angelinashoebox

I abused alcohol 18 years ago when I was in a very stressful relationship.I was involved with my daughters father who was a drinker and smoked alot of pot.He liked to party and would make me drink .I am a people pleaser .I was a social drinker. I found out he was doing cocaine for a year.A lawyer from the apt building we lived in called and said we were 6 months in arears for rent.I confronted him and he confessed.
During that year he would tamper with the phones and humiliate me in front of people.I suspected something was wrong.He would tell me I was crazy and delusional etc.
I ended up staying with him .We went bankrupt when I was 4 mons pregnant with my daughter.
I never drank during my pregnancy and really looked after myself.
I thought it was all my fault because I told his mother and she said he used because of our relationship issues. I was shocked because how come I didnt notice him using for a year ? He would feed me the beer and I let him.No wonder I didnt notice.

smacked

So are you wondering if you're an alcoholic, or if your abusive husband is an alcoholic? I'm confused.. what is your question?

ETA: Ok I went and read your other posts.. I'm still confused, but I think you can clarify. It sounds like your daughter is now an adult?

Are you still with the abusive dude?

You got a DUI a few days ago, did I read that correctly?

Do you want recovery? Cuz I know that a lot of us here can certainly help you with ideas about THAT.. the rest, I just don't know what you're asking without more information.

smacked

And now I feel crazy. Wasn't the title of this post "Am I an alcoholic"? what is going on..

angelinashoebox

Hi I edited my post because I asked a question.Sorry....Trying to give an account of my past. Keep alot inside. Went to alanon and am going back. I have had 3 bad relationships and am trying to take responsibility and learn more

smacked

Oh.. ok. Well, thanks for the share! Sometimes it feels good to get things out in the open.

angelinashoebox

I am alone now I have had 3 marriges .this post is the second relationship. that ended. the 3rd was the one who was charged with assault and then I was very depressed and did the awful dui incident.remorseful.My daughter is from the second relationship and we live close together and he is the one who made the fraudulant tax return. I am an easy target

smacked

Well I believe people aren't victims in some situations, but possibly volunteers. I'm sorry you've had such a hard life. What are you doing for yourself to address this, so that the rest of your life can be better? Are you seeing a counselor? I found it to be incredibly helpful.

Anna

Hi Angelina,

It sounds like you are trying to stop drinking? I'm not sure.

Anyways, welcome and I hope you find peace in your life.

angelinashoebox

When I was in relationship 3 the one charged with assault he was sober for 9 years.I never drank I quit for 6 years in respect of his sobriety and I was on anti depressents. now on my own may have 1 or 2 beers and go months thinking yuck dont feel like it.Until this court thing and relationship 2 filed a fraudulant return at the same time I felt like I was overloading in chronic stress and drank 4 beers and did the awful dui .

angelinashoebox

I had nightmares of an incident that happened shortly after my mother died.
My father was drunk and my sis and I were arguing.He yelled out to me you killed your mother now your gonna kill me. I believed it for years and was in therapy.8 years She died of cancer.I ran away from home at 15 and worked ever since.I was raped and didnt tell anyone. Must have asked for it I thought.dont have much self worth Now that I am finally on my own I am trying to work on myself for the first time.I am very confused and now I have a special needs dog to help me get outside.