confidence
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 73
confidence
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with low self-esteem? I think that is one of the biggest problems I have. I do everything addictively eating, alcohol, smoking, exercising. If I quit one I start on another. Until I can break the cycle of addictive thinking I don't think I will beat my alcholism. I had 4 months and drank. I am quitting again and know I will quit for a few months but am afraid until I deal with my self-esteem issues I will always go back to drinking.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
When dealing with my alcoholic depression.....my doctor sggested
I use those little yellow Post-It notes.
I put them on my mirrors with positive sayings...
"Yes You Can" "You Look Great" "Live Sober Today"
they did make me smile and give me a boost.
Glad you are seeking a healthy sober future
Welcome to our recovery community....
I use those little yellow Post-It notes.
I put them on my mirrors with positive sayings...
"Yes You Can" "You Look Great" "Live Sober Today"
they did make me smile and give me a boost.
Glad you are seeking a healthy sober future
Welcome to our recovery community....
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I know for me that I stood zero chance of being able to get my self esteem to where I desired it to eventually be at if I continued drinking. Drinking, smoking and drugging just kept my self-esteem at rock bottom.
It takes time and much work to get your self esteem up to a consistently decent level. I am still working on mine but it's getting there slowly but surely 'one day at a time'. All thanks to living a life in recovery free from alcohol and drugs.
Peace
It takes time and much work to get your self esteem up to a consistently decent level. I am still working on mine but it's getting there slowly but surely 'one day at a time'. All thanks to living a life in recovery free from alcohol and drugs.
Peace
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I agree with Neo - I used to think like you Kody, but I found I couldn't actually fix *anything* until I put the drink down...it was a major player in my lack of self esteem.
It's one of those weird things but I've found helping others has helped me...it's really helped me get a sense of perspective, and of grounding that I think everyone needs.
That was my way anyway - good luck with finding yours
D
It's one of those weird things but I've found helping others has helped me...it's really helped me get a sense of perspective, and of grounding that I think everyone needs.
That was my way anyway - good luck with finding yours
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 73
See that is the thing though I have had no confidence since I was 15 I am now in my 40's. I quit drinking I get very confident and feel good and then wham my mood changes. I have tried different anti-depressants and they work for a while than the dark mood comes back. I can say that the drinking didn't cause it because I did not start drinking heavily until a few years ago. I was anorexic when I was 15 and since then I feel I can never be good enough.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Kody, I think low self-esteem is the cause of so many of our problems in life.
I had less than zero self-esteem, was absolutely rock-bottom in my feelings for myself, but I have managed to turn it around.
I am going to PM a link to you that I have found SO helpful. Maybe it will help you too.
I had less than zero self-esteem, was absolutely rock-bottom in my feelings for myself, but I have managed to turn it around.
I am going to PM a link to you that I have found SO helpful. Maybe it will help you too.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
The drinking didn't cause my lack of self esteem either kody - but it did make it much much worse, and even more it altered my perceptions, even when I was sober inbetweentimes, for the worse...
IMO it's unlikely you're going to find any solution while you're drinking.
D
IMO it's unlikely you're going to find any solution while you're drinking.
D
Wandering Student of Life
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: MSP MN
Posts: 126
Getting and being comfortable in one's own skin is one of life's greater challenges. Just don't forget that! It's not just you struggling with it - it's so utterly common of a personal challenge that it's almost laughable.
So, you're not alone! Also, anti-depressants are only one slice of the treatment-pie when it comes to mental health. There's SO many things out there - don't give up pursuing different methods and medications; you're still young yet
Blessed be,
WW
So, you're not alone! Also, anti-depressants are only one slice of the treatment-pie when it comes to mental health. There's SO many things out there - don't give up pursuing different methods and medications; you're still young yet
Blessed be,
WW
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: us
Posts: 115
Hey Kody, sorry you're having a rough time with your self-esteem. I can totally relate to you. One thing that has helped me is John Bradshaw's books, in particular, "Healing the Shame that Binds You" it offers good insight to why we develop these addictive behaviors. I suspect your self-esteem stuff started way before you were 15. Best of luck, thank you for posting. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 142
Hi Kody99 -
I would recommend a book like Believing in Myself - Daily Meditations for Healing and Self-Esteem. Just gives you something to contemplate for the day - perspective as well as encouragement.
Self esteem building is a process, the biggest impediment? Never getting started! Once you struggle against your own self image, half the battle is won. Put in the effort to redefine yourself. Earn a better reputation with yourself. Once you gain success there, you are building momentum - and chances for success improve as your self image improves.
The above is a summation (my interpretation..haha) of a daily entry from the book I suggested.
Wishing you the best,
Pork
I would recommend a book like Believing in Myself - Daily Meditations for Healing and Self-Esteem. Just gives you something to contemplate for the day - perspective as well as encouragement.
Self esteem building is a process, the biggest impediment? Never getting started! Once you struggle against your own self image, half the battle is won. Put in the effort to redefine yourself. Earn a better reputation with yourself. Once you gain success there, you are building momentum - and chances for success improve as your self image improves.
The above is a summation (my interpretation..haha) of a daily entry from the book I suggested.
Wishing you the best,
Pork
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
don't drink or use today. then do that again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next....
exercise
meditate
get some new clothes
clean/organize your house and vehicle
set some reasonable goals, put it on paper, and check it off when complete. be sure to complete the list
basically, do things that you're capable of doing that are healthy and productive. accomplishing these things will raise your self-esteem little by little. increase the goals as you have successes.
and be willing/able to laugh at yourself!
exercise
meditate
get some new clothes
clean/organize your house and vehicle
set some reasonable goals, put it on paper, and check it off when complete. be sure to complete the list
basically, do things that you're capable of doing that are healthy and productive. accomplishing these things will raise your self-esteem little by little. increase the goals as you have successes.
and be willing/able to laugh at yourself!
April 18, 2010
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,117
Hi Kody,
I relate. Learning about self-esteem was one of the huge steps that led me to understand what drinking was doing to me -- and led me to quit.
The major problem for me was that I didn't understand what "low self-esteem" meant. The term is tossed around a lot and it can seem to be simple -- "blah blah blah, low self-esteem means I don't like X about myself." Low self-esteem is NOT that simple.
My counselor helped tremendously with this. What she explained to me is that when you have low self-esteem types of thinking (comparing yourself to others, beating yourself up about your actions, obsessing over your flaws, etc) you are doing those things because it REWARDS the part of your brain that WANTS to beat yourself up for those things. It was a revelation to me to learn that to my brain, criticizing myself felt good/safe, was a system of relief & endorphins etc.
The next step, and this is hard, is to identify each and every time you criticize yourself, then analyze the thinking (how this evil little thought is in some ways a drug to you; why it is happening, etc) and then correct the thought.
Eventually that can free up the space to concentrate on more positive forms of being, like helping others.
I am still working on all this. Hope it helps.
I relate. Learning about self-esteem was one of the huge steps that led me to understand what drinking was doing to me -- and led me to quit.
The major problem for me was that I didn't understand what "low self-esteem" meant. The term is tossed around a lot and it can seem to be simple -- "blah blah blah, low self-esteem means I don't like X about myself." Low self-esteem is NOT that simple.
My counselor helped tremendously with this. What she explained to me is that when you have low self-esteem types of thinking (comparing yourself to others, beating yourself up about your actions, obsessing over your flaws, etc) you are doing those things because it REWARDS the part of your brain that WANTS to beat yourself up for those things. It was a revelation to me to learn that to my brain, criticizing myself felt good/safe, was a system of relief & endorphins etc.
The next step, and this is hard, is to identify each and every time you criticize yourself, then analyze the thinking (how this evil little thought is in some ways a drug to you; why it is happening, etc) and then correct the thought.
Eventually that can free up the space to concentrate on more positive forms of being, like helping others.
I am still working on all this. Hope it helps.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 232
Originally Posted by augustwest 
don't drink or use today. then do that again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next....
exercise
meditate
get some new clothes
clean/organize your house and vehicle
set some reasonable goals, put it on paper, and check it off when complete. be sure to complete the list
basically, do things that you're capable of doing that are healthy and productive. accomplishing these things will raise your self-esteem little by little. increase the goals as you have successes.
and be willing/able to laugh at yourself!
exercise
meditate
get some new clothes
clean/organize your house and vehicle
set some reasonable goals, put it on paper, and check it off when complete. be sure to complete the list
basically, do things that you're capable of doing that are healthy and productive. accomplishing these things will raise your self-esteem little by little. increase the goals as you have successes.
and be willing/able to laugh at yourself!
I LOVE this post. Thanks!
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