suic

I don't want to quit anymore. I'll just isolate until I die. Sorry for wasting your time. If offended by my actions, feel free to post profanity-laced death threats on my wall. No way on Earth I can overcome this if I don't even want to quit. I'm just lazy and I have a defeatist attitude. I'm so certain I'm going to fail things that I don't even attempt them in the first place. If I change my mind I won't come crawling back, I'll find a different approach. I think that frustrating Fridge Raiders game in the arcade drove me to drink again. The whole "new way of living" just isn't my style. Maybe you can send me letter bombs in my messages box to pay me back.

Anna

That's not what we do here Suic.

We offer you support and we know how hard it is.

Please don't give up.

Dee74

I've been where you are right now many times suic...don't give up...you deserve a lot more than what you're giving yourself right now.

Stick around...keep trying

D

eleanor

You know none of us are going to say anything mean to you. We've all been there. You CAN do this. Mind over matter, right? I know we're all powerless to alcohol so knowing that - just don't go buy any! Don't go near it. Don't spend time with people (or things) that will trigger your desire for it.

Please don't give up.

least

As they say in AA: we don't shoot our wounded. :ghug3 I too would ask you not to give up on yourself. I was a chronic relapser until I finally 'got it' seven months ago. I joined here over two years ago wanting desperately to get and stay sober and just now have almost seven months, so I had lots of failures. But with the support and encouragement from my friends here, my addiction counselor, and my friends in AA I never gave up and finally lost the desire to drink. You can too. Please don't give up.

bdiddy5522

Not quitting is the easy way out. Prove to yourself you CAN do this and show everyone all that you can be. Think how proud of yourself you will be once you beat this addiction and look back! Your whole life awaits you.

justbrian

You, my friend have been given the gift of desperation. You can make this the turning point in your life, and use it to free yourself from the bondage of alcohol. I remember standing at the edge of the abyss not knowing what to do, so I did nothing. I quit. I gave up. I SURRENDERED and admitted that my life was absolutely and totally out of control. That was a moment I will never forget. I felt a peace and serenity like I've never felt before. I finally realized that the god that I hated and didn't want anything to do with was STILL doing for me what I had no hope of doing for myself.

I walked away from that abyss back into life, and a good life at that. Don't quit until the miracle happens!!!

Brian

Toronto68

Suic - come "crawling back" if you have to. It's not over. Hope you overcome it.

super71

Suic,

Don't give up on yourself so easily. I read some of your previous posts.. you walked 2 hours in the rain to go to an AA meeting? You want this - you deserve this. I know I don't "want" to quit every moment, I have a VERY hard time not isolating - so right now I am not pushing myself too much. I am taking it hour by hour, day by day. I haven't even been to an AA meeting yet - you have AND you have a sponsor. This might be a good time to give them a call. You have been doing good things - even if you have relapsed, or if you are just in a really bad place right now, take the good things you have done and build on them. You can do this.

Toronto68

Super71, thanks for bringing up that post, I remember it from maybe a couple of weeks ago. Forgot it was Suic.

MelindaFlowers

I remember that post too about walking two hours in the rain to go to the meeting. Suic: your story that day inspired this drunk to not drink that day.

You can do this. One day at a time.

I had become complacent in the "lifestyle." I didn't know there was any other way for me to live. I didn't even remember what the other side (being sober) was like. I forgot what it was like to wake up without a hangover.

I've had nine days to reintroduce myself to a healthy, non-drunk life and although it's not easy, it's d*mn worth it.

Come on and give it a try. It is so hard to start but once the ball gets rolling it gets a little easier day by day.

I am rooting for you. Keep going to meetings. Call your sponsor. Do any and everything you can to give sobriety a chance. You don't even have to make a huge life changing commitment right now. Just for today

When I gave myself enough "just today's" my brain started to get a feel for what it feels like to take a walk on the other side.

Even after just nine days I'm starting to get used to waking up not hung over and wondering what I said/did last night.

Give it shot! We are all here for you!

Hevyn

Hi suic. I felt that way so many times. I wish I'd stuck with it long ago, but I couldn't. I ended up causing myself so much misery. I hope you'll change your mind. We'll always be here to understand and support you. I don't want you to go.

suic

Thank you for the responses and advice. I actually truly expected the responses to be death threats or something. That's just my psychotic, self-deprecating, and self-destructive brain thinking I guess. I just need to do some deep thinking about how I want to handle this situation.

WhiteWave

Hey fellow Minnesotan! I hope you come back here and just post and post and post if your thinking gets too cyclic and you start to bring yourself down.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about local stuff.

Blessed be,
WW

ConfusedNC

Hey man. Hope you are feeling a little better. Don't worry about having to overcome all your problems. Just focus on putting one foot in front of the other. I know you have it in you, suic. Seriously - hours through the rain for a meeting? That is pretty f'in impressive.

How can we help you?

justjo

I understand

nogard

whatever you decide stick around here you have nothing to loose.

Kjell

Two cannibals are on a deserted island eating Jerry Seinfeld when one turns to the other and asked "Does this taste funny to you"?

Haha! (just a silly attempt to make you laugh)

Suic - I'm glad you posted again. You can do this. I too remember your prior post and it was very inspirational.

Just stay sober for today and we'll worry about tomorrow...tomorrow.

HumbleBee

Suic,

If we all stood at the foot of a mountain and looked at the top before climbing it, we'd very likely think, "No way I'm going to make it all the way up there." Thinking too far ahead (or too far up) is self-defeating.

Try to focus on getting over the rock that's right at your feet, that small mound that's before you right now; don't focus on trying to reach the summit before you even get started.

It's all about baby steps...and stop playing Fridge Raiders.

yeahgr8

Been there, eventually the drink led me to a point where the pain of living that way was much more scary than the irrational fears i had about quiting and changing...then i really did something about it...hope that happens for you too...