discoveringme

omg...last thursday I found out my husband is having an affiar..I accidently found an email from her..to him..I drank all evening. The next day I drank more...and finally that night, I got the courage to ask him about it. He confirmed my worst fears. So today is the start of day 4 for me...but im so broken....feel like throwing up, feeling like its my fault, dont even know how to feel..what to say or what to do. Please keep me in your prayers and any advice or words of wisdom you can offer will be accepted with gratitude.

Starburst

QUOTE=discoveringme;2632327]feeling like its my fault, dont even know how to feel..what to say or what to do. Please keep me in your prayers and any advice or words of wisdom you can offer will be accepted with gratitude. [/QUOTE]

HUGSxx Discoveringme, oh i am so sorry, it is so hard and nothing i could say could take your pain away, but believe me it is not your fault at all, we all make our own choices, he chose to have an affair! I am sending up a prayer for right now. Please know GOD loves you very much, you are special. Im thinking of you, keep strong and keep posting. Let us know how you are doing. HUGS xxx

Wilde10

Discoveringme... So sorry about this. very new here so I have little about your past, although I have read some of your posts and seems like you have been struggling with alcohol for quite a bit.

Your husband having an affair is NOT your fault. It implies betrayal and lack of honesty. It can be understood, he is human. He may have been unable to cope with it all in the right way. However, it was him who put himself into it.

As they say here a lot, there is no problem that alcohol cannot make worse. Why have you quit drinking now? Is it an attempt to recover him?

His cheating is not your fault. Your drinking is not his. What you are going through is very painful with or without alcohol, but alcohol will not allow you to see how you manage this situation. Hope you find your way. Best of lucks.

discoveringme

yessss I have been struggling for along time trying to get into and staying recovery. I havent had a drink this time..because maybe this crisis is what I needed to begin. I have no idea right now how I feel about anything. I know that it takes two for this kind of thing to happen in a marriage. I know he has been unable to cope with my disease. But I also know that its no excuse for what he has done. I just need to feel what im feeling..and feel it sober. My father died less than 2 years ago..which threw me off the wagon on a big way..been chasing that wagon ever since..right when I get one hand on it...I step in a hole. I guess im looking for a safe place to cry..to vent...and to be comforted...and even to hear things I may not want to hear but need to hear!, by people who KNOW what im going thru..thanks so much everyone..I will post again soon.

Wilde10

discoeringme,

Affairs happen everyday. It does not always take two persons for this things to happen... Well it takes two persons at least (the cheater and the lover) but it does not always mean that the relationship was broken to start with. So many myths about everything. I am deeply in love with my husband. I admire him. He is an exceptional human being in every sense of the word. However, someone crossed my path once and I was very, very tempted. It took quite an effort and conscious avoidance of alcohol to prevent the affair to happen. It would have never been my husband's fault although if I had given in I would have certainly found a way of blaming him or our relationship.

Keep posting. Keep the good work on no-drinking. Everything will be easier if you don't drink. It is very, very difficult always, and more in your circumstances. Do you have close family around? Is your husband taking any decision about the affair? Are you taking any? Not that you should... Just keep posting whatever you feel like sharing. It may help you stay away from drinking and you will feel at least proud of yourself every morning.

mf150

I'm sorry you have to go through this painful transition. I don't know how to say this tactfully, but things happen for a reason, and they can be a blessing is disguise.

Some good things that have happened already:

1) you stopped drinking
2) you've been open to support via SR
3) you're deciding to take care of yourself
4) you know the truth of the situation

Please hang in there, and if you need support log on 24/7. Someone is always here.

Wilde10

A great post mf150!

Dee74

I'm sorry discoveringme, but I know you're in one of the best places for support.
I'm proud to hear you're on day 4 - having bad things happen to us doesn't mean we have to hurt ourselves more ...

D

loveon2legs

Dear discoveringme...((( Big Hugs)) I am truly sorry to hear about your husband having an affair....My ex husband did the same...but I choose to drink my misery away....which didnt accomplish anything...great for the 4 days sober!!!...by staying away from the alcohol you will have a clear mind to be able to deal with this.....keep posting....we will be here!! PM me if you'd like...

LL2 xo

eleanor

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. However, you are HERE. You've been sober for 4 days...and you DO have a bright(er) future ahead of you.

You've found a great place to vent/cry/find people who can relate.

discoveringme

ok...so I guess im not dealing with it...drank yesterday..was my day off..couldnt cope. I am waiting for a call from my psychiatrist to set up appt. Havent looked for a good therapist yet..but I will.

Im sooooo tired...im tired of having to say "day one" all of the time...it makes me feel like failure..like I cant even get the single most important thing in my life right.

And yes...im deep in my pitty pot today as you can see.

Anna

There is a good opportunity here for you to rise up and deal with what life has brought to you. You don't need to hide or run away, because you are strong enough to deal with this and get through it.

I wish you well in your recovery!

eleanor

Oh my goodness...we've ALL be there, I think that's safe to say. I've had "Day 1" more than I care to admit. But we all have it in us, somewhere, to pull through and get sober. You are no exception. You can do this.