New to SR
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 9
New to SR
Hi All,
I'm Parker and new to this forum. I have been Sober for 7 months through AA, my wife's support, and the grace of God!
Sorry if it's kind of long, but here's my story:
My life in addiction started when I was 14 years old. Like so many of us I always felt different and as a child I loved to escape reality through day dreaming, books and movies. But at age 14 I found something better than those things, I found marijuana, It was mid June in 1979 and school had just ended a few days before. My best friend in the neighborhood, Johnny came by the house and said he knew a place we could get high. We went to a house a few blocks away and after some coaxing, a girl in her early 20's smoked a joint with us. I remember walking home that afternoon and all I could think was how great it felt and how much I wanted to do it again.
Later that same year in November I would experience my first drunk. It felt different from being high and was accompanied by getting sick that night so at that time I prefered dope over alcohol. Through my highschool years I began to mix drinking and getting high to perfect just the right buzz. By my senior year I would smoke a joint on the way to school. At lunch a friend and I would drive over to a store that this old guy would sell to us and we would burn a joint and each drink a 40oz. I would always go to my 1:00pm class buzzed out of my mind. I sat in the back of the class and I was one of the last ones walking in and as I passed the other students they would stare at me because my eyes were so messed up. I remember a couple of the girls always giggling and whispering something like "he's so wasted". I really thought I was so cool, and if you didn't get high you were just a clean cut candy-ass.
Highschool is a confusing time for everyone but for me and what I did, who I hung around with and the classes I took made absolutely no sense at all. Because I got high everyday I guess I fell under the "Stoner" category, but where my stoner friends were taking wood/metal shop and failing out of school, I was taking college prep classes, carrying a C average, and played varsity on one of the best Golf teams in the State. I never had any friends on the golf team because they were all pretty straight laced kids, but I would never show up for a match buzzed. The golf course was my church, it was my religion and I know that if it wasn't for the drugs and alcohol back then I would have went on to fulfill my dreams of turning professional.
The summer after I graduated highschool I met my first wife. She was a Catholic girl from the other side of the tracks that didn't drink or smoke. She basically had one simple rule, if I didn't stop smoking dope she wouldn't go out with me. This was really the beginning of my "Drinking Career" because I decided to trade in my dope for sex, and to replace the drugs I started drinking more. I was working for my dad and going to community college to get my GPA up and hopefully make it into a bigger school to play college golf. But a year after we started dating she got pregnant and I joined the Army hoping to provide for them.
When I joined the Army I had no intention of staying or it being a career. I only looked at it as a means to take care of my family and earn money for college. I didn't expect it to happen but it was the first time in my life that I felt like I belonged and after my first enlistment I decided to stay and make it a career. One thing I loved about the Army and my job as a combat soldier was the idea of "Work Hard" and "Play Hard"! My first duty station in Germany, bar fighting was more a sport than a occurance. As long as you showed up for duty, you couldn't get in trouble. It was the perfect enabler for me at that time.
As you can imagine, this life style did not mesh well with family life and after 5 years of marriage in 1990 my first wife and I were divorced. This basically took the chains off my drinking completely and I started drinking on a daily basis at that point. From 1990 to 1993 was about as wild a ride as you could want. In that time frame I was remarried and divorced 2 more times to women that were heavy drinkers. In 1992 I lost my mother to cancer and went on a drunk that lasted a solid year.
By the end of 1993 my life and drinking was completely out of control. My 1st Seargent pulled me aside one day after I had wrecked my car and said that I needed to do something about my drinking and he told me I had to go to an AA meeting in town. So I went to a few meetings and I felt that AA was a great program for all those unfortunate people that can't stop on their own but that wasn't me. I knew that I drank a lot but I also believed that I could control it. So I decided that I would stop drinking to show everyone I could control it and I started going to the gym after work 6 days a week. Man did I get in great shape, I was already in great condition being a light infantry soldier but I took it to a higher level. I did this for about 6 months until the 1st Seargent who told me to try AA finally retired. At that time I decided I was going to start drinking again because I had proven that I could control it by not drinking the past 6 months on my own. I remember thinking I better take it easy because I hadn't drank in a while and I might get drunk after a couple beers. To my suprise I was back to drinking just as much as ever in a short period of time.
There is one other thing that happened to me in 1993 that was for the good, I met my 4th(and hopefully final) wife. She was quite a bit younger than me and like my first wife came from a stable family. Not real sure what she saw in me,,,lol,,but we dated the next couple years. In 1994 I got my first DWI and instead of considering I had a drinking problem I just figured it was just bound to happen since I partied so hard. The Army didn't make a big deal about it but sent me to a outpatient program on base and I told them what they wanted to hear. Almost to the day a year later I got a second DWI and all hell broke loose. The Army told me my career was done. They did not give me a Dishonorable because I had been a excellent soldier on duty and I was able to keep my benefits and college money. Losing my career in the Army tore my guts out. I had lost the one place in my life that I felt at home.
My wife and I got married a month after I was released from the Army and I went to college and she worked two jobs to support us. At that point I was willing to admit I had a drinking problem and that I was a alcoholic, but I still believed I could control it. I signed up for a outpatient program through the VA and was assigned a counselor that I grew to appreciate and respect. She was about the same age as my mother would have been and she helped keep me sober for 18 months while I finished my degree. The biggest mistake I made back then was not going to AA. My conselor was constantly telling me to go but I just kept telling her I didn't have time with school and everything.
As a college student I was focused and sober and it showed in my grades. I was a C student in highschool but graduated as Honor Graduate in my curiculum and it helped me get a fantastic job out of college that I've managed to hold on to still. Once I was done with college and the VA program I decided that I was going to drink again but this time it was going to be different. I wasn't going to let it get out of control like I had in the past. This started the second phase of my drinking career and that was basically becoming a "Closet Drinker".
I truley believe my wife deserves some kind of medal or award for keeping our family together during the past 12 years of my drinking at home. We've managed to have two beautiful children and built a home in 2003. I had become a functioning alcoholic. There were times she begged me to stop drinking and I would for a short time but then go right back to it.
The last year of my drinking was really bad. I was hiding booze from her and gotten to where I couldn't even stop for a day no matter how hard I tried. Regardless of how much my wife would complain or beg I would always fall back on the fact that I always make it to work and I provide for her and the kids.
Well last November my wife and kids were out of town and I had to work the next day. I drank so much that night I forgot to set the alarm and never woke up for work. For the first time in my life I was late for work and I finally woke up 2 hours later and rushed to get there. I don't know if I would call it a spiritual awakening on my drive to work that day but I will tell you that all the bad things that happened to me in the past started rushing through my brain. The bad marraiges, the DWI's, losing my Army career! In an instant I knew what I had to do, I had to get to a AA meeting. I kept thinking, those old guy's in the meetings I went to in 1993 were right and I was wrong. My life was completely unmanagable because of alcohol and I was powerless over it.
I went to a AA meeting the next night and I listened and did everything that was suggested, I got a sponsor, a home group, and a service commitment. I won't say it's been easy but my life has never been better. I consider myself more than fortunate because I basically had a great life right in front of me but was doing everything I could to destroy it through alcohol. There are many in the rooms that weren't able to keep their family together or ended up in prison after their 3rd or 4th DWI. I have a lot to be grateful for!
I'm Parker and new to this forum. I have been Sober for 7 months through AA, my wife's support, and the grace of God!
Sorry if it's kind of long, but here's my story:
My life in addiction started when I was 14 years old. Like so many of us I always felt different and as a child I loved to escape reality through day dreaming, books and movies. But at age 14 I found something better than those things, I found marijuana, It was mid June in 1979 and school had just ended a few days before. My best friend in the neighborhood, Johnny came by the house and said he knew a place we could get high. We went to a house a few blocks away and after some coaxing, a girl in her early 20's smoked a joint with us. I remember walking home that afternoon and all I could think was how great it felt and how much I wanted to do it again.
Later that same year in November I would experience my first drunk. It felt different from being high and was accompanied by getting sick that night so at that time I prefered dope over alcohol. Through my highschool years I began to mix drinking and getting high to perfect just the right buzz. By my senior year I would smoke a joint on the way to school. At lunch a friend and I would drive over to a store that this old guy would sell to us and we would burn a joint and each drink a 40oz. I would always go to my 1:00pm class buzzed out of my mind. I sat in the back of the class and I was one of the last ones walking in and as I passed the other students they would stare at me because my eyes were so messed up. I remember a couple of the girls always giggling and whispering something like "he's so wasted". I really thought I was so cool, and if you didn't get high you were just a clean cut candy-ass.
Highschool is a confusing time for everyone but for me and what I did, who I hung around with and the classes I took made absolutely no sense at all. Because I got high everyday I guess I fell under the "Stoner" category, but where my stoner friends were taking wood/metal shop and failing out of school, I was taking college prep classes, carrying a C average, and played varsity on one of the best Golf teams in the State. I never had any friends on the golf team because they were all pretty straight laced kids, but I would never show up for a match buzzed. The golf course was my church, it was my religion and I know that if it wasn't for the drugs and alcohol back then I would have went on to fulfill my dreams of turning professional.
The summer after I graduated highschool I met my first wife. She was a Catholic girl from the other side of the tracks that didn't drink or smoke. She basically had one simple rule, if I didn't stop smoking dope she wouldn't go out with me. This was really the beginning of my "Drinking Career" because I decided to trade in my dope for sex, and to replace the drugs I started drinking more. I was working for my dad and going to community college to get my GPA up and hopefully make it into a bigger school to play college golf. But a year after we started dating she got pregnant and I joined the Army hoping to provide for them.
When I joined the Army I had no intention of staying or it being a career. I only looked at it as a means to take care of my family and earn money for college. I didn't expect it to happen but it was the first time in my life that I felt like I belonged and after my first enlistment I decided to stay and make it a career. One thing I loved about the Army and my job as a combat soldier was the idea of "Work Hard" and "Play Hard"! My first duty station in Germany, bar fighting was more a sport than a occurance. As long as you showed up for duty, you couldn't get in trouble. It was the perfect enabler for me at that time.
As you can imagine, this life style did not mesh well with family life and after 5 years of marriage in 1990 my first wife and I were divorced. This basically took the chains off my drinking completely and I started drinking on a daily basis at that point. From 1990 to 1993 was about as wild a ride as you could want. In that time frame I was remarried and divorced 2 more times to women that were heavy drinkers. In 1992 I lost my mother to cancer and went on a drunk that lasted a solid year.
By the end of 1993 my life and drinking was completely out of control. My 1st Seargent pulled me aside one day after I had wrecked my car and said that I needed to do something about my drinking and he told me I had to go to an AA meeting in town. So I went to a few meetings and I felt that AA was a great program for all those unfortunate people that can't stop on their own but that wasn't me. I knew that I drank a lot but I also believed that I could control it. So I decided that I would stop drinking to show everyone I could control it and I started going to the gym after work 6 days a week. Man did I get in great shape, I was already in great condition being a light infantry soldier but I took it to a higher level. I did this for about 6 months until the 1st Seargent who told me to try AA finally retired. At that time I decided I was going to start drinking again because I had proven that I could control it by not drinking the past 6 months on my own. I remember thinking I better take it easy because I hadn't drank in a while and I might get drunk after a couple beers. To my suprise I was back to drinking just as much as ever in a short period of time.
There is one other thing that happened to me in 1993 that was for the good, I met my 4th(and hopefully final) wife. She was quite a bit younger than me and like my first wife came from a stable family. Not real sure what she saw in me,,,lol,,but we dated the next couple years. In 1994 I got my first DWI and instead of considering I had a drinking problem I just figured it was just bound to happen since I partied so hard. The Army didn't make a big deal about it but sent me to a outpatient program on base and I told them what they wanted to hear. Almost to the day a year later I got a second DWI and all hell broke loose. The Army told me my career was done. They did not give me a Dishonorable because I had been a excellent soldier on duty and I was able to keep my benefits and college money. Losing my career in the Army tore my guts out. I had lost the one place in my life that I felt at home.
My wife and I got married a month after I was released from the Army and I went to college and she worked two jobs to support us. At that point I was willing to admit I had a drinking problem and that I was a alcoholic, but I still believed I could control it. I signed up for a outpatient program through the VA and was assigned a counselor that I grew to appreciate and respect. She was about the same age as my mother would have been and she helped keep me sober for 18 months while I finished my degree. The biggest mistake I made back then was not going to AA. My conselor was constantly telling me to go but I just kept telling her I didn't have time with school and everything.
As a college student I was focused and sober and it showed in my grades. I was a C student in highschool but graduated as Honor Graduate in my curiculum and it helped me get a fantastic job out of college that I've managed to hold on to still. Once I was done with college and the VA program I decided that I was going to drink again but this time it was going to be different. I wasn't going to let it get out of control like I had in the past. This started the second phase of my drinking career and that was basically becoming a "Closet Drinker".
I truley believe my wife deserves some kind of medal or award for keeping our family together during the past 12 years of my drinking at home. We've managed to have two beautiful children and built a home in 2003. I had become a functioning alcoholic. There were times she begged me to stop drinking and I would for a short time but then go right back to it.
The last year of my drinking was really bad. I was hiding booze from her and gotten to where I couldn't even stop for a day no matter how hard I tried. Regardless of how much my wife would complain or beg I would always fall back on the fact that I always make it to work and I provide for her and the kids.
Well last November my wife and kids were out of town and I had to work the next day. I drank so much that night I forgot to set the alarm and never woke up for work. For the first time in my life I was late for work and I finally woke up 2 hours later and rushed to get there. I don't know if I would call it a spiritual awakening on my drive to work that day but I will tell you that all the bad things that happened to me in the past started rushing through my brain. The bad marraiges, the DWI's, losing my Army career! In an instant I knew what I had to do, I had to get to a AA meeting. I kept thinking, those old guy's in the meetings I went to in 1993 were right and I was wrong. My life was completely unmanagable because of alcohol and I was powerless over it.
I went to a AA meeting the next night and I listened and did everything that was suggested, I got a sponsor, a home group, and a service commitment. I won't say it's been easy but my life has never been better. I consider myself more than fortunate because I basically had a great life right in front of me but was doing everything I could to destroy it through alcohol. There are many in the rooms that weren't able to keep their family together or ended up in prison after their 3rd or 4th DWI. I have a lot to be grateful for!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,565
What a ride, Parker. Yet you are still standing, and can have a whole new life without the poison. I'm sorry you didn't get to follow your dream of being a pro golfer. I had dreams that never saw the light of day either. I snuffed them out, thinking I was making myself happy & carefree. There's nothing to be gained by regret (except to learn a lesson from it) & it can prevent you from moving forward. It doesn't sound like you're allowing that to happen, though, & that's excellent.
When I look back on my life I'm amazed I didn't see long ago where drinking was taking me. I guess every time I questioned my actions I'd take another drink & that would be that. I think in our hearts we know what needs to be done. We just have to be ready. I'm so thankful we're still here on the planet with a chance to make things right. We're not dead - we're not in jail for killing someone while drinking. Life is good.
When I look back on my life I'm amazed I didn't see long ago where drinking was taking me. I guess every time I questioned my actions I'd take another drink & that would be that. I think in our hearts we know what needs to be done. We just have to be ready. I'm so thankful we're still here on the planet with a chance to make things right. We're not dead - we're not in jail for killing someone while drinking. Life is good.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome to SR, Parker!
Your story is [sadly, yet realistically] an excellent example of the progression of alcohol and its goal to take everything from us.
I'm so glad you had *that moment* and grabbed the opportunity to take back and rebuild your life.
Sadly, as we know, many don't make it out of that horrible abyss.
Forward we go...side by side. Congrats on 7 months and happy you're with us!
Your story is [sadly, yet realistically] an excellent example of the progression of alcohol and its goal to take everything from us.
I'm so glad you had *that moment* and grabbed the opportunity to take back and rebuild your life.
Sadly, as we know, many don't make it out of that horrible abyss.
Forward we go...side by side. Congrats on 7 months and happy you're with us!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
I really got a lot out of this post, Parker. Thank you so much for sharing all of that.
It actually got me to question the role of alcohol in my life going way back. I am divorced with 3 kids. And I just now remember that while on my honeymoon, yes on my honeymoon, I drank a full bottle of wine while out to dinner (in Switzerland somewhere), got mad at my new husband because he didn't feel well and didn't want to drink and have fun, went out by myself and flirted with some guys at a bar. It hit me that I shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff anymore because I was NOW MARRIED, so I straightened out for a long time... thought I had alcohol under control. It came back to bite me after my divorce and while in my early 40's and I have finally admitted that I can't control it.
Thanks again.
Laura
It actually got me to question the role of alcohol in my life going way back. I am divorced with 3 kids. And I just now remember that while on my honeymoon, yes on my honeymoon, I drank a full bottle of wine while out to dinner (in Switzerland somewhere), got mad at my new husband because he didn't feel well and didn't want to drink and have fun, went out by myself and flirted with some guys at a bar. It hit me that I shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff anymore because I was NOW MARRIED, so I straightened out for a long time... thought I had alcohol under control. It came back to bite me after my divorce and while in my early 40's and I have finally admitted that I can't control it.
Thanks again.
Laura
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