cscs

I had been doing so well on day 3. What happened?! My husband told me "maybe you should wait to quit drinking until Monday" and somehow that let me off the hook and last night - while I didn't get wasted, I still drank. I am not mad at myself, I understand that this is a tough road, but I am still afraid to admit that it is Day 1 all over again. How do I get my husband, who can drink one beer or two and go to bed, to understand and stop making excuses for me? He is wonderful. I think he thinks he is loving me by letting me off the hook. He makes excuses about how hard it is for me to be at home with the boys and their temper tantrums... how I will miraculously stop drinking once they are X age... Is that what the "enabling" thing is all about? Sorry to take your time up with this. Just ashamed.

eleanor

Please don't be ashamed of yourself. Today is day 1 but you know what? It's a start! We all start somewhere.

I've been where you are before. Sadly, the longest I've gone in the past 5 years is about 9 days.

It does sound to me like your husband is 'enabling' you and really, probably just doesn't understand your struggle since he can drink in a healthy(ier) way.

cscs

I think you are right. He is a wonderful man, and I just don't think he can grasp the problem I have since he can just have one. AND he sees everything I do in a positive light. I am so blessed to have him, but in this one situation it is not serving. I adore him. I need to have a serious talk with him. THank you for your input. Makes me feel like I am not alone.

spilledmilk

though you said he is wonderful, in this case he's just not going about it the right way. i'm sure it's because he just simply doesn't understand your situation. just tell him kindly that your working hard to better yourself and that him taking it so lightly isn't making it any easier. ask for his support and if he slips up by enabling you, just stay strong. if he seems persistent your going to have to be more persistent than him. you may be on day 1 but don't be hard on yourself you haven't given up yet. best of luck!!!! stay strong!

Dee74

Hey cscs

I had many wonderful friends and family members who'd still give me a drink if I asked for one.

They don't understand, they don't know what I've been through.
But I do.

When others let you off the hook? put yourself right back on there.
It's simply best for you

D

BloodnbonE

maybe hes testing you? i dunno what it is but whenever i stop drinking and plan to do so for a minimum amount of time i have free drinks thrown at me left right and centre. When im drinking as the usual i couldnt get a free drink if i begged lol. murphies law maybe

BreakFree

(((cscs)))

I could have written your post...right down to being the mother of two young boys. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am in the same situation. It sounds like our husbands are responding in the same way. What I've come to realize, and this really stinks, is that I can't count on him to carry me through this. He doesn't understand and doesn't seem to want to believe that I could have a problem. I think it's hard when you are in the early stages...when you are the only one seeing and feeling (experiencing) the warning signs...for others to understand.

Through experience, I've found that when I accumulated days without drinking any alcohol, I would begin to think that it would be okay to have a few harmless drinks. I'd look to my husband for confirmation and it would be always be there. Honestly, I think it always will be. He just doesn't see it or understand it. SO...if I really want to be alcohol-free, I'm on my own...and it stinks :( But that's just my own situation. As you know, there are many support programs out there depending on what your needs are. It's just hard no matter what when our spouses aren't supportive.

And one other thing, which I am totally convicted of, is that as much as I've said I wanted my husband's support, that part of me that has been unwilling to admit - really admit - that I have a problem has been glad that he hasn't been "on board". So in some ways, I'm not sure it's his fault. For example, when you go several days without having anything to drink, it's almost like not only does it "prove" to yourself (or raise questions) that you might not have a problem, but I'm sure it sends the same messages to our spouses. Hopefully that made sense.

I'm going to start posting in the June group so I hope to see you over there :)

coming_clean

heya,

most people won´t understand what i means to be addicted. We just can´t stop, moderation is not an option for our little devil inside.

There are a lot of wonderfull non-judgemental people here at SR.

Adepitice

Don't balme anyone else for your drinking, it's a spiral that always leads to drinking again. Ultimately it's you that pick up the drink and drank it, so it's your fault, not anyone else's.

cscs

Adepitice,
I was not blaming my husband for my drinking. If you read the other supportive and wonderful posts in this thread, you will find, as I did, that I am not alone in this particular situation, and that makes all the difference to me.
I appreciate (on an intellectual level) your attempt at the "tough love" approach, however in the early days of recovery, I think that might be a little much.
We alcoholics don't need any help beating ourselves up - we are good enough at it on our own.

Adepitice

Sorry didn't mean to sound rude.