help!!!! advice needed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
help!!!! advice needed
hello everybody
Need some help I think and hoping I will find it here?
I have come to the gradual understanding over the past few years that I may have a drink problem. I am so disappointed in myself as other people manage well without drink, so this makes me a weaker less able person. Similar to food as I eat too much and other people can be slim.
It is becoming obvious to me that I now need as well as want alcohol. I like the alcohol makes me feel- chilled relaxed not a care in the world.I have tried to give it up but cannot. I tried counselling but seemed to me to just confirm the reasons why I drink/eat which I already know.
Can anyone here advise or help me
Need some help I think and hoping I will find it here?
I have come to the gradual understanding over the past few years that I may have a drink problem. I am so disappointed in myself as other people manage well without drink, so this makes me a weaker less able person. Similar to food as I eat too much and other people can be slim.
It is becoming obvious to me that I now need as well as want alcohol. I like the alcohol makes me feel- chilled relaxed not a care in the world.I have tried to give it up but cannot. I tried counselling but seemed to me to just confirm the reasons why I drink/eat which I already know.
Can anyone here advise or help me
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Hi madmeno 
I'm glad you posted. Recognizing a problem is a step in itself- many people never get there! I too have always had food- and later in life- alcohol problems... So, it sounds like you know why you eat and drink- what now can be done about it? Can you explore solutions with your counselor?
I'm glad you posted. Recognizing a problem is a step in itself- many people never get there! I too have always had food- and later in life- alcohol problems... So, it sounds like you know why you eat and drink- what now can be done about it? Can you explore solutions with your counselor?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
thanks for reply
I have given up the counselling as it felt I was getting no where.It was all just talking about my past and fact I had to supress all my hurt and pain. Thus the drink and food, I knew that before counselling.
So now I am on here looking for advice.
I have given up the counselling as it felt I was getting no where.It was all just talking about my past and fact I had to supress all my hurt and pain. Thus the drink and food, I knew that before counselling.
So now I am on here looking for advice.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I'm not saying it's not the place for you, we're here to provide support. However, we can only offer our own experience.. and in MY experience, nothing could have sobered me up, until I wanted it desperately more than I ever wanted another drink again.
I also attended counseling, after I decided I could NEVER drink again, and was willing to do anything to stay that way. I talked alot about my past.. and my future eventually, but it took several months to chip away at all the walls I built. Maybe consider it again if you're feeling you cant do this alone.. I haven't met anyone yet that has been able to, other than people who aren't alcoholics.
I also attended counseling, after I decided I could NEVER drink again, and was willing to do anything to stay that way. I talked alot about my past.. and my future eventually, but it took several months to chip away at all the walls I built. Maybe consider it again if you're feeling you cant do this alone.. I haven't met anyone yet that has been able to, other than people who aren't alcoholics.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Well hon, it sounds like you need to find people in the same position... Maybe a womens' AA meeting here and there might help you out. You don't have to subscribe to the entire program- I don't- and I have found helpful suggestions. Ultimately it comes down to us. Why DON"T you want to drink? And what have you to offer? I know you wouldn't be here if you did not, in some way- believe you have something to offer this thing we call life... I'm on your side, dear.
I'm on your side, dear.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, Madmeno! You're definitely in the right place. We all understand what it's like to be unable to quit drinking. Keep reading and posting. It help me so much to learn about this disease and to see that I really did want to quit. Even if you just "want to want to" quit, it's a step in the right direction. Believe me, you're not alone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 4
Thanks for yout responses. I am not continuing with the counselling. It was a matter of the therapist stating what I already new and had identified myself. I want to find a way to stop drinking. I do not drink into oblivion. I just drink regularly (usually daily) to the point I feel chilled. Average 1 bottle of wine. It makes me feel better at the time, although I regret it later and know its is not good for my health. I notice when out wth friend I drink much faster than them and am looking for my next wine when they are only half way through theirs. I also will often have a drink before I go out. I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff at the moment when it comes to my drinking. I can see the hell that is alcoholism before me and its terrifying, yet strangely alluring so I am teetering on the edge unable to walk away. Any help much needed and appreciated
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,364
There must be other ways to feel 'chilled' madmemo.
I could have saved myself 20 years of hell had I realised that.
I encourage you to look for another therapist or try one of the many recovery groups around - AA, Smart, LifeRing etc.
The one thing you should not do right now is nothing.
D
I could have saved myself 20 years of hell had I realised that.
I encourage you to look for another therapist or try one of the many recovery groups around - AA, Smart, LifeRing etc.
The one thing you should not do right now is nothing.
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Mad...
I didn't want to quit when I did. I didn't have any idea my last drink was going to be my last. I learned though, from a handful of really solid AA members, to take an honest look at my drinking history. They didn't tell me their thoughts but, with their help, I came to see that I was powerless over booze. I couldn't stay stopped for any meaningful amount of time and, once I started, I was off to the races until I got drunk. That cycle repeated over and over and over in my life.
I spent a while feeling sorry for myself but then it hit me how nobody likes a whiny jerk like I was becoming. I mean, I wouldn't want to listen to someone in a wheelchair bitch and moan about how they ended up in the chair all the time..... I'd be more interested in what they were doing in their life IN SPITE OF their condition. I found some motivation in that for me.... I figured I could sit and ponder why or I could get to work on a solution. I chose to work on a solution and I couldn't be happier about that choice. Best thing I ever did.
good luck to you in making your decision.
I didn't want to quit when I did. I didn't have any idea my last drink was going to be my last. I learned though, from a handful of really solid AA members, to take an honest look at my drinking history. They didn't tell me their thoughts but, with their help, I came to see that I was powerless over booze. I couldn't stay stopped for any meaningful amount of time and, once I started, I was off to the races until I got drunk. That cycle repeated over and over and over in my life.
I spent a while feeling sorry for myself but then it hit me how nobody likes a whiny jerk like I was becoming. I mean, I wouldn't want to listen to someone in a wheelchair bitch and moan about how they ended up in the chair all the time..... I'd be more interested in what they were doing in their life IN SPITE OF their condition. I found some motivation in that for me.... I figured I could sit and ponder why or I could get to work on a solution. I chose to work on a solution and I couldn't be happier about that choice. Best thing I ever did.
good luck to you in making your decision.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,524
Madmeno - I'm so glad you found us. I started using alcohol to help ease my shyness. Before I knew it I was using it for every occasion - and for no particular reason. What started out as just a few on weekends became an every day, all day necessity. I was addicted, and no longer could predict what would happen to me once liquor was in my system.
To think of yourself as weak, or less of a person than others, is not going to help you. Please be kind to yourself as you start on your journey to being sober. You came here, and that shows courage and a desire to heal. Please stay with us and tell us more about yourself. We care about you.
To think of yourself as weak, or less of a person than others, is not going to help you. Please be kind to yourself as you start on your journey to being sober. You came here, and that shows courage and a desire to heal. Please stay with us and tell us more about yourself. We care about you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 143
Madmeno,
You sound so much like me! A bottle of wine a night - check. Hoping the waiter will come by soon to fill up my glass when my companions still are only half through with theirs - check! Worries about my health and the deep dark whole I could see myself falling into if I continued down that path - check! Feeling a slight excitement(?-not sure if that's quite the right word) or inevitability of just letting myself fall down that hole.
I have decided for me that I do not want to go down that hole without a fight. I am no stronger than you - I am sure of that. I just started really, really disliking myself and what I was doing.. and also started feeling that somehow I was really losing myself and the person I knew - and at least kind of liked and respected. I cannot say that I will not stumble, or maybe I will fall flat on my face with this.. but for today I am not going to drink.
I am on day 4 and it is HARD. Harder than hell.. but I feel a sense of hope for the first time in a long time - and also a small sense of pride. I don't know how long you have been drinking like this - I missed it if it was in your post - sorry, but it has been 5+ years for me and I do not want to look back in 5 years and realize I have spent the last 10 years of my life stagnating and drinking a bottle of wine each night... I also am scared to death of what that would do to my body..
Try it for a day.. then report back here!
You sound so much like me! A bottle of wine a night - check. Hoping the waiter will come by soon to fill up my glass when my companions still are only half through with theirs - check! Worries about my health and the deep dark whole I could see myself falling into if I continued down that path - check! Feeling a slight excitement(?-not sure if that's quite the right word) or inevitability of just letting myself fall down that hole.
I have decided for me that I do not want to go down that hole without a fight. I am no stronger than you - I am sure of that. I just started really, really disliking myself and what I was doing.. and also started feeling that somehow I was really losing myself and the person I knew - and at least kind of liked and respected. I cannot say that I will not stumble, or maybe I will fall flat on my face with this.. but for today I am not going to drink.
I am on day 4 and it is HARD. Harder than hell.. but I feel a sense of hope for the first time in a long time - and also a small sense of pride. I don't know how long you have been drinking like this - I missed it if it was in your post - sorry, but it has been 5+ years for me and I do not want to look back in 5 years and realize I have spent the last 10 years of my life stagnating and drinking a bottle of wine each night... I also am scared to death of what that would do to my body..
Try it for a day.. then report back here!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Madmeno - your opening post could have been mine a few years ago! I found this site and from here I went to AA and at that point I desperately wanted to stop drinking. I drank every day despite that fact that I didn't want to - it was a compulsion I had no control over. It was like being possessed. So I managed to get a few months sobriety in AA and then decided that I didnt want to be sober, so I started drinking again. It didn't take long to get to the point where I was desperate to quit so I came back here and to AA.
I didn't know if I was an alcoholic when I came here, I just knew I had a problem with alcohol. Wanting to stop and being ready to stop don't always happen at the same time. Even if you're not ready to stop, you're more than welcome to hang out here and explore your thoughts and feelings around the issue.
I didn't know if I was an alcoholic when I came here, I just knew I had a problem with alcohol. Wanting to stop and being ready to stop don't always happen at the same time. Even if you're not ready to stop, you're more than welcome to hang out here and explore your thoughts and feelings around the issue.
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