Dating
 

Moved out 20 some months ago. Officialy divorced 8 month. Sober 15 days. Invited my GF to a family reunion. My oldest girl 12 went nuts, she is angry and mad that I have a GF. Of course the Xwife was upset and crying. That is to be understandable. I feel bad, and dont want to hurt her, but I have to move on. I felt bad enough getting the divorce, she wanted no such thing. I tried to talk to her. She is afraid that the GF will take time away from us. She also knows the GF from my longer friendship with her. She used to like her, but not now. I tried to tell her that a GF isnt going to take time away from us.
Anyway, feeling down and upset about my 12yr olds reaction. Normally a few beers would take care of my anxiety and make my problem seem bearable.

As you may have heard...there is nothing so bad that alcohol can't make worse. Drinking won't change anything but you will feel awful in the morning. I've never met anyone who wakes up in the morning wishing that had drank the night before. Hang in there. Be consistently loving with your daughter. She'll eventually come around if she sees that you are still devoted to her. :grouphug:

HFA,

Congratulations on your 15 days sober. Way to go. Sounds like your getting your life together. A new start for you.

Divorce is always hard on children. The only advice I can give is make sure you spend some alone time with your daughter. Its very important to make her feel special and that your love for her remains consistent no matter the changes taking place.

As far as new girlfriend , this will take a bit of time. Daughter may feel threatend and her loyalty is with her Mother. She may feel she's betraying her Mom by liking your new girlfriend. She's just confused right now. It's up to you Dad to calm her fears.

Stay strong and have patience. Change is harder for some then others.

Just like wanting a drink, bringing your new GF to the reunion is a selfish self-centered act. We must first practice patience, love and tolerance before we can expect it from others....

Yeah, sharing honestly with your family about bringing the GF to a family reunion before you brought her [well before] would have been a sincere caring action, and then taking it from there. I got divorced and remarried and children and ex's [all of us] do take alot of time to understand and heal. Accomodation and ongoing support for others is vitally important for the best outcomes, imo. We gain nothing within families when our actions don't back up our words of caring. I would know.

Hey, congrats on your 15 days! Hope things go better for you moving forward. We all make mistakes, you know. :)

RR

Thanks for the strait up advice. The GF is not going to go. Ill work on letting the girls ease into the situation. If I show them that a GF isnt going to lesson the time and dedication I have to them, I hope they will grow to understand.

Thanks again.

Day 17

Hey HFA, I am divorced (2 years) so I thought I'd throw my two cents in.

My ex-husband actually found someone to date (I have not) and he has been dating her for about year now. Initially it was a shock to me to see him with someone else and it got to me start questioning, "What is wrong with me?" etc.

I was really pissed off at him once because he brought my daughter to an amusement park with her one day and never bothered to tell me ahead of time that he was doing that. In fact, he never told me much about her at all. It was totally disrespectful.

I think if you take it slow and gently ease into things it will make it easier on your daughter and ex-wife. Also, make sure to be open and honest and upfront about things. Just showing up at a reunion with her with no advanced warning is not a good idea, just like my ex threw me for a loop when he didn't tell me that my daughter would be spending a whole day with him and his girlfriend.

I guess just giving it some time, patience and plenty of open communication is a good idea to ease the family situation. You can't expect your daughter to be happy about this right now and try to concentrate on her point of view.

I have come to accept that my ex is now seeing someone else and it hurts a little less now than it did before. I feel for your ex-wife and daughter -- give them time and understanding.

Congrats on the 17 days.