Husband just called asked if I wanted any wine on his way home
 

I haven't told my husband that I am serious this time. He has heard it all before. He just called and asked if I wanted any wine since he is stopping to get his beer. I SAID NO. There was along pause at the other end LOL I will let him see for himself that I am done for good. I can't tell him again. Proud of myself but then it has only been day 3.:c029:

Staying away from one drink for one day is a big deal... good for you and yes, my experience was that I had to speak through actions. Thats how my loved ones found out I was done with booze.

You should be thru any physical w/d by now.:) Good for you for saying 'no'. As to not telling him, just show him you're not drinking. He'll notice sooner or later...:)

I commend you, bochuck. Those little tests are so hard, but you did it.

Day 3 is good! Day 4 will be even better...look forward to feeling well.

A lot of times we say that action does more for our progress than words and thoughts. So this is an important step. I guess you will have to deal with the presence of alcohol in the house, and that is a different story. Some people are able to deal with it better than others. For example, I have been told it is surprising I was doing OK since I am by myself and can do anything I want without interference. The commitment to not drinking needed to be there on the inside first, obviously, but I also made a point of not having any alcohol around me. Everybody has their situation, limits, strengths, etc.

For me, it was important to feel pride in the changes I was making, so I would make the most of it, and feel glad. At the same time, I realized I had to live 24 h a day and not become complacent. I didn't really understand what that meant before when I would hear "one day at a time."

Good stuff.

Fantastic!! Who knows, with all the positive changes he sees in you, it might inspire hubby to join! :)

Hey bochuck

I am in the same situation as you right now. Last weekend was tough because everyone in the neighborhood was drinking. I lost count of how many times I was offered.

This weekend makes 3 weeks now for me with no booze/weed and it does feel great and my wife is starting to see I am serious this time around. Like you I did not say anything about quiting I just put it all down silently "except for talking with everyone here"

But now I am getting a different set of questions that I had never got before. She is now a little upset over the weekend when time and time again refused a drink from friends and family. She thought I was being rude and is now worried that I am going to start dictating to her about having alcohol in the house.

Here is an off topic question for everyone here. What do you say when a friend not only asks you if you want a drink but walks over to you with a beer and opens it and puts in your hands. This happened to me and I just held on to it until he walked away to talk with other people and I poured it out on the grass when no one was looking and set the can down on the picnic table.

I did not know what to say because I had already told the guy 3 times I was not drinking before he did that. I did not want to come across like an A-hole.

Bochuck - do not undervalue three days - that is HUGE!!! Good for you. I did the same with my husband. I just felt that I had cried wolf too many times that I just wanted my actions to prove it. And it felt great and still does that I did it that way. I discovered that I am stronger than i thought I was and it feels soooooo good! Congrats on day 3 - it just gets better and better. You may have moments at times where you really want one, but it is so worth it when you don't. You get to wake up the next morning and feel sooo proud of yourself that you didn't make a jack$ss out of yourself one more day! I love that feeling! To actually feel proud of yourself and not ashamed. I don't ever want to give that up - that is what gets me through! Find "your thing" that works and you will be successful!!!

I would just say, "no really, thanks very much but I can't drink....it interferes with:

A. my meds,
B. my doctor told me not to drink with my meds
C. I've been so sick, the thought of drinking this beer would make me puke all over your nice rug/floor/wife/dog.

He's the A-hole for not respecting your wishes, not you....in my thoughts, it's just easier to play the above scenarios, but he is making a difficult situation worse for you.

would this person offer you something to eat, then if you refused, shove a burger in your mouth?

bcboy, my husband assumed the same thing as your wife. I just told him, he is free to do whatever he likes with his life, I am only concerned with doing right by mine. I can't be worried about him. For once, I am going to be positively selfish and just consider myself. As far as the drink thing goes, not sure what I would do. Probably the same thing as you if you told him three times already. I'd pour it out or set it down somewhere . Really what else can you do? Good for you that you did!

ProTip: He's not a "friend" if he does that. Find new friends.

Keep it going!

sometimes our significant others are not completely happy we've quit... can cramp their style as well as having suddenly happy, confident spouse can be a little scary or threatening.. my wife enables me most of the time..."quit beating yourself up" etc. but then her drinking isn't exactly what most would call normal.... just my experience.

I had two beers left in the fridge the morning I decided to stop over a month ago. Haven't thought about it until now but i believe the beers are still there. I live a stones throw away from a bar so it doesn't really matter anyway unless i decide to fall off the wagon at 2:00 in the morning, which is unlikely since i am sleeping so much.

While I was contemplating stopping, my wife would remind me during our drive home from work to pick up a six pack at this bar we passed shortly before arriving home. She would say "Don't forget your beer". Yea, like i would forget. You would think she would notice that I picked her up from work before stopping at the bar for a few like I normally would, but she didn't. On many nights I had every intention of going straight home but this reminder was a good enough excuse for me. It wasn't until I kind of freaked out and yelled "I need to stop this" that my wife got the message. She is not a drinker by the way.

Agreed
I would have poured it out in front of him!

Well done Bochuck!! Stay strong and keep it going. After my relapse while hubby was gone...I opted to be a bit more quiet about getting on the wagon. I too had made so many promises....blah blah so when we spoke on the phone after about a week and a half after he left....he heard me on the phone - SOBER. No babbling, crying drunk but a strong, newly sober - me. I had about 6 days and he noticed immediately.

Proud of you and know that each day it gets better.

All the best!

I don't give a crap what i come across like in regards to drinking and drugs. I'm not gonna do it, no matter what, and if someone tries to question or force it on me they can get out of my life. Now, i will gladly explain that i don't drink/use anymore to someone just trying to be friendly, but if someone persists i'm gone. For the most part though, i avoid places and situations where alcohol is flowing.

This is a great thing Bochuck, congrats.

I agree with notnormal. Although my wife is brilliant and wouldn't put booze near me, lots of people (perhaps those who don't have the control on their drinking that they would like?) seem a bit non-plussed if I refuse a drink. Anyone worth calling a friend wouldn't push it.

I guess it is similar to smoking. I am a smoker and have to admit to a twinge of jealousy whenever someone quits. Not nice, but it is a reminder that I am doing something very stupid, and I wish I were them.

I hope this strengthens your resolve even further - very well done.

SM

Thanks for your post, Bochuk. I commend you on staying sober while still having alcohol in the house -- I'd have a hard time with that.

As to friends -- mine are generally supportive but I got a surprising amount of questions at first about why I wasn't drinking. I finally realized that what most people wanted to know was whether I was pregnant or trying to get pregnant. :)

GG

Congratulations on day 3! What an accomplishment, especially with a drinker in the house offering to BRING it to you.

Hang in there and whenever you feel weak, log onto SR and find the support you need to get you through. You've wanted this for a long time and you're doing great!