About to give up
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Mark75 
My experience with inventory surrounding the resentment I felt surrounding the circumstances that brought me into recovery took many tries and nearly a year. Have you had a good experience with that?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by Mark75
I found that my resentment towards the powers that be that brought me to recovery effected my .... Pride.
Mark
Mark
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Something similar. Workplace/Career...
I ride bicycle a lot and I meditate these questions a lot... And the insight I gained from that realization.... That it was all about pride for me... That epiphany... Practically rode my bike into a tree!!! It helped enormously... I have to keep working my first step though...
I ride bicycle a lot and I meditate these questions a lot... And the insight I gained from that realization.... That it was all about pride for me... That epiphany... Practically rode my bike into a tree!!! It helped enormously... I have to keep working my first step though...
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
And yes... It made a huge difference and really helped get me out of a stasis that had set in with my recovery. It's not all sunshine, rainbows and ponies coming down from the sky... But I have a new hope and outlook that I needed and I am very grateful for this mode of recovery... 12 steps and all...
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
About 22 months.
I have found that SR combined with AA and reading has really helped me.... I have a problem with over intellectualizing. Trying to figure it out and all... But when I just follow the directions in the big book, go to meetings and utilize rather than analyze... I find I make more progress!
I have found that SR combined with AA and reading has really helped me.... I have a problem with over intellectualizing. Trying to figure it out and all... But when I just follow the directions in the big book, go to meetings and utilize rather than analyze... I find I make more progress!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Benajmin, awesome posts!
I don't have an identical situation but I have some similar feelings when it comes to work. I don't go into them very deeply here - out of pride, I think.
Because of my "standards," I don't have a very perfect life every day, but I like to think I am making progress. I have a lot to work on. I think it helps me to think to myself I would rather have what I do today than what I did before I quit drinking.
Look forward to more posts from you.
I don't have an identical situation but I have some similar feelings when it comes to work. I don't go into them very deeply here - out of pride, I think.
Because of my "standards," I don't have a very perfect life every day, but I like to think I am making progress. I have a lot to work on. I think it helps me to think to myself I would rather have what I do today than what I did before I quit drinking.
Look forward to more posts from you.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 2,058
Glad you posted Benjamin and know that you are not alone. I think for many the early sobriety period is an adjustment and we tend to look around and think where is all the greatness that is supposed to come with sobriety. It isn't like it was easy for most of us. Not like we just magically recover and go back out and become social drinkers and all of our problems disappear.
What I can say is that acceptance of things for me has been very important. Knowing it is what it is and what am I going to do from here. Can't change the past but I must forgive myself and move forward.
I can tell you that my life has changed drastically financially and I have about zippo in the bank compared to the years I drank. Weird to think of it but I found traveling in those years and having $$$$ obviously didn't make me happy. I remember the trips, nice cars, jewelry, money in the bank, NYC entertainment but inside I was not fulfilled.
My whole attitude was askew and the truth is money can't buy us happiness.
There is so much in life that matters that costs nothing but it is in us to open our eyes to see it. No quick fix, no lavish trip to make us happy if we aren't happy with ourselves.
I may not have much but my life is golden because I no longer rely on others or material objects for happiness. I am a work in progress so to speak but reaching out for counseling was a tremendous help in my recovery.
I wish you well and also know that there are medications out there for depression. Sometimes we find that alcohol or our DOC was just a cover for underlying pain.
Keep posting my friend and we are here to support you!!
What I can say is that acceptance of things for me has been very important. Knowing it is what it is and what am I going to do from here. Can't change the past but I must forgive myself and move forward.
I can tell you that my life has changed drastically financially and I have about zippo in the bank compared to the years I drank. Weird to think of it but I found traveling in those years and having $$$$ obviously didn't make me happy. I remember the trips, nice cars, jewelry, money in the bank, NYC entertainment but inside I was not fulfilled.
My whole attitude was askew and the truth is money can't buy us happiness.
There is so much in life that matters that costs nothing but it is in us to open our eyes to see it. No quick fix, no lavish trip to make us happy if we aren't happy with ourselves.
I may not have much but my life is golden because I no longer rely on others or material objects for happiness. I am a work in progress so to speak but reaching out for counseling was a tremendous help in my recovery.
I wish you well and also know that there are medications out there for depression. Sometimes we find that alcohol or our DOC was just a cover for underlying pain.
Keep posting my friend and we are here to support you!!
Who Farted?
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Benjamin33
I pray everyday for God to show me his will and for the knowledge and power to carry that out, yet nothing seems to get better, only worse. My purpose in this life can't be what I am doing now. I basically sleep half the day, do a little work from a home office and then watch t.v. Is that the life God intended for someone who has my abilities. If so, then why did he give them to me in the first place? I just can't seem to understand it. God isn't supposed to put more on me than I can handle, but I think he is.
While I am still struggling myself, I have started attending AA meetings and really trying to understand the steps. While I am not a religious person, (but am working on the HP / regaining my faith) your words re: God reminded me of this poem, which I love and have not thought about since my early teens. My little way of saying, stick with it, man. Get out there and have some fun. Traid.
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
One late post to this informative thread.
Ben, I keep reading about "work"; you make many references to it. My life used to revolve around work. It came first, I would physically make myself sick I would work so much, I hurt people I love because work came first, etc. I'm sure a few here can identify with that. I was a perfectionist.
I was. It took a long time, but I was finally able to balance my life with work, to allow many other things that I gave equal value to into my life. It takes time, and a lot of self-introspection. I think a lot of people turn to religion. I'm not religious, and I'm not anti-religious, it's just not my way. I just read a lot and figured myself out.
Ben, I just get the feeling that your work is your life. You need to construct a real life, one that has a balance of activity and fulfillment, not just bars, TV, and more work. I think you're trying to judge your success by your bank account or last big case.
As many here have suggested, volunteering and exercising are two good steps, but I would add the third component of figuring yourself out. Yeah, it just makes you want to throw up your hands, but someone with your focus and drive can do it.
I think you are just bored. Throw yourself out of your rut and show us what you can do.
Ben, I keep reading about "work"; you make many references to it. My life used to revolve around work. It came first, I would physically make myself sick I would work so much, I hurt people I love because work came first, etc. I'm sure a few here can identify with that. I was a perfectionist.
I was. It took a long time, but I was finally able to balance my life with work, to allow many other things that I gave equal value to into my life. It takes time, and a lot of self-introspection. I think a lot of people turn to religion. I'm not religious, and I'm not anti-religious, it's just not my way. I just read a lot and figured myself out.
Ben, I just get the feeling that your work is your life. You need to construct a real life, one that has a balance of activity and fulfillment, not just bars, TV, and more work. I think you're trying to judge your success by your bank account or last big case.
As many here have suggested, volunteering and exercising are two good steps, but I would add the third component of figuring yourself out. Yeah, it just makes you want to throw up your hands, but someone with your focus and drive can do it.
I think you are just bored. Throw yourself out of your rut and show us what you can do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 76
I just wanted to thank all those that posted last night and today. It did help. I am going to keep suffering through all this. I really don't have another option. I am going to try and persevere for one year. That's ten more months. If things aren't better by then, I may have to look at other options. Thanks again for everyone's encouragement and advice.
Ben
Ben
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: London
Posts: 266
The Sobriety Scam
Benjamin,
This thread has been very useful to me... I know it was not the intention, but still.
You really made me smile with your post. I guess I am a pyscopath if someone can make me smile with a post that destiles so much suffering. But I could not help it when you got to the point of 'sobriety sucks'. Reading here the testimonies of so many mothers like me who have started drinking heavily after motherhood I have realised that sometimes we are told only the beautiful side of some stories, for instance, about being a mother. In many ways, until you really 'get' it many of the things that are sold as the ultimate hit in life, are big scams.
If you are clinically depressed the chances are that even if you try to go out and do exercise, etc. you will still be depressed until you find a way of dealing with depression itself. Not only 'distracting' the depression. You may also want to accept that not all people who do not drink are extremely happy. But they would be certainly in a worse place if they were drinking in addition to whatever issue they have.
You have quit your long-time enemy booze, you do not have much work coming in after years of wealth, you do not feel supported by a real circle of friends/whatever, and there is not other particular activity you are passionate about at the moment. You are dealing with a lot, A LOT. Be proud of yourself (sorry Mark, goes a bit against the issue of pride, which also may be a problem). Perhaps you are not depressed. Perhaps you are facing real problems with your sober mind and those problems are not nice to look at face to face.
You seem to be a very able human being- Do you think you can work out a plan? Would you want to share it with us? Would be a great thing to do -
I am considering a few changes in my life once I am a bit longer on the sober side. And I will certainly ask people here for advice. From my very short experience it seems like there are many valuable minds and souls around.
Good luck
This thread has been very useful to me... I know it was not the intention, but still.
You really made me smile with your post. I guess I am a pyscopath if someone can make me smile with a post that destiles so much suffering. But I could not help it when you got to the point of 'sobriety sucks'. Reading here the testimonies of so many mothers like me who have started drinking heavily after motherhood I have realised that sometimes we are told only the beautiful side of some stories, for instance, about being a mother. In many ways, until you really 'get' it many of the things that are sold as the ultimate hit in life, are big scams.
If you are clinically depressed the chances are that even if you try to go out and do exercise, etc. you will still be depressed until you find a way of dealing with depression itself. Not only 'distracting' the depression. You may also want to accept that not all people who do not drink are extremely happy. But they would be certainly in a worse place if they were drinking in addition to whatever issue they have.
You have quit your long-time enemy booze, you do not have much work coming in after years of wealth, you do not feel supported by a real circle of friends/whatever, and there is not other particular activity you are passionate about at the moment. You are dealing with a lot, A LOT. Be proud of yourself (sorry Mark, goes a bit against the issue of pride, which also may be a problem). Perhaps you are not depressed. Perhaps you are facing real problems with your sober mind and those problems are not nice to look at face to face.
You seem to be a very able human being- Do you think you can work out a plan? Would you want to share it with us? Would be a great thing to do -
I am considering a few changes in my life once I am a bit longer on the sober side. And I will certainly ask people here for advice. From my very short experience it seems like there are many valuable minds and souls around.
Good luck
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
I'm almost 6 months removed from my last drink and I pretty much feel awkward all the way around. Heck, sometimes it's an actual physical pain. I'm working step 8 and I have a sponsor.
...and ditto on the pride thing. I've lost much (good job, savings, 401k, girlfriend, two cars, had to move, two duis) and it wears on me a lot.
...but every so often, I feel a teeny tiny bit of relief and man, I wanna know what that feels like more often. ...and for me, to drink is to die, so I've got two choices - live now, with what I've got and fight for a better life, or drink...and die.
...and ditto on the pride thing. I've lost much (good job, savings, 401k, girlfriend, two cars, had to move, two duis) and it wears on me a lot.
...but every so often, I feel a teeny tiny bit of relief and man, I wanna know what that feels like more often. ...and for me, to drink is to die, so I've got two choices - live now, with what I've got and fight for a better life, or drink...and die.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I totally can relate and this happened to me everytime i tried to stop drinking before i went to AA...i only reference AA because i worked the program (12 steps) in the first 3 months and changed...really changed...that is fundamentally the reason i am still sober today...had i not changed i would be drinking...hope you can get enough motivation to start doing some work on yourself:-)
Your work, relationship and social side has really bought back memories...even the 50k and then nothing and not even drink anymore scenario!
Your work, relationship and social side has really bought back memories...even the 50k and then nothing and not even drink anymore scenario!
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