6 months today, but mom died
 

Hello All,

Tonight I celebrate six months of sobriety. Yesterday morning at 12:03am I stood over my mother as she took her last breath. This is that story. On January 1 I said I'm not drinking anymore. I lost my license to a DWI and had my doctor tell me about my elevated liver functions and all the things we hear frequently. After taking the bus for 6 months I finally got my license back on May 1st. I've been feeling wonderful about not drinking and have been strong through some tempting times. Flash forward to last Wednesday night June 23, I get a call at work that my 82 year old mother is unresponsive in the hospital. I rush to her beds side and she doesn't look good. I find her on life support.
My 3 brothers are called including my brother Ron who is a lifelong heavy alcoholic. We all are there. I did not drink. On Thursday morning the 24th the doctors tell us my mother has suffered a major stroke and has sustained "catastrophic" brain damage. She will never be normal and will probably be on machines the rest of her life. My family knows this isn't what she would've wanted and at 7:30 last Thursday we removed her from life support. I did not drink.

My 82 year old mother then hangs on for 6 days. My family sat in that room on and off for six days as my mother lay dying. My brother Ron had a conversion van and would drink and sleep in the parking lot of the hospital. By mid week his van floor was covered in empties. I, however, did not drink. So Tuesday night I went to the hospital about 9:30PM. All my brothers were there and all our wives. We talked for a few hours and at midnight almost on the dot my mother took her last breath. I watched each of my brothers kiss my moms forehead with a tear in their eye. I heard my brother Ron say through his beer breath that he loved her. I did not drink.

This has been the hardest experience of my life. I miss her so much. I am extremely grateful that when I got the call I was sober. I am grateful that when she died I was sober.

-Norman

I'm sorry for your loss.

Hi Norman,

I am very sorry for the loss of your brother.

I'm glad your recovery is going well.

Thinking of you dude, in this massive universe, wishing you well.

You know I don't know if you believe in God or Heaven or whatever but I really do think that the people we love and lose watch over us and right now your Mother is probably watching over you and thinking about how incredibly proud she is of you for staying sober. Drinking does not make the pain of grief go away. You could spend months trying to escape it but unless you deal with it sober, it's still going to be there and it's still going to hurt. As hard as this is to face sober, as hard as it is to feel the pain and not numb it out, it's what has to be done. You are experiencing one of the hardest things life hands to you right now and you still have your 6 months. That is amazing. That shows how much strength you have as a person and that's something you deserve to be truly proud of. I'm proud of you and I don't even know you. I am so very sorry for your loss and I'll keep you, your family and your mother in my prayers.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, but it was a wonderful thing for you to be sober through it all. :hug: Cherish your memories of her. She will live on in your heart.

I'm so sorry for your loss Norman :hug:
I do think it makes your achievement that much more meaningful tho.

D

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I was in the same exact place as you are but I talked with my father before his operation. I was just a little over 6 months sober. He was so proud of me. He didn't know how or why I decided to stop. He was worried about his going in for an operation and my drinking. As we waited for the operation he would ask how I was. I told him "don't worry...I am fine...I will be fine...drinking is the last thing that I would do" He was happy. My father made it through the operation but died 4 days later. I am so glad that I am sober. All of the things that my sister and I have to do are hard enough sober! The reason that I am telling your this is because my father was worried that I may relapse because of everything that was happening. Your mother would be exactly the same...don't drink...she is proud of you. My dad was 82 also. It's only been 2 1/2 months.

My prayers are with you and your family.

My heart goes out to you. My parents are about that age and I know I will have to face this soon as well. Your post will stay with me and I'll remember this when I'm in your situation. So thanks for sharing this.

Like SomeoneSomewhere said, your mother must be very proud of you right now. I hope your brother can address his drinking at some point. Life isn't easy, but at least if we're sober, we know what we're feeling and doing is genuine.

:ring..all my thoughts..with luv..Oz..

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mother.....:hug:

I was there when my Mama died of cancer at 80.
I too was sober....I think it helped me immensley
to deal with my grief. Her time here had simply
run out....she was tired.

I found my memories are not about her illnees and
death.....but about how much she enjoyed life.
She will always be young in my heart.
Prayers going out for your peace.

Well done on your sober progress....:yup:
Forward we go...side by side

Wow, I am so sorry.. You made me tear up..It's like she hung on long enough to celebrate your 6 months. Like she wanted to be sure you were going to be ok before she let go.
Thank you for your post and staying sober for you and your mother.

XO

I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing this story of sadness, loss and inspiration for all of us here. In my twisted mind, I admit that I wait for a "legitimate reason to drink"...and that's a biggie. I am so proud of you for staying sober, I admire your courage, and wish you strength to experience the huge range of difficult emotions to follow. Definitely and inspiration to me. :Valdog:

I am so sorry about your mom, but I am so glad you are staying strong through all the pain.

I'm so sorry. Your sobriety is very inspiring. Thank you.

I am so sorry for your loss, and am very proud of you for remaining strong, must have really been hard with your AB, but you came out tops! Perhaps your mom held on long enough to see all of you in one room and to know everybody would be OK, you can be sure she died peacefully and is in heaven with the FATHER now watching over all of you. 6 months sobriety is awesome!!! keep strong, keep posting ----- we all right behind you!

My utmost respect to you and your family. You were absolutely 100% there when your mom had to leave, while giving her the best gift ever.

Sorry to hear about your loss, Norman. Thank you for sharing your story...it was very moving.

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, but very proud that you didn't drink, even with the temptation in your face.

I was a critical care/ER nurse for years (before my addiction) and I truly believe some people hold on until they know they're loved ones are okay (as okay as you can be when someone you love, dearly, is dying). Perhaps she stuck around a few days, just to make sure YOU were going to be okay. I've seen it happen, too often, NOT to believe it.

You gave her a wonderful gift. You were there for her, sober. The grieving period is hard, no doubt (my mom died at 50), but being able to deal with it sober is a gift we give to ourselves.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy