Kerbcrawler

Well its 55 Days Here Sober, Which i Have to say is great and very pleased to get this far, Today i find after a hard weeks work, its sat morn,cold grey day, sittin indoors watchin the mornin cookery show on TV, and there cookin up some fancy spicey lobster dish, and of course going through the best wine of course to accompany the dish, like the wine expert spendin half his life crackin open bottle after bottle...to offer the public the best wine for the dish, and of course the celeb guests, are having to try the wine its 10am, and there sconning wine...for breakfast...an im not..where as i always would, sat morning,from past was a ritual of sorts..so yes have the big empty missing out feeling...havin to fill with high caffeine dosage..not ideal i know, but at least alcohol free...just a little run down..weather puttin everyone on a downer...almost midsummers night, and had about a week of warm sun all year..., just ventin here guys, holdin it together...all this will pass, cant ride the crest of a wave forever..gonna have to touch down sometime..
just a few passin old time waves of temptation..comin over us...no sweat though, will stay on track...just lettin loose here,...wishin all other newbies best wishes, its all worth it,stay strong.

Reubena

Good job Kerb for not giving in. Like you said, this too shall pass. Glad you logged into SR and vented . Hopefully you get some sunshine soon.

intention

Those normal people on that TV show have a few sips of wine then don't drink anymore for the rest of the day.

How anyone does that, I don't know. But then I am an alcoholic

Well done on 55 days.

Kerbcrawler

[QUOTE=intention;2629710]Those normal people on that TV show have a few sips of wine then don't drink anymore for the rest of the day.

Your jokin, intention..a good half of em are probably closet drunks, that stage make up fairly hides a lot...im sure a few of em roll in..rough as sin an dishevelled, only to get patched up by make up...

intention

Well if they are, they certainly will not be enjoying a peaceful night of sleep tonight and waking tomorrow to a clear head......like you will be

coffeenut

Yeah....just try to remember you don't want a sip or even a glass to enjoy for it's ambiance and full body. You want the whole bottle+ to chug a lug from. That sight is much more realistic....right?!

I do say that with respect.....early sobriety does crap like that to your brain. I can tell you this....it DOES get better. There WILL come a day that you don't even think about the wine part, just the lobster part.

I think you're doing GREAT!

NEOMARXIST

Hey man. It's only natural. Being an alcoholic and seeing wine/booze being drank/talked about on TV or whatever sure can make your mind wander, particularly after only 55 days. That is still very early sobriety. Remember to let the thoughts and emotions pass without giving them any time. Just go into one day at a time mode if you start thinking into the future, one second at a time if necessary.

AA is always there too mate. I say that not to push it but I always found/find that when/if I'm having a bit of a off-time then it comforts me to know that I have AA meetings to freely go to.

Anyway just remeber that you're an alcoholic and the reality is that most of them people are just saying what needs to be said to get their pay check from the BBC. I used to find that so-called 'partyers' were proper lightweights. The real masheads never really talked about it but rather just got it down their neck! haha.

One bottle of wine at 10am would start off a great anticipation but soon turn into just intoxicated craving and a messy blckout afternoon/evening of drunken debauchery.

Keep The Faith, This too shall pass. Let it ride over you and never act on youre thoughts and keep posting and expressing where you're at and you'l be OK.

Peace

artsoul

Boy, that's the truth! I'd start off (all excited) with a couple glasses, all psyched up about being able to do some painting or work around the house with a super good mood..... then by mid afternoon, I feel dumb and lazy and usually make my way into the bedroom and turn on the TV. By evening, I'm already doing maintenance drinking (just enough to keep a decent buzz without appearing drunk) and thinking about how the next day will be a total waste, what I'm doing to my liver, and how I pray no one will want anything from me, call me on the phone, etc..... Happy days..... NOT.

Kerbcrawler

i get you guys totally...a couple of hours,if your lucky of good buzz..happy like..then a lull of a buzz..thats needed to top up, an not let you down,the drowsiness and afternoon nap,that can be a couple of hours or so,waking up horribly dry...the feeling of fear of runnin out of booze, first thing you head for a top up..as your sobering, a sortie to the local store for more..arhhh:wtf2 as ever you drank more,than you thought you were gonna..the sheer terror thoughts of runnin out, gee ive seen us wakin at like 11pm,after a day sesh,
and bombing round the local bar,3 mile away,driving, bangin on the back door for a carry out...brings back all those terrible memories of being in the grip of the Monster...how pleasantly peacefull it is without that crazinessin ones life

NEOMARXIST

Hi kerbcrawler. You got it man. I relate to that thinking exactly. Like as the blood alcohol levels drop a real depression and dissapointment sets in and you just want to get that booze back in your blood and feel that release and drunken high.

Keep Sober man, It's totally worth it. Drinking alcoholically is a total mugs game. YOu know that and I know that but just one drink and we would both be back in that addiction again.

peace

Margareth

Oh yeah, I remember those. Yuk.

sobermax

Beautiful weather here and my brain is feeding me all sorts of images of happy people with crisp Chardonnay being sophisticated in the sun.

Reality: by 4pm on a lonely crawl of bars, crossing the street like a criminal if I see anyone I know, then lukewarm litre-bottles of anything, holed up from the world and hating everyone in it, myself foremost.

Then the next morning . . . .