I can't stop because I haven't hit bottom yet
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 118
I can't stop because I haven't hit bottom yet
I'm an alcoholic and I've done stupid things because of it but I never really had any monumental consequences for it. No arrests, DUI, no girlfriend leaving (well, I'd have to have one in the first place to lose it). I don't have cirrhosis. Most drunks have to hit rock bottom before they finally cry uncle. Drinking is still fun for me. It's the one thing that gets me through the day. I'm conflicted, I know I should quit but I don't want to now, a few weeks ago I did. I don't consider a botched suicide attempt to be that bad because I am that down on myself that I don't consider that to be that negative. I'm miserable not really because I drink, I drink because my sober life sucks (mainly due to my own wrong doings). Sure peeing on the carpet is cumbersome but it's still worth dealing with it. I am so delusional that even when I have support and when I do know the consequences down the road I don't want to stop.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
OK, so if you are not ready to admit that alcohol is a problem and needs to stop (although pretty much everyone that reads this will disagree with you) why are you here and what can we help you with? Keep reading and see if you can relate to any of our stories. Glad you are with us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hi Suic,
I just read your first post/introduction and you said that you had written $500 in bad checks to buy booze and that you wanted to shoot yourself awhile back?
What kind of bottom are you looking to find? Getting run over by a freight train?
I've had moments of madness too since I've stopped drinking. Reread your first post.
I just read your first post/introduction and you said that you had written $500 in bad checks to buy booze and that you wanted to shoot yourself awhile back?
What kind of bottom are you looking to find? Getting run over by a freight train?
I've had moments of madness too since I've stopped drinking. Reread your first post.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
The fact is we can choose our bottom - anytime we like.
Denial made me come within a hairs breadth of dying, suic.
I let things that should have been my bottom go by...my life, the consequences and my health got worse and worse until in the end I was lucky not to die...and some people just aren't that lucky, suic.
Personally? I think wanting to die, botched attempt or not, is 'that bad'.
I agree you should go back and look at the posts you made when you first came here.
D
Denial made me come within a hairs breadth of dying, suic.
I let things that should have been my bottom go by...my life, the consequences and my health got worse and worse until in the end I was lucky not to die...and some people just aren't that lucky, suic.
Personally? I think wanting to die, botched attempt or not, is 'that bad'.
I agree you should go back and look at the posts you made when you first came here.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 78
None of those things have happened to me, either. But bottom to me was waking up full of shame and remorse with a hangover that wouldn't quit. It was waking up thinking "Oh **** what did I say in that email/text/phone call last night that I don't remember?" The fact is - bottom isn't a certain event (like a DUI or hospitalization). Bottom is what WE feel our bottom is.
You really should go back and re-read your first post. Have you gone to AA? Do you have anyone in your real life you can talk to about this stuff? My best friend knows about my battle with alcohol now and telling her has lifted a weight off of my shoulders - I'm not in this alone.
Anyway - wanting to die and writing bad checks sounds like bottom to me. Please don't drink tonight.
You really should go back and re-read your first post. Have you gone to AA? Do you have anyone in your real life you can talk to about this stuff? My best friend knows about my battle with alcohol now and telling her has lifted a weight off of my shoulders - I'm not in this alone.
Anyway - wanting to die and writing bad checks sounds like bottom to me. Please don't drink tonight.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
We can choose our "bottom" until the ultimate bottom chooses us. Alcoholics do not have to hit bottom to recover. If you're not done, you're not. I choose to live fabulously sober. My drunk life sucked.
Toro Solo
Join Date: May 2010
Location: san francisco
Posts: 103
Hi Suic,
Bottom is a relative term, yours will not be the same as mine or anyone else's for that matter. It's really when you've had enough...
I'm sober now for a little over 5 weeks and nothing catastrophic drove me here... this time.
In the past I've done much worse (not as bad as some but much, much worse than others) and not decided to stop. Today I'm here simply because I don't want to go any further and I know with complete certainty that If I keep drinking I will... Worse yet, I could end up without the option to stop.
Drinking kills, us and others. You don't need to go that far....
nn
Bottom is a relative term, yours will not be the same as mine or anyone else's for that matter. It's really when you've had enough...
I'm sober now for a little over 5 weeks and nothing catastrophic drove me here... this time.
In the past I've done much worse (not as bad as some but much, much worse than others) and not decided to stop. Today I'm here simply because I don't want to go any further and I know with complete certainty that If I keep drinking I will... Worse yet, I could end up without the option to stop.
Drinking kills, us and others. You don't need to go that far....
nn
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I drink because my sober life sucks
We'd all love to drink without consequences. Most of us tried over and over again to figure out a way to do that. It's just not going to happen. That's why people keep coming back here. Alcohol is toxic to your body, and when you start to notice symptoms of declining health, it's often too late. You're going to have pain whether you decide to get sober or keep drinking. The good news is that with one kind of pain you get to learn how to live life again.
I really hope you think hard about what's ahead of you. Not that it matters, but my bottom was higher than yours, and I consider it "bad enough."
People here want to support you and they care about you. I hope you'll find a way to accept that help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
Originally Posted by suic 
Death can be a beautiful thing. Sadness can be a beautiful thing.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I try hard to accept others beliefs, Suic, but if you really believe that, well....I feel sorry for you.
Having faced death several times (not all through my own stupidity) I found nothing beautiful about it.
I used to find consolation and comfort in sadness too - I wrote a lot of songs and poems about in my 20s...but really...it was the perfect excuse not to do anything about my problems, suic.
I'm happy and content for the first time in my life - and I wouldn't trade that for the world.
If I got from there to here, anyone can.
D
Having faced death several times (not all through my own stupidity) I found nothing beautiful about it.
I used to find consolation and comfort in sadness too - I wrote a lot of songs and poems about in my 20s...but really...it was the perfect excuse not to do anything about my problems, suic.
I'm happy and content for the first time in my life - and I wouldn't trade that for the world.
If I got from there to here, anyone can.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 174
Here's something I posted on a different thread:
The fact of the matter is you will see people posting here who have been told their liver is about to fail if they keep drinking and they will continue to drink. Don't let death/prison/psychiatric hospital be your bottom - keep in mind that you will end up here eventually. Let this be your bottom.
I understand what it's like to be "not done" drinking. I was not done drinking for years, I knew I had a problem when I was 18 but I was "too young" for any of this quitting nonsense until I was almost 25. I had a lot of what should have been bottoms - hospitals, jail cells, fist fights etc etc but in the end it came down to what it would actually take for me to properly hit bottom.
Would I have to fall down the stairs and paralyze myself? Would I have to end up damaging someone really badly in a fight and ending up in jail for a long time, or getting damaged myself in a fight? Would it take liver failure?
What would it take?
And the truth is I either had to stop or one of the above would happen. And even then it mightn't stop me drinking. My bottom was the direction my life was going. It wasn't going to change - I wasn't going to change until I started actually making some changes.
Would I have to fall down the stairs and paralyze myself? Would I have to end up damaging someone really badly in a fight and ending up in jail for a long time, or getting damaged myself in a fight? Would it take liver failure?
What would it take?
And the truth is I either had to stop or one of the above would happen. And even then it mightn't stop me drinking. My bottom was the direction my life was going. It wasn't going to change - I wasn't going to change until I started actually making some changes.
The fact of the matter is you will see people posting here who have been told their liver is about to fail if they keep drinking and they will continue to drink. Don't let death/prison/psychiatric hospital be your bottom - keep in mind that you will end up here eventually. Let this be your bottom.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Most drunks have to hit rock bottom before they finally cry uncle
And I was scared to death that I'd reach the ultimate bottom: death, injury, accident, jail....
It sounds to me like you're not done drinking yet. I wish you well and hope you don't hit the 'ultimate' bottom...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 22
I have had exactly the same talk as you did from a friend of mine. But he had a DUI, lost his licence for 1 full year, had to pay a 10.000 $ dollar fine, got troubles at his work and even broke a leg while he was intoxicated.
It's not about hitting bottom, it's about realizing we are powerless over alchool till we quit. It's so simple yet so hard.
It's not about hitting bottom, it's about realizing we are powerless over alchool till we quit. It's so simple yet so hard.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I can't stop because I haven't hit bottom yet.
Change that to not willing. Sounds like king alcohol has you just where it wants you to be at. Denial kills many alcoholics.
Your life situation sounds like it would be considered pretty low by most standards. Sure you may have not sank as low as the very lowest alkies but you sound like by all accounts you're at a pretty low level. Accepting p*ssing on the carpet, Botched suicide attempts etc. It ain't a happy place to be at.
If you were to get sober and get some decent sobriety under your belt then you would be able to look back at the insanity of your thinking and your post. I don't say this in any pious or derogatory way either. I remember justifying my behaviour ie- vomitting in my shoes, pissing on my carpet floor, accepting that I was a loser, blaming everyone and everything, locking myself away for days. I thought along similar depressing lines when I was still deep into my alcoholism.
No material factors made me stop. I was done with alcohol and drugs and was beaten. I had to want it and be willing to work for it though. Otherwise I would be either dead, in prison, mental institution or on the street and still 'justifying' my insane behaviour and thinking.
Peace
Change that to not willing. Sounds like king alcohol has you just where it wants you to be at. Denial kills many alcoholics.
Your life situation sounds like it would be considered pretty low by most standards. Sure you may have not sank as low as the very lowest alkies but you sound like by all accounts you're at a pretty low level. Accepting p*ssing on the carpet, Botched suicide attempts etc. It ain't a happy place to be at.
If you were to get sober and get some decent sobriety under your belt then you would be able to look back at the insanity of your thinking and your post. I don't say this in any pious or derogatory way either. I remember justifying my behaviour ie- vomitting in my shoes, pissing on my carpet floor, accepting that I was a loser, blaming everyone and everything, locking myself away for days. I thought along similar depressing lines when I was still deep into my alcoholism.
No material factors made me stop. I was done with alcohol and drugs and was beaten. I had to want it and be willing to work for it though. Otherwise I would be either dead, in prison, mental institution or on the street and still 'justifying' my insane behaviour and thinking.
Peace
Being Me for the first time
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Wishek, North Dakota
Posts: 1,160
you have the option of changing your life to the better .. you say its dull and boring .. well what are you doing to change that .. ? no ones gonna do it for you .. Its up to you to get out there and TRY new things stop sitting around on the dang sofa and get out and experience new and exciting things , try going to more meetings , get to the gym .. what ever you like or interested in doing besides sitting there complaining that your life is boring and dull and drinkin makes it better .. again .. nuttin changes till YOU decide to change it
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