Hello.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Lawrenceville, ga
Posts: 19
Hello.
I registered today. I'm 29 years old and Ive been a heavy drinker for the past 10 years of my life(excluding one entire year when I finally got fed up and just stopped somehow which ended several months ago after the relationship I was in went south). 4 days ago I got a second DUI in 10 years(it has been a couple months over 5 years since the first)and a hit and run. I was 3 times the legal limit so I have no idea what I hit and ran from nor do I remember anything but tiny, insignifigant pieces. A lot of things are going through my head right now and I've been on the verge of a breakdown pretty much since I got out of jail. I've known for at least a couple of years now that I had a problem and needed to quit but with the exception of that one year of sobriety, I haven't been able to do it alone. I was pretty depressed before all of this happened, now I really, truly think I'm teetering on the edge of SOMETHING bad. I don't know WHAT but I've never felt this way in my entire life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi Ryan
welcome to SR
Have you thought of attending AA or something like that - SMART, LifeRing etc?
I think some real life support and the company of sober people is often a good idea....of course posting here too is a great idea as well.
Glad to have you with us
D
welcome to SR
Have you thought of attending AA or something like that - SMART, LifeRing etc?
I think some real life support and the company of sober people is often a good idea....of course posting here too is a great idea as well.
Glad to have you with us
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
welcome. glad you are here and not at the bottom of a bottle. AA is a great place to start out with to look for help. Inpatient or outpatient treatment centers would be another option depending on your financial resources. I think that it takes most of us a certain amount of pain and desperation before we find sobriety. I know I did. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 142
Hi Ryan,
Glad that you joined up. I am sorry to hear of your circumstances. I can imagine that it seems pretty daunting, but there are a ton of great people on this forum to help and to listen. Please keep posting and know that it can get better, especially without drinking.
Glad that you joined up. I am sorry to hear of your circumstances. I can imagine that it seems pretty daunting, but there are a ton of great people on this forum to help and to listen. Please keep posting and know that it can get better, especially without drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: far far from home
Posts: 373
If you got bad thoughts in your head bro, reach out to someone please. Keep posting, my humble suggestion is that AA is great place to get some support, vent, listen or just be around people who can identify with what is going on. That feeling that your life is over. People in the halls (me included) have been there.
Won't sugarcoat it, you got some serious legal issues ahead (and I hated it when people said this to me) but they will pass sometime. Things may suck now but they can get better. I don't promise "better" to anyone but I can tell you drinking more definetly makes things worse. For me AA worked. That is one thing I know in life for sure, AA works.
This is a great forum with diverse methods of staying sober but a common goal, being sober. You can get alot of input and ideas so if AA is not your thing there are members / forums to help with that as well. "Big tent" policy which is cool. Glad your here.
Ok just I just typed a bunch basically saying this "don't drink, ask for help, and keep coming" and IMHO hit a meeting.....
Hang in there,
C
Won't sugarcoat it, you got some serious legal issues ahead (and I hated it when people said this to me) but they will pass sometime. Things may suck now but they can get better. I don't promise "better" to anyone but I can tell you drinking more definetly makes things worse. For me AA worked. That is one thing I know in life for sure, AA works.
This is a great forum with diverse methods of staying sober but a common goal, being sober. You can get alot of input and ideas so if AA is not your thing there are members / forums to help with that as well. "Big tent" policy which is cool. Glad your here.
Ok just I just typed a bunch basically saying this "don't drink, ask for help, and keep coming" and IMHO hit a meeting.....
Hang in there,
C
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Glad that you're ok, and hopefully whoever you hit is ok too! You can make this the best thing that ever happened to your life, and take advantage of the 'bottom', giving you strength to achieve and maintain sobriety so that you're never ever at risk of something like this, or worse happening again. I could NOT do it alone, I hope you reach out. Meetings are free and usually all over the place, there are great addictions counseslors out there, and many other programs/methods to get 'you' back to a good life again. I'm glad you're here!!
Last edited by smacked; 06-20-2010 at 07:45 AM. Reason: typos, of course.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Lawrenceville, ga
Posts: 19
I woke up feeling better than yesterday albeit not by much. I got an attendance cousenling at work today for something completely unrelated to my arrest but was also informed that I'd be put on a final next week for my no-call no-show when I got arrested. If I lose my job I'm screwed. I'm barely going to be able to afford this as it is. I have to buy a car, pay fines, an attorney and whatever else comes up. I'm not trying to bitch about fines too much because I deserve whatever I get but I was already so stressed out and depressed before all of this happens. I don't know what I'll do if I have to go to jail for an extended amount of time. I'm so afraid of everything. I've never been so afraid of anything in my entire life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi and Welcome,
Your fear is understandable and I hope that your fear can be the impetus you need to begin to recover. I know that you will find lots of support here.
As far as what will happen with the courts, no one knows yet, but my advice would be to focus on your recovery first, and then on trying to keep your job. If you are having trouble paying the fines and the lawyer, maybe don't worry about buying a car right now. Priorities are important.
Your fear is understandable and I hope that your fear can be the impetus you need to begin to recover. I know that you will find lots of support here.
As far as what will happen with the courts, no one knows yet, but my advice would be to focus on your recovery first, and then on trying to keep your job. If you are having trouble paying the fines and the lawyer, maybe don't worry about buying a car right now. Priorities are important.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 66
Please don't drink. That just screws with your thinking process and your mental stability. You need those right now.
Don't think this is the end of the world. You have a long life ahead of you, retain your perspective. Keep your head up, keep sober, take your medicine. When you emerge from this situation you will have a fresh outlook on life, a new stride, new dreams and goals.
Don't drink, don't avoid your past actions. Use them to move ahead. Peace.
Don't think this is the end of the world. You have a long life ahead of you, retain your perspective. Keep your head up, keep sober, take your medicine. When you emerge from this situation you will have a fresh outlook on life, a new stride, new dreams and goals.
Don't drink, don't avoid your past actions. Use them to move ahead. Peace.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Ryan.
I can imagine you are really scared right now but would you please go to AA?
There are people there who will understand what you are going through, perhaps even been through similar. They will help you and support you right the way through all of this. You need that right now.
You don't have to do this on your own....just reach out and ask for help.
I can imagine you are really scared right now but would you please go to AA?
There are people there who will understand what you are going through, perhaps even been through similar. They will help you and support you right the way through all of this. You need that right now.
You don't have to do this on your own....just reach out and ask for help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Lawrenceville, ga
Posts: 19
I've been to aa meetings before in support of friends and I didn't really think it was for me. Maybe I'll try again. I don't know... It's just really hard for me to ask for help as I've always done things on my own. I quit smoking, I lost a substantial amount of weight on two seperate occasions, I quit drinking for an entire year... I've never needed help before and it's embarrassing. My parents had no idea I had a problem until I brokedown when they picked me up from jail. I don't know who to talk to or how to talk to anyone. How do you approach people with stuff like this? Like I said, I've got so much going through my head and heart right now that I just have no clue where to start. Hopefully my attorney can give me some more info tommorrow when I meet with him so I can calm down a little or at least prepare myself for the worst though I don't know how I'm going to handle the thought of facing anything harsher than I'm already imagining. The only
good news is that this is day 3 for me if I don't drink tonight. I'm not too afraid of that happening though. Alcohol has seemed to have worn out it's welcome at this point. I just hope it stays that way.
good news is that this is day 3 for me if I don't drink tonight. I'm not too afraid of that happening though. Alcohol has seemed to have worn out it's welcome at this point. I just hope it stays that way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Ryan,
I'm not an AA person, but it is a program that works for many people. I have used SR as my lifeline for many years and for me, it works. I also have read a lot of books that have helped me with the spiritual aspect of recovery, which was crucial for me. I guess what I'm saying is, do whatever it takes for you to recover, and I hope you find something that is comfortable for you.
I'm glad you're talking to your lawyer tomorrow and hopefully it will ease your mind somewhat.
I'm not an AA person, but it is a program that works for many people. I have used SR as my lifeline for many years and for me, it works. I also have read a lot of books that have helped me with the spiritual aspect of recovery, which was crucial for me. I guess what I'm saying is, do whatever it takes for you to recover, and I hope you find something that is comfortable for you.
I'm glad you're talking to your lawyer tomorrow and hopefully it will ease your mind somewhat.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Hello
Hi Ryanmar, 
I won't be much help on the jail part since I never made it to jail or got a DUI while still drinking. I sure should have been arrested many times though. We did & I think still have a Deferred Sentencing Program through the court system & now a Drug Court also which if you participate in this your driver's license isn't taken unless you violate the terms of the program you are in.
I went to in-patient alcohol treatment two different times...once in 1973 & again in 1988. The first time around I stayed sober about one year & to this day don't remember when I drank but do know I was out of town for my job.
I drank for 14 more years moderately & much less due to working full time. I did this for about 5 years but each time a catastrofic event came along my drinking increased until I was to a point where alcohol controlled my life. I needed alcohol every day to be able to work & take care of my last child at home still.
I knew nothing would improve unless I got some help again but just pushed those thoughts aside by the end of my working day & found myself in the store or liquor store to buy more to drink.
The last four years of my drinking were at home by myself or with neighbors out partying in their yard. Then my daughter was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes & I quit drinking three months to be able to help her but soon was back drinking until I was making the weekly report for her doctor & couldn't remember what I fixed her for supper so had to go look in the garbage can.
That was my "BOTTOM" & I got an appointment for help with my alcoholism & major depression. I had a medical detox in the local hospital...they usually give you enough medication each day tapering to get you through 4 or 5 days of withdrawal without all the tremors or hallucinations. An alcohol counselor came to see me every day & I started going to AA the same day I got out of the hospital. I also went to counseling for my depression.
It sounds like you might have similar problems with alcohol & depression. The doctor told me I was self-medicating my depression with the alcohol. I wish you the best of luck & please keep asking all of us questions...we are not doctors so we just share our experiences, strength, & hope to be able to stay sober. Most of all you need to take care of yourself.
kelsh
I won't be much help on the jail part since I never made it to jail or got a DUI while still drinking. I sure should have been arrested many times though. We did & I think still have a Deferred Sentencing Program through the court system & now a Drug Court also which if you participate in this your driver's license isn't taken unless you violate the terms of the program you are in.
I went to in-patient alcohol treatment two different times...once in 1973 & again in 1988. The first time around I stayed sober about one year & to this day don't remember when I drank but do know I was out of town for my job.
I drank for 14 more years moderately & much less due to working full time. I did this for about 5 years but each time a catastrofic event came along my drinking increased until I was to a point where alcohol controlled my life. I needed alcohol every day to be able to work & take care of my last child at home still.
I knew nothing would improve unless I got some help again but just pushed those thoughts aside by the end of my working day & found myself in the store or liquor store to buy more to drink.
The last four years of my drinking were at home by myself or with neighbors out partying in their yard. Then my daughter was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes & I quit drinking three months to be able to help her but soon was back drinking until I was making the weekly report for her doctor & couldn't remember what I fixed her for supper so had to go look in the garbage can.
That was my "BOTTOM" & I got an appointment for help with my alcoholism & major depression. I had a medical detox in the local hospital...they usually give you enough medication each day tapering to get you through 4 or 5 days of withdrawal without all the tremors or hallucinations. An alcohol counselor came to see me every day & I started going to AA the same day I got out of the hospital. I also went to counseling for my depression.
It sounds like you might have similar problems with alcohol & depression. The doctor told me I was self-medicating my depression with the alcohol. I wish you the best of luck & please keep asking all of us questions...we are not doctors so we just share our experiences, strength, & hope to be able to stay sober. Most of all you need to take care of yourself.
kelsh
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Hey Ryan
Welcome to SR. You will get a lot of support and understanding here. Yes, admitting defeat and asking for help can be embarrassing, but it can also turn your life around. Once you make that conscious decision to get help it shifts the whole paradigm of your future, because it indicates you are seeking the road to resolution. An addiction specialist was a huge agent of change for me at a time when I was also in the "impending doom" phase, and the choice was either to continue putting my own and other people's lives at risk or to stop doing so. Seeking help generates avenues of help, and there are a lot of people out there (medical and others) who will be delighted to help you. By seeking help yourself you are being proactive and, de facto, helping others. Go for it!
Welcome to SR. You will get a lot of support and understanding here. Yes, admitting defeat and asking for help can be embarrassing, but it can also turn your life around. Once you make that conscious decision to get help it shifts the whole paradigm of your future, because it indicates you are seeking the road to resolution. An addiction specialist was a huge agent of change for me at a time when I was also in the "impending doom" phase, and the choice was either to continue putting my own and other people's lives at risk or to stop doing so. Seeking help generates avenues of help, and there are a lot of people out there (medical and others) who will be delighted to help you. By seeking help yourself you are being proactive and, de facto, helping others. Go for it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by AWOL 
Hey Ryan
Welcome to SR. You will get a lot of support and understanding here. Yes, admitting defeat and asking for help can be embarrassing, but it can also turn your life around. Once you make that conscious decision to get help it shifts the whole paradigm of your future, because it indicates you are seeking the road to resolution. An addiction specialist was a huge agent of change for me at a time when I was also in the "impending doom" phase, and the choice was either to continue putting my own and other people's lives at risk or to stop doing so. Seeking help generates avenues of help, and there are a lot of people out there (medical and others) who will be delighted to help you. By seeking help yourself you are being proactive and, de facto, helping others. Go for it!
Welcome to SR. You will get a lot of support and understanding here. Yes, admitting defeat and asking for help can be embarrassing, but it can also turn your life around. Once you make that conscious decision to get help it shifts the whole paradigm of your future, because it indicates you are seeking the road to resolution. An addiction specialist was a huge agent of change for me at a time when I was also in the "impending doom" phase, and the choice was either to continue putting my own and other people's lives at risk or to stop doing so. Seeking help generates avenues of help, and there are a lot of people out there (medical and others) who will be delighted to help you. By seeking help yourself you are being proactive and, de facto, helping others. Go for it!
I had a similiar sort of "wait" ....you are dealing with . Unfortuanately for me , I didn't know about any help available [not even AA !! ]...except TV ads describing expensive rehab centers. I just drank even more, ..to deal with the building anxiety of the "impending doom " phase (as AWOL puts it )
Months later, ......through a court appointed outpatient counselor, I was finally "invited " to my first AA meeting , and was completely surprised and relieved that other people were successful in turning a really bad situation around.
Re-read what AWOL wrote, ..... it makes a hellava lot of sense to me . The "proactive" part of dealing with your situation may (should) help with the fear of the unknown you're going through right now.
If possible, get to a few meetings; ....and try to forget anything about your past experiences there, ....since this time , ...it's all about you needing support.
Doesn't seem like it now , ....but all this will (eventually ) pass.
Stay strong, & don't drink today
Grateful in recovery ....in Carolina
.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Lawrenceville, ga
Posts: 19
Thank you. Everyone. I hope I can snap out of this soon. I'm not drinking tonight and hopefully I'll sleep ok. I know I sound like a broken record but I feel so overwhelmed right now. This is so much bigger than anything Ive ever dealt with and I really hope I come through it ok. Just reading what you have been responding with has been doing me wonders. I'm lucky to have internet on my phone because I have been and intend on continuing visiting here hourly!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Lawrenceville, ga
Posts: 19
Well, I got the police report today. I hit another vehicle and continued down the road about another 10th of a mile after the collision and lost control of my vehicle. Someone had been following me for quite awhile and witnessed it all. I'm still very scared but I feel no urge to drink which I hope lasts. I'll be speaking with an attorney in about three hours about my options. I really hope that there is some sort of court-ordered rehab available to me. I've never been involved in anything like that and I really think it could do me some good. I found a SMARTrecovery meeting about 20 miles from where I live that I plan on attending tommorrow. Not a very good start to day 4 but then again, days 1-3 started even worse.
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