and prevent it from happening again. That's the way to move forward. Know that you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
Originally Posted by littlefish 
One of the things that you can learn in recovery is to recognise and come to understand that you have a disease and that you are not a bad person.
You are not weak or self indulgent. You are okay. It's okay to have a disease. Think of all the people in the world who have diseases: do they hate themselves for having a disease?
It took me a long to see things that way. I beat myself up, for a long time.
You are not weak or self indulgent. You are okay. It's okay to have a disease. Think of all the people in the world who have diseases: do they hate themselves for having a disease?
It took me a long to see things that way. I beat myself up, for a long time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Dinamic
I'm apparently weak and self-indulgent. How am I going to do this?
So I asked for help. First from someone that drank and felt just like me, but who had found a way out from it. Then from a program where many others had found a way out.
And by doing that (accepting that weakness, without judging it), I tapped into a power that revolutionized my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I absolutely don't accept it's a weakness, Dinamic.
I'm not weak - I've proved that in countless other ways, both before and after my drinking....I was very much addicted tho. Not at all the same thing in my experience.
It took me 15 years to acknowledge there was a problem, and then to accept the necessity to change a number of things in my life, and then finally to challenge the fear that the thought of that change bought with it...
As long as you stay committed, keep trying, keep adding things to your recovery, and reaching out for support, I believe you'll get there dinamic
D
I'm not weak - I've proved that in countless other ways, both before and after my drinking....I was very much addicted tho. Not at all the same thing in my experience.
It took me 15 years to acknowledge there was a problem, and then to accept the necessity to change a number of things in my life, and then finally to challenge the fear that the thought of that change bought with it...
As long as you stay committed, keep trying, keep adding things to your recovery, and reaching out for support, I believe you'll get there dinamic
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Dinamic - I wasted alot of years and spent alot of money just to make myself feel miserable too. It's not that we really want to - its the nature of addiction. It's not easy to put together a good bit of sobriety (I think that's why they have 30,60, and 90 day (even more) treatment centers.
Your on day 1 and that's OK. I've had a ton of them. You just have to get back to doing it one day at a time again. Keep putting off that drink until the next day or next week, and don't dwell on the past. There is help for depression, too, if that's an issue for you. Part of you wants to get sober, or you wouldn't be here. Listen to THAT person! Hugs and prayers.....
Your on day 1 and that's OK. I've had a ton of them. You just have to get back to doing it one day at a time again. Keep putting off that drink until the next day or next week, and don't dwell on the past. There is help for depression, too, if that's an issue for you. Part of you wants to get sober, or you wouldn't be here. Listen to THAT person! Hugs and prayers.....
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Hi Dianna
Most of us had false starts too. One difference is we stuck around long enough, and kept after it long enough that eventually our last "start" lasted.
I'm with Keith... I had to come to the complete understanding that I alone couldn't do this sobriety thing. I was powerless over alcohol. THAT one was a doozie! Once I got that through my head, I could take a step back and see that IF I really was powerless, then my power wasn't going to ever be enough.....so I better go find some damn power.....and quick.
The 12 steps, AA, and a relationship with a God of my understanding seem to have filled the bill. Believe me, that's not the way I wannnnnted it to be. I desperately wanted to NOT go to meetings, search for a Higher Power, ask for help, be responsible, be honest........etc.... but it was hard to argue with the success I saw at those meetings. It seemed to work for "those dopes so it's GOTTA work for a stud like me" - lol. That's how I felt at the beginning - not exactly someone to look up to huh?
Keep your nose to the grindstone, don't give up, and keep searching for what you need to do differently or what you need to be open to trying that's new this go-around.
Most of us had false starts too. One difference is we stuck around long enough, and kept after it long enough that eventually our last "start" lasted.
I'm with Keith... I had to come to the complete understanding that I alone couldn't do this sobriety thing. I was powerless over alcohol. THAT one was a doozie! Once I got that through my head, I could take a step back and see that IF I really was powerless, then my power wasn't going to ever be enough.....so I better go find some damn power.....and quick.
The 12 steps, AA, and a relationship with a God of my understanding seem to have filled the bill. Believe me, that's not the way I wannnnnted it to be. I desperately wanted to NOT go to meetings, search for a Higher Power, ask for help, be responsible, be honest........etc.... but it was hard to argue with the success I saw at those meetings. It seemed to work for "those dopes so it's GOTTA work for a stud like me" - lol. That's how I felt at the beginning - not exactly someone to look up to huh?
Keep your nose to the grindstone, don't give up, and keep searching for what you need to do differently or what you need to be open to trying that's new this go-around.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
when I know how it's gonna end up
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 44
Hey guys,
Thanks for all the amazing advise. I feel a lot better just hearing it, and I think I have a better understanding of what's holding me back. Today is day three, proud to say, and I couldn't be happier. Wait, scratch that, I'd be happier if it wasn't raining.
Once again, thank you all!! You are such great friends!
Take care.
Thanks for all the amazing advise. I feel a lot better just hearing it, and I think I have a better understanding of what's holding me back. Today is day three, proud to say, and I couldn't be happier. Wait, scratch that, I'd be happier if it wasn't raining.
Once again, thank you all!! You are such great friends!
Take care.
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