Galago

Hi everyone. I'm new here, and so far I like what I see- so I'll just introduce myself and I hope to meet some folks who will work on this journey with me.

I've been an alcoholic for 10 years. My pattern of drinking involves pouring myself something yummy in the late afternoon after I get home from work, or wherever, and occasionally I can indeed just have one or two, but more often than not leads to six or seven, or who knows. I very rarely black out, but that doesn't matter if you're drinking that much you're messing yourself up anyway. At my annual physical last year my doctor told me my liver enzymes in my blood were super indicative of liver damage. "Do you drink alcohol?" he asks, I answer "sure, sometimes." (how EMBARRASSING!) Yeah I'm a 31 year old chick who's too chicken to tell her doctor that she has a huge huge huge drinking problem. I'm pretty fearless when it comes to a lot of things, but not when it comes to revealing my alcoholism.

I don't drink to escape from some horrible relationships or life (I've read some posts by users here today that just boggle my mind; trying to stop an addiction within abusive relationships or what have you, I couldn't do it, and I so hope that I can be a support in their doubly difficult journeys!) I drink because my body craves it. I may have started drinking while in a totally effed-up relationship, but now I have a phenomenal partner and an awesome job, so I really don't have much to complain about. And yet, I've tried to stop drinking and I, so far, have had one hell of a time. Last night I drank almost a whole 750ml bottle of whiskey. Not to mention the four beers I had prior to dinner.

So what do I do now? I found this site. and I am going to white knuckle it for a few weeks I'm sure, but I think (no, I know!) I can do it. And I need to listen and learn from others on here. And I need to start respecting my body and health, because, oddly, I actually have reasons to enjoy life now and want to stick around a while. I need to shed this old skin!

Anyhow, that's where my mindset is today. Thanks for taking the time to listen!
Cheers
Galago

IrishEyes88

Hi! I can relate to your situation. I'm 28, married to a wonderful man, and have a beautiful 2 r old son. We're just about to buy our first house. Life is looking great!

And yet, I drink to excess every single night. I can't really offer you any wisdom or advice, because I myself am struggling to get even 1 day sober under my belt.

It's all very overwhelming to think about. So, if you want to talk, it sounds like we have similar situations. Sometimes my husband works till late at night, and sometimes I can't even remember if I was awake when he got home. I don't want to feel that way ever again.

I gotta change. Today.

Grace2

Hi and welcome. There is always someone to talk to here, whatever the time of day or night. You can do this and you will get so much support from S.R. Just one day at a time, that's all it takes.

coming_clean

heya welcome....

you´ll find loads of support here....keep posting and reading!

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!

Fortunately, I learned that the only way to win the war was to surrender.

Galago

Hi, thanks for replying! I appreciate it.
IrishEyes, wow, yeah I can't even imagine dealing with this situation and having a two year old to boot! I look after my nieces (5 mos and almost 3yrs) sometimes and boy do they tire me out.
How does your partner deal with your addiction? My guy rarely says anything about it. I feel even more guilty because his father has been an alcoholic for years and years, to the point now where it's just a matter of time before he's dead.... we rarely talk about my issues with alcohol but feel easy to talk about his Dad's. it makes me feel weird and uncomfortable.

eleanor

Welcome! I see you're in Mississauga. I'm in Toronto. I'm a closet drinker - no one in my 'real' life knows I'm an alcoholic. They know I'm a 'problem drinker' but no one knows I drink alone.

I'm on day 4. It's nice to see someone who's close by on here!

Dee74

Hi Galago

Personally I think 'white knuckling it' is the hardest way...it's like we're fighting ourselves...

Get as much support as you can - not only here...I really recommend swallowing that fear and be honest with your Dr....and I also recommend at least checking out some recovery groups

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

It's the fight of your life...why not look at what help is at hand?

Welcome to SR
D

Galago

Hi Eleanor- yeah, a couple of people at work in whom I have confided are always super surprised to hear about my alcoholism. I can relate to that feeling, hiding it too.
I'd be happy to chat with you!

TigerLili

I would definitely talk to a medical professional or even call a drug/alcohol helpline to get some advice about the medical/physical side of quitting. You don't have to tell your partner at this point if you don't want to. Take a look at the links Dee74 posted. Most people find it impossible to quit drinking on their own, or even to moderate their drinking. There's plenty of help out there if you want to take advantage of it. Posting here is a big step in the right direction, so welcome!

artsoul

Hi Galago and welcome to SR! Glad that you're able to admit your problem and that you're reaching out for some help - that the first step in getting out of the vicious cycle. Obviously, detox is the next step and you may need medical help for that.

Keep posting and reading. You sound like you're ready, so go for it!!:ghug3

coffeenut

Welcome!

MelindaFlowers

Hi Galago!

I'm glad you're here. I'm new to this too. With a lot of proactive thinking, shifting around of habits, reading on here, and a heck of a lot of self-control I've made it seven days. I'm around your age, drank about the same amount, and also drank every night.

A month ago if you would have asked me to go seven days without drinking I would have thought I'd be more equipped to climb Mt. Everest. It feels so good to put your mind to something, set a goal of not drinking, one day at a time, and following through.

I've spent anywhere from 2-8 hours a day here on this site, reading others stories, posting my own, and chatting in the chat room.

What is also different this time is a saying that I've heard around here: I want to be sober more than I want to drink. That's not a light statement. If you are feeling that then you can do this for sure.

Galago

Thanks everyone for the comments. I work at a social service agency and have a colleague who is quite knowledgable about recovery resources around here, so I think I will take a few minutes of her time today and get some advice.

Melinda,
I totally agree. I also want to be sober more than I want to drink, so I think we can do this!! keep in touch

candyheiress

Welcome! I look forward to getting to know you better!

IrishEyes88

My hubby matches me drink for drink, if not more. We enable eachother. I guess we think it's ok because we both are doing it, and we pretend we're having fun. But it's not really fun anymore. Plus, we both manage to meet our responsibilities (he gets up early for work and I get up early with the baby.)

I totally kno what you mean about feeling weird. My brother is an alchoholic and I can openly talk about that, but then when my husband turns the tables on me, I don't know what to say.

Galago

I'm lucky in that my guy is not a big drinker. I think I've seen him drunk maybe 3 or 4 times in the 4 years we've been together, and those times have been during big parties. But I can relate, since I was once in a relationship with a raging, raging alcoholic, he drank way more than me, but really if it's messing me up amounts don't matter right?

When you're functioning, its harder to stop. I'm functioning. I rarely miss work because of my drinking, but I do often choose to stay home and drink if something involves going out in the evening.

Right now, I'm FREAKING out. I did my afternoon softball game, then came home and made dinner, now enjoying tea and watching the baseball game, and I'm planning on heading to my first AA meeting in 5 minutes. I need to go. Legs, take me there maybe my stomach will follow when it's done vibrating!!

eleanor

Oh you're so brave, you can do it! I didn't go to the meeting I found close to my house. Instead I did what I said: made dinner and now I'm reading a book about dreams. I think if you go it would encourage me!

Galago

So, I went to the AA meeting. There were awesome and amazing people there.
Then, it came to me, and even though I know I didn't have to say anything, I did.
I said "hi, I'm (galago), and I'm an alcoholic" (started crying about here)
"I've been an alcoholic for ten years" (more crying, hesitation)
"Thats all I want to say today"


So yeah I'm kind of embarrassed about the crying, but everyone was so supportive, and kind, and all told me that I was right to be there and brave etc.

Kind of crying now.

But, I did it. And I live somewhere where I was also super worried about seeing someone I knew but I didn't recognize anyone.

I feel good, but also super emotional.
Thanks everyone for your support on here too!!!
-Galago

eleanor

YAY! I'm SO glad you went. Don't feel self conscious about the crying - I would've done the same thing! It's just so awesome that you went.

What do you think were your top 3 take-aways from the meeting? (How you felt, what it was like, etc...)

Good night and congratulations.