I'm going to start to live sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1
I'm going to start to live sober
Hello all.
I don't know why I'm here, really. It's a complex explanation but I think the thing that has thrown me here is my girlfriend (a heavy drinker herself) has broken up with me on the grounds that I cause her too much stress, and she doesn't want me in her life if I'm drinking heavily, taking drugs and sleeping around. And for as much as she's said she doesn't want to get back with me I'm hoping if I can prove to her that I can change, maybe she will want me again.
She's not the only person, both my parents are convinced I'm an alcoholic. My Mom works with drug addicts, and my Dad's best friends death was the result of alcoholism.
I personally do not consider myself an 'alcoholic' as such. I know I drink a lot but not to the extent of alcoholism. However I am here in an attempt to sort my life out. I don't wish to cut out alcohol completely, but at least temporarily think this might be a good idea because I can't just have one drink.
I'm well aware that alcohol has caused me problems. When I was 17 I was hospitalised and medically dead for 4 seconds due to excessive drinking while abroad. When I was 18 I managed to repeat that, but this time in a hospital at home. Last year at 19 I failed my first year of uni through spending too much time drinking and not enough studying, in fact I even slept through one exam in an alcohol induced coma. Earlier this year I fell off a ledge and broke my nose. Last month I got so out of my head I attacked my girlfriend for no apparent reason. I've been a **** girlfriend in general considering how much I've slept with other people while with her too, most of which I don't even remember. I've also turned up at her house on pills, which was about the least smart idea ever knowing that her ex was a drug addict. Now she's finally had enough and it might just be the kick up the arse that I need.
I have a couple of issues. One being that I'm 20 years old and most of my life revolves around going out and partying. How does one break that habit to find a different hobby to make new friends? How do you be yourself without the influence of alcohol in your system?
I'm looking for some support and suggestion on how to live a more sober life, if not a completely sober life. And also how to prove to my girlfriend that I love her enough to want to change and be a normal person for her. She's truly the love of my life and I cannot let her go. I would die without her.
Thankyou.
I don't know why I'm here, really. It's a complex explanation but I think the thing that has thrown me here is my girlfriend (a heavy drinker herself) has broken up with me on the grounds that I cause her too much stress, and she doesn't want me in her life if I'm drinking heavily, taking drugs and sleeping around. And for as much as she's said she doesn't want to get back with me I'm hoping if I can prove to her that I can change, maybe she will want me again.
She's not the only person, both my parents are convinced I'm an alcoholic. My Mom works with drug addicts, and my Dad's best friends death was the result of alcoholism.
I personally do not consider myself an 'alcoholic' as such. I know I drink a lot but not to the extent of alcoholism. However I am here in an attempt to sort my life out. I don't wish to cut out alcohol completely, but at least temporarily think this might be a good idea because I can't just have one drink.
I'm well aware that alcohol has caused me problems. When I was 17 I was hospitalised and medically dead for 4 seconds due to excessive drinking while abroad. When I was 18 I managed to repeat that, but this time in a hospital at home. Last year at 19 I failed my first year of uni through spending too much time drinking and not enough studying, in fact I even slept through one exam in an alcohol induced coma. Earlier this year I fell off a ledge and broke my nose. Last month I got so out of my head I attacked my girlfriend for no apparent reason. I've been a **** girlfriend in general considering how much I've slept with other people while with her too, most of which I don't even remember. I've also turned up at her house on pills, which was about the least smart idea ever knowing that her ex was a drug addict. Now she's finally had enough and it might just be the kick up the arse that I need.
I have a couple of issues. One being that I'm 20 years old and most of my life revolves around going out and partying. How does one break that habit to find a different hobby to make new friends? How do you be yourself without the influence of alcohol in your system?
I'm looking for some support and suggestion on how to live a more sober life, if not a completely sober life. And also how to prove to my girlfriend that I love her enough to want to change and be a normal person for her. She's truly the love of my life and I cannot let her go. I would die without her.
Thankyou.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
First of all, you won't die without her. You're being dramatic. Second of all, it doesn't sound as if your drinking was the only problem she had with the relationship.
It's good that you recognize that alcohol has been a problem in your life for several years. The thing is, if you are an alcoholic (even if you don't consider yourself one), moderating your drinking is not likely to work. It hasn't worked for anyone I know that has a serious drinking problem.
Another thing...the only person you should stop drinking for is yourself. If you do it for someone else, it is too easy to go back to it if things get rough or the relationship ends.
Of course, all I have said only pertains the the drinking part of the issues you mentioned. There is still the matter of the drugs, the sleeping around, and the physical abuse you perpetrated on her.
It's good that you recognize that alcohol has been a problem in your life for several years. The thing is, if you are an alcoholic (even if you don't consider yourself one), moderating your drinking is not likely to work. It hasn't worked for anyone I know that has a serious drinking problem.
Another thing...the only person you should stop drinking for is yourself. If you do it for someone else, it is too easy to go back to it if things get rough or the relationship ends.
Of course, all I have said only pertains the the drinking part of the issues you mentioned. There is still the matter of the drugs, the sleeping around, and the physical abuse you perpetrated on her.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 17
well, if you wanna get sober for yourself then thats fantastic, but for your health and well being (being dead for ANY seconds at a time isnt good) i suggest you stay away from your ex and alcohol. Even if you stop drinking with the help of AA, or SR, the fact that your girlfriend is also a heavy drinker will most likely mean a relapse. As for the drugs / narcotics if you have a problem with that, then, you also need help with that. There ARE ways to live healthy, normal, happy live WITHOUT alcohol or drugs. You just need to realize that drugs and alcohol pretty much got you kicked out of uni, made you lose your beloved girlfriend, cheated on your beloved girlfriend, done things im sure you regret that you didnt want to mention and LITERALLY killed you. Some steps you can take are to first get rid of all alcohol or narcotics you have in your house, remove yourself from any situation where their will be alcohol or the influence of alcohol is present (same with drugs). And take the 12 steps. Ive just got started on the steps, but ive seen MANY success stories and im hopeful i can get sober as well. Hope this helps in some way. Welcome to SR.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
hi talkaboutluck - You're only 20 and alcohol has already created havoc in your life, so I hope you seriously consider stopping drinking (and drugging) altogether.
Sobriety has to come first in my life today. I take it a day at a time and just don't pick up the first drink. I couldn't have imagined a life without it, but now that I'm sober, I never want to go back.
Keep reading on this forum - there's a lot of information and you may find others who have the same story you do.
Sobriety has to come first in my life today. I take it a day at a time and just don't pick up the first drink. I couldn't have imagined a life without it, but now that I'm sober, I never want to go back.
Keep reading on this forum - there's a lot of information and you may find others who have the same story you do.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi talkaboutluck
forget about the labels for a minute...all of this
should be more than enough motivation to do something. Trust me it doesn't get better...it gets a whole lot worse.
I think you've got some good advice here - seeing your doctor and or a counsellor might be worth investigating I think...as would a recovery programme whether that be AA or something else.
Serious change takes serious changes.
I'm not 20 - I've clocked that at least once since - but there are other young people here who are doing it and living sober.
You'll find a lot of support here.
Welcome
D
forget about the labels for a minute...all of this
When I was 17 I was hospitalised and medically dead for 4 seconds due to excessive drinking while abroad. When I was 18 I managed to repeat that, but this time in a hospital at home. Last year at 19 I failed my first year of uni through spending too much time drinking and not enough studying, in fact I even slept through one exam in an alcohol induced coma. Earlier this year I fell off a ledge and broke my nose. Last month I got so out of my head I attacked my girlfriend for no apparent reason. I've been a **** girlfriend in general considering how much I've slept with other people while with her too, most of which I don't even remember. I've also turned up at her house on pills, which was about the least smart idea ever knowing that her ex was a drug addict.
I think you've got some good advice here - seeing your doctor and or a counsellor might be worth investigating I think...as would a recovery programme whether that be AA or something else.
Serious change takes serious changes.
I'm not 20 - I've clocked that at least once since - but there are other young people here who are doing it and living sober.
You'll find a lot of support here.
Welcome
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Hi talkaboutluck,
I'm 22, in college for another semester, and know the lure and seemingly omnipresence of the party culture. It seems everywhere and one of the greatest worries I had at the start of sobriety was becoming a hermit, because I thought bars and parties were the end-all be-all of social life.
Yeah, that was wrong. Way wrong. Even though I'm in early, early sobriety (two and a half months), I've already done more things than I ever did while drinking. My life revolved around alcohol and it seemed glamorous at the time but all I did was go to the same places, drink with the same people, and never wake up before 2 PM on days off.
As far as hobbies and making friends, pick something you like to do (or think you like to do) and just go for it. You'll meet people along the way.
About the how to be yourself without drinking...there is an adjustment period, no question, but when I drank I never really knew myself in the first place. I was always trying to be someone else and using alcohol to reach that end. Like slipping into another skin or another persona. That's my experience, anyway.
Keep posting and read around. There's a lot of good information here.
Welcome to SR
I'm 22, in college for another semester, and know the lure and seemingly omnipresence of the party culture. It seems everywhere and one of the greatest worries I had at the start of sobriety was becoming a hermit, because I thought bars and parties were the end-all be-all of social life.
Yeah, that was wrong. Way wrong. Even though I'm in early, early sobriety (two and a half months), I've already done more things than I ever did while drinking. My life revolved around alcohol and it seemed glamorous at the time but all I did was go to the same places, drink with the same people, and never wake up before 2 PM on days off.
As far as hobbies and making friends, pick something you like to do (or think you like to do) and just go for it. You'll meet people along the way.
About the how to be yourself without drinking...there is an adjustment period, no question, but when I drank I never really knew myself in the first place. I was always trying to be someone else and using alcohol to reach that end. Like slipping into another skin or another persona. That's my experience, anyway.
Keep posting and read around. There's a lot of good information here.
Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
talkaboutluck,
What Dee says is true. It doesn't get any better! In fact, it does get worse, much worse, unless you are willing to take some action to help yourself.
If you can, see an addiction specialist. Learn as much about the disease of alcoholism. It's no respecter of age or gender.
Please get some help. Don't waste your youth on being miserable. You don't have to. You can have a good, fun life with lots to look forward to.
Please keep reading here, educate yourself as much as you can. Look into some of the recovery programs, like AA, SMART and maybe CBT. There are so many options today that weren't available back when I was in my twenties.
Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Love,
Lenina
What Dee says is true. It doesn't get any better! In fact, it does get worse, much worse, unless you are willing to take some action to help yourself.
If you can, see an addiction specialist. Learn as much about the disease of alcoholism. It's no respecter of age or gender.
Please get some help. Don't waste your youth on being miserable. You don't have to. You can have a good, fun life with lots to look forward to.
Please keep reading here, educate yourself as much as you can. Look into some of the recovery programs, like AA, SMART and maybe CBT. There are so many options today that weren't available back when I was in my twenties.
Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Melbourne, Victoria
Posts: 4
Hi TalkAboutLuck,
It's okay - you'll know in time why you are here. Try to sit back and listen. Try not to solve all of this overnight. But TalkAboutLuck - promise that just for today - you'll stay - for there is a miracle about to happen.
Love and good wishes
xoxo
It's okay - you'll know in time why you are here. Try to sit back and listen. Try not to solve all of this overnight. But TalkAboutLuck - promise that just for today - you'll stay - for there is a miracle about to happen.
Love and good wishes
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: florida
Posts: 3
Hi TalkAboutLuck,
Try to find some AA or NA meetings in ur area. Go to meetings let them know u are interested in quitting and are will to do what it takes to live a happy life once more. Get phone numbers, call them. Get a sponsor, some one that you can relate to and who relates with you. Listen to what people who have time in the program have to say. Stay involved. You will be glad you did. God Bless, LouieIV
Try to find some AA or NA meetings in ur area. Go to meetings let them know u are interested in quitting and are will to do what it takes to live a happy life once more. Get phone numbers, call them. Get a sponsor, some one that you can relate to and who relates with you. Listen to what people who have time in the program have to say. Stay involved. You will be glad you did. God Bless, LouieIV
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,361
if you're an alcoholic, addict, etc. I would bann the thought of moderation, you'll only make life a lot harder on yourself.
I'm 26 now, my life has evolved till I was 18 mainly about getting under influence as much as possible. Preferebly weed, when not around alcohol, xtc. I never cheated on my ex gf that i've been with for 6 years, but very often I wanted to.. At one point I just....started doing more and more other things, exercising, reading, playing chess with my flatmates, talking long walks at the beach. Living the life I lived made me sick, depressed, poor (financially but also spiritually), and a useless bumm.
I'm glad to say I banned most of my destructive behaviour over the last 8 years, but it went slowly because I have been in denail so long that i'm an addict. I've been very very good in convinsing myself that moderation was an option for a pretty logical intelligent person like me (college graduate). Well guess again hahahaha. I just can't take one beer, sigarette, joint, xtc pill, line of speed or coke. The kind of drugs don't even matter really, the urge to blank out my consiousness and loose myself in the rush will arrise and I will not care, but I do will destroy myself and others around me.
I think the thing that has saved me most has been my spiritual journey over the last years. I've been going deeper and deeper in buddhism, trying to meditate everyday, reading, exchanging thoughts on online forums, getting to know myself, and learning to be humble, loving and kind towards myself and others. THAT has been the main replacement for my mostly former lifestyle.
The latest addition at my road to full recovery has been NA-meetings. This has definitely tipped the scale to the right way. It's good to know ur not alone and not crazy, and that there are many many different kind of people facing the same problem/disease: addiction.
Never try to change for a chick or guy, in the long run this will not work, believe me. I'm kinda co-dependend and stuff, learning to be myself with somebody else now. This process of breaking free has almost, almost destroyed our relationship of the last 1,5 years or so. The last few weeks have been very rough. I think that one way or another it will be for the best, and the chances we will be and remain happy have increased a lot.
u take care now oke?
I'm 26 now, my life has evolved till I was 18 mainly about getting under influence as much as possible. Preferebly weed, when not around alcohol, xtc. I never cheated on my ex gf that i've been with for 6 years, but very often I wanted to.. At one point I just....started doing more and more other things, exercising, reading, playing chess with my flatmates, talking long walks at the beach. Living the life I lived made me sick, depressed, poor (financially but also spiritually), and a useless bumm.
I'm glad to say I banned most of my destructive behaviour over the last 8 years, but it went slowly because I have been in denail so long that i'm an addict. I've been very very good in convinsing myself that moderation was an option for a pretty logical intelligent person like me (college graduate). Well guess again hahahaha. I just can't take one beer, sigarette, joint, xtc pill, line of speed or coke. The kind of drugs don't even matter really, the urge to blank out my consiousness and loose myself in the rush will arrise and I will not care, but I do will destroy myself and others around me.
I think the thing that has saved me most has been my spiritual journey over the last years. I've been going deeper and deeper in buddhism, trying to meditate everyday, reading, exchanging thoughts on online forums, getting to know myself, and learning to be humble, loving and kind towards myself and others. THAT has been the main replacement for my mostly former lifestyle.
The latest addition at my road to full recovery has been NA-meetings. This has definitely tipped the scale to the right way. It's good to know ur not alone and not crazy, and that there are many many different kind of people facing the same problem/disease: addiction.
Never try to change for a chick or guy, in the long run this will not work, believe me. I'm kinda co-dependend and stuff, learning to be myself with somebody else now. This process of breaking free has almost, almost destroyed our relationship of the last 1,5 years or so. The last few weeks have been very rough. I think that one way or another it will be for the best, and the chances we will be and remain happy have increased a lot.
u take care now oke?
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