Petewill

well, managed to slip up again with the alcohol and drugs, after the 4th of July.had about 21 days clean.This time a 3 day binge, sort of blackout. Pissed all kinds of people off, friends and strangers. Almost got into fights and scared some people i was hanging with - with Mr. Hyde behavior. threatened suicide under the influence to my mom and others numerous times. Well, have not heard from many people since to be exact, what should I expect right? Really ready to surrender and go to an out of state rehab I have been thinking about the last 2 months, my relative went and said it was okay and relatively cheap(as I have no insurance) Incredible, this was three days ago and I have isolated ever since, have not wanted to go to my home group meetings, as I am too embarrased. completely despondent and alone. what a feeling!!! this sounds so lame, however, I am already feeling like a prisoner, knowing I have to do this. Nobody cares anyway, just another wasted moron.. It's truly sucks going thru life slowly losing friends and opportunities.. jeez.. I probably sound like a baby.. thanks for reading.

Dee74

Hey pete

you know that the only way we change is to do something, right?

Ring that rehab, and go to your home group, ASAP.

Start your new life - get the ball rolling

D

CarolD

I agree with Dee...

It's a good time to begin your healthy productive life.
All my best...

Opivotal

Petewill,

I think your just voicing how we all feel when we've humilated and embarrased ourselves. Wanting to isolate, hide, try and forget our foolishness. We all know deep down we're out of control and must stop the madness. We also know no one can do it for us, we must do it ourselves. Dig deep .......you want it, you lasted 21 days. Go to the rehab it might just change your life. Hold your head up and take back your dignity. Don't let the alcohol and drugs win!! What do you have to lose? Things can only get better.

Sending you all my best :ghug3

Kmber2010

Glad you posted.

Know that the only thing that sucks about our actions when we are drunk is not doing anything about it. You know what you need to do and you alone can say enough and get into rehab and get to your home group meeting.

I relapsed and had a horrid few day bender that almost killed me. Mixing pain medication with booze and alienating everyone around me. When I woke up I felt so alone and miserable. What I did was pour out the booze and the pills and get help.

I hope you get help now and get to that better place that you deserve. Please get to a meeting today. You need support.

Please keep us updated. We are here for you.

Andi

Hey Pete,

"You already feel like a prisoner, knowing you have to do it..."

My opinion is you'll finally be free when you do it!

Thank you for coming back and sharing even though it is hard, we all know what it feels like.

Hevyn

Petewill - Most of us have done the same thing many times. I don't know what I was waiting for, I knew the days of enjoying it were long gone. In the end, every time I picked up was worse than the last & I didn't have any control over where it would lead me. Not only was it insane, it was dangerous.

It sounds like you're ready this time - and we're with you all the way. Give yourself a chance to enjoy your life instead of phoning it in. I drank for over 25 yrs. and I am finally free - you can do it too!

Petewill

I truly appreciate everything everyone has posted to me about this. Yeah, still feeling down, real down.. guilt. I do plan on going to a meeting today. Don't know if I should change my home group .. it's NA, I preferred it over AA, but maybe AA now, since It's the alcohol that is truly the problem. probably does not matter?

parsley

Stay on here and keep posting. There's something healing about being surrounded by so many people that care and understand exactly what you're going through right now. Don't give up on yourself.

artsoul

Parsley's right - you'll be surrounded by people who have been there/done that. We're all just one drink away, Pete.....

Forgive yourself. You wouldn't have done any of that stuff while sober, so there's a real easy solution to prevent it from happening in the future. You'll have to practice some patience (others will come around eventually) - focus on you and your sobriety. Rehab may be just the ticket.:ghug3

GRACIE01

Please forgive yourself, we have all done some really bad and stupid things when driinking. I cussed my own mother out. Believe it or not when you go et help they will run to you with support. She forgave me over and over. But we have to forgive ourself and I think thats the hardest thing. Please catch a class today, no matter what kind. just go be with people who understand. heck go to three classes....keep posting and reading, and take care of yourself right now.

keithj

Petewill,

You describe a very common pattern for alcoholics. Few weeks (or days, or months) dry, relapse, remorse and guilt, swearing off forever, few weeks dry, etc. Over and over and over. It's so common that the BB talks about it specifically, and concludes that unless this person can experience an entire psychic change, there is very little hope of his recovery. No surprises in your story. It's been demonstrated millions of times by others.

With all the earnestness I can muster, I beg you to be fearless and thorough. In addition to going back to that home group, find out exactly what precise, specific action you can take to have that psychic change.

Petewill

Thanks again.. KeithJ, that psychic change that you speak of is so very hard to attain.. Had it once before, so know what you are talking about. I am again moving along on day 6.. two meeting today, feeling much better..