want a drink badly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
want a drink badly
Well here I am its 8.32 on a saturday evening and I am home sober. However, Ir eally want to have a drink badly. Its now 9 days that I stopped.
I finished an abusive relationship 3 month ago and kept drinking badly. I drunk for the last 12 years on and off (more on then off). 1 week ago I flipped and upset a good friend/coworker while I was drunk. I really hurt him by telling bad things on the phone. I met with him this weekend and explained that I had a blackout and I am in recovery. He accepted my apology. Before I flipped we talked on the phone every evening and during the day he would answer the phone. Today when I called him he still does not answer the phone even I left 2 messages asking to call me back. Instead he told me by email he is leaving the country for 2 month.
This is so upsetting, since I really like him and I think he liked me (before I flipped), he was a really supportive friend. Now I am back to sqare 1. alone, heartbroken on a saturday and really want a drink.Did anybody have the same experiences? How do you deal with them? I just want to drink, nobody cares anyhow.
On the other side if he is not answering his phone and treats me this way maybe it would have not worked anyhow with us and he was not so much into me. Better to find this out now...
I finished an abusive relationship 3 month ago and kept drinking badly. I drunk for the last 12 years on and off (more on then off). 1 week ago I flipped and upset a good friend/coworker while I was drunk. I really hurt him by telling bad things on the phone. I met with him this weekend and explained that I had a blackout and I am in recovery. He accepted my apology. Before I flipped we talked on the phone every evening and during the day he would answer the phone. Today when I called him he still does not answer the phone even I left 2 messages asking to call me back. Instead he told me by email he is leaving the country for 2 month.
This is so upsetting, since I really like him and I think he liked me (before I flipped), he was a really supportive friend. Now I am back to sqare 1. alone, heartbroken on a saturday and really want a drink.Did anybody have the same experiences? How do you deal with them? I just want to drink, nobody cares anyhow.
On the other side if he is not answering his phone and treats me this way maybe it would have not worked anyhow with us and he was not so much into me. Better to find this out now...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
It's hard when we try to fix the messes we made.
And, sometimes, it just can't be done.
You did what you could to fix things, so just try to learn from what happened and move forward. Maybe things will work out with you and your friend as time goes by.
And, sometimes, it just can't be done.
You did what you could to fix things, so just try to learn from what happened and move forward. Maybe things will work out with you and your friend as time goes by.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 587
well 9.34pm thank you for your support. I did not drink, I think I learned a lesson. It is hard though. Coming out of the relationship was hard, being sober is hard, now I lost a very good friend. Why does it seem to be so hard getting sober and so easy to drink. When I drink I forget all the pain, no emotions. I can numb the pain...... The regrets come the next day.....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hey SASA,
Sounds to me like you've done just the right thing re your friend - if he's worth having, he'll be back.
I'm still troubled by many of the things I've done while drunk - the only way I can move forward is not to drink again. As well as the very specific pangs of shame I'd get when learning about what I'd done the night before, I always had a general cloud of guilt over me as well. AND a hangover. Horrible.
That's diminishing now, and I'm feeling much better generally too - I'm about a month in. Paranoia and bad-temper much improved, general sense of well-being. Ace.
Hang in there! It will get easier soon!
Sounds to me like you've done just the right thing re your friend - if he's worth having, he'll be back.
I'm still troubled by many of the things I've done while drunk - the only way I can move forward is not to drink again. As well as the very specific pangs of shame I'd get when learning about what I'd done the night before, I always had a general cloud of guilt over me as well. AND a hangover. Horrible.
That's diminishing now, and I'm feeling much better generally too - I'm about a month in. Paranoia and bad-temper much improved, general sense of well-being. Ace.
Hang in there! It will get easier soon!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi SASA - Just think how good you'll feel if you can sit with your feelings and not drink. Cry or punch a pillow if you have to. And try not to start worrying about what will happen in the future. Just concentrate on getting through the day sober.
Also, remember that your drinking, not sobriety, created the problem with your friend. You don't want to go back there and live in that world again. Give yourself the gift of a new you so that when your friend comes back, you'll at least have a chance at a better relationship.
We're here for you.
Also, remember that your drinking, not sobriety, created the problem with your friend. You don't want to go back there and live in that world again. Give yourself the gift of a new you so that when your friend comes back, you'll at least have a chance at a better relationship.
We're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
SASA, I wish you well and I am glad you didn't drink. That is never going to help as much as our alcoholic mind tells us it will.
I know too well how it feels to try and fix things we did when we were drunk. What I have learned is acceptance. I have done my best to forgive myself and ask forgiveness where it mattered but I have moved on.
We can't beat ourselves up for our past and we must look at ourselves now and who we are. The strength and courage it takes to dump the bottle and pick up is such a difficult thing. I am proud of you and while the early days of sobriety can be confusing as we grapple with the past and who and what we are.....know that this is a new you my friend. A whole new life of sobriety is yours for the taking.
Learn, live and move on!!! Keep posting. Posting was so essential in my early days of sobriety and as you can see.....I still am active on SR
SR is a godsent for me.
Huggs.
I know too well how it feels to try and fix things we did when we were drunk. What I have learned is acceptance. I have done my best to forgive myself and ask forgiveness where it mattered but I have moved on.
We can't beat ourselves up for our past and we must look at ourselves now and who we are. The strength and courage it takes to dump the bottle and pick up is such a difficult thing. I am proud of you and while the early days of sobriety can be confusing as we grapple with the past and who and what we are.....know that this is a new you my friend. A whole new life of sobriety is yours for the taking.
Learn, live and move on!!! Keep posting. Posting was so essential in my early days of sobriety and as you can see.....I still am active on SR
SR is a godsent for me.Huggs.
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