Kerbcrawler

then today seemed they were back again.... sorry guys just ventin here...bin a tough few days mentally, seems a lot of triggers, an ole ways of temptation creepin in and about, fallouts with the wife, money troubles, highly strung...not quite knowin how to chill out...boy have got a lot of learning to do...cracked an had 2 glasses o wine, i feel i kinda needed sedating..poor excuse..Huh...needed to be honest with you great people here.
dumb a$$ comes to mind!!!

Kjell

Be careful Kerb... You're playing with fire.

I'm glad you posted here.

ElegantlyWasted

Now it looks as though they're to stay?? Nah... Your going through a slump. I do it too even though I haven't drank in 11 mo. The one thing I do know; is that for me, if I pick up it's a form of avoidance/escape that ultimately makes things worse. Maybe figure ou a way to give yourself some relaxing downtime in a different way? Exercise etc?

Kerbcrawler

thanks you guys...sometimes tryin to hard..deletes relaxation..hence pitfall..not sure yet,
but i,ll figure thanx no pain no gain.

Kjell

Kerb - are you in AA or another form of face-to-face support?

I find that when I'm weakest, a quick phone call to another recovery alcoholic or I hit up a meeting and I'm right back in the solution.

Kerbcrawler

hi kjell, no i just use this place...no one elseknows, my predicament..the sense of annonyimity allows me such free speech here..if you get my drift,

Anna

Kerbkrawler,

I think it's essential to learn new ways to cope with life and you CAN. When I was drinking all the time, I would think to myself, 'How else could I cope with what just happened, other than drinking?' As long as drinking was even a shadow of an option, I slid back to it and relied upon it. It was only when I knew alcohol was going to kill me and drinking was no longer an option, that I began to find new and healthy ways to manage.

I'm glad you're here!

Toronto68

Kerb, I am not using AA right now either, but one of the things I keep suggesting to people who MIGHT want to explore the option is that they can try out meetings outside their immediate community, so that they can feel less concerned about being on display while getting a chance to benefit from real people in front of you that know what it is like. You put down a good stretch of weeks/months of no drinking from what I remember, I hope you will add to your resolve not to drink with something that works for you, as a combination approach. I use this site to maintain contact with some kind of "outside world" on my addiction experience and return to "life" and it works for now. We're not all the same though, some of us can use a combined approach.

Kerbcrawler

thanks anna.. like everyone else here..were all vunerable.. yeah will sort it.. very small blip, havin tasted the benefits of sobriety..i d ont wanna godown,back down the dark tunnel of alcohol abuse ive come out of..tx.

intention

Hi Kerbcrawler,

I can understand how you feel about that but one thing perhaps you may want to consider about AA is that they have a solution which removes the mental obsession to drink.

This is the thing which gets us to drink no matter how long we have been sober. In the AA book it tells us we have no mental defense against this strange mental twist which leads us to the bottle no matter how strong our resolve not to drink, no matter how bad the consequences of drinking have always been for us.

I was ready for that solution when I realised that my own way of quitting alcohol was never going to work, because I would always end up picking up the drink again no matter how much I didn't want to.

NEOMARXIST

Sorry to hear that mate.

I know that I had to go to AA to keep my sobriety.

The important thing is to get straight back into recovery and do things differently now. The way you were doing it obviously just didn't cut it for you. You still were able to view alcohol as an option. It simply cannot be an option.

Do you truly accept yourself as an alcoholic?

I know for me there were never only 2 glasses of wine so I can't relate there. For me it would have been drinking to blackout. Then I would be back in the game again.

All The Best

Reubena

Hi Kerb,

Do whatever it takes to get back on the sobriety path. There will always be troubles, we just need to figure out non-destructive ways to deal. Glad you posted.

HumbleBee

Hey Kerb,

Sounds like you can see that there were a series of things going on that led to the fall. It didn't just happen.

Use that as knowledge and preparation should the same things or series of events or emotions start cropping up again (is my suggestion).

With no disrespect intended, AA is not for everyone. I did go to AA in early sobriety and it was very helpful to be amongst other sober people.

I have not gone in almost 2 years. I carry some of their principles with me, but am not an active participant. I'm ok with that.

Don't know about you, Kerb, but in my past experience, I also found that each time I reached for a glass or two of wine to escape, it got less and less effective. Actually, it made me more angry to have given in.

It may sound cliche, but here it is anyway: Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

artsoul

Hi Kerb - try to look at the positive: you found out it didn't fix your problems, and you came back before you let it get any worse. I don't know what you're general personality's like, but for me, I start getting impatient with myself because I can't control everything and perfect it. I tend to be my own trigger, in other words!

In order to stay sober I have to let alot of things go and find some kind of pleasurable activity to replace that relaxation I got from the bottle. It can be TV, video games, hanging out at SR, whatever. I'm slowly adding things back in, but trying to keep it simple for this early phase.

That may or may not apply - but it came to mind..... I hope you're feeling better about things soon.

Opivotal

Kerbcrawler,

I'm also using SR. Helped me alot......still does. Sorry to hear the demon got you. Bast$$$. But hey your still here and still trying. So he didn't win, just tweaked your brain a little. Show him your wiser and stronger. Now you'll be aware of the signs and your triggers. Next time he messes with you boot him in the a$$. I'm sure you'll be stronger next time he visits.

Good luck to you and keep posting it does help!

Dee74

hey Kerb

I really agree with Anna - finding new ways to cope is vital.

I didn't go the AA road either but I did go over hill and down valley to do anything else but drink...cos every time I do, it just puts me right back where I don't want to be.

D

Kerbcrawler

thanks again all. one bottle of wine an tin of cider later...feelin somewhat sorry for oneself...yes its true ..today i wake hangover and all...still with the probs i had yesterday..but with a hangover i could well do without..as now have to work, with this,
i guess gettin a little stuck in a rut..and after a number of days of strong temptation, and triggers..i caved, though its solved nothin and only made worst...so on this note will
need to take stock..and pull oneself together once more...as goin back the way is not an option, a small blip along the way...thanks again for words of truthfull support..

betterlate

Kerb, you've been one my guides here, because your day count was one higher than mine. It's inspiring watching someone with the same count post here...wish I'd told you sooner...but so what. I've "started over" countless times, this was just the latest. I really sympathize with your hangover, I've been though so damn many of them. Nobody can take away those 70 days of sobriety except you...keep on quitting, you're doing fine.

HumbleBee

Somebody on another thread shared that they picked up after 8.5 years. My grandfather picked up after 30 years.

While accumulating time is a good motivator for sobriety, I've found that the tried and true:


is what sets a life in recovery apart from mere sobriety. (IMHO)

Don't get me wrong, accumulated time and anniversaries are wonderful (!), but if the clock or calendar was the only thing driving my sobriety, I know that it wouldn't be considered very effective in terms of my long-term contentment.

I never miss an oppty to learn something new every day, I strive to live each day to its fullest and am grateful for all that I have. All of these days strung together make for a contented life in recovery; not without its ups and downs, that's life, but even then, I look for the lesson and what I have to be grateful for.

CarolD

Kerb.....glad you are heading back to sobriety....

This time....how about quitting those NA beers too?
They could have been a factor in your return to drinking.
They sure have been for many of us....

All my best