dedubya

I have a lot of issues going on right now - but I am not getting drunk thank God. I still am drinking a couple of glasses of wine with dinner- probably just to **** my self off some more. Probably won't be posting much simply because I am so stressed out and pissed about a storm of issues that just are dominating my life. Honestly it feels like my brain is going to explode, I am working a lot (every waking hour basically) and family things added on (which I have mentioned before), then throw in a 6 digit tax bill I have to pay which is fantastic (a little icing on the cake)- wonder what the IRS will do with that, another 20million dollar zoo in Idaho?....absolutely ridiculous. I have paid it- but it is an awakening of how much I am being milked financially and mentally. Oh well- I am alive, and trying to keep somewhat of the attitude I was born with- which is usually great at all times- I am running about 10% of that at the moment. I will get it back. I know that. Sorry for the downer....
Thanks for all the well wishes- and the PMs- I appreciate all of you so much.
Just me
Dub

Kmber2010

Wish you well Dub. Sorry to hear things are a rough for you right now. Nothing new to say that I haven't said before. I believe in you and hopefully one day you can put the bottle down permanently.

Life is full of things that happen and sometimes it all hits us at once and we take on this defeatist outlook - just getting by if you will.

You were doing quite well so I hope you find the strength to put these stressors in perspective and rise up and get sober.

Huggs and all the best.

Recovery1983

You have to live life on life's terms. We might not all have the exact same problems but we all have problems.

willow70

Good to hear from you. I look for your posts every day. Hang in there Dub and get that IRS form off your desk so you can clear your mind. Good luck! Willow.

shelly009

Sorry that things arent going your way right now.. at least your not getting drunk.. thats something to be proud of!!

least

Come on Dub. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Not drinking enough to get drunk is still drinking. Not drinking at all is not drinking. Come on Dub. How long do you want to ride this roller coaster? Life will always throw you curveballs, and drinking will not make it any better. ... and you know this...

Anna

I agree with Susan.

You're drinking and that's not helping the situations that are going on with you, in any way.

keithj

Dub,

This is where your own experience is of the utmost value. It's the only thing that will tell you the truth. Not what you think, but your actual experience.

Are you like me? Are you one of those kinds of drinkers that can not moderate their intake, that can not control and joy their drinking?

Whether you continue to drink or not is up to you. But at least know the truth about yourself.

I learned, through much experimentation, that I react differently to booze. When I drink, I get a craving for more. Where most peole push that next drink away, I get that 'get up and go' feeling. I feel alive and inspired.

I'm one of those people that can never safely drink at all. I have no off switch, and the times when I tried to control my drinking were miserable, not to mention the control being very short term.

So you can ask yourself what your own experience with controlled drinking tells you. Where do you end up?

Then the other part of this deal. Why can't you leave it alone entirely? You've posted on here a number of times that you were quitting for good, yet here you are still drinking? Why can't you make good on that promise?

I also had to learn that I lacked the power to stay away from that first drink. I learned that by an honest look at my own experience. Hundreds of promises and resolutions made, none of them kept for very long.

That's the truth for me.You can look at your own experience and come to your own conclusions.

Toronto68

Dub, I agree with what Keith has posted here for you to consider.

At the same time, I think you also already know what's been happening. Seems like you have been in fight mode for a long time. That's why you said sorry for the downer post from you, ie, you know your "just having some drink to get by until the next instalment of quitting" is not cutting it for you and you are telling on yourself here so that you can survive. It's going in circles, Dub, I trust we both know that.

Alcohol is the only winner until we are in the mode of not putting it in our bodies. That's the way it goes for us. Look at all the people you've talked to here. Some of them have quit and stayed quit, some have been having a worse time with the "drinking just not drunk-ing" than you, and some people may not have shown up on the site again because they died, who knows. The inability to keep alcohol in their lives as a healthy solution is the thing in common with all of them. It doesn't seem like you are different.

Looking forward to when you give up some more.

Lithobid

Hey Dub!

Alcoholics drink man, I know I sure did, and I've watched it control my life through out the last 6 months, everyday, every night. I'm only on day 12, and I can already see how my perceptions are changing because of my abstinence from alcohol. Take another look at your message that you wrote, there is a lot of negativity in there. I know 99% of my negativity came from Alcohol. Perhaps if you stopped the boozing, the bad situations in life, wouldn't seem so bad.

Dub, I know you can do it, I know you can, you've done it before. Think of yourself here first, you have to take care of you before you can take care of your family, bills, problems, ect.

Thinking of you

Lithobid
Day 12

coming_clean

I can't do drugs or drink in any form of moderation....
It has weared me out after several years of trying....
For an addict, I think moderation is worse than not doing anything or completely destroy ourselfs....
its a half-life, you get to smell, and look at all the great things in life, but you never get to touch them....
Right now i'm quitting moderation, I started going to NA-meetings (I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS ALONE!!!) and i'm practising living a clean, healthy and happy life.

Fandy

I'm sorry you are having a rough time, but wine will NOT make it easier to deal with....you are making it harder to deal with your problems and it may be giving you more mental anxiety....it certainly won't give you the peace of mind & body you crave.

intention

I only quit and got into working the AA 12 Step program of recovery when I finally realised that doing it my way was never, ever going to work.

When you are ready, you know where to find the solution.

I hope and pray that you are ready soon as I am not sure how much more of this your mind and body can endure.
Take care, Dub.

Hevyn

Relieved to hear from you, Dub - but want you to get well. You don't have to fall back on liquor, it's just a lie you've told yourself.

vegibean

I know of one other person on this board that owes the IRS those same figures, and that person has stayed sober.

Dub, there will just be one reason after another as to why things in your life are worth drinking over.

While you may think a lot of us that say the things we do are because we're sitting on a pedestal looking down on you, I know we are not. I know everyone is hopeful for you.

As Kimber2010 said, I also