I met a fantastic man...
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: seattle
Posts: 20
easy now! I said he was fantastic then i found out all this.....yes, i listened to what he said about the previous addiction and the hitting the woman and didn't run right away. my bad. I'm not experienced with this. perhaps i should have executed the same lazer beam judgment i would with my kids. i didn't. but i have now. i am not making excuses for him. i'm not trying to consider being with him. that's a done deal. I'm just sad, ok? he wasnt who i thought and he wasn't as good as i thought. i was foolish to ignore what he said, i see that now, but in that moment i gave into the idea it was ok. its not ok. i get it.
Just a thought...he doesn't have a key to your home, does he? Please be sure to keep your personal safety a priority. He may not do anything, but still...I'd much rather be safe than sorry.
easy now! I said he was fantastic then i found out all this.....yes, i listened to what he said about the previous addiction and the hitting the woman and didn't run right away. my bad. I'm not experienced with this. perhaps i should have executed the same lazer beam judgment i would with my kids. i didn't. but i have now. i am not making excuses for him. i'm not trying to consider being with him. that's a done deal. I'm just sad, ok? he wasnt who i thought and he wasn't as good as i thought. i was foolish to ignore what he said, i see that now, but in that moment i gave into the idea it was ok. its not ok. i get it.
I'm a newcommer here, and to dealing with alcoholism. I've been trying to quit for 6 months and have made it as far as 37 days. His relaps was almost exactly like mine. I was clean for the longest time since I started drinking, but then I took some hydrocodine to help cope with the back surgury I got a month before. I spent the next day and a half poping pill after pill, and then hit the bottle. I later threw the rest away and got off the alcohol. I've relapsed since and am only on day 8 of being sober.
I don't have his history, and it's probably not a good idea for me to be in a relationship, or even to give advise on one. But I kind of live by the "3 strikes and your out" rule. From what I read (correct me if I'm wrong), all he did so far was feed his addiction in the past, cleen for 13 years (supposingly), then he relapsed for one day on pain killers.
I think its good of you to check out opinions here, and also listen to some of your friends, then reflect on it all. If he was new to recovery like me, I would tell you to "get the hell out of dodge". But he's definitely not me, nor do you really know what his recovery is really like.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just stand back and look at the whole picture. If this was happening to a good friend of yours what whould you advise her to do?
Good luck
Dune
I don't have his history, and it's probably not a good idea for me to be in a relationship, or even to give advise on one. But I kind of live by the "3 strikes and your out" rule. From what I read (correct me if I'm wrong), all he did so far was feed his addiction in the past, cleen for 13 years (supposingly), then he relapsed for one day on pain killers.
I think its good of you to check out opinions here, and also listen to some of your friends, then reflect on it all. If he was new to recovery like me, I would tell you to "get the hell out of dodge". But he's definitely not me, nor do you really know what his recovery is really like.
I guess what I'm trying to say is just stand back and look at the whole picture. If this was happening to a good friend of yours what whould you advise her to do?
Good luck
Dune
one thing I forgot to add....keep your guard up, and remember to look out for your safety. That whole thing about hitting his ex is definitely a red flag. It may have been some insignificant event, or it could be a hint for what is to come.
Dune
Dune
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: seattle
Posts: 20
my guard is up, thanks. My daughter (18 years old) votes for telling him over the phone. I don't know why I'm stressing so much about this part of it but i am. Part of me wants to be supportive and send him off on his own face to face. like somehow that would be better for him. but then i think that's just me being overly dramatic and self absorbed.
I'm leaning towards the matter of fact conversation on the phone Am i on the right track?
I'm leaning towards the matter of fact conversation on the phone Am i on the right track?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: seattle
Posts: 20
i can stay out of town actually, i'm more concerned about my daughter. she is also out of town and heading back home tomorrow. she has options of different places to stay. hypothetically, how long do i have to be concerned about this? this whole deal is so foreign to me. it's crazy!
In Person?
I may be wrong but I'd want to see his reaction in person when breaking the news. You can tell a lot from a person's body language. If telling him over the phone, you will be left in limbo and won't have a clue what his next move is.
Of course if this were to be in person, it would have to definitely be in a public area and make sure there's someone you can leave with.
Good luck to you Dear and keep us posted.
Of course if this were to be in person, it would have to definitely be in a public area and make sure there's someone you can leave with.
Good luck to you Dear and keep us posted.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
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I'm not sure why his body language would be important - she's breaking up with him - so who really cares? I vote for doing it over the phone, and soon. If your daughter can stay elsewhere until you return home, that's probably a good idea too.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Since when is physical abuse an insignificant event??
I said that it may be insignificant because he said that he was provoked. I don't know if that meant she said something he didn't like, so he gave her a roundhouse kick to the head. Or maybe she was hitting him with a baseball bat while he was sleeping. I really don't know the details, hence the word "may".
Dune
Dune
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