mmeat

Hi there everyone. It's been since January, but I'm back. Some of you might remember me...I was in the Jan 2010 group, and things were going well....until I decided to get back to my happy place of being able to drink.

It's been a long crappy winter and spring. I broke my back last year and basically have been in recovery from that since. I have been drinking all along....however, it hasn't been too much because lucky me, I had painkillers and sleeping pills to add to the mix

I fooled myself into thinking that " Hey look....I only need to have 3 or 4 beers and I'm coping just fine!" Of course the reason I only needed a few beers was because I was high on Codeine or Dilaudid and was so pleasantly numbed, a few beers made me pass out just great..

That being said.....I managed to get off the painkillers( that sucked) and I'm feeling great physically now....my injury is almost completely back to normal. Unfortunately becuase of the mix of painkillers and booze...I'm suffering from insomnia because my mind doesn't know how to function without all the garbage I was using. I feel depressed all the time too.

Anyhow, I'm using sleeping pills now, which is also an anti-depressant...and am just starting to come to the realization that taking an anti-depressant and then guzzling it down with beer( a depressant) is totally not working!!! I feel so stupid, lol. I'm realizing that's why I've been so depressed lately.

Sorry for rambling here guys...it just feels good to get it out. I want to stop drinking. For my health, as well to set a good example for my children. I'm so scared at the thought of life without being able to have a beer or 10 if I feel like it. All of my friends drink, and I'm considered the life of the party when I get into the booze..

Alcohol has been such a huge part of my life that I just can't imagine not having it. However, I'm ready for a change and I know that if I can just get a few weeks getting out of the habit of drinking, I'll be able to overcome it. I've quit smoking cigarettes...weed....overeating....painkillers.... I just need to get over drinking.

Thanks for listening everyone.
MMeat

intention

Hi,
Good to see you back. Can you talk to your doctor about quitting ?...particularly important with your health and meds.

least

Welcome back! I hope this is your last time to stop drinking and stay sober. It does take some effort and sacrifices but is so worth it.

artsoul

Hi mmeat - I was scared at first, too. Couldn't imagine what I'd do without alcohol in my life. But now that I'm sober, I can't imagine ever wanting to go back there. Give it a chance - what really can you lose?:ghug3

To my surprise, I found my personality didn't leave when I put the drink down. Infact, just the opposite happened. I'm finding the real me, the one that is smart, has a good sense of humor, and enjoys other people. I hadn't seen that person in years, and didn't really know if she existed anymore.

It IS a different kind of fun, though. I've been watching some of my friends who still like getting drunk. They laugh about anything/everything which is really quite odd when you think about it. I was at a dance a couple weeks ago that was all Big Band music, and the people getting wasted were running into the band equipment and throwing each other around (one girl got hurt), screaming, and generally looking like idiots. They probably thought they were "just having a little fun" and all the rest of us were dead-beats. I was thanking my lucky stars I wasn't a part of it.

mmeat

Thanks for the replies guys. It's funny about alcohol. When I drink it, I become the life of the party....but the depression I feel afterward makes me anti-social and for days I don't even want people to look at me.

Then after a few days of no booze, I start to feel " normal" again.....only to sabotage it once more with booze.

Dee74

Hi mmeat

As someone who drank as an accompaniment to everything....you can do it.
I'm over three years sober now and these past few years have been the best of my life.

Just worry about today....then do the same tomorrow.

I agree it would be good to see your Dr - you seem to have a few issues doing on just now- professional advice is important, mate.

Keep posting here - it'll keep you honest

You might benefit from a realife support too - have you thought about a recovery group (AA or whatever) or some counselling maybe?

D

Andi

This is exactly how I felt when I was still drinking! Could have written this.
Before I used to "have" to drink to get in the mood, now I know it's ok to be just me and and oddly enough my confidence has gone up several notches. Before, I was pretending to be the life of the party, now I am the life of my party!

mmeat

Thanks for the replies everyone. Well last night a couple of old navy buddies called me up and they were having a rare get-together. So I told my wife I was going to go out..but not drink.

I'm sure you all know how that worked out. I drank probably 12 or so beers...didn't really have much fun....ate a bunch of garbage at 2 in the morning....had a horrible sleep, and a horrible hangover to start the day.

My guts are rotten today and I just can't wait to go to bed tonight. Happy fathers day for me I'm actually putting on a brave face for the kids, but inside I feel guilty/ self loathing/ and just plain crappy.

Sorry for complaining guys... However, I'm calling that my last hurrah, and I'm seriously looking forward to a life without alcohol. It's lost it's magic for me, and I don't want it anymore.

Thats not just the hangover talking either, lol.....I've been ready for a long time.

Thanks for listening.

artsoul

Yeah, one of the best parts of sobriety is not having to act like everything's fine when inside we're going nuts or feeling horrible.

You can do it, you know that - I did the last hurrah thing too (big hurrah) and that just cemented my resolve. Welcome to the only day 1 you'll ever need again!

mmeat

Thanks artsoul!