LTrzczka

This is my second post here.

I've been drinking twelve or more beers/drinks daily for 15 years. Weekends have long been 18-24 per day.

I've now been seven days dry. I made it through the weekend without drinking, and that was pretty rough but I got through. I swear there's a voice in my head telling me it's alright to get plastered. I can hear it. It says, "Ok, go" and "now".

Each time, I have to stop and make a conscious decision to not go. I say to myself, "No, don't do that. Don't take that advice." Then about 30 minutes later I hear the voice again. Repeat.

I feel like my body and brain are going through some sort of transformation. And I don't mean, "Oh yay! No booze! I'm so healthy now!" It's more like some days since I stopped are great but others (such as today, my 7th) I almost feel like I am intoxicated even though sober. I don't know if that's the alcohol purging from my system or what. Maybe I'm going through some kind of detox? I don't know. This may sound ridiculous, but I swear I've got my s*** more together when I'm totally hung-over.

I used to think that I was not drunk if I was not drinking (morning after). I am starting to wonder now if maybe when you drink constantly it actually stays in your body/brain for weeks or months even if you stop.

I almost slipped today. It was SO close. I decided to go, but then changed my mind. Well, actually, someone in my head wanted me to go and I agreed with them, but then I changed my mind and decided I didn't agree with them. And that's the truth. It would be a lie if I made it look like some grand form of willpower of mine. It was literally me simply concluding that now would not be a good time to go party with that voice.

Reading what I just wrote, I think I sound crazy. Crackers. In need of mental care. But I'm going to leave it as it is. I guess this is maybe some kind of diary for me. I'm going to work on day number eight tomorrow. All. Day. Long.

I have so much thanks to give to all the people who replied to my first post. It REALLY helped me. I don't talk about this with anyone. Nobody knows. It's not hard put on the act. Years and years of hiding my heavy drinking have made me quite adept at putting on a happy face all day long.

LT

Fandy

congrats on not listening to "the voice"....congrats on Day 7 and your first sober weekend.

it can take more than 2 weeks for alcohol to work out of your system...keep up the one day at a time, it will start to feel better soon.

treat your body well and get the rest you need....you are healing every day.

onestepforward

1. You don't sound crazy (at least to alkies like us!)

2. What you're experiencing in normal. At 42 days sober, I still think I "superficially functioned" better as a drunk. But what I am learning is that I so wasn't. I was existing, now I am learning how to LIVE and living on LIFE's terms is f'n hard but rewarding.

Wishing you strength!

least

Yeah, don't pay attention to that voice. It's lying to you. It wants to drag you back down to that hell hole. And do keep on keepin' on - sober. It can take a few weeks to start feeling better, more normal. Do'nt give in and drink, it'll put you right back at square one.

Eight days is still very early recovery. Don't give up now. You're doing great. Stick with it!

Dee74

hi LTrzczka

what you're feeling is completely normal - it's one of the main reasons I used to drink again because I thought I'd stop drinking and all would be well.

Not so, unfortunately.

If you're like me, you drank for years - it's going to take a little more than a week to feel better physically - but you will.

According to all I've read, it may be a little early for PAWs to be kicking in, but this link may help set your mind at ease a little.

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma

D

AmericanGirl

Congratulations on all your progress so far, and yes, keep it up. It will get easier.

Actually, I think that sounds incredibly smart. I think we often oversimplify our brains, telling ourselves we should just think one thing, when really there are multiple competing forces going on in there. Ultimately, our actions are our choice -- our desires, not so much. I'm incredibly glad your sober voice won out. If your experience is anything like mine, the ugly little drinking monster will rear its head less often as you accumulate more time.

Speak to a doctor if you are concerned, of course, about any health-related matters. I often felt very foggy-minded in the first few weeks, if that is what you mean?

Keep it up and yes, take it minute by minute or hour by hour until it feels safe to take it day by day.

coffeenut

Keep reading.....keep posting. It does get easier.

Your body was drunk for a long time....it takes a little time for it to 'feel' better.

Glad you are here.

artsoul

Keep going LT - give it some time and be patient with yourself. Sobriety comes in fits and starts. Some days are better than others. I remember that first week felt so LONG and like I wasn't myself (didn't know WHO was in my head or body anymore).

Imagine that the alcoholic voice is telling you to take a gun to your head. You wouldn't do it, I hope. Well, in fact that is what it's telling us really. It just takes a little longer with alcoholism for the bullet to hit us.

Get some good recovery books, see a counselor, hang out at SR, go to meetings - whatever you can think of to help you cope. Hugs and prayers......

cat1961

Been there LT and it will take time. Do not listen to that voice! One's body is so dependent on the alcohol that it takes time for it to get back to reality. Gosh, when I was sober I couldn't believe how great I felt: able to sleep through the night, ability to focus and concentrate, not hiding in my little slumber in fear that someone would detect alcohol...... and the list goes on.

I can't think of one positive thing with alcohol at this moment outside I like the taste of beer. And that is NOT a good thing. However, there are plenty of negatives associated with drinking.

I have found when I get those moments to want a beer is to go outside and enjoy nature. Being indoors makes us so secluded and that's about where I've been the last couple of months and that's how my drinking has gotten out of control again.

Stick with SR and know that you'll have the power to overcome the same disease I have.

kelsh

Hi LT,

These seven days are hard & it does seem more difficult as we go along. I was told that if I was a daily drinker & started drinking every day at about the same time that I always had alcohol in my system.

The longer I drank towards the last four years of my drinking the less it took for me to get drunk. I drank at home because I did not want any trouble with the law so always made sure I had my supply already at home or got it on the way home.

When I asked for help the last time I agreed to a medical detox at the local hospital & am so lucky I got to do that so didn't have to suffer any withdrawals except the usual anxiety & panic over not having that liquid courage anymore.

I was 48 years old. I had drank 28 years with sober times here & there when I had my children & when I wanted to stop drinking but couldn't stay stopped.
This time I went to AA, got a Sponsor & worked the program above and beyond what I had ever tried to do before & it worked.

This time I did it just for ME because I had tried to quit for everyone else before and it just didn't seem to matter very long whether I stayed sober for them or not. :day6

I will be looking for your posts & wish you the best ever of luck going a day at a time to stay sober...just for today!


kelsh

Snarf

LT, as was stated above, if you drink daily and around the same time every day, there's always alcohol in your system. Your body and mind are without something they've had for a very, very long time. It's understandable that it will take some time for you to get used to not having alcohol in your body. But it does get better, that much I can promise you. I was in a fog for at least the first month without a drink, and when "the fog" was lifted, I had a much clearer view of things, and those voices in my head had quieted to a rare whisper.

Thanks for joining us here, and hang in there. We're all here to help each other, and we help ourselves by doing so. In fact, you're helping people just by posting your story and searching for help for yourself.

TexasNative

I'm in the exact same boat, today is day 7 and the corner stores seem to have some sort of gravitational pull that wants to pull my car into the parking lot for a pair of 16oz-ers off the ice. I just tell myself I'll be at square one...but it's rough, it's hard. This isn't my first time at this and in the past, for me anyways, right around the 15th day the cravings/fog are dramatically reduced...like night and day. Hang in there

DUNE

I'm at day 8 and like TEX, I know just what your going through. Fortunately it sounds like your past the physical withdrawls, but I know that the cravings can be just as bad. Just remember that "one day at a time" philosiphy, it really does work for most people. On the days that are really difficult for me, I just cosider it one of the many rough days that we will encounter. Every day isn't necessarily beter then the day before, but in the long run it is suposed to be good for us.

I try not to look too far ahead, as it can be a little overwhelming, but my goal is 1 year, and then see how things are. Ive gone 37 days about 3 months ago, but that really isn't enough time for everything to get back to normal in your head.

I know things are really rough for the both of us right now, but compared to 6 days ago I feel 10 times better. Two days ago my energy level was still really low, and I was so unmotivated to do anything. It was a real drag, and I was really worried about how long this was going to go on. And the temptations were really strong, especially since I was feeling better physicaly from overcoming the withdrawl effects. But I stuck it out and today I woke up feeling great with lots of energy. I'm so glad I didnt drink for the past 2 days.

Stick it out, it's worth it.

Dune