Nuclear

Hi, and sorry - because you all must have heard this a thousand times before. I need help. I have been drinking heavily every day for the past 5 or six years. I hate myself for it, I hate what I am doing to my body. I surprised myself by telling my brother that I have a problem (While I was drunk, over IM) and it was such a relief that somebody finally knew. He helped me so much, insisted that I stay at his house for a week. I did, and within days I finally felt alive again, I ate properly and was in a normal routine. Now I have been at home almost a week, and the 1st day back I didn't drink, didn't think about drinking really, but the 2nd day it was almost automatic, like I was just being carried to the shop for one reason, just to buy alcohol. I hate myself, but I have been drunk every night since. I sleep all day anyway, so I am pretty much drunk all the time. He calls me every day and asks me if I am drinking, and I just lie and tell him I haven't been drinking, and it kills me inside. It took so much courage to 1st admit it, and now I just feel that I am letting him down so much, I just can't admit it again. I will join AA soon, and I have read through lots of the posts on here, it gives me hope that I am not alone. Sometimes just feels hopeless though.

Dee74

Welcome Nuclear

You'll find a lot of support here.

I found the only way out of the cycle was to do something different - so do follow up on the AA thing - the sooner the better

And tell your brother - the guilt of lying to someone close to you doesn't make putting the bottle down any easier.

D

Nuclear

Thank you Dee. Thanks. I will do the AA thing. I know that at the end of the day it will be my mind that ultimately resolves the issue. I just hope I am that strong. I always perhaps, wrongly, thought I was that strong, that's why I kept drinking for so long. I realise now that it is a hard battle, and one I cannot overcome alone.

least

Welcome to SR! Get help to quit again and this time make use of some recovery program or method to stay sober. I tried and failed too many times but finally 'got it' and now have seven months. And I too felt like I was letting everybody down, especially myself.

So get some help to quit and then throw all your energy into your recovery. It works if you put your heart and soul into it. It has for me, anyway.

Nuclear

Thank you Least. I just need to think positive, and think of life. I am glad I came here, gives me more confidence. And well done for doing what I currently cannot.

least

Seven months ago I couldn't either... start now. Stay sober just one day at a time. It CAN be done and the rewards for your efforts are wonderful.

Nuclear

Least, did you take part in an AA recovery program, and if so, how much did it help you? Did you find it embarrassing? I am planning to enroll soon. If not, what help did you seek? ty

cat1961

Hi Nuclear and Welcome!

I'm wrapping up day two for me and this site has literally saved my life two days ago. I've been sick as a dog since yesterday but went to a meeting today. It was great and it's so good to be around a group of people who are sober and fighting the same battle you are.

My body is finally getting over the withdrawals and feel tomorrow is going to be the day that I finally feel "almost" normal. You have to be strong and when you get that urge, just think back of what it's done to you in the past.

How many times did I tell myself "how much I hate me!" I know where yer coming come.

Stick around here and you'll find a lot of support!

least

I went to more meetings early on than I do now, but still go to some to stay connected with my sober AA friends. It helped a lot when I was just starting out. I now go to some meetings, come here a lot, and have weekly counseling with an addiction specialist. That helps a lot.

I never found it embarassing to go to meetings and usually would share a bit, if only to way that I was an alcoholic who wanted to stop drinking/stay sober. What's nice about AA (like SR, only in 'real life') is the variety of people there. Every profession is represented, well lots of different professions, anyway. All kinds of people from all walks of life. Makes it easier to see how this addiction can take anyone down, no matter their lot in life.

I really recommend counseling with an addiction counselor. A good counselor can be so helpful and not just with your addiction issues. Mine's a lifesaver every week.

You CAN give this up and stay sober. If I can do it, anyone can.

Nuclear

Thank you so much Cat, that does give me hope. I wish you so much goodwill and I am so glad that you are finding your way. I will certainly stick around here, will enquire about AA tomorrow. Thank you. Thank you all you guys, just makes me commited absolutely now to join AA because I didn't know so much support would be offered by people that are/have been in the same situation as me. I never really expected to even get a response on here, but thank you so much.

Horselover

Welcome Nuclear! Don't despair, but do take action. AA would be a great step for you. You aren't the first to make a false start of it and you won't be the last. Your desire is key and it is there. Keep us posted on that AA and just for the next 24 hours don't pick up alcohol. Do it just for the next 10 minutes or whatever but keep repeating for 24 hours.

Nuclear

Thank you for your swift response Least, I will contact AA tomorrow and let you know how it progresses. I am going to bed for the night now, 3.00am UK time. Much love to all. Will be back on tomorrow.

artsoul

Hi Nuclear - just wanted to welcome you and applaud you for deciding to take your life back. Hit a meeting, keep posting here, and see a doctor if you have trouble getting through the first few days. Other than that, try to stay in the moment and focus on healing. We're here for you!

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.....

SereniTee

Let us know how you are today Nuclear hope you're ok