postedonedge

I drank quite a few beers on saturday night. Drank 3 beers on sunday just to deal with the withdrawls...One question for all of you is that even after i take a week off of drinking, i STILL get anxiety after drinking. it feels almost as if im fighting off a panic attack the entire 24 hours (it ALWAYS lasts 24 hours)...anyone know why? Anyway i took out money from my savings just to pay for it. The day started off nice, my buddy and I went to pick up one of his friends (never met him, but he doesnt drink, smoke or do any drugs) then we went to the mall and all was going well until we dropped off his friend and went to see an old high school friend and for some reason anytime i think of high school or my late 16's early 17's i feel like drinking. its like i want to turn back time and just relive that brief period i had of just absolute bliss. thats what i felt...unfortunately i was smoking weed at that time...also the thing that gave me my Depression, OCD and Anxiety Disorder and COMPLETELY sent my life spiraling downwards..dropped out, didnt leave my house for months, didnt talk to anyone for months, had to get on medication and see a therapist for a while until i lost my insurance... But when im thinking about high school i just think about how bad i messed up and how i wish i could just go back...even now while im typing this im getting a little choked up and feel like drinking... of course i wont, but all i can think is "when the weekend comes ill think about this again and ill drink and ill be able to express how i feel about high school and how id like to go back and change what ive done" (even though ill probably be drunk and forget) and even when just hanging out with friends the first thing that pops to my mind is "lets get some beer"...idk...maybe i need to get back to a therapist or something but i dont know how much it would cost...i dont have insurance and i havnt had insurance or been on my medication for a loooooong time. even when i was on my medication i would drink so idk...i could write a f'ing book on how i feel about this subject...anyway..any input or wisdom would be appreciated...thanks guys...

Mark75

There is a step for that ...

Seriously, though... recovery is learning to deal with these things, it's more than not drinking... Have you looked into a program of some sort? I recovered in AA and it helps put one's past in perspective...

Welcome to SR

postedonedge

is it possible to do the steps alone? i dont have any AA meetings anywhere NEAR my house and i dont have a car and the bus would take up to much time between here and there and then back to work etc.

Mark75

Well, sure, but the steps require rigorous honesty, and they are simple, but not easy... it helps a whole lot to have a guide. Have you read the Big Book yet? If not, get one, or you can find it on line... just google it.

There is also a 12 step support section here on SR where you can find out more info... and talk to others who use the 12 step program of recovery.

least

I can't count how many times I went back to drinking to calm the anxiety and shakes of withdrawals. Knowing each time I did I was just perpetuating the horrible cycle of drinking. When I finally got medical help (to calm the anxiety, and only for a few days) I was able to get past the w/d without drinking them away.... and then the real work began - staying sober.

There are so many programs and methods to stay sober: AA, SMART, Women for Sobriety, and many more. There is also addiction counseling, which I use weekly and find very helpful. There are also many people here who only use this site for support and are successfully sober. What method you choose isn't as important as how much work you put into it.

I'd ask your doctor for help in getting past the w/d and then look into a long term recovery program, whether AA or something else.

Whatever you do, DON'T pick up that first drink or you'll be right back in that hopeless horrible cycle of drinking, withdrawals, and drinking again. And don't give up on your sobriety. I tried and failed so many times but with the support and help from my friends here I kept trying and now have seven months sober... and boy does it feel great!

Start over again and this time, get help. You CAN do this, but it takes effort on your part. How badly to you want to stay sober?

postedonedge

Id say pretty bad, i cant remember the last time i went out and had a great time without drinking... and the withdrawals literally only last about the first 24 hours (until the hour i had my last drink so if i stopped drinking at 4am, the anxiety slowly subsides until around 4 am and then they're gone) and then im fine.. i dont really get shakes anymore since ive cut back dramatically, its just the anxiety that KILLS me...i noticed theres a chat room that NOBODY utilizes. perhaps some weekly online meetings moderated with some sort of screening to ensure everyone there is legit, of course only one at a time allowed to speak (Moderators choice) and some sort of delay or something to ensure that the person is legitimately trying to stay sober? idk thats just off the top of my head. just a thought.

Dee74

If you can't find a meeting in LA, you must be very unlucky in where you live posted
The Los Angeles Central Office Meeting Directory

There are online meetings available on other sites - Google may help there.

You must be visiting a different chat room here though - it's always pretty busy when I look

There's a schedule of meetings in the chat forum - we try to do what we can but we're all volunteers here.

There's no 'vetting' of participants tho - to be honest, that kinda offends my sensibilities.

D