Raindance

My grandfather quit drinking at 32 when he realized he had the "family curse". I would have preferred my dad had done that and saved me from having to take him to 7 day detox on Christmas Eve when he was 52 after he threatened suicide and drove drunk into a different province hoping to go off the cliff.

I choose to follow my grandfather's path. I've seen enough of the future.

ElegantlyWasted

To me the conventional wisdom that an A must hit a hard bottom that involves loosing nearly everything is very dangerous. Addicts tend to latch onto it as a rationalization for continued use. Smacked nailed it; we do have the ability to choose our own "bottom".

" I am that down on myself that I don't consider that to be that negative. I'm miserable not really because I drink, I drink because my sober life sucks (mainly due to my own wrong doings). Sure peeing on the carpet is cumbersome but it's still worth dealing with it. I am so delusional that even when I have support and when I do know the consequences down the road I don't want to stop."

Sounds like you have enough insight to get something started. Best of luck! PS if you can call yourself out on your own delusions, they really aren't delusions; you're halfway there.

suic

I'm going to stay sober today.

SixStringZen

Excellent news, friend.....I do understand what you mean about death being beautiful....but, with all due respect, it's delusional.....
I loved being a suicidal, drunk artist/musician.....until I hated it....