Toronto68

Melinda, I am coming into this convo a little late, but I was going to suggest the same thing you heard from the friend who is not in the USA, and that is looking for good groups that meet somewhat outside the community.

When it comes to the "powerlessness over alcohol" phrase, I use the interpretation that I am powerless over it if I drink it. I can control certain things, but drinking alcohol is not one of them. I am not attending AA and going through the Steps, but "AA messaging" reaches me and I include it in my work on myself, post-alcohol.

boudiepitbull

We are only as sick as our secrets. To feel you may need help from a 12 Step program or support group but feel afraid to take it for fear of being found out means you are struggling with a huge secret. That kind of conflict will take you down because most people simply can't do this alone.

What could someone possibly say if they saw you in a meeting and broke your anonymity?

You're never going to find one path in life that pleases everyone. The fact is you're clean and sober and you're working on making yourself the best person you can be. What more can our peers ask of us?

I would have no problem accidentally meeting one of my childrens' teachers in the rooms. I would have a much bigger problem knowing one of my childrens' teachers was alcoholic and doing nothing about it.

BadLove

Hi Melinda,

I am 24 years old, and I am currently in my first year of teaching young children professionally. I am also very new to recovery, and I share your concern about anonymity and AA. I started drinking heavily in college when I was training to become a teacher, and the guilt over this discrepancy in identity ("responsible" role model vs. secret drinker) has been almost unbearable. In fact, bearing it HAS become impossible recently, which brought me to SR. I live in a city, so my anonymity might not be as threatened as where you are. However, the fear is still there.

On the other hand, I agree with the sentiment that as far as secrets go, I'd rather be found out as a recovering alcoholic than someone who gets drunk every night and cannot keep her life together. I wouldn't confide about my alcoholism to my co-workers, but I'm willing to try AA despite my fear of being "found out". If I were to encounter a parent or a co-worker at a meeting, I'd know they are there for the same reason I am. The fact that I'm at a meeting would show I am being responsible and accountable, and those are qualities one would desire in a teacher, right?

Congratulations on your early sobriety! I'm with you on the journey. And also...I have spent most of this past year still drinking, and I can tell you that being an active alcoholic by night and a teacher by day is painful and absolutely terrifying. I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, and I'm finally ready to stop inflicting it on myself.

Sorry for the rant! This issue has circling around in my head for ages. Thanks for being here.

Tommyh

Anyone interested can go to a open speaker meeting ,for example.Here ,we have people come and some of those people are students,medical professionals and others who have a friend or loved one with a drinking problem,or just interested people.
No one has to say why they drop in at a open meeting,you could just say,if a nosey person asked,I know someone who may have a drinking problem and I am also concerned about our kids,and as a teacher,I feel you are concerned about our children.Many reasons to go to a open meeting if you so choose to.
good luck,tks for your service to our children and your community

intention

Hi, I am glad you are willing to try AA out.

In meetings we share if we want to - which is talking openly in front of the group. You will probably hear people sharing all sorts of details, sometimes very personal and intimate about their lives and that is OK for them.

But it is not necessary. I don't share to the group details of my life. I talk about my alcoholism and my recovery from it and that's it.

I do have people in AA who I can share everything with but I do this on a one-to-one basis.

So what I am saying is that when you get to AA, you don't have to share in the meeting that you are a teacher. You may have people ask you at the end of the meeting what you do for a living but I have to say from my experience, people don't usually ask questions about your personal life.

Again you don't have to tell them. Perhaps think in advance what you would say if asked this question. There's no reason why you can't deflect the question with something like "do you know what I can't even think about work at the moment, I am just focusing on my alcohol problem" or just be up front and say "I'd rather not say at the moment"

Enjoy the meeting. It's a good place to experience unconditional love, acceptance and understanding - which is usually hard to get for an alcoholic.

BP44

We have a number of teachers in my home group ranging from a couple of years sobriety to 20 plus years, and one who is higher up in the county school system. I, myself am a physician assistant, and my career has never been negatively effected by recovery from alcoholism. Very few people in my professional life know that I am in recovery. And to my knowledge none of the teachers have ever had any job issues in recovery. In fact, I believe some of them became teachers in sobriety. Here's the thing, I know for a fact that my old ideas and preconceived notions were and are like a noose around my neck. If that's true for me, it's probably true for you particularly if you find that you are alcoholic. So, here's the real question. If you find that you cannot stay sober and you need to get sober to save your life, what are you gonna do? When we say we are from every walk of life, we don't say that to make people feel comfortable about coming to a meeting. We say that because it is simply a fact, and hopefully the newcomer can wake up to the common problem. Your students and schools system deserve to have a teacher who is sober, sane and in their right mind. I know that my patients and co workers would not be served well by me simply by me being separated from booze. I've had experience with that by the way and it wasn't pretty. Me being separated from booze without a solution just isn't pleasant.

susanlauren

Melinda,
I am in a sensitive job, and I had fears in the beginning of it being discovered that I was attending AA meetings. I was more afraid in the beginning than I am now. I have attended for two years (in my own community), and remaining anonymous has not been a problem. And now, it wouldn't matter if someone did find out. What could they do? Report me to a professional licensing board? So what! I've been sober for two years and I am committed to recovery. What would the licensing board do? Tell me I have to get into recovery? Attend AA meetings? Go to treatment? I'm already there.

Being powerless over alcohol doesn't mean what you might think. It means that I suffer from an allergy (i.e., an abnormal reaction) to alcohol. Once I put alcohol into my body, I trigger a physical craving for more. The physical part is what keeps me drinking once I have begun. I also suffer from a mental obsession about drinking. My mind tells me it is safe to drink (i.e., I'll control it this time) when the facts demonstrate otherwise. My mind tells me I can drink while my body proves that I can't. That's powerlessness. When I accepted my powerlessness, I accepted that I could not drink. Rather than being a weakness, acceptance of my powerlessness is a great strength.

I hope this helps.
SusanLauren

loveon2legs

Hi Melinda,
I've tossed this around myself...I am a professional in my small community and haven't been to be a meeting, although there is one that I am interested in going to....I've always been a very private person...(surprise!!) and at first AA scared me...just the thought of it....who would be there...what if somebody knew me..etc... now I that I'm further along in my recovery, I'm looking at it as helping others...just like on here....and if somebody knows me or recognizes me..so be it...better than seeing me drunk, or my face plastered on the newspapers or t.v. for something bad I did while drinking....
I think there is alot of understanding now with people like us who are in recovery....more compassion.......

endlesspatience

I attend meetings in a big city most of the time and also in my parents' hometown when I visit them. In the big city, I have often seen very famous faces in the meeting. On one occassion, a global superstar was making the tea. In the small town, people sometimes find they know each other from the outside world, but it makes no difference. The reason, as many other people have emphasised, is that there is no advantage to any AA member in compromising the anonymity of the group. Remember tradition one; Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on AA unity. Everyone I have met so far has respected that.

yeahgr8

You will have no problems, as has been said as far as anonymity goes...

The powerless thing will be explained, its not what you think...

If you arent sure whether you need AA set yourself a limit, e.g. the next time i have a hangover and feel like death ill go to AA..even the 10th time, doesnt matter just prove to yourself you cant do it by yourself then go:-)

ElegantlyWasted

Great posts... I understand your dilema. There are many alternatives to aa that can be just as effective. Try googling SMART. Their DYI worksheets, were instrumental in getting me over the hump early on. Not sure exactly the of specifi laws that concern you, but what you sign in an employment contract can really be dangerous if someone has apersonal vendetta or is compelled to do some cya at your expense. I would ask around, see if you can find a home group that you are comfortable with, it is anonymous. Some of histories greatest leaders/teachers had issues that they managed/overcame in various ways that made sense to them.

AlwaysGrowing

Melinda

Well I would say if you are that worried then start a town over and work your way back in when you are ready. I guess in my 18 years in AA I respect the person who attends as they aren't at the 'bar' but doing something positive.

Everyone talks,, just reality. People are talking about you right now.... Is it positive or the unknown that usually isn't positive.

Something to consider..

AG

Bamboozle

Hello, MF.

Maybe try a meeting outside of your community? If you want to go you should go.

hendershot

You will find nothing but support in AA. I've never heard of a case where someone's anonymity was broken maliciously, though I am sure it has happened.Even if there is someone there who knows you, they are attending the AA meeting just like you.

I was really preocupied with this kind of thing earlier in recovery but not anymore. As you progress in your recovery I imagine it will get easier for you too. There is nothing shameful about going to AA and anybody who tells you otherwise has no understanding of what AA is. I'd encourage you to give it a shot.

littlefish

I just want to throw in the little reminder that the anonymity pact we all agree to in AA is binding both ways. Anyone who wants to "out" you as an AA member is outing themself, right?

I understand your fears, though. And you would not be the first nor will you be the last person who attended a meeting outside of their community to start out with. I first started going to meetings in the city, (I live in the burbs), then I went to a burb meeting, but waaaaay out of my own burb.

Like poster endlesspatience, I also have bumped into celebrities in my various meetings. I go to several different meetings in many different burbs and parts of the city because I got into the habit when I did 90/90.

There is a famous star from the 70's who comes to one of my groups, another guy who is currently the host of a very popular home renovation show is in another group on another side of the city. Last week I met a world famous physician who comes to this city to conduct seminars. One woman is the national director of a major international company in another group, there is a world-renowned artist as well, there is a TV chef in another group.
The list goes on.
They took the risk and it seems that nothing bad happened to them.

MelindaFlowers

Wow,
Thank all of you for all the wonderful advice/support. This is such a great place.

Gypsy Feet

I hear ventura has a pretty rockin AA community, although I love my santa barbarians =) I pmed you my number, feel free to call any time. The speaker meeting on friday night at 8pm on turnpike is huge, a pair of sunglasses and nobody would know if ms. lohan walked in. I am working with an administrator to one of the schools here in town, who also happens to be in the program to figure out if there is a spot for me in the district.

ozgoddess

I don't think the issue is whether you want to share if you are a teacher or not. The issue is if you are recognised by the community and they KNOW you are a teacher.

For those that say they would rather see a teacher in AA than find out they are a mess with their alcoholic life is admirable. Like I said earlier, I WISH there were more parents like you out there.

Unfortunately, we live in a very vindictive and sometimes nasty world and if a student/parent happens to take a dislike to you (and believe me this happens) then I for one would not want to drag my personal life through the mud.

It is hard enough facing up to this demon without the added pressure of having to justify your life.

I too have managed to stay sober (so far) without AA but if I do ever feel the need to go, I would definitely go outside of my community.

As teachers, we are expected to be "super" human with a totally moral life. That may be harsh but that is just the way it is. I honestly don't see it as a hurdle to my sobriety. I think I am a better teacher for it.

sobermax

Hey Melinda,

I'd do whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

As I'm sure you know, alcoholism is progressive and left untreated will damage your career more than any gossips could.

Please keep posting and good luck with the meetings. I'm new to them myself and am finding them incredibly helpful.

SM

Hope4Recovery

I've thought about this topic since yesterday and came to this conclusion. An alcoholic in recovery really has nothing to hide as long as a relapse doesn't occur. The relapse will do more harm than the possibility of anonymity being breached. That being said, once you go public, there is no turning back - any drinking will be viewed as problem drinking by others. Many of us hide our drinking so well that we do not appear abnormal to the outside world but suffer inside alone. AA is a place where we can get support and not fear a complete public outing. However, I have discovered more than one alcoholic due to a fellow member running his or her mouth outside of the fellowship. I truly respect people who are able to speak about their recovery openly without fear. i am not at this point yet because i still have the idea that I may someday drink again in the back of my mind. That's why i am sticking to one day at a time and only sharing my alcoholism with other alcoholics and close family members. The future may be different.